msladylexus

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I haven't seen 196 pounds since...............wait a minute have I seen it but I am seeing it now!!!!  I was afraid to look at the scale. Oh I am so glad  that I did.

You have to be careful of the mind games that tries to sneak up on you.  I was feeling down at one point....the reason were ridiculous....get this I  actually believed that the weight loss was causing me to be unattractive! Yes that is exactly how I felt.  Those beautiful but big clothes I use to wear I could not fit them.  I hid behind some of those clothes because they made me feel good. (The other clothes I owned were just to tight. It was just like having a bad hair day. I am  messed up all day long pulling and stretching like that would add more material to the garment I was wearing) Now I go out in the streets with cut of jeans, sneakers and a tee shirt. I felt so comfortable I would not try to dress up at all. 

Then I realize I should be enjoying this new body, heck I should show it off just a little. (never was one for showing skin) So this is what I mean by showing it off.  I am a healthier person so why not go out and purchase new clothes that will show this body as it becomes healthier everyday. I reminded myself that what makes a person attractive are those inner qualities. Recognize those inner qualities that you posses on the inside first and then you can adorn the outside.

Well I haven't posted since my surgery because I was feeling ill. But today Is a good day.  Well I had my surgery on the 7th of February and when I opened my eyes and looked around and saw my family and then touched my body I screamed within myself (PRAISE THE LORD)  Now the process begins.....everything the brought in to eat (what little that was) I could not tolerate it. Nothing wanted to stay down. I passed the leak test so what could it be.  My thoughts was well maybe I have to get use to my new pouch

I was discharge from the hospital on the 9th.  Everything was expelling out of my body from every exit point there was. Nothing was going in.  When I woke up early Monday morning and what little protein I had inside protruded out of my mouth that was it.  We called the doctor and he told me to immediately come into his office.  From there I was re-admitted. After a few test they discovered I had an obstruction in my small intestine. On Feb the 7th I was in the operating room again to correct the problems.  Honestly during the time I was very sick I regretted the decision I made to have the surgery. But now that I am feeling better I don't feel that way now.  Well let me take that back and say I only feel some regrets when I am drinking those horrible protein shakes and trying to figure out what will my stomach tolerate

WHEN FAITH IS IN OPERATION IN YOUR LIFE YOU CAN CONQUER ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have maintained a high level of faith every since I received my surgery date.  It has brought me to a knew level in life.  I knew that the week of surgery I would hear a lot of comments that could cause me fear about having surgery.  So I am prepared myself for those remarks.  Nothing will rock my faith, I am determined to go forward.  If God speak to me and say not to proceed with surgery then  it will be so. BUT!!!  I would have to know for sure that it is Him!!

WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME IT'S FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I am doing the happy dance cause I got a date!  Yes February 7, 2008.  The number 7 is  God's number of completion.  The year 2008 represents for me the year of new beginings,   I am so happy!

I am approved for surgery by my insurance company. I thought that was a big hurdle!  Wait a minute I can't get a surgery date because I have to wait for another patient to be approved also. So they can schedule two at the same time.  I never knew that my surgery would be predicated upon another patients insurance outcome.  What if they get a denial and have to go through the appeal process...........do I have to take that ride with them? I really like my doctor and his staff.  I don't  understand this policy. Has anyone else experienced this? Do I need to seek another doctor?

I now understand why I lack any emotions after hearing that I was approved by my insurance company.  It was the peace of God that came over me.  The knowing that everything is going to be awesome.  I guess it's just like when you were a baby and momma said it would be alright, you took her word and never gave it a second thought.  That' is what my experience is now. I have that child like faith.........................

Now that I am approved.  I thought after a few days I would begin to feel something, but I am numb.  Maybe I need another psychological  evaluation to help me identify what my real feelings are.

I am  approved  Now what do I do next. Is this when I should start putting  pictures of my entire body on my profile.  I don't like to take pictures that shows my entire body.  Time for some pure honesty.  I am embarrassed by what I have allowed to happen to my body                                                                                                          

My test results and medical history are on there way to the insurance company for approval...Is this the time I should feel nervous?

As stated earlier my psych. evaluation with the Doctor took about 15 to 20 minutes after completing the paper work. Which was okay because I had a lot of things to do and time was short.  But now it has been over 168 hours and counting and my paper work has not been forward to my GB Doctor.  I guess I thought since my visit was so brief that my results would be faxed fast also.  Wrong!  But I can't forget that it's all in God's timing not mine.  But if I had it my way, the evaluation would be completed and in the fax machine along with my other test results on the way to the insurance company for approval.