Susan S.

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These are my amazing wow moments: 

* My BMI is 23.9 (6 mos post-op)
* I am safely into a size 8 (jeans/pants/skirts) and a Sm or Med top. 
* I can wear little girls' size XL!!
* I haven't been this weight since 6th grade. 
* I can shop anywhere, anytime and buy anything. 
* I have really defined collarbones
* People are telling me that I am too skinny!!!!!

So, I'm only 10# (actually 8#, but that darn PMS weight) away from the top of my goal range! (140-164#). I'm at 174# right now. Unbelievable. 

I have to load a new picture too. 

It's been very simple, really. I *did* dump for the first time yesterday, after thinking I was a non-dumper. Stupid, stupid me. My blood sugar dropped and I needed some sugar fast to stop shaking. And boy, oh boy, did I ever get sick. Icky. No more of that!!!
 
I wore a two-piece the other day - LOVE IT!!!

April 3rd was my surgery. I'm 12 weeks out, and as of today, I've lost 69#. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? 

I bought size 12s yesterday and I was a 22/2x before surgery. In fact, my Size L shirt is kind of big. How crazy and wonderful is this? 

Transformation of who I am is beginning. I just got a new job, I will graduate from grad school on 11/26... 2007 is looking up!

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks and I've lost 48#! And believe it or not - through the stretching of the personal trainer, my height has changed - back to 5'9"! Awesome! I'm so glad I did this surgery. 

Today is my first day back to work. It's been gratifying, to say the least.

It's been 15 days since my surgery, and I've lost 30 lbs already. I'm so estatic. I have moments in which I want to eat my head, and then I have moments when I don't even want to look at food. This has been so great thus far. I can't wait to lose the weight and be into a size 8 (that's my goal, and dang it, I will make it!)

Over the last few weeks, I've been through trials and tribulations, tears and anger at that stupid psychologist at Dr. Wood and Dr. Taylor's office. In fact, I was considering going to Barix over that. (Well, I did, I had the consult). I went for an independent psych eval, some things occurred with Barix, and I went back to Dr. Wood yesterday, and... they scheduled me for surgery today! I could have had surgery on TUESDAY if I wanted to - crazy. But, my hubby has a few days he's going to be out of town for work, so I scheduled it around him. 

Thank you Lord for guiding me through this process... I know that you will continue to hold my hand as I proceed through this!

I'm so scared and so nervous, but so excited and so hopeful.

In talking to a fellow OH member tonight, two verses came to me that are so relevant to our journey. 

Psalm 46:10
"Be still and know that I AM GOD..."

Job 23:10
"For He knows the way that I take, and when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold."


It's so hard in the midst of being discouraged and angry to sit back and understand that there is a greater purpose for us, we are here on earth for a greater purpose than to merely exist. We shall come forth as gold. To be still and trust God is difficult. Being still doesn't mean not standing up for yourself and being "steamrolled" as another OH member said to me tonight. But it means understanding that God's will takes precedence over cancelled appointments, psychologists that need to be kicked in the ankles, infections, insurance denials, weight loss setbacks, lack of support from loved ones or other discouraging things that occur. 

God's will for our lives will radiate and He will make Himself known, if we are just still.

Yesterday was my first consult/psych eval. Last week (02/13) was supposed to be it, but it got cancelled. So my psych eval was HORRID. The guy (Dr. Altier with Dr. Taylor and Dr. Wood) told me that I had control issues and that I was a perfectionist (ok, so I am) and he was going to recommend that my surgery be after 01/08 (because I'm finishing my grad degree in 10/07) He said that my eating disorder (bulimia - which I've been in recovery from for FOUR YEARS) would come back with this surgery and because I was a psych major in college, I knew all the right things to say to him to manipulate the situation and that I need therapy. When I said, I'm doing great, and I've had LOTS of therapy, he says, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH THERAPY. (Oh, and by the way, he looked at me and said, "It's not like you're going to die in 5 months if you don't have the surgery." - I hope that's a guarantee, so if I do, my family can sue him for telling me I'm not going to die from obesity related complications.) I guess in my undergrad, being a psych major, I was under the impression that the field is supposed to be comprised of supportive, compassionate individuals, not jerks that label people immediately. I don't agree with him. He has his right to his own opinion, and I have the right to mine. His, however, was wrong. :)

