Ms Shell
I AM a Half Marathoner!
Jun 06, 2013
I completed my first Half Marathon October 28, 2012. With a time of 4:00:05 and RIGHT after I said I would NEVER do anything that took me 4 hours to do. That was until I MUST have been on drugs at the beginning of the year because I let me 2 friends SOMEHOW talk me into not only signing up for the race in October 2013, but also the June 2, 2013 race.
The beginning of the year started out like ALL my years with trying to complete the couch to 5K and that attempt crashes and burns by March. I'm just NOT built to run. My IT band went out in February (I literally thought I needed a hip replacement, had NO idea of this IT band my ortho spoke of). But I didn't give up I powered through, bought me a foam roller and in AGONIZING pain I rolled that band to extinction.
I started "specifically" training in March and I HATED EVERY blasted step. All I could think of was I promised my friends and well I'm going to do this or DIE trying. Then one of my friends (the main one I was doing this WITH) dropped out. Then I really really really didn't want to train. I powered through. I literally CRIED during a couple of my long walks because I just really really didn't want to "play this game anymore." Then it happened on my LAST long walk I hit the mythical "wall" at 1 hour 45 minutes and I was at mile 6. It took me 2 HOURS to walk to the 2 miles home. At this point I just knew I was done. There was NO way on God's green earth I was going to be able to do this again. I just kept thinking I made a promise. I had to do this. I told my Kettlebells teacher about the "wall," and he just responded "what's your goal" my answer JUST to finish!!
June 2nd...my mantra...Ms Shell JUST FINISH. It was HUMID like no other. While standing in front of the hotel my friend and I met "Coach Larry's" wife. Just so happens we bought a "groupon" to train with Coach Larry (must be a sign right) and our training will begin in July. So she told us the start was a "mere 2 miles" from our hotel so we all started out on our "warm up" walk to the starting line. I kept up with the Mrs and learned lots of good stuff about Larry and am looking forward to training with him. As you can see from my first picture I was a sexy SWEATY woman by the time we got there. Even though I was going for just finishing (if you remember from the beginning I NEVER wanted to do anything for 4 hours, so my pace was a 3:30-3:45 finish.
I started out STRONG. I was all set for my finish time goal...then BAM while I didn't hit the mental wall. My body found a physical wall and my calf muscle developed a charlie horse at mile 7. I literally thought I was going to die. Let me say the "bad" thing about the San Diego course was you ran AROUND the city so I had no clue WHERE I was or how to get back if I opted to stop. So I limped for the next 1 1/2 miles just working my way and the muscle stretched out and ALL was right in my world. By the time I KNEW what was going on mentally I was almost to mile 9, and then mile 10 and at a 20 minute mile. At this point I KNEW that I could EASILY walk 3 miles in the next hour to finish the race. NOT beating my last time BUT finishing the race!! MY goal, MY race, all about ME!! I COULD do this and NOT die trying!!
So I finished about 1 1/2 minutes more then last time. I did it...ME...and now I have the one in LA and I'll be training with Coach Larry. And I enjoyed the route in San Diego so much I have signed up for another Half on June 1, 2014.
Doing a Half Marathon has been on MY bucket list since I was 35 and weighed 345lbs. That is when I started doing my first 5Ks. I was/am a walker and slow and steady wins the race, MY race, MY goal.
I AM a Half Maratoner!!
The "easy" way out...YUP 5 years and counting...
Dec 01, 2012
Well well well so I said it WLS is by far the EASIEST way I have lost weight and maintained (for the most part). The EASIEST way I only gain 5lbs on vacation. The EASIEST way I have been able to get back on track after said vacation.
I know some of you WLS people loathe when folks says you took "the easy way out' by having surgery. But stop and think in 2012 don't most of the things you do in your daily life take the easy way? When was the last time you did NOT hop in your car and "run" to the store right up the street? How often do you wash clothes using a wash board and hang them out to dry? Look up a word using the HARDBACK of Websters Dictionary? I was on WW for YEARS on and off and I never achieved that 10% key chain. I dieted and never lost more then 30-45lbs. WW was HARD. While I don't have the history that most of you have...especially since I LOVED being fat (although I was aware how unhealthy I was), this is by FAR the easiest thing I've done to LOSE weight and so far maintain over 50% of my EXCESS weight loss.
Has EVERY aspect of WLS been easy. Well NO, but just like having a car I've run out of gas (shit gas was almost 5 bucks a gallon), I've had a blown engine, needed various repairs, but you DON'T see me walking everyday and bitching about how HARD it is owning a car...WHY...because no matter the pain of owning a car it's EASIER then the alternative of walking everywhere??
So here I sit 5 flipping YEARS out from my decision to have WLS. I had my 5 year ANNUAL (thank you for keeping up with me Kaiser) labs and check up yesterday. While I was 10lbs UP from last year, I have managed to maintain over 50% loss of my excess weight which makes me a WLS success as far as MY perception and the stats. Never in my life had I ever lost more then 45lbs total...going from my heaviest 345 to my maintenance weight of 300lbs (and this went on from age 25-37 when I finally made the decision that I needed surgical intervention.) In September 2006 I weighed 325lbs so I joined WW yet again. Hoping to get the 25lbs off and back to my 300 "maintenance" weight. My mother celebrated her 76th birthday that month. It was her LAST birthday. My mother died December 8, 2006 from obesity related illnesses. It was THAT moment that I woke up and realized I had to do something more then WW. By the time my mother died I had lost a whopping 7lbs in 3 months on WW. My research lead me to my Gastric Sleeve.
I won't bore you (if you are still reading) with all the "small" details of the last 5 years. They are available to read on my profile at your leisure...
What inspired my post was not just the 5 year anniversary of my WLS, but the fact that I just spent 10 days on vacation, eating whatever I wanted, when I wanted (my fat girl isn't DEAD she's just CONTROLLED) and YES I gained weight, approximately 6lbs, but what amazed me most...wait for it.
