mrsbu
New Stuff
Nov 20, 2008
It has been a while since I started the blog and so much has happened . I am no longer diabetic, no longer insulin dependent or on all the pills. I have lost about 85lbs and that is great too, but was not my goal.
It has been a busy year, we traveled to PV for surgery and Bu has a seizure on the plane on the way home and we spent three days in a hospital in Houston. He is fine. We have gone to Las Vegas twice so we could see some shows, Cher(2x) Bette, Jerry Seinfeld, Phantom. NYC for a wedding adn then back for a sick realative ( he is fine now ) now we are off on the 29th to the bahamas for a cruise with our friends.
My journey has been a good one, great hubby and fabulous supportive friends. I can now shop in the womans department at stores and am addicted to good clothes. I still eat whatever I want just in little portions, we dine out with friends, have parties, celebrate. I am healthier then I have been since I turned 40 and that is what this is all about.
It has been a busy year, we traveled to PV for surgery and Bu has a seizure on the plane on the way home and we spent three days in a hospital in Houston. He is fine. We have gone to Las Vegas twice so we could see some shows, Cher(2x) Bette, Jerry Seinfeld, Phantom. NYC for a wedding adn then back for a sick realative ( he is fine now ) now we are off on the 29th to the bahamas for a cruise with our friends.
My journey has been a good one, great hubby and fabulous supportive friends. I can now shop in the womans department at stores and am addicted to good clothes. I still eat whatever I want just in little portions, we dine out with friends, have parties, celebrate. I am healthier then I have been since I turned 40 and that is what this is all about.
How I became Me
Jan 01, 2008
My earliest memory is being locked in a toy box when I was 2 years old. We were at my neighbors house and they locked me in their toy box. Instead of fighting to get out I took a nap hoping that sooner or later someone would notice me missing and come find me. I was told years ago that one single moment basically formed my reactions to everything and I developed a Survivor Mode that I used to keep me going for the rest of my life.
Rumour had it I was a very happy little child, cute blond ringlets, blues eyes, but I wouldn't know as my Mother didn;t think my baby pictures were important enough to keep.I spent the first 4 years of my life living with mom and dad in a very dysfunctional house. My Mother was super obese and that was back int he early sixties so she was a freak to people. My dad was a big guy but goodlookin , compulsive gambler and a ladiesman. We lived in a place called Enfield CT when my dad was building a deck on our house and I was put in the back seat of the red ford falcon as to be kept out of the way and what did I find shoved in the seat cracks. All the torn up checks for the bills daddy never paid.
Next thing I know we are being driven to Grandmas in Greenwich for a vacation. Daddy never came back for us , ever. This was my first round of abandonement, the first of so many rounds.In 1966 we moved in with Grandma Mae and I adored her, the only bad part was that my best frien my dog couldn't stay with me he had to stay at my Nonna's house which was close but to a 4 year old it mighty as well have been a different country. Every thime I got the chance I would run away to be with my Dog, I didn;t even know where I was going I just wanted my dog,I would get to see hime every Sunday when we all went to Nonnas but it wasn't the same.
I loved my Grandma Mae, her real name was Domenica, she was like a little ball of fat. She was 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide and she introduced me to my new best friend. Food, she was a diabetic as was Nonna and Pappa Joe. But Grandma Mae was a hider she hid food all over the house, Fritos, M&Ms, Lemon Pies, Donuts, Spanish Bar Cakes and we would eat lot's of sandwiches of lettuce , tomatoe and Mayonaise on Dataliano White Bread. We went out all the time for hamburgers, to Wetsons or the Cos Cobber, Neilsens and the lunch counter at Woolworths both Riverside and Greenwich Avenue.Food Bcame my friend, it filled the whole my dad left, my dog left and even my mom left.
I had cake and cake was always there for me even if I didn;t have a father , the waffle ice cream sandwiches at Woolworth were always going to be there. Just like I thought she was always going to be there.
I don;t want to mislead people by saying we lived in Greenwic CT, yes we were there but we were poor, Grandma's house was old built in 1790, needed tons of work and cleaning as she was a horder. Only had running water in the bathroom, thinking back on it the house was afrieght.I actually held a record at school only divorced child and only child on welfare too. While Grandma was alive I would walk from School to the Bridal shoppe where she worked and sit with her and sew some barbie close out of scraps, and I would also get a qauter for a bag of french fries from Chicken Delight. They would remove the memories of all the fatty names the kids walking home behind me would call me. No matter what names they called me "PIGGY" "It's Balloon" from F troop, some many names. But thoose french fries would make it all feel better. All this time my mom was kind of floundering , hairdresser, then work for Faucett Publications, then back to hair, then woolworths. So I mostly was with Grandmae and I thought of her as my mom. She would take me to see her sisters and my cousins. My mother actually never got a long with the rest of her family and they just disliked me by association, as I got older I would here well you know she is Jeannes daughter. Like that explained it all.
