* Amanda *.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I noticed that I have not updated my blog in a while. At first the reason was because my keyboard was broken and it was more trouble than it was worth. The keyboard has been fixed though and I have no excuse. I just updated my ticker and to date I have lost 143 pounds. I have been very open recently about my surgery. Initially I told no one and some of my family (most of them) still don't know. The other day I shared my journey with some of my co-workers and showed them the before pictures. They did not even recognize me, some of them said "Who is that?". Now these are all nurses and of course they told me about all the bad cases that they have seen. I pointed out to them the fact that as nurses you are only going to see the sick, the ones with issues. The happy people like me don't spend much time in the hospital, unless of course you work there like I do. So, I have gotten to the point where I feel successful, not afraid of failure and I don't mind sharing. I am courageous enough to stand up for what I believe and the decisions that I made for myself when anyone challenges why I did what I did. Unless you lived it, you have no idea what it feels like every day of your life. So, now I just don't care what people think! I did what I had to do for me and I would do it again and again. I am not at my goal but 143 pounds is an amazing accomplishment. I will be honest and admit that I still see the fat girl in the mirror at times. Sometimes I don't and I never know what I will see from day to day. I am working to lose an additional 40-45 pounds but this is me, the surgery has done what it was meant to do and the rest is on me. When I tell people that I am trying to lose that 40-45 pounds they look at me like I am crazy but I am still considered obese, I just want to have a normal BMI and that is what my goal is based on. I started my journey wearing 3x tops and bottoms, 30-32 tops, 26-28 bottoms. Now I am wearing L-XL tops and 14-16 bottoms. There are some things that I could do differently to help the process along and I am working on making those changes. It is a daily struggle. All in all, I am happier then I have ever been. I love my life although money is still an issue and likely will be for the next few years, everything else is going great. I am happy and that is all that matters.
That's all for now...

It has been over 3 months since I updated my profile. I have been incredibly busy with my new job and with nursing school. I am doing well in school, I received A's in my first 2 classes and I am finishing up my other 2 classes for the semester. I have started clinicals and have been taking care of patients for a couple of weeks now. My weight loss is still slowly progressing. I will be a year out from my revision in a month. My total weight loss since the beginning of this journey is 132.4 pounds. I have finally made it to onderland (195.6 this morning) and I have about another 40-60 lbs til my goal weight which is between 140-160. I will know when I get there what it is. I am planning on looking into plastics next summer. That is all for now.
Before:


Current:

Well, a lot has happened since my last post. I have started my new job, did orientation on Monday and started my training on Friday. I think I am going to like the job but I am worried about my memory. I need to be able to learn the doctors so I can recognize their faces, this will probably be one of the hardest parts of the job. The other hard part is reading their handwriting. Other than that I am picking up things pretty well. I started on 6/29 and my benefits became effective 7/1. I am really happy about that because for the last week or so I have been having this weird pain in my side/abdomen. Even though my benefits are eff 7/1 I don't have an insurance card and it will take some time for me to get into the system so I haven't been able to see a doctor yet. I am thinking I will contact my surgeon Monday, I actually tried to reach him Thursday but was not able to. I just remembered that I have another # for him and I will try it tomorrow. I think he will see me without the insurance and maybe I can get to the bottom of this pain. I hate to say it but being off for so long has made me not want to work, I have to get back in the mindset of actually working. I am supposed to work evenings but I am training in the daytime and that is really hard for me. I am definitely a night person. I will be working this Tues and Thurs after my nutrition class 1:30 - 7 and 12 hours on Wed, 7a-7p, that one is the one I am worried about. I mean, how do you go from not working to working 12 hours in 1 day. Oh, well, I will handle the best way I can. I am picking up the system pretty well and am excited about what is to come. I also went to orientation at my school for the nursing program and I got my schedule. I will be doing clinicals in the fall at the same hospital that I will be working at, I could not have asked for a more perfect schedule. It was so random too, I just happened to sit on the right side of the room in orientation, everyone on that side will be doing clinicals at that particular hospital. I will have a early class on Monday for the first 5 weeks, it starts at 7:45, that will be hard for me but it is only 5 weeks. Other than that, I have been trying to watch my diet, I could do better with this and I plan to. I barbecued today so I have some healthy grilled chicken for the next few days. I have not been working out much but I have been staying active. I will be cancelling my gym membership because I just can not afford it right now. I have included a picture of me from last weekend. I went to a mini reunion for my elementary school. I have not seen those people for 17 years and it was good to reconnect with them. I have since taken my braids out and along with them, some of my hair came out. To think, I was trying to give my hair a break and it seems like I did more harm than good. I am trying to work with the natural texture of my hair and I bought some kinky-curly to style it with. Today was the first time I used it and I liked it, it is a little stiff but I will mix it with some moisturizer tomorrow. I will add pics without the braids soon. I am still trying to work out this hair of mine, it is one of my biggest frustrations but I would not trade the weight loss to have the hair back. It will come back eventually. That's all for now.