TODAY when I woke up it was EASY to get back on track. I did enjoy the last few days since vacation enjoying some foods here and there, but I had already resolved when I stepped on the plane 16 days ago, then when Saturday the 1st hit I would be back to my new "norm." Here I am the girl who could never lose more then 45lbs. The girl who never saw under 300lbs for 20 YEARS. The girl who LOVED her fat life eating what she wanted when she wanted. That girl who I love like no other woke up this morning made her cup of protein coffee, planned out her meals for today and is ready to get back to her NEW lifestyle.
While I struggle (almost everyday) it's EASY to make the BETTER choices. It's EASY to not have crap in my house because I know I will eat it. It's EASY to fall back in my new "habits." It's EASY to remember why I had surgery.
Ms Shell
Update to where are they now....
Aug 13, 2012
When last we tuned in I was struggling and had been for a long time. What has changed...while my demons are STILL lurking around waiting, they are lying a little lower then before. I have CHANGED. I am MORE in control then I have been for awhile!!
1. The little bit doesn't hurt as we deduced that = BULLSHIT. I have been really good at saying NO. In fact I had a break through, where I once started thinking that saying no to cake, etc was PUNISHING myself (you know remember when your mom told you no to a yummy piece of something the world came CRASHING down on you) and that's how I was starting to feel. Like I was punishing myself every time I said no. So NOWWWW for the first time in a LONG time I realize that saying no is in fact LOVING myself HUGE break though!!
2. I have STOPPED eating in the car...which has kept the inside quite clean. On those RARE occassions in the last 2 weeks that I have stopped and bought something, it goes in the TRUNK until I get home =)
3. My cheat meals are still there, but they are more FAT meals and it's JUST a MEAL. I can't and won't give up my 99c Popeyes Tuesday. The cheat carb meals are dwindling...while yesterday at the store I PROMISE I wanted some cake, but I bought chili instead...
4. Bored eating, now I WANT to still but it's getting less and less
5. Ha that laying in bed is a hard one, but I think I've ONLY layed across the bed and at like 4 times in the last 3 weeks!!
I feel AMAZINGLY good about cutting down on the many "bad" habits that I had allowed to come back into myself. Also realizing that ME not anyone else ALLOWED these things to occur. It's always easy to blame our spouces, the children, the dog, our jobs, stress, weather, etc etc, but at the END of the day it's about US and our CHOICES.
Now you must follow the bad (although I'm turning that frown upside down) with the good!!
1. Mindful eating = Shut the fuck up...that shit really works!!! But what is HELPING it work is #2.
2. Eating ON a schedule and NOT deviating from THAT schedule. I still need to work on that for the weekend but 90% of the time I have been on POINT. I don't get physically hungry as I've mentioned before BUT my head hunger is a bitch and USUALLY happens ummm within 1-2 hours of my LAST meal. So the good thing is that at 9am, when I THINK I want to eat, I just tell myself, you can hold out until 10 right? And the same for 3pm, I can hold out until 4 RIGHT!!! It's been working for ME!! I still need to work on the ultimate EVENING thing but hey I think I am well on my WAY.
The scale is NOT my friend so I am thrilled that Alison is doing her weekly GOAL setting thing. I will get back in the game. I'm hoping to report at the very least a 5lb loss at the end of August but you know what...overcoming these demons is more important RIGHT NOW and that's all I can deal with stopping the HABITS that lead to my gain will help me to overcome and start the downward trend once again.
Weight August 1, 2012 = 222.2
Weight August 13, 2012 = 221.6
In other news I am currently training to complete a HALF MARATHON on October 28th. I haven't been THIS excited about LIFE in a year and 1/2 since the regain started, so here's to my future...
1 comment
1. The little bit doesn't hurt as we deduced that = BULLSHIT. I have been really good at saying NO. In fact I had a break through, where I once started thinking that saying no to cake, etc was PUNISHING myself (you know remember when your mom told you no to a yummy piece of something the world came CRASHING down on you) and that's how I was starting to feel. Like I was punishing myself every time I said no. So NOWWWW for the first time in a LONG time I realize that saying no is in fact LOVING myself HUGE break though!!
2. I have STOPPED eating in the car...which has kept the inside quite clean. On those RARE occassions in the last 2 weeks that I have stopped and bought something, it goes in the TRUNK until I get home =)
3. My cheat meals are still there, but they are more FAT meals and it's JUST a MEAL. I can't and won't give up my 99c Popeyes Tuesday. The cheat carb meals are dwindling...while yesterday at the store I PROMISE I wanted some cake, but I bought chili instead...
4. Bored eating, now I WANT to still but it's getting less and less
5. Ha that laying in bed is a hard one, but I think I've ONLY layed across the bed and at like 4 times in the last 3 weeks!!
I feel AMAZINGLY good about cutting down on the many "bad" habits that I had allowed to come back into myself. Also realizing that ME not anyone else ALLOWED these things to occur. It's always easy to blame our spouces, the children, the dog, our jobs, stress, weather, etc etc, but at the END of the day it's about US and our CHOICES.
Now you must follow the bad (although I'm turning that frown upside down) with the good!!
1. Mindful eating = Shut the fuck up...that shit really works!!! But what is HELPING it work is #2.
2. Eating ON a schedule and NOT deviating from THAT schedule. I still need to work on that for the weekend but 90% of the time I have been on POINT. I don't get physically hungry as I've mentioned before BUT my head hunger is a bitch and USUALLY happens ummm within 1-2 hours of my LAST meal. So the good thing is that at 9am, when I THINK I want to eat, I just tell myself, you can hold out until 10 right? And the same for 3pm, I can hold out until 4 RIGHT!!! It's been working for ME!! I still need to work on the ultimate EVENING thing but hey I think I am well on my WAY.