December 28,1970 we got a phone call at about 2am and it was the hospital. Grandma Mae would go to Nonnas every night to stau woith her as she was a diabetic and could not be left alone. Well it was could and Grandma got pnemonia and she died. I knew the minute the call came she was dead I just knew it and that my life was over.
I guess the nonly good thing that happened was HOBO my dog got to come and live with me, little did I know it was becasue I was basically going to be on my own from now on. I guess it made sense afterall I was almost 8. My mother had been on the grapefruit diet and had lost lot's of weight and now she had a life to live and without Grandma Mae to keep her inline there was no hope for me.
From them on in we lived in a filthy house my mom would come home maybe one or two nights a week and then she would be drunk or with some guy. I was that fat, smelly kid in dirty clothes and matted hair. The house we lived in was infeated with mice so every thing always smelled like mouse pee. I never saw the floor in my room as it was always knee deep in dirty clothes and at night I caould watch the mice run over it like hills. The house had 4 bedrooms but only one was close to be habitable, the rest were just stuffed with junk.
We lived like this for years and then she started bringing home one abusive guy after another,First it was Jon the Pharmacist and he took more of his drugs then he dispensed and he was so mean and emotionally abusive, never sexually like some of the others but he was mean. He finally dumped her. She had stolen him from one of her friends which sucked cause I used to go over to her house and play with her kids. They had a pool and we swam a lot. There house was all broken down too but I felt safe there.
Then around 6th grade there was Marty the Drunk and he was twisted sexually. The first time I met him he jumped on me in bed and felt me up and tounge kissed me. My mom saw all of it and didn;t flinch. I ask her about and said or he is just trying to show you he likes you.I have just recently come to understand that my mother was actually using me as bait for some of thee guys she wanted. I remember at 8 being dressed up in denim hot pants, a satin tube top and gladiator sandles laced to the top this was to go to a guys softball game in a park. All the other kids had on shorts and a tee shirt in sneakers and I looked like a hostess at Playtos Retreat in NYC.
Some of her guyys were not so bad I remeber one his name was Jack and he was married but he was nice to me and always brought me a toy when he came to visit. I remember some guy who took us on a picnic only saw him once he could probably smell dysfunctional on us.
Nope we ended up with Marty the Drunk and my life would never be the same. I was by this time in 7th grade. My clothese were always snelly and so was I. People complained to Mrs Jansen the english teacher, she was nice but so dumb they talk to you like it was my choice and tell me how important hygenie was yada yada as if I wanted to be the smelly out cast. Never once did any of these people think ooooh maybe I should talk to the parent. Like I got up everyday and just rolled around in pig slop and went off to school. We had no washer or dryer if I wanted to wash my clothes I had to do it in the bath tub as that was the only source of running water in out entire house.
Around the sametime as Marty came so did a little money from my grandma's estate, well they blew it all, they did move us into a rental house in a nicer area and it was clean, at least Marty liked things clean, He was a sick pervert and an alcholic but he was very clean he worked occasionally as a bar tender or bar manger, he went from nightclubs to Country Clubs and when he was at Country Clubs he thought he was a member, delusional but he did bring Bobby Halmi to our house once for dinner and he went on to make some moveis.
Marty also sexually abused me at any chance he could and my mother later admitted she thought something was wrong but she didn't want to lose him. I was always collateral damage to her didn't matter as long as she got what she wanted.One time when she had to go into the hospital she made me stay at a friends house cause she didn't want me home alone with Marty go figure, I guess it was ok if she were home when it happened.They actually got divorced and he still lived with us for months because he didn;t want to break the familial bond we had.
By then I was 16 had my license and worked and bought a car and I was never there. Once I was never home Marty moved out and went to live with his family in Ohio.I got a boyfriend who didn;t car that I was bigger then most girls, he actually thought he was gay so it was safe for me no sexual contact, His family was so nice to me and so kind They were the best people I ever met in my likfe and I will never forget MR. & Mrs. Hermance as long as I live.Mom moved on to a guy she met in our backyard. She had driven her car up an well cap and he was the tow truck driver. He was married but that didn't matter they moved to Florida a week later. She bounced the rent check which was half my money and I was thrown out on the street. I was almost 18 that day she left and I remember it well becasue my junior Prom Pictures had just come adn I wanted her to see them. I waved then at her as she pulled off but she never turned around.
