mrgiedrnkr
Back again...
Jun 30, 2017
Well, here we are again on liquids in prep for surgery. Man, liquids suck. I haven't missed them.
So, where have I have been for 10 years? The lowest I got post surgery was 206. After the twins, I was 224. Before Joey, I think I was 235. I am not sure how high I got during pregnancy but my lowest after Joey was 216. Today, I am at 223 after 4 days of liquid. I made my starting weight for this journey 228.
Why now? I am so tired of my band. I don't want to be on reflux meds the rest of my life. I don't want esophagus problems or esophagus cancer. I want to be able to eat healthy food without worrying about throwing up.
I want to be free of my diabetes and I am not sure I can be if I don't do something different. I want to add 10 years to my life and have more time with my kids - I can't do that with diabetes My A1C is consistenly going up which means my meds are going up. That isn't good for me long term.
I want to look better. My body does not match the number on the scale. I think my stomach has changed and it is much larger after the boys. I look at the scale and think "I should look good" then I look in the mirror and see rolls. I am giving this surgery one last ditch effort to get me there.
I will be quite honest to myself that I didn't try very hard to do this on my own. I don't watch what I eat and I haven't exercised in ages. So, in some respects, I am taking the "easy way out" this time. But, I feel like if I don't do this, have a working tool and have that mental edge that year gives me, I will never get there. I hope I make myself proud when it is all said and done.
5 days from now, I will be under the knife. I am in a different space this time. I have 2 boys. What if I don't leave the table? What a horrible legacy for them if they lost their mom to an elective weight loss surgery.
I am scared to be self pay and take all this debt on. I am scared of complications that insurance wouldn't pay for. I am scared of long term complications that I don't know are coming. I mean, come on... this is RNY/BYPASS. Never was an option to me 10 years ago and now I am begging.
I am scared I will wake up and there will be no band and no RNY. If there is scar tissue, she may not be able to do it and I don't want a sleeve.
I am scared that I will fork out these thousands of dollars and fail.
I am looking forward to wanting to be more active in a neighborhood of activity. I am looking forward to being outside willingly with my boys. I am looking forward to a scale under 200. I am looking forward to shopping in a normal clothing store. I am looking forward to lower a1c. I am hoping maybe my skin will clear up - the rosacea is back on my face. I am looking forward to living past 60 - maybe have some retirement time.
Short term goal.... Survive liquids only. Going to the lake so I am hoping that takes my mind off it.
Short term goal....Survive surgery - God & McBride willing
Short term goal.... Get protein, liquid and vitamins in. Gotta keep my hair
Short term goal.... Use my watch for exercise to make sure I am getting in the minimum requirements and some more intense exercise after I am healed.
Short term goal.... Under 200
Long term goal.... I am not sure. I would say 185 but I really would like to be more like 170.