The scale is NOT my friend so I am thrilled that Alison is doing her weekly GOAL setting thing. I will get back in the game. I'm hoping to report at the very least a 5lb loss at the end of August but you know what...overcoming these demons is more important RIGHT NOW and that's all I can deal with stopping the HABITS that lead to my gain will help me to overcome and start the downward trend once again.
Weight August 1, 2012 = 222.2
Weight August 13, 2012 = 221.6
In other news I am currently training to complete a HALF MARATHON on October 28th. I haven't been THIS excited about LIFE in a year and 1/2 since the regain started, so here's to my future...
Where are they now? 4 year 8 month post-op...
Jul 24, 2012
Are you a fan of those weight loss reality shows...ie The Biggest Loser, Dance your Ass Off, Celebrity Fit Club (etc etc) well I often wonder...where are they now?? Did they keep the weight off? Are they part of the 5% that are successful or the 95% that aren't? Did you ever think that JUST because you had WLS you can't won't fall into the 95% category...well if you've been around the WLS world then you know good and well you CAN eventuatlly gain the weight back. It's about changing not just your stomach, but your mind, your spirit, your triggers, your LIFE.
Here I sit before you VSG done on November 26, 2007, making this my surgery age 4 years 8 months. Wow...just putting those numbers down as I remember my mothers death almost a year before my surgery and thinking it's TIME. I can't walk in the footsteps of my dead, obesity rittled mothers tracks. Nope not me. So here are my stats:
Pre Surgery Highest Weight = 345
Date of Surgery Weight = 302.6
Lowest Weight in October 2010 = 192
Weight Regain in December 2010 = 216.6
Current Weight July 26, 2012 = 223.4
What happened in 2010?? I woke up and was TIRED. Tired of weighing my food, tired of protein first, tired of being on a diet (and FYI I don't give a rats ass if you call it a diet or "lifestyle" change because in the end, you watch what you eat). Yup folks I was TIRED. So what did I do from October until December 31st...not a dayum thing. I didn't get on the scale daily, some meals were PURE sugar, not an oz of protein. I barely was drinking my water...BUT...just as I had done years prior I made it a point to get on the scale on December 31st...to a whopping 24.6lb regain in JUST 2 months.
What has happened SINCE December 31, 2010...ALMOST every bad habit that I had pre-op is setting up shop.
1. A little bit doesn't hurt = BULLSHIT...if that was the case they would say alcoholics have a drink every now and then...here's some crack, meth, etc. Does that mean I have to be perfect? I'm learning to a HUGE degree YES. Food may not have me breaking into your house to score my next fix, or driving down the street and plowing into you, BUT it does send me on a very dark spiral of despair.
2. Eating in the car doesn't count = BULLSHIT...yeah just because I grab something and eat it in the car those 200+ calories DO count and does NOT mean when I get home and it's "dinner" time I get to eat something else.
3. Have a cheat MEAL (like I didn't read have a cheat DAY which turns into at LEAST 2 days = Moderation I've heard it even told it, but yeah I can moderate my NON trigger foods, but the shit that HELPED me get to 345lbs, ummm if I could (only talking about ME here) moderate...yeah well I know the story.
4. Bored eating/stress eating/celebratory eating/depression eating/baby shower eating/birthday eating/shit just plain old EATING is just fucking me 3 ways of Sunday. I am so tired of HAVING to eat...can't I just live off AIR??
5. Laying in bed and eating just before I go to sleep = ummm do I think I'm going to STARVE to death in the next 6-8 hours that I literally am laying on the bed eating and going to fall asleep in like 10 minutes???
NOW don't get me wrong I have MANAGED to NOT bring back quite a few of my bad habits, but the ones listed above are plaguing me...the awesome thing is that I will NOT give up.
I haven't quite figured out what WILL work but I'm still trying...maybe identifying here will help me. With that said I am trying another approah...wait for it!!
1. Mindful eating = Paying attention to WHY I am eating.
2. Eating ON a schedule and NOT deviating from THAT schedule. Food is fuel...food is fuel...FOOD IS FUEL damn it!! I need a schedule because I don't necessarily get physical hunger, but this HEAD of mine wants to eat every few seconds...wait for the full sensation to go away and fill it up again. It has got to stop, so it's time to start my schedule again.
6am-10am = Water, Protein Shake, Coffee
10am = Snack
1pm = Lunch
4pm = Snack
7pm = Dinner
I guess this is IT for this report...the plan is to come back here every month until I'm BACK in Onederland and BACK under control!
1 comment
Here I sit before you VSG done on November 26, 2007, making this my surgery age 4 years 8 months. Wow...just putting those numbers down as I remember my mothers death almost a year before my surgery and thinking it's TIME. I can't walk in the footsteps of my dead, obesity rittled mothers tracks. Nope not me. So here are my stats:
Pre Surgery Highest Weight = 345
Date of Surgery Weight = 302.6
Lowest Weight in October 2010 = 192
Weight Regain in December 2010 = 216.6
Current Weight July 26, 2012 = 223.4
What happened in 2010?? I woke up and was TIRED. Tired of weighing my food, tired of protein first, tired of being on a diet (and FYI I don't give a rats ass if you call it a diet or "lifestyle" change because in the end, you watch what you eat). Yup folks I was TIRED. So what did I do from October until December 31st...not a dayum thing. I didn't get on the scale daily, some meals were PURE sugar, not an oz of protein. I barely was drinking my water...BUT...just as I had done years prior I made it a point to get on the scale on December 31st...to a whopping 24.6lb regain in JUST 2 months.
What has happened SINCE December 31, 2010...ALMOST every bad habit that I had pre-op is setting up shop.
1. A little bit doesn't hurt = BULLSHIT...if that was the case they would say alcoholics have a drink every now and then...here's some crack, meth, etc. Does that mean I have to be perfect? I'm learning to a HUGE degree YES. Food may not have me breaking into your house to score my next fix, or driving down the street and plowing into you, BUT it does send me on a very dark spiral of despair.