So... feeling very discouraged, I wasn't sure if I should leave or not. Dr. Taylor wasn't there yet, so we went through the nutritionist's speech, etc. and all I could think about was the fact that I still had an appt scheduled at Barix Clinic at 5 pm yesterday w/ Dr. Schram. It was going to be a stretch getting there because I hadn't filled out my new patient paperwork ( I really had no intention of going, I just hadn't gotten around to cancelling it yet.) 

At 2:30, we get word that Dr. Taylor has had an emergency and he wasn't going to be there until 4:00. We could either reschedule or come back. I had already burned 2 vacation days at this point for appointments that had either a) been cancelled or b) flopped miserably. So, I thought, well, there's no use in rescheduling, I'll just come back in an hour. So, I was just waiting to get outside so that I could start sobbing from the psych eval. I drove to Walgreen's (SOBBING) on the phone with Princess KLaw - my new OH buddy and I came back at 3:30, only to find out it was going to be another 3-4 hours before he would even get to the office. 

Godspeed. I drove to Barix Clinics in Ypsi - made it there at 4:30, filled out my new patient paperwork, went to the seminar, met with Dr. Schram and his nurse and I knew - I KNEW that the whole thing that happened yesterday was for a reason. (Mind you, I'm still a little ticked off, but I'll survive). Dr. Schram recommended me for surgery (found out today), all I need now is my psych eval (NOT FROM DR. ALTIER - and from an independent of my own choosing) and I'm done. I LOVE Dr. Schram. He was so patient and kind, and after the day that I had, I just needed that. My question to him was, "Do you see patients with eating disorders?" He said, "Susan, ALL of my patients have eating disorders." I said, "What about recovering bulimics?" and he said, "Not a problem. I see many." 

And here this Dr. Altier kept retorting that I was going to be bulimic again and that this was just a set up for failure. My set up for failure started yesterday at Dr. Taylor and Dr. Wood's office with that psychologist but ended in success at Barix in Ypsi, MI. (Now, just so you know, I haven't met Taylor/Wood, so I won't say a thing about them that's negative - just that both of my appts got cancelled). But I knew that I had found my surgeon last night. If I was ever made to feel like the pathetic, stupid fat girl, yesterday was a glowing example. Thank you Dr. Altier, but since I have control issues, I WILL not give you control over my surgery. I will go through with this. I WILL be healthy. I WILL LIVE AGAIN! Even though he tried to set me up for failure - I OVERCAME HIM.

It's 10:57 PM and I've got my psych eval and surgeon/nutritionist consult tomorrow. I'm so excited. I'm so ready to hear "Hey - we've scheduled you for surgery!" This is a journey that I've been on my whole life, and honestly, just 3 or 4 weeks ago began my WLS journey, one that I never thought I'd be on. I stood in judgment of those who had it - thinking, oh, they're so weak. Well, here's the real deal. I'm powerless. And I'm EMPOWERING myself by going through and forward with this. My insurance is all but approved, I've had my labs drawn and my letters are in (all before I've even stepped foot in the drs office). I want to go in there so that they know that I am SO ready for this - emotionally, mentally and physically. I've never been so ready for anything in my life. I was seriously more nervous and hesitant about marriage and kids - and those don't usually require a major surgery. (Kids, maybe. Husband, shouldn't - although we've been through 2 each since our wedding in 2003!!!). Emotionally, I'm ready to let the fat girl go. I'm tired of her. I'm tired of everyone looking at me. I'm tired of having a couple of years of "skinny girl" and then the "fat girl" rearing her ugly head back out and putting me back in this horrendous emotional state. Let the "fat girl" die and let the "skinny girl" be born/reborn and live life to the fullest!