It has been a couple of weeks since I blogged. Just thought I would do a quick update. Life is good right now, I feel my blessings coming my way and I am very grateful. I just started summer school this week, not sure what I was thinking on that. I mean, I know why I took the class but I really should have taken a break because things are about to get really crazy. It's cool though, I am taking a class that can only benefit my journey right now ~ Nutrition~. I am learning a lot and while I know a lot of it doesn't apply to me, our nutritional needs are a little different with the malabsorption issue, it is still valuable information. I think I am going to enjoy the class. We have to do a group project and I am doing mine on how to treat ADHD in children with the diet. This topic is near and dear to me since my son is ADHD. I may even try some of the stuff out on him cause his meds ain't working. I took him to McDonald's today, someplace we don't go often. I asked him to walk down to that end over there and get yourself a straw, I didn't get myself anything, just got him a meal. He walked over there to where the straws were then came back and asked me if I got him a straw. WTF!?!?! I am like, what did you just walk over there for if you didn't get a straw, poor thing, didn't know an answer to that. He can't focus for nothing right now. This is a perfect time to see if there is something natural that I can do to help him while he is not in school. Anyway, my eating habits are getting better although I need to do better planning because sometimes I find that it is 4 in the afternoon and I haven't eaten anything and that is not a good idea for me. The weight is coming off very slowly but I am confident that I will get to where I want to be. I will be starting my new job on June 29th, I am very excited about it. Next week on the 23rd I am going to orientation for Nursing school, it starts in August. After this summer class the only classes I have for the next two years are Nursing classes, all electives and other mandatory classes will be complete. I will probably take some occupational spanish though, have a feeling that I am going to need it. I haven't been to the gym much but I have been staying active playing tennis and walking. I am in a really happy place right now and I definitely know who is to thank for that.

Everyone that knows me knows that I was laid off unexpectedly along with many others at my company back in early February. I was angry and hurt at the way it happened and all that has happened since then. This week, it seems like things are finally getting better. I am not overly religious but I am spiritual and I pray in good and bad times. Yesterday, with the help of one of my cousins, I had an interview at a hospital in my town. It is significant that it is in my town because this is a very small suburb and I was commuting 2 1/2 - 3 hours a day at my last job (except when I was telecommuting). Anyway, the position is nothing fancy, it is part time evenings as a Unit Secretary at the 1 hospital in this suburb. My cousin and I don't talk very often, but she is a R.N. which is what I am trying to be and I knew that she worked at this hospital. I applied for the job and later called her to ask her who could I reach out to in order to get an interview. Well, she went above and beyond, she first recommended me to her manager and had them follow up with H.R. They called me the next day but I was not there and they never returned my calls or answered when I called them several times. I was going to call her back and let her know what happened but when I came in on Saturday evening after going to see a movie, she had left a message with the director's cell phone # as well as her manager's #. I called and long story short, they scheduled me for an interview yesterday morning. The interview went great and I will be working there in the very near future. I am waiting for the official details from H.R. I am very excited because I will finally have benefits again, this is one of the things that upset me most about getting laid off ~ losing my benefits. I couldn't afford to keep the Cobra and I was lied to about how much I needed to pay and ended up not able to keep it past 1 month. The other thing that happened this week is today I received the acceptance letter for the nursing program at my school. There were over 300 applicants for only 80 spots and it was very competitive. I am very excited because things are finally falling into place. The new job will work very well with the school schedule and if I am really lucky I may be able to do my clinicals at the same hospital that I will be working at. It is very close to both home and school.