2. Eating in the car doesn't count = BULLSHIT...yeah just because I grab something and eat it in the car those 200+ calories DO count and does NOT mean when I get home and it's "dinner" time I get to eat something else.
3. Have a cheat MEAL (like I didn't read have a cheat DAY which turns into at LEAST 2 days = Moderation I've heard it even told it, but yeah I can moderate my NON trigger foods, but the shit that HELPED me get to 345lbs, ummm if I could (only talking about ME here) moderate...yeah well I know the story.
4. Bored eating/stress eating/celebratory eating/depression eating/baby shower eating/birthday eating/shit just plain old EATING is just fucking me 3 ways of Sunday. I am so tired of HAVING to eat...can't I just live off AIR??
5. Laying in bed and eating just before I go to sleep = ummm do I think I'm going to STARVE to death in the next 6-8 hours that I literally am laying on the bed eating and going to fall asleep in like 10 minutes???
NOW don't get me wrong I have MANAGED to NOT bring back quite a few of my bad habits, but the ones listed above are plaguing me...the awesome thing is that I will NOT give up.
I haven't quite figured out what WILL work but I'm still trying...maybe identifying here will help me. With that said I am trying another approah...wait for it!!
1. Mindful eating = Paying attention to WHY I am eating.
2. Eating ON a schedule and NOT deviating from THAT schedule. Food is fuel...food is fuel...FOOD IS FUEL damn it!! I need a schedule because I don't necessarily get physical hunger, but this HEAD of mine wants to eat every few seconds...wait for the full sensation to go away and fill it up again. It has got to stop, so it's time to start my schedule again.
6am-10am = Water, Protein Shake, Coffee
10am = Snack
1pm = Lunch
4pm = Snack
7pm = Dinner
I guess this is IT for this report...the plan is to come back here every month until I'm BACK in Onederland and BACK under control!
Today is the 1st day of the rest of your life...
Aug 01, 2011
This is what I wrote on my FB status. "Just reminding everyone that today is not only August 1st, but if you are struggling or whatevering today is also the first day of the rest of your life. You can effect a change in your life starting today, right now in this moment. Manifest your destiny...make a change.."
It's been just over a month since I came on the boards with my revalations and putting the scale down for the last 2 weeks because NO matter how good I was doing on the eating that mother fucker just wasn't moving. Well today I weighed in and you guessed it NOPE it wasn't down...the mother fucker is just NOT moving. I am BEYOND frustrated, BUT I had to STOP and take a realist look at ME and MY journey...
I am smaller then I was in 1984
From my highest I weigh 125lbs less then I did in 1995
From the date I started looking into WLS I weigh 105lbs less then I did in 2006
From my surgery date I weigh 85lbs less then I did 11/26/2007
I am 10lbs UNDER the goal weights I always invisioned as my "ideal" weight BEFORE I had WLS
I am the EXACT size I always "wanted" to be
These revelations STOPPED me dead in my tracks...I had been so focused on "regaining" that I hadn't really stopped and looked at MY truths. I've come so far and while I have more that I want to lose, but I can't get so wrapped up that I lose sight of the bigger picture...today is the first day of the rest of my life.
So what does this moment in life mean, to me? It means I'm going to FOCUS on the things that I can control.
I CAN control the scale STOPPING it's upward climb (already have)
I CAN control how MUCH I eat
I CAN control how OFTEN I eat
I CAN control WHAT I choose to eat
I CAN control WHY I choose to eat
I CAN control my EXERCISE
I CAN control how OFTEN I exercise
This is me for now...not accepting defeat but accepting the things within my control.
Ms Shell
3 comments
It's been just over a month since I came on the boards with my revalations and putting the scale down for the last 2 weeks because NO matter how good I was doing on the eating that mother fucker just wasn't moving. Well today I weighed in and you guessed it NOPE it wasn't down...the mother fucker is just NOT moving. I am BEYOND frustrated, BUT I had to STOP and take a realist look at ME and MY journey...
I am smaller then I was in 1984
From my highest I weigh 125lbs less then I did in 1995
From the date I started looking into WLS I weigh 105lbs less then I did in 2006
From my surgery date I weigh 85lbs less then I did 11/26/2007
I am 10lbs UNDER the goal weights I always invisioned as my "ideal" weight BEFORE I had WLS
I am the EXACT size I always "wanted" to be
These revelations STOPPED me dead in my tracks...I had been so focused on "regaining" that I hadn't really stopped and looked at MY truths. I've come so far and while I have more that I want to lose, but I can't get so wrapped up that I lose sight of the bigger picture...today is the first day of the rest of my life.
So what does this moment in life mean, to me? It means I'm going to FOCUS on the things that I can control.
I CAN control the scale STOPPING it's upward climb (already have)
I CAN control how MUCH I eat
I CAN control how OFTEN I eat
I CAN control WHAT I choose to eat
I CAN control WHY I choose to eat
I CAN control my EXERCISE
I CAN control how OFTEN I exercise
This is me for now...not accepting defeat but accepting the things within my control.
Ms Shell
My restriction almost 4 years out...
Jul 04, 2011
Well if you've been "following" my WLS highs and lows then you'll remember I posted on June 25th my STRUGGLES with feeling powerless for lack of a better word in this whole WLS scheme...I was lost and honestly felt like I couldn't find my way back. I had been floundering for over 6 months just lost at sea. I was truly in a world of Gilligan's Island of my own making. I took a 3 month break from WLS and all the "protein" first rules to end 2010. I spent the last 6 months of 2011 trying to "figure out" how to get back on track. It wasn't until I REALLY reached out to my OH family that someone finally made it to my island to "rescue. It wasn't until I really reached out did I realize that like Dorothy in the wizard of oz that "I had the power to come home ALL the time, I just had to BELIEVE." Yes during that time I had lost faith in myself. I lost faith in my sleeve.
Well thanks to a few special people Sublimate who provided me with a list of supplements to help with my cravings and detoxing and thanks to Frisco for his advice on my eating and thanks to myself for ACCEPTING that when I want to LOSE carbs (even from fruit) have NO business in my diet.
