I have been overweight for the majority of my life.  I was the girl that was taller then all the boys until I got into junior high, and I was teased a lot about my weight.  I stayed pretty positive about the whole thing... Sure, it hurt my feelings but I'd feel sorry for myself and get over it.  The teasing never made me wanna lose weight, I just wished they wouldn't make fun of me.

As I got older I had a lot of bad relationships with guys.  It would be nice if I could say the way I was treated didn't have anything to do with the fact that I was a bigger girl.. but it happened.  For some reason there's this idea that some guys have where they think that a big girl is glad to get "any love" even if it's not the good kind.

I'd be the first one to tell them they were completely wrong.  I never put up with drama... and I might have out weighed most of the guys I dated but that never meant that I thought I owed them anything because they "gave me a chance" or "did me a favor".

I've actually always been the type of person that can't pass a mirror without checkin' myself out.. givin' myself a lil "yo go girl" type stare.. cause I always knew I was cute.

I knew I was in trouble when one holiday season I was walking in the makeup area of a department store and I saw myself walking up and thought.. god that is not me.  I didn't wanna look at myself... part of me wanted to leave right then.  Where was that 200lb cute girl I knew when I was younger?  Or even that 280 (or something like that) girl that used to walk all over that huge highschool campus who I couldn't stop looking at prom pictures of.

I think for a long time I focused on my face.  I could get over the body part because hey.. I had a cute face.  Well one day my dad's double chin was looking at me in the mirror.  I started looking at myself in "bad pictures" and realizing I was as wide as I was thick.  I had become this round ball of no shape... my "cute face" was no longer good enough and it was definitely not the first thing I saw when I looked in the mirror.  I never really had a "figure" but for most of my teenage and young adult life I atleast had boobs and a booty that were more obvious then my gut.

Luckily through all this I found an awesome guy who loves me... whether I was 160 or at my absolute heaviest... he thinks I'm beautiful.  He didn't know me when I was my cute spunky 200lb self (I did rock 200... believe it or not lol) but that girl is still in here.  He's gonna meet her one day... and then he's not gonna know what to do with himself.

We've been married a little over a year now (March 06) and I have begun to realize that I stop him from doing really fun things that he and I would both really like to do.  We are huge nascar fans and I about died the first time we went.  He and I had started weight watchers the month or two prior to the race so I was full of new energry.. but man... if I had to do it tomorrow.. I wouldn't make it.  It probably wasn't even a mile... but I wasn't expecting to do that much walking.. and I defintely don't get the walking in that I used to.

I want my husband and I to be able to have a life.  A REAL life.  Where we take long vacations, and fly on airplanes to fun places, and rent fancy sports cars for the weekend, and go to car shows, and take cruises and enjoy every minute... even if we get stuck in the teeniest of rooms.  I want to clean my house spick and span and host parties and not feel like I just got ran over by a bus when the night is over.  I want to be able to be young and do "crazy things" in "crazy places."

... and one of my biggest wants is... I wanna make a baby with my husband.  I want this little person to turn into an adult and be just as much me as it is him.  I want to watch my husband hold our child after it's born and know that we did that together... because I was healthy enough to do it... and my weight was no longer causing me fertility issues.

I have a lot of support from my family... and I have recently discovered that the new company I am working for pays for obesity-surgery almost 100%.  I'm eligible for benefits in June and hope to start the process as soon as I can.

So basically... tha's my "story".  If you're still reading.. I hope you don't think I'm a weirdo. ----   :-)

About Me
Queen Creek, AZ
Location
33.9
BMI
RNY
Surgery
10/23/2007
Surgery Date
May 09, 2007
Member Since

Friends 20

Latest Blog 9
The Wii Fit!
less than 100lbs to go!!
It's been awhile...
Cleansing your soul is easier then cleansing your body. ha!
Less than a week!
2 weeks and counting
Success
Crazy news!
Decisions...Decisions

×