On another note, my son is out of school this Friday! It seems like it is too soon, oh well, I will be trying to find stuff for us to get into all summer.

Here is a pic of me before my interview yesterday.

I just can not seem to keep my head in the game. As a result, I am going to do all liquids for the next few days. I have been working out pretty good but I have been making some bad food choices. Not all the time but enough to cause concern.

Things are starting to look up for me. I have some really strong contacts for a job at a hospital very close to home thanks to my cousin. That girl is blessing me so much right now, she probably doesn't even realize it. Anyway, I talked to the director there yesterday, my cuz hooked me up with the cell # to the director!! She is ready to interview me based on my cousin's strong recommendation. It is only a part time job but it comes with benefits. Plus, I really don't think I should work full time and go to nursing school. I really need to be able to focus on what I am learning. I am claiming this job already, tomorrow I will solidify the interview time and date. Also, on Tuesday I am meeting with a career counselor for the state of IL, I met them at the career fair 2 weeks ago. They are going to help me try to get a job with the state. Maybe it is finally time for my blessings. Also, tomorrow I am completing the last bit of paperwork for me to get free money for school. I will probably deliver it to my case worker on Thursday during his walk in hours. Then I have to attend one more workshop for them and I will be totally done. I haven't actually been accepted into the nursing program that I am trying to get into. They are making the final decision tomorrow so I should know soon. The other school that did accept me is holding my spot until this Friday so that door is still open, just don't know how I would pay for it if it comes down to that. I do know that I have a really good chance of getting in. I have 93 out of a possible 120 points and all my prereqs and tests are done. I am also going to take a nutrition class this summer just so I don't have anything left but nursing classes. I am really excited about the new direction my life is about to go in.

I have also joined some social organizations in my area because I have decided that I need to make some new friends and get out more.

I just decided to do an accountability post in regards to the 5 day pouch test. This is my first time ever doing it and I have been struggling in recent weeks just trying to do a protein train. So, I figure if I post everyday then I will be more accountable to myself. Today is almost over and so far so good. I have had only the things allowed on day 1 which are the same things allowed for day 2. It is liquids only, soup, protein shakes, water, sugar free jello / pudding. I do feel somewhat hungry but I am just drinking thru the hunger. I know for me a lot of times I feel hungry but I am really just thirsty. It doesn't always work but it will have to do for the next 5 days.

Well, just stopped in to give a brief update on me. I am still struggling financially but I suppose that is to be expected in this economy. I attended an invitation only career fair last week and made some really good contacts. Unfortunately I think most of them will conflict with my school schedule and school does come first. I will achieve my goals for my career. Anyway, I am trying to think positive and I know that this struggle is only temporary and the rewards for sticking it out will be great. The one good thing about me not working right now is I have a lot more time for my son. I know it won't be long before he will be embarrassed by hanging out with mom so I am trying to enjoy him while I can. I can't afford to send him to summer camp this summer, this will be the first one he will miss. Instead, I am going to try to afford season passes to 6 flags and to the local pool. Two weeks of paying for summer camp will more then cover a summers worth of 6 flags and trips to the pool so it will be worth it, not like I can pay for summer camp anyway for the whole summer. It is like $125 a week. So, my plan is to do stuff with him all summer like go to the zoo, the park, the pool, 6 flags, the beach etc. We also have a trampoline that we will put up in the backyard for when I don't feel like going anywhere. We have already started with going to the park, we walk there and then play tennis or he plays in the playground. We will also be riding our bikes and making sure we stay active.
My son was in the spelling bee for his district last week, there were 3 schools competing. He didn't win this time but he tried his best and I am proud of him.

