Msdragonz

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 I was sposed to have the DS last year, Jan 26th. It was to be a revision from a mini gastric loop. Only thing is, when they got in there, there was so much scar tissue I lost my spleen, part of my pancreas and ended up with a sleeve. His nurse said it was the worst case of scar tissue she had ever seen! (My Dr was in NJ- Dr David Greenbaum) Anyhow, he couldn't do the bottom half. Two days later I had to be opened back up due to a stricture. 3 Days later, I went down for my swallow test, there was a leak. I ended up going home on tube feeding for a couple of months. Ended up with pleurisy from my diaphragm swollen, rubbing up against my my lung. That happened 3 times, and had to be drained with a huge needle each time. Ok, so I recover from that. Get to the point where I can eat again and 2 months later they found that I had a fistula and stomach fluid was draining into my diaphragm, causing an abcess. Back on the tube feeding and a drain in my side which caused terrible pain. That brings us up to August. I went to another hospital in NJ to have the fistula glued-with a 50 % rate of success.  They glued from the drain hole and also down my throat to my sleeve. Drain out, fingers crossed. I'm on TPN for nutrition. (Through a picc line in my arm), IV antibiotics and diflucan daily. Cut to September MAJOR PAIN arises and I have a yeast infection in my picc line, back to Jersey we go, and in the hospital for 5 days, the first couple I am shaking like a leaf from the fever. Old picc line out, new one in the other arm, and drain back in my side because the abcess is not healing. That stays in until October at which point I get a clean bill of health. Yay! At this point I have lost 85 lbs. I get my appetite back and and am allowed to finally try eating again. I gained about 10-12 lbs back. One last problem occurred. I have this hard knot-like ball of scar tissue around a stitch that Dr G says is nothing to worry about. 2 weeks ago it starts protruding out and comes to a head. You can guess what happens next-YUCK! I'm going tomorrow for a CT Scan to confirm that this is another fistula. (A fistual is like a tunnel) I go to Dr G.'s next week for my 1 year check up and we will decide what to do. I want to stress, though- all this stuff that happened was just dumb luck. Dr G is the best and took awesome care of me through all of it. What happened wasn't anything he did wrong. Stuff just kept happening. Would I do it again? HELL YEAH! Now that I am all better, I am so happy, and thinner than I have been since high school. I do go to Overeaters Anonymous though because I am a food addict and do not want to end up back where I was.

I posted thie earlier on the DS board the other day but I wanted to add it here..

Post Date: 2/11/09 10:51 am
Today is the first day I have even felt like coming on the computer-it's been a long, hard road since the 26th. It's getting better everyday though.

FIRST- I want to thank everyone on here for helping me through all of this. From well wishes on the board to visiting me in the hospital, calls and even my new fluffy hat (lol) I fell apart more than once and I would never have made it without the support you have given. I can not find the words to express my gratitude-you all hold a special place in my heart.

Most of you already know that I didn't get my full DS.( thanks to everybody updating the boards) You probably know more than I do at this point..lol..Everything has been pretty much a blurr. What I did get was the sleeve.  When Dr G. got in there, it was a mess-adhesions everywhere. Everything was pretty much glued together. He removed my gallbladder, and also had to remove my spleen and a part of my pancreas.The 30th he went back in because I had a stricture. The 2nd he took out my NG tube and I went for my swallow test-there was/is a leak.. I got out of the hospital on the 7th and am still on IV antibiotics and am tube feeding.

The pain is much more tolerable now, and since I finally poopied-I feel even better. Next friday I go back to get another swallow test, then over to Dr G's. Hopefully things will be more healed and the leak will be gone. If that's the case then he's going to start me on some liquids. It'll be a while before things are a little closer to norm, but it's so great that everyday when I wake up, I feel better-even if just a little.

So now I have more research to do, since I have the sleeve instead, what supps and stuff. I'll email vitalady for her schedule for that (If she has one) Hope I can still call the DS Board home though...

Bascially today finds me with a lot of hope-it's not the surgery I wanted, but at least the problems I had with my first surgery are gone.  All things considered, I guess I'm right where I am supposed to be.

Love and Light to All!




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I went for my pre admission testing today in NJ and I am wiped out. It's almost 3 hrs each way.

I had to fast for the labs, and when I was almost there Dr G.'s office called and asked if I could come there first instead of after. I said sure, but by the time I got done there, a killer headache was coming on from the lack of caffeine. Combine that with the huge amount of people at the hospital waiting for their own labs and such, it was taking it's toll. Luckily they drew my labs first and I had excedrine on deck waiting to be popped in my mouth. It took a good 2 hours and more excedrine to go away, but thankfully it didn't turn into a migraine.

Soooo....that being said, I got everything taken care of and it's a go for monday. I don't know if I am just wiped out or what but I feel kind of down. I think part of it is those old tapes playing in the back of my mind- "Your going to fail this too you know", "Your not strong enough to do it right", "You'll be sorry" are among the many. It's stuff I'm sure everyone goes through, but writing it down usually helps me. None of it will change my mind though, it's just old baggage I have to turn over, sometimes more than once or twice.