Oh yeah this post was about restriction. Approximately 2 years ago, I made a T-Bone steak and measured it. It weighed 10oz. I sat is down in front of me and to my SHOCK I was able to eat 8oz of it. I weighed the bone after and well that steak was 8oz of meat. While that didn't make a big difference then over the last year I have given my restriction 8-10oz depending. Meaning when I would do my meals (since I could eat so MUCH) I allowed myself about 4-6oz of meat and 4-6oz of vegetable. I have been SET in that mindset for the last 12 months. I would measure out my meat and eat that. So after talking to Frisco his advice was simple. He suggested UNDER eating my meals to check my SATISFACTION level on less. Since I was doing so well I thought...what the heck. So all this week if you've seen my Whatcha eating thread you may have noticed my "meals" didn't include my normal Meat + Vegetable it was just meat. So that brings me till TODAY. I made some Mahi Mahi and it came with a sauce..NOW normally I can eat MORE fish then anything so I figured ok Ms Shell you'll have 3oz fish, 1/2oz sauce and compliment it with 3oz lettuce & .5 tomato, for a 7oz meal.
I started writing this post because out of my 7oz meal I have over 2oz left over. I can't remember the last time I felt so full I had to STOP myself from finishing those "last couple of bites."
What does this all mean to me and you....well shit I don't know I just know that the last few days of eating just protein and not eating to "full" has given me some serious restriction. And reminds me that just because you may have forsaken your sleeve, your sleeve hasn't forsaken you and is just waiting for you to remember it's here to HELP you. Just giving THANKS to all you guys...
Ms Shell
0 comments
Well thanks to a few special people Sublimate who provided me with a list of supplements to help with my cravings and detoxing and thanks to Frisco for his advice on my eating and thanks to myself for ACCEPTING that when I want to LOSE carbs (even from fruit) have NO business in my diet.
Oh yeah this post was about restriction. Approximately 2 years ago, I made a T-Bone steak and measured it. It weighed 10oz. I sat is down in front of me and to my SHOCK I was able to eat 8oz of it. I weighed the bone after and well that steak was 8oz of meat. While that didn't make a big difference then over the last year I have given my restriction 8-10oz depending. Meaning when I would do my meals (since I could eat so MUCH) I allowed myself about 4-6oz of meat and 4-6oz of vegetable. I have been SET in that mindset for the last 12 months. I would measure out my meat and eat that. So after talking to Frisco his advice was simple. He suggested UNDER eating my meals to check my SATISFACTION level on less. Since I was doing so well I thought...what the heck. So all this week if you've seen my Whatcha eating thread you may have noticed my "meals" didn't include my normal Meat + Vegetable it was just meat. So that brings me till TODAY. I made some Mahi Mahi and it came with a sauce..NOW normally I can eat MORE fish then anything so I figured ok Ms Shell you'll have 3oz fish, 1/2oz sauce and compliment it with 3oz lettuce & .5 tomato, for a 7oz meal.
I started writing this post because out of my 7oz meal I have over 2oz left over. I can't remember the last time I felt so full I had to STOP myself from finishing those "last couple of bites."
What does this all mean to me and you....well shit I don't know I just know that the last few days of eating just protein and not eating to "full" has given me some serious restriction. And reminds me that just because you may have forsaken your sleeve, your sleeve hasn't forsaken you and is just waiting for you to remember it's here to HELP you. Just giving THANKS to all you guys...
Ms Shell
I underestimated the POWER of my addiction...
Jun 29, 2011
Again thanking you ALL for you unwavering support of me during this time. So I thought I would give some background. I know I remember being a new-op and eating 1oz at a time and thinking WOW how on earth can "we" gain our weight back. I was "picture perfect." I wasn't all super low carb I was "livable" low carb for ME which was under 60.
So let's get to the MEAT of my story. While no one has said anything, I'm sure the THOUGHT of how could she has GAINED 20lbs has creep in. I'm just saying it because I KNOW for me I have thought as much so here goes. As I said above. I was on program. This was for life. I'm doing this for my deceased mother. I no longer want to live la vita loca at 300lbs. It's time to live at 180ish. I went though some HUGE internal struggle because I NEVER wanted to be "skinny" well let me say I just believed in LIVING life at ANY weight and was determined to NOT let my weight determine my happiness in life. So losing weight in the first year in my head was a struggle, but I got past that and AM past that right now. At 3 YEARS well actually it was 35 months (just 1 month shy of my 3 year). I was "dieting" to get from 200 even to my goal of 180 BEFORE my vacation. I got to my lowest 192 then I went on vacation. Well when I came back I was BACK at 205. NOW please know that I was SWOLLEN like I normally am after a vacation. I gain water weight like nobodies business.
I should have REMEMBERED that because I didn't and it BROKE me. Essentially in November 2010 I gave UP on the program. I just couldn't do it anymore. With the exception of drinking with meals I didn't follow a single WLS "rule." Because I no longer had reactive hypoglycemia after eating sugar. Many a meal were sweets. I ate it ALL...now the whole time I was UNDERESTIMATING the POWER of my addiction (see how I worked the title in there). The whole time I was saying...this is NO problem because on January 1st I'll weigh myself, yes I STOPPED weighing myself daily, and accept the consequences of my behavior and be BACK on program.
I am reporting now that almost EVERY 1st of the Month, almost EVERY Monday, almost EVERY other day I was "back on the program." I even took it so far as to rejoin Weight Watchers about a month ago. Which is NOT a bad thing. I think the WW program is a GREAT program and NOW that I can eat their program and feel satisfied, and I have been BUT here comes the clincher. The new thing with WW is eating fruit at 0 points GREAT if you are a "normie" but alas I'm not. About a day before I made the post, there was an episode of Dr. Oz where the guy was disagreeing with all Dr. Oz advice on weight loss and nutrition was on there. You know his basic concept. Eating meat and vegetables is GOOD even fat meat. Dr. Oz was asking about the whole grains and fruit category and well the guy was saying for those people who do NOT have a metabolically challenged body eating those things ARE good, but for those of us with metabolically challenged bodies not to much. It was like the light bulb in my head turned BACK ON. While I CAN eat whole grains and fruits to MAINTAIN my body does NOT like them when I'm trying to lose. MY body does NOT like my carbs over like 60-75 to LOSE. I KNOW this, or rather I KNEW this.