I am doing the 5 day pouch test starting today. I am not doing it because I think my pouch is broken or anything, just want to get back to basics. I feel very hungry a lot so I am hoping that by doing this it will make my pouch feel tighter. I am also retraining myself on how to eat following the rules. I had stopped measuring my foods some time ago and I feel like I need to get back to that. I have also picked up some bad habits and I need to push myself to focus on my goal. As of right now I need to lose another 60-80 lbs and I am hoping to at least get close to my final goal by Nov 12 2009 which will be 1 year out from my revision. I am working out consistently and when I don't make it to the gym I make sure that I do something. Today and yesterday I went to the gym and I am also going to walk to pick my son up from school instead of driving this afternoon.

On another note I am very depressed about my hair. I was thinking of getting it braided but it is so thin in some areas and I don't think it is strong enough to handle it. I am thinking about cutting all the permed hair off and going natural. I am not anxious to cut my hair again but I really think I need to just start over for real and leave the chemicals alone this time. I need to grow out the perm before I cut my hair so I have at least a couple of months to make a final decision. I have been really trying to condition my hair but it is not really helping, I don't think the hair is still falling out, it just hasn't started growing back from where it fell out initially.

I feel like being very transparent right now. So, this may end up being a long blog but oh well. So, my journey started probably about 4 years ago. I had decided that wls was for me and I set about trying to get it done. After completing 12 months of supervised diet and seeing a psychologist and nutrition my insurance denied my wls and they also denied my appeal. I left that company about a year or so later and decided that I would see if I could get my new employer to pay for my wls. I started in August and randomly picked insurance ~ I got the same one I had at the old employer but I didn't really research it or anything. I knew that open enrollment was coming since I was working at a benefits administration company (we administered annual enrollment for many fortune 500 companies). Anyway, I started trying to find a way to set my plan in motion. I called the coordinator and asked her which insurance company (of my available choices) would be easier to approve wls. She told me that UHC was pretty easy and I switched during annual enrollment with the purpose of specifically getting my procedure (lap band) covered. My coverage started 1/1/07, I was approved sometime in January for the lap-band and I had the procedure done on 3/5/07. In the beginning everything went great, I was losing like a RNYer, I lost 50lbs within the first 3 months and 80lbs by 6 months. This is when I began to have problems. To make a long story short, my body didn't react well to adjustments. I would swell up WEEKS after a fill with no warning. I can see now that this really started in the beginning but it didn't negatively affect me until about 6 months out. When I got my first fill I didn't feel any restriction. A few weeks later I got the second fill and I had great restriction, what lap-banders like to call the sweet spot. I was there. I was eating very small portions of food and was very satisfied and never hungry. This was perfect I thought. In May, specifically memorial day weekend of 07 I went on a cruise, this was about 2 1/2 months after surgery down almost 50lbs. Now most people EAT on cruises but I stuck to my diet, I would eat a little of this and a little of that at the big sit down dinner, I never had any bread but I did indulge in dessert every night. I would usually opt for the sugar free desserts but not always, I was only eating a few bites anyway. It was on the cruise when things began to go bad for me. I began to feel the stuck feeling for the very first time towards the end of the trip. It was a 7 night cruise. I remember trying to eat turkey for dinner ( I only ate turkey or chicken for protein for the entire trip) the turkey made me sick and I excused myself from the table. I thought I was going to be sick but it stayed down. The next few meals I couldn't eat much maybe 3 bites and that was that. It happened all of a sudden and I didn't know what was wrong really but I didn't get sick on the trip, just felt sick and couldn't eat much toward the end. I should add that this vacation was the first time I ever flew on a plane and it was about a 5 hour plane trip from Chicago to Puerto Rico. When we got ready to fly back I bought a sandwich at the airport and me and my son were sharing it. I got so sick eating that sandwich that I had to find the bag on the plane just in case. It was the worst feeling. When we got home I pb'd for the very first time that night. I called the coordinator the next morning and she said maybe my band tightened due to the flight or the stress about flying. I am terribly afraid of heights and thought this was plausable. She advised me to take it easy over the next few days, liquids only and see what happens. Well, I began to get sick off of liquids and eventually had to come in for a slight unfill. I remember getting into it with my doctor's staff for the 1 and only time. They were trying to make me feel like it was my fault because my last fill was several weeks earlier and this was not a usual situation, it was weird. I spoke with my doctor about their attitude and he must have said something to them because it never happened again. I mean they had me in tears and all I wanted was to be able to be normal again. Anyway, we went on for several months with fills, and unfills until we had to do a complete unfill. What I have since realized is that all of my fills kicked in weeks later so the very first fill had not kicked in by the time I got the second and when they both kicked in it was all too much. Long story short my doctor and I decided that the band needed to come out and I would revise to RNY. I had to fight the insurance all over again for this. I still had UHC who approved my lap-band in weeks with no diet or anything but they denied my revision right off the bat and then they demanded 6 months of diet before I could appeal. We fought and appealled after 3 months and they finally approved. I had my revision to RNY on November 12 2008. I was very sick, I bled out alot and they knew that my gall bladder needed to come out but it was not safe. I had an extremely high heart rate too, I was in the icu for the duration of my hospital stay and at times my heart rate got so high that the machine would beep and people would come running in. I remember them asking me if I had a cardiologist at the hospital, I didn't though. I really think my heart rate was out of control because I was in so much pain, my pain was not being managed like they told me it would be. Anyway, 1 and 1/2 months after my RNY I had my gall bladder removed laproscopically. I should mention that my lap band was done lap and my RNY was done open. I have so many scars now and I am very self conscious about them. Anyway, I started this journey at my highest weight of 328 lbs. Today I am at about 221 lbs. That is right folks, I have lost OVER 100 POUNDS!!! I am really happy about this and very proud of myself. I am still trying to lose another 60-80 lbs but I have time and I feel I will reach my goal. This achievement of losing over 100 lbs is what prompted me to take a look at my entire journey. Sometimes I feel like things are not going how I would like them to but when I take a moment to see where I was and where I am now, I can't help but be happy about all that I have accomplished. I am going to attempt to put some pictures here to reflect my journey.