Hopefully all will go well and I'll get my full DS, but of course we'll just have to wait and see. God willing..

At any rate, I refuse to wallow in self pity or unproductive thinking, so I'm off! Chilling on the couch under my nice sweatshirt blanket the my DH bought me for our 21st anniversary.

Tally Ho!
Love and Light to all...~
Robin



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Well, I only have 9 days until my DS!  I'm so excited and of course still nervous. It doesn't seem real to me.

I'm keeping as busy as I can, and I've been on the phone as much as possible to keep my mind off of complication possibilities-that's a joke though coz it's all I talk about. But it makes me feel better so I'm not stopping.

Yes, I am still STAAAAAAAAAAAARVING!!  But really it IS just in my head and mouth, not in my belly. I made it this far though, so I know I can do it.

Everone on OH still continues to be of great support and I also have my support network from NA.  I have such gratitude for everything and everyone. I know I'll be having buyers remorse after the surgery, but the good news is "This too shall pass".   I do worry that people are getting sick of hearing me talk about this so much, but if they don't tell me, then it's on them if they suffer through it..LOL.. 

Anyhow, this is a short post, I wish i had more to write coz I don't know what to do with myself, but I'll close for now and update when I can.

Love and Light to All!
Robin



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Today is the 5th day of my 2 week protein prep and it's getting better. The first 3 days were awful-between carb/sugar withdrawl and emotions rising to the surface that I usually stuff over. I never really realized just how many times a day I reach for food until this fast. I have had to put food down more times than I can count-but I am not blowing my chance to have surgery and to get the full DS. If something happens that causes me to NOT get the full DS, it will NOT be because of something I did or did not do.  It was touch and go a couple of days ago when I tried to wrestle Grace's (my dog) "Beggin Strips" away from her, but that's all fixed now, DH hid them from me. (LOL-J/K!)

Time is passing way too slowly though, it seems like it should be next week already and it's only thursday. I know keeping busy is a great help, but I'm kinda stuck..it's hard to explain...it's like I know there's so much to do, what with cleaning and packing-but I am just glued to my seat waiting for it to be "time". Maybe I am just lazy...lol..Sitting here waiting to be magically propelled into the day of Jan 26th simply by chanting "I think I can..I think I can..."...LOL!

I have to talk about my fears-they are valid and I believe everyone goes through them. I've stopped worrying about MOST of the things that are beyond my control, except for a few flare-ups. I worry about not getting the full DS. Our back-up plan is the Distal RNY-which is way better than the way I am now, but it's still not the DS. I worry about complications-not so much for myself, but more so about being a burdeon on other people. Not to mention the "I told you so"s.  I'm not "too" worried about dying on the table-there are "worse" things for me, but again-I don't want to hurt anyone in any way. I've written letters to my family just in case. I don't want to leave anything unsaid. I've heard the same from a lot of people who are getting ready for their surgeries-it just makes good sense in a lot of ways. All in all though, my faith is carrying me through my worries and giving me peace about things.

I can not say enough about the support I have been given on here. There are so many people who have given in such unselfish ways. Every question I have had has been answered with kindness and concern. Every fear I have expressed has been met with reassurance and everytime I just needed to vent, people listened and told me what I needed to hear, not just what I wanted to hear. The support on OH is amazing. It's been a long 6 months since I began this journey, and yet-it is just beginning. I have great dreams for my future-and now I have been given the hope that they are possible.

Thank You everyone! You have no idea how much you all mean to me!

In Love and Light To All,
Robin


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I've been feeling yucky the last couple of days-yesterday with bathroom issues, today with nausea and low blood sugar. I'm not sure if it's nerves or the bug that's been going around. I've got tons to do around here and I'm getting nowhere. I'm so tired too. All I want to do is sleep. The guilt of getting nothing done is making me pretty bummed as well. I don't know whether to push myself or crash on the couch. I should have mad, crazy energy and I'm exausted.

My med organizers came today, and most of my supps shipped from Vitalady, with the rest out of stock until Jan 17th. As long as they ship soon after that they will be here before my surgery and ready to go. It's not like I am going to be able to take all of them post op anyways. I just need to get back on the D-3 ASAP-my level is always low and since I ran out of my D script, my bones and joints have been aching like a toothache.

My Mom sent me a beautiful birthday gift-a little gaurdian angel for my charm bracelet. She said it was to watch over me while I'm in the hospital. She is so sweet. The charm bracelet was last years birthday gift. It has "Always my daughter, now too my friend" engraved on a heart on it.

Well, I guess that's all for now, I'm feeling puky again...ugh..I hate this..
Ta for now~




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I'm getting more excited by the day! Today I ordered my suppliments from vitalady and ordered those awesome pill organizers that Tom recommended on his Youtube video a couple of weeks ago. (More cool stuff to wait for via UPS!)

Next Sunday I start my 2 week protein/meal replacement! I know that's going to be so hard for me, but I'm keeping my eyes on the prize! My birthday is the 12th, and since I'm starting the protein on the 11th, hubby is taking me out for ribs at the Texas Roadhouse o the 10th!  Yummmmmmm! I'll still be able to go there after my surgery, but it'll be a while until I can and I LOVE me some ribs!