I was officially on my own up till now I was unofficially on my own. I found an apartment in an old building in Byram, down the street from my friend larry . He was gay and my truest friend to this day, he saved me so many times in so many ways.It was 5 room railroad apartment no central heat and no insulation and in 1979 it was 285 a month plus utlies. The best part of the apartment was the lady across the hall she was a saint Helen Melon Zygmont, it was the first time I felt love sine I was 8 and grandma Mae was alive. She had 12 kids of her own and she always had love for one more. I could right a book on her goodness, for the first time in my life I felt like I had someone in my life.
Well my life has tired me out tonight adn I am sure it has done the same to anyone brave enough to readit. I will update it more soon.
Rumour had it I was a very happy little child, cute blond ringlets, blues eyes, but I wouldn't know as my Mother didn;t think my baby pictures were important enough to keep.I spent the first 4 years of my life living with mom and dad in a very dysfunctional house. My Mother was super obese and that was back int he early sixties so she was a freak to people. My dad was a big guy but goodlookin , compulsive gambler and a ladiesman. We lived in a place called Enfield CT when my dad was building a deck on our house and I was put in the back seat of the red ford falcon as to be kept out of the way and what did I find shoved in the seat cracks. All the torn up checks for the bills daddy never paid.
Next thing I know we are being driven to Grandmas in Greenwich for a vacation. Daddy never came back for us , ever. This was my first round of abandonement, the first of so many rounds.In 1966 we moved in with Grandma Mae and I adored her, the only bad part was that my best frien my dog couldn't stay with me he had to stay at my Nonna's house which was close but to a 4 year old it mighty as well have been a different country. Every thime I got the chance I would run away to be with my Dog, I didn;t even know where I was going I just wanted my dog,I would get to see hime every Sunday when we all went to Nonnas but it wasn't the same.
I loved my Grandma Mae, her real name was Domenica, she was like a little ball of fat. She was 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide and she introduced me to my new best friend. Food, she was a diabetic as was Nonna and Pappa Joe. But Grandma Mae was a hider she hid food all over the house, Fritos, M&Ms, Lemon Pies, Donuts, Spanish Bar Cakes and we would eat lot's of sandwiches of lettuce , tomatoe and Mayonaise on Dataliano White Bread. We went out all the time for hamburgers, to Wetsons or the Cos Cobber, Neilsens and the lunch counter at Woolworths both Riverside and Greenwich Avenue.Food Bcame my friend, it filled the whole my dad left, my dog left and even my mom left.
I had cake and cake was always there for me even if I didn;t have a father , the waffle ice cream sandwiches at Woolworth were always going to be there. Just like I thought she was always going to be there.
I don;t want to mislead people by saying we lived in Greenwic CT, yes we were there but we were poor, Grandma's house was old built in 1790, needed tons of work and cleaning as she was a horder. Only had running water in the bathroom, thinking back on it the house was afrieght.I actually held a record at school only divorced child and only child on welfare too. While Grandma was alive I would walk from School to the Bridal shoppe where she worked and sit with her and sew some barbie close out of scraps, and I would also get a qauter for a bag of french fries from Chicken Delight. They would remove the memories of all the fatty names the kids walking home behind me would call me. No matter what names they called me "PIGGY" "It's Balloon" from F troop, some many names. But thoose french fries would make it all feel better. All this time my mom was kind of floundering , hairdresser, then work for Faucett Publications, then back to hair, then woolworths. So I mostly was with Grandmae and I thought of her as my mom. She would take me to see her sisters and my cousins. My mother actually never got a long with the rest of her family and they just disliked me by association, as I got older I would here well you know she is Jeannes daughter. Like that explained it all.
December 28,1970 we got a phone call at about 2am and it was the hospital. Grandma Mae would go to Nonnas every night to stau woith her as she was a diabetic and could not be left alone. Well it was could and Grandma got pnemonia and she died. I knew the minute the call came she was dead I just knew it and that my life was over.
I guess the nonly good thing that happened was HOBO my dog got to come and live with me, little did I know it was becasue I was basically going to be on my own from now on. I guess it made sense afterall I was almost 8. My mother had been on the grapefruit diet and had lost lot's of weight and now she had a life to live and without Grandma Mae to keep her inline there was no hope for me.