After revision to RNY ~ my hair fell out pretty bad so I had to cut it, I am in the process of growing it back out now.

My update for the past week is not too bad. I have been under the weather for the past few days so I have only worked out 3 days this week. They were good workouts though, I will push harder this week. I want to rave for a bit about my now 10 year old son. I swear, he never ceases to amaze me. First, he won the spelling bee last week as a finalist, he was 1 of 4 and the second one to win. Then Thursday of this past week he went up against the 4th and 5th graders, he is in 4th grade and he won again. He is one of the finalists for his school and he will be going to another school to compete later this month. He has 2 trophies now for the spelling bee. I am so incredibly proud of him.

I passed my math for nurses test (I didn't take the class and needed to test out of it), and I have now met all the requirements for the RN program. I am soooo excited. Now I just have to wait to see if my grades are good enough. They give points for certain classes and a few of mine come from over 10 years ago when I was a lot less focused but most of the grades are A's. I will find out in about 1 month if I am in for August. I am also going to meet with the people who are helping me to get money for school Monday. They are also going to help me get a job (so they say). I have not dropped the CNA class just yet and I am not sure if I am going to. I need a back up plan incase they can't get me a job. I passed my test for phlebotomy so I am technically a certified phlebotomist but I don't think I will be able to get a job that will be flexible enough for me to do nursing school with clinicals.

For the week ahead I am planning to do a protein train (sort of). I am going to focus on protein for all my meals. I have been pretty good this past week about having a protein shake for breakfast. I am considering having a few days of just shakes because I feel like I need to get back to basics. If I find that to be too difficult then I will do 1 protein rich meal per day and shakes for the rest of the day. I have been suffering from a terrible migraine this week. I have been basically laying around all day since Thursday. I couldn't even stay at my night class, I left right after the lab. So, I am going to set my exercise plan a little low for this week. I will aim for 4 days at the gym. If I can't get to the gym 4 days then I will make sure that I do some activity somewhere for any day I don't make it.

I should count my grocery shopping as exercise yesterday, I had to carry everything by myself cause my son was at school. I had 2 (24 count) cases of water and 2 gallons of milk, and several bags of canned goods for the house. I made about 6 trips from the garage to the house and then up 2 flights of stairs to my apartment. So, if I count that then I worked out for 4 days this week, 3 at the gym and then the groceries.