I think the hardest thing will be giving up take-out pizza. I plan on scanning the boards for low carb pizza dough recipies (If they exist..lol) or making home made with wheat flour??..I'll have to look at the nutrition values. But I am geting way ahead of myself...LOL...1 day at a time girly...

The 21st I drive down to "Joisy" for my preadmission testing and to sign the consent forms...seems like that's still so far away...it's so weird.

This whole journey seems surreal--I keep waiting for the other show to drop, it has been a hurry up and wait deal for so long, I won't believe it until I'm on that table going night night...I keep bouncing from one emotion to another and I know I've been taking my meds..LOL

Well, I've gotta run to the store-hubby is sick and needs some supplies and some TLC-
Night All~
Love and light to everyone!



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I posted this on the DS board, but I thought it was important to put it here as well, so here goes:

Having just recovered from an unusually bad episode of hypoglycemia, that included symptoms such as these: blindness in both eyes, instead of just one (the kind that makes a huge spot in your eyes like you've just had your photo taken), heavier sweating than usual, lightheadedness, feeling spacey, heart racing...etc  I decided that I'd like to post a list of all the wonderful things my first surgery gave me that I won't be missing.

First would have to be the afore mentioned hypoglycemia. It's been more and more frequent and more severe. It has no reason or rhyme, nothing in particular sets it off and the solution for it? Eat sugar. What does sugar do? You got it..see below.

Next would be the lovely dumping which is a hit and miss-one day something bothers me, next day: who knows?

The wonderful vomiting from a blind pouch is also a treat-stuff goes in, feels fine-then *puke* half hour later.

The spasms are a nice touch too, I love not even being able to swallow my saliva..maybe I should have taken up chewing tobacco...hmmmm? At least people wouldn't wonder why I was spitting all the time.

Then there are the lovely regifts of liquid that come shooting back up my throat for no reason in particular no matter that there is nothing else in my stomach to keep it from proceeding on through my digestive tract.

Most of all, I am NOT going to miss the shame, guilt, depression, self loathing, feelings of failure and all the pounds my surgery allowed me to regain.  Also the nice way I was given a huge surgery, and ever so nicely kicked to the curb with no follow-up Yep-"Here's your surgery, have a nice life".

Nope-I've done my research (And continue to do so), done the footwork, made the calls and made the best choice-the DS is going to give my life back to me and dammit I'm going to start living it!!

Thanks for listening~I'm not usually hot-headed, but I am fed up and tired of this crap!

Have a lovely day all..... (smirk)

In Love and Light,
Robin

Blech..I am sick and getting sicker. I've got a wicked cold-stuffed up head, raw throat, chest is filled up..the works. Still, God reminds me to be grateful for this illness  It's better that I get it now, than when my surgery is scheduled. It's hard not to look at everything with a silver lining. It's a habit that once your hooked-you can't help but see the good in everything. Sort of like little sparkles catching your eye.
It's Christmas eve and I can't help but dream about what next Christmas will be like. I could have the body that I have not seen since 17! Who knows?!! No matter what next year brings, my heart is at peace knowing God is in charge and not me.
So rather than post complaints on the msg board about how crappy I feel , I'll smile that I am getting through the sickness ahead of time and that I should be nice and healthy by Jan 26th!

Good night all and Merry Christmas 2008!

In love and Light,
Robin



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I finally got my surgery date wednesday! After calling the insurance company (like I said I wouldn't!) and being told it was sent to the Dctr's that morning and that she "IS AWARE OF MY DATE" (twice)-I promptly called Tina. (which I also said I wouldn't do!) She very nicely told me there was nothing yet and she would call me if/when she heard anything. Of course my heart sank- 1) Because I was beating myself up for bothering people, 2) Because: Nothing yet...arrrrrrrgggg!!

Cut to 3pm that same day-Tina calls and says I am approved and gives me my date!!!!!!  *snoopy dance*I am being switched on January 26th, 2009!   Wooo hooooooooo!!!!!    I start my fast on Jan 11th, and go
for pre-op testing and signing consent forms on Jan21st. Now the fun begins !

I can being to prepare for the surgery finally-shopping, packing, more researching...the works. Also-the issue I was worrying about the most: having somewhere to stay for the week after my release has been taken care of by a wonderful woman I met right here on OH! She just had her sugery with Dr G. a couple months ago and has room for me! Which is so awesome because she'll understand what I am going through and she can let me know if I what I am going through post-op seems normal to her. She only lives 1/2 from the doctor! God is SO GOOD!!

My meal replacement packets have been shipped and will be here the next week, and on around the 12th I'll order my suppliments so they will be here when I come home.

Everything is falling into place finally-I am so excited! I know it's going to be hard in the beginning, but it will be well worth it-this I have faith in.

Anyhow, right now I am in "last supper" mode, and the texas weiners and cheese fries are calling my name!  LOL!

Night All,
Robin


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