I underestimated the POWER of my addiction because eating all those foods, allowed me to FORGET what I had learned in 3 years. I forgot that I can't go over 60-75 carbs and LOSE weight. I just CAN'T. I can't allow certain foods in my 'diet' because when I'm on my LOSING plan those foods STOP me from LOSING which discourages me, which cycles me into a spiral. Which makes me crazy and feeling like 220 is my SET point. It's only my SET point because I have been eating MORE then my losing carbs. The POWER is truly in the KNOWLEDGE and the ACCEPTANCE of things I can't change. I'd LOVE to be able to eat certain foods (I mean who wouldn't) but for ME I can't and that's OK because it's who I am and I LOVE me, so I need to remember that and ACCEPT the things I cannot change.
I also underestimated the POWER of this forum. This IS my happiest place on earth. This IS the place I came for 3 years to keep my head in the game. You all ARE my family. My mothers, my fathers, my sisters and my brothers in the struggle. What I learn from you and give to you is PRICELESS. I can LEAN on your guys when I miss my mother and want her to tell me ALL the things I've told yall and all the things in return you have been telling me.
I will tell you guys now...for those of you LIKE me...don't ever underestimate your relationship with FOOD. If you spiral out of control and feel ashamed that you've gained weight. Don't STOP coming and getting the support and giving the support that got you to goal. Don't think you're all alone and no one wants to hear about your "failures." Accept that sometimes you need help!!
- I will ACCEPT that today at 42 after 30+ years of obesity my body is what it is. My metabolism is what it is. Foods that affect ME are what they are. I will accept the things I cannot change. I will accept that this is me and for all my weaknesses and flaws I am who I am and most importantly it's ALL RIGHT
- I will have the COURAGE to change the things I can. I can NOT eat fruit until I get back down to my goal. I can NOT eat certain things like Click and Weight Watcher bars that increase my carbs. I can post my whatcha eating post. I CAN start making my delicious meals and bringing my lunch and PLANNING my meals.
- I will KNOW there is a difference. I am not a weak because I can't have certain foods in my house. I am not a failure because I have lapses in judgment. I am perfectly made, flaws and all.
Thank you all again for reminding me of who I am. I am EVERYTHING because I have all of you here to help me weather the store...you are my own personal weight loss "emergency kit" and when I broke the glass you were all there. I can't tell you what you all mean to me...
4 comments
So let's get to the MEAT of my story. While no one has said anything, I'm sure the THOUGHT of how could she has GAINED 20lbs has creep in. I'm just saying it because I KNOW for me I have thought as much so here goes. As I said above. I was on program. This was for life. I'm doing this for my deceased mother. I no longer want to live la vita loca at 300lbs. It's time to live at 180ish. I went though some HUGE internal struggle because I NEVER wanted to be "skinny" well let me say I just believed in LIVING life at ANY weight and was determined to NOT let my weight determine my happiness in life. So losing weight in the first year in my head was a struggle, but I got past that and AM past that right now. At 3 YEARS well actually it was 35 months (just 1 month shy of my 3 year). I was "dieting" to get from 200 even to my goal of 180 BEFORE my vacation. I got to my lowest 192 then I went on vacation. Well when I came back I was BACK at 205. NOW please know that I was SWOLLEN like I normally am after a vacation. I gain water weight like nobodies business.
I should have REMEMBERED that because I didn't and it BROKE me. Essentially in November 2010 I gave UP on the program. I just couldn't do it anymore. With the exception of drinking with meals I didn't follow a single WLS "rule." Because I no longer had reactive hypoglycemia after eating sugar. Many a meal were sweets. I ate it ALL...now the whole time I was UNDERESTIMATING the POWER of my addiction (see how I worked the title in there). The whole time I was saying...this is NO problem because on January 1st I'll weigh myself, yes I STOPPED weighing myself daily, and accept the consequences of my behavior and be BACK on program.
I am reporting now that almost EVERY 1st of the Month, almost EVERY Monday, almost EVERY other day I was "back on the program." I even took it so far as to rejoin Weight Watchers about a month ago. Which is NOT a bad thing. I think the WW program is a GREAT program and NOW that I can eat their program and feel satisfied, and I have been BUT here comes the clincher. The new thing with WW is eating fruit at 0 points GREAT if you are a "normie" but alas I'm not. About a day before I made the post, there was an episode of Dr. Oz where the guy was disagreeing with all Dr. Oz advice on weight loss and nutrition was on there. You know his basic concept. Eating meat and vegetables is GOOD even fat meat. Dr. Oz was asking about the whole grains and fruit category and well the guy was saying for those people who do NOT have a metabolically challenged body eating those things ARE good, but for those of us with metabolically challenged bodies not to much. It was like the light bulb in my head turned BACK ON. While I CAN eat whole grains and fruits to MAINTAIN my body does NOT like them when I'm trying to lose. MY body does NOT like my carbs over like 60-75 to LOSE. I KNOW this, or rather I KNEW this.
I underestimated the POWER of my addiction because eating all those foods, allowed me to FORGET what I had learned in 3 years. I forgot that I can't go over 60-75 carbs and LOSE weight. I just CAN'T. I can't allow certain foods in my 'diet' because when I'm on my LOSING plan those foods STOP me from LOSING which discourages me, which cycles me into a spiral. Which makes me crazy and feeling like 220 is my SET point. It's only my SET point because I have been eating MORE then my losing carbs. The POWER is truly in the KNOWLEDGE and the ACCEPTANCE of things I can't change. I'd LOVE to be able to eat certain foods (I mean who wouldn't) but for ME I can't and that's OK because it's who I am and I LOVE me, so I need to remember that and ACCEPT the things I cannot change.