From them on in we lived in a filthy house my mom would come home maybe one or two nights a week and then she would be drunk or with some guy. I was that fat, smelly kid in dirty clothes and matted hair. The house we lived in was infeated with mice so every thing always smelled like mouse pee. I never saw the floor in my room as it was always knee deep in dirty clothes and at night I caould watch the mice run over it like hills. The house had 4 bedrooms but only one was close to be habitable, the rest were just stuffed with junk.
We lived like this for years and then she started bringing home one abusive guy after another,First it was Jon the Pharmacist and he took more of his drugs then he dispensed and he was so mean and emotionally abusive, never sexually like some of the others but he was mean. He finally dumped her. She had stolen him from one of her friends which sucked cause I used to go over to her house and play with her kids. They had a pool and we swam a lot. There house was all broken down too but I felt safe there.
Then around 6th grade there was Marty the Drunk and he was twisted sexually. The first time I met him he jumped on me in bed and felt me up and tounge kissed me. My mom saw all of it and didn;t flinch. I ask her about and said or he is just trying to show you he likes you.I have just recently come to understand that my mother was actually using me as bait for some of thee guys she wanted. I remember at 8 being dressed up in denim hot pants, a satin tube top and gladiator sandles laced to the top this was to go to a guys softball game in a park. All the other kids had on shorts and a tee shirt in sneakers and I looked like a hostess at Playtos Retreat in NYC.
Some of her guyys were not so bad I remeber one his name was Jack and he was married but he was nice to me and always brought me a toy when he came to visit. I remember some guy who took us on a picnic only saw him once he could probably smell dysfunctional on us.
Nope we ended up with Marty the Drunk and my life would never be the same. I was by this time in 7th grade. My clothese were always snelly and so was I. People complained to Mrs Jansen the english teacher, she was nice but so dumb they talk to you like it was my choice and tell me how important hygenie was yada yada as if I wanted to be the smelly out cast. Never once did any of these people think ooooh maybe I should talk to the parent. Like I got up everyday and just rolled around in pig slop and went off to school. We had no washer or dryer if I wanted to wash my clothes I had to do it in the bath tub as that was the only source of running water in out entire house.
Around the sametime as Marty came so did a little money from my grandma's estate, well they blew it all, they did move us into a rental house in a nicer area and it was clean, at least Marty liked things clean, He was a sick pervert and an alcholic but he was very clean he worked occasionally as a bar tender or bar manger, he went from nightclubs to Country Clubs and when he was at Country Clubs he thought he was a member, delusional but he did bring Bobby Halmi to our house once for dinner and he went on to make some moveis.
Marty also sexually abused me at any chance he could and my mother later admitted she thought something was wrong but she didn't want to lose him. I was always collateral damage to her didn't matter as long as she got what she wanted.One time when she had to go into the hospital she made me stay at a friends house cause she didn't want me home alone with Marty go figure, I guess it was ok if she were home when it happened.They actually got divorced and he still lived with us for months because he didn;t want to break the familial bond we had.
By then I was 16 had my license and worked and bought a car and I was never there. Once I was never home Marty moved out and went to live with his family in Ohio.I got a boyfriend who didn;t car that I was bigger then most girls, he actually thought he was gay so it was safe for me no sexual contact, His family was so nice to me and so kind They were the best people I ever met in my likfe and I will never forget MR. & Mrs. Hermance as long as I live.Mom moved on to a guy she met in our backyard. She had driven her car up an well cap and he was the tow truck driver. He was married but that didn't matter they moved to Florida a week later. She bounced the rent check which was half my money and I was thrown out on the street. I was almost 18 that day she left and I remember it well becasue my junior Prom Pictures had just come adn I wanted her to see them. I waved then at her as she pulled off but she never turned around.
I was officially on my own up till now I was unofficially on my own. I found an apartment in an old building in Byram, down the street from my friend larry . He was gay and my truest friend to this day, he saved me so many times in so many ways.It was 5 room railroad apartment no central heat and no insulation and in 1979 it was 285 a month plus utlies. The best part of the apartment was the lady across the hall she was a saint Helen Melon Zygmont, it was the first time I felt love sine I was 8 and grandma Mae was alive. She had 12 kids of her own and she always had love for one more. I could right a book on her goodness, for the first time in my life I felt like I had someone in my life.
Well my life has tired me out tonight adn I am sure it has done the same to anyone brave enough to readit. I will update it more soon.
About Me
Charlotte, NC
Location
35.7
BMI
Surgery
02/21/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Nov 30, 2007
Member Since