I also underestimated the POWER of this forum. This IS my happiest place on earth. This IS the place I came for 3 years to keep my head in the game. You all ARE my family. My mothers, my fathers, my sisters and my brothers in the struggle. What I learn from you and give to you is PRICELESS. I can LEAN on your guys when I miss my mother and want her to tell me ALL the things I've told yall and all the things in return you have been telling me.
I will tell you guys now...for those of you LIKE me...don't ever underestimate your relationship with FOOD. If you spiral out of control and feel ashamed that you've gained weight. Don't STOP coming and getting the support and giving the support that got you to goal. Don't think you're all alone and no one wants to hear about your "failures." Accept that sometimes you need help!!
- I will ACCEPT that today at 42 after 30+ years of obesity my body is what it is. My metabolism is what it is. Foods that affect ME are what they are. I will accept the things I cannot change. I will accept that this is me and for all my weaknesses and flaws I am who I am and most importantly it's ALL RIGHT
- I will have the COURAGE to change the things I can. I can NOT eat fruit until I get back down to my goal. I can NOT eat certain things like Click and Weight Watcher bars that increase my carbs. I can post my whatcha eating post. I CAN start making my delicious meals and bringing my lunch and PLANNING my meals.
- I will KNOW there is a difference. I am not a weak because I can't have certain foods in my house. I am not a failure because I have lapses in judgment. I am perfectly made, flaws and all.
Thank you all again for reminding me of who I am. I am EVERYTHING because I have all of you here to help me weather the store...you are my own personal weight loss "emergency kit" and when I broke the glass you were all there. I can't tell you what you all mean to me...
Just tired today...
Jun 24, 2011
This post is going to take me all day to write because you can't type/read while crying. Today I'm just tired of fighting, tired of trying over and over again and coming up short. The PROBLEM with that is that I can't be tired of fighting, I can't be tired of trying because when you get tired or when I get tired I just don't want to do it anymore and I want to GIVE UP. I so remember those PREOP days. I remember being 345lbs and losing down to 300. Then YEARS later being 325 and getting down to 300. I REMEMBER the frustration of NOT being able to get to see a 2 begin my weight and saying "Oh well I guess 300 pounds is MY set point." This WAS my reality BEFORE I had WLS and all the while I was praying this wouldn't be my reality AFTER surgery as well. Yet here I am almost 4 years later. I've gained 20lbs since October 2010, which puts me 40lbs from my goal weight. I'm in a scary place and it just SEEMS like it's getting darker and I keep trying and trying and it just feels like the quicksand in pulling me down deeper and deeper and the more I struggle the harder it's getting.
I KNEW going into WLS that there would come a time. A time YEARS from the date of my surgery not necessarily would I be struggling like I am, but you can run from your past but often times you are just running and sooner or later your past catches up and for many especially those of US who have regained where we FEEL like we are BACK to where we started. I just thank God that I'm struggling at 220 as opposed to 345, ya know. This struggle seems doable I mean it's not wanting to lose 125...it's just wanting to lose 40...today and for a minute it FEELS like the old 125. Then that old "well maybe MY set point is 220" comes talking to me. I don't know where I thought I'd be at 3 1/2 years but I don't think I thought I'd be HERE...
I've spent most of the day working and re-reading ALL the posts I've made through my journey. I just re-read "Why I had WLS" I wrote it over 2 years AGO to the day and reading it today is just as meaningful. I've lost my way somehow. Lost the "reason" why I had WLS to begin with. Lost the passion that went with everyday/every moment eating decisions. Lost my purpose for being here. Lost a whole helluva lot.
I have been on OH since October 2006. I faithlyfull wrote about my experience along the way. The ups and downs and emotions etc. I told myself WAY back then (almost 4 years) ago to post every month. Good bad or indifferent. Even if I was REPEATING the same struggles to write about it anyway. Obviously if I was repeating the same struggles then I hadn't over come them so it IS really important to repeat them anyway. Alas I didn't REMEMBER that I told myself that...this is what I have "selective memory."
So today I'm yet again climbing on the horse....reminding myself of my previous months posts declaring that no matter what I WILL post an update, a reflection, a something blog once a month if nothing else to remind me...of why I came here, why I HAD to have WLS, why I CAN succeed.
Here I am and I MUST remind myself that I STILL have RESTRICTION. I STILL am NOT physically HUNGRY. I STILL have ALL the reasons why I wanted to have WLS staring me in the face. I STILL am capable. I have to STOP listening to the head hunger. I have to STOP saying "it's ok to have a donut here and there afterall it's NOTHING compared to what I could put away preop so it's ok right?" I have to STOP making excuses for myself, the same ones I made at 300+lbs...I'm tired, it's to hot, it's to cold, my knee/ankle hurts, I'm bored, I'm angry, I'm happy, I'm sad, it's the weekend, it's a celebration. I REMEMBER all those old words and old excuses BECOMING my current words my current excuses. I'm still ME just 100lbs lighter then the last time I made them.
Ok so I'm back and I pray and those who pray pray with me, that the Lord continues to move in my life and to give me strength when I'm weak and show me the path when I can't see. Hopefully next month when I DO post it'll be a brighter light...today is dark but I see some light...
Ms Shell
1 comment
I KNEW going into WLS that there would come a time. A time YEARS from the date of my surgery not necessarily would I be struggling like I am, but you can run from your past but often times you are just running and sooner or later your past catches up and for many especially those of US who have regained where we FEEL like we are BACK to where we started. I just thank God that I'm struggling at 220 as opposed to 345, ya know. This struggle seems doable I mean it's not wanting to lose 125...it's just wanting to lose 40...today and for a minute it FEELS like the old 125. Then that old "well maybe MY set point is 220" comes talking to me. I don't know where I thought I'd be at 3 1/2 years but I don't think I thought I'd be HERE...
I've spent most of the day working and re-reading ALL the posts I've made through my journey. I just re-read "Why I had WLS" I wrote it over 2 years AGO to the day and reading it today is just as meaningful. I've lost my way somehow. Lost the "reason" why I had WLS to begin with. Lost the passion that went with everyday/every moment eating decisions. Lost my purpose for being here. Lost a whole helluva lot.
I have been on OH since October 2006. I faithlyfull wrote about my experience along the way. The ups and downs and emotions etc. I told myself WAY back then (almost 4 years) ago to post every month. Good bad or indifferent. Even if I was REPEATING the same struggles to write about it anyway. Obviously if I was repeating the same struggles then I hadn't over come them so it IS really important to repeat them anyway. Alas I didn't REMEMBER that I told myself that...this is what I have "selective memory."
So today I'm yet again climbing on the horse....reminding myself of my previous months posts declaring that no matter what I WILL post an update, a reflection, a something blog once a month if nothing else to remind me...of why I came here, why I HAD to have WLS, why I CAN succeed.
Here I am and I MUST remind myself that I STILL have RESTRICTION. I STILL am NOT physically HUNGRY. I STILL have ALL the reasons why I wanted to have WLS staring me in the face. I STILL am capable. I have to STOP listening to the head hunger. I have to STOP saying "it's ok to have a donut here and there afterall it's NOTHING compared to what I could put away preop so it's ok right?" I have to STOP making excuses for myself, the same ones I made at 300+lbs...I'm tired, it's to hot, it's to cold, my knee/ankle hurts, I'm bored, I'm angry, I'm happy, I'm sad, it's the weekend, it's a celebration. I REMEMBER all those old words and old excuses BECOMING my current words my current excuses. I'm still ME just 100lbs lighter then the last time I made them.
Ok so I'm back and I pray and those who pray pray with me, that the Lord continues to move in my life and to give me strength when I'm weak and show me the path when I can't see. Hopefully next month when I DO post it'll be a brighter light...today is dark but I see some light...
Ms Shell
MY secret, MY struggles, MY journey
Apr 03, 2011
Highest Weight = 345lbs
Years "maintaining" over 300lbs = 21 years
Surgery Weight = 302lbs
Lowest Post Surgery Weight = 192lbs
Previous Maintenance Weight = 195lbs - 205lbs
Years at Maintenancee Weight = 1 year 8 months
Current Weight = 220lbs
Wow it's been FOREVER since I blogged or just wrote about ME and with all these "secret" posts rolling around I figured it's time!!
MY "secret" = When I had WLS over 3 years ago I made a VOW to myself and my dearly departed mother that this time around (considered MY surgery a NEW beginning) I would pay ATTENTION to everything my BODY was telling me. I researched WLS for over a year. Why because the LapBand has the BEST pr around and I knew the RNY was NOT for me. I researched full and partial gastrectomies for about a month before I KNEW it was for ME and in MY opinion was superior and would give me everything I ever wanted from WLS instantly. The VSG for me was "set it and forget it." Anyway from the moment I awoke from surgery until about 5 months ago. I listened to MY body. I learned that potatoes are almost ALWAYS not my friend even 3 years out. I learned that PROCESSED carbs, not only the obvious, like donuts, chips, crackers etc but "whole grains" like oatmeal, grained bread, wheat pasta etc etc would either stall my weight loss, trigger my hunger, or even if I had say 1/2 cup of oatmeal a day for a week I would inevitably GAIN weight. If I felt a pain or anything "wrong" I would call my doctor, read the boards and not REST until I KNEW what was the CAUSE. I refused to just treat the symptom with drugs I wanted to CAUSATION but I digress. I LEARNED how sensitive MY body was to carbs especially anything other then fruit and vegetables and beans. I have learned that MY personality is just AS big as life as it was at my HIGHEST. I changed after WLS. I just wasn't me for a good while. I LOST who I thought I WAS or who I AM somewhere in the weight loss. I stopped going OUT. I stopped going on VACATIONS. I was essentially a skinny chick HIDING away from life. Go figure I would become a recluse as fine as I was...lol. I'm better NOW. I'm ok with being a size 12-14. I'm ok with alot of things I wasn't ok with before. So MY secret to losing over 100lbs and maintaining it for 1 1/2 years. I LEARNED about MY body and LISTENED to it. I got on the scale EVERYDAY to SEE where I was. I ATE protein first and if room had vegetables, fruit and even an occasional "treat."
NOW though I'm NOT ok with my currently weight....onto MY struggles.
MY struggles. So above we have my LEARNING right? If you want to read my profile you'll see as I "learned" I wrote and shared...but somewhere along the way I would like to say I FORGOT but in reality I just wanted to NOT something. I don't really know if I stopped caring but in essence I did. I saw the scale creeping it YET I did NOTHING to correct MY behavior. Between October to December 2010 I STOPPED listening to my body. I ate ice cream and cake for dinner, would have assorted "holiday" fare for lunch and slowly but surely my 195 actually low 192 in early October, went to 199, 203, 207, and finally on December 31, 2010...I weighed 216.6lbs. Even then it was JUST like oh well it's just 3lbs over where I was December 31, 2009. So BAM January 1st I hit the ground running and tried to "diet." You remember those failed attempts where you became all strict about your "diet" that you inevitably fell OFF the diet and binged...yeah that was me in January so I then bounced from 210 to 220. So February came...well that's MY birthday month and I decided in lieu of "dieting" I would just give up carbs BUT I decided in honor of my 41st birthday I would have 41 different alcoholic drinks. You know what...I LEARNED that alcohol "carbs" didn't really affect me. My weight STAYED 216lbs for the whole month. So March 1st...ready to hit the ground running again right?? Well not so much why because I fell in love and became a couple. I avoided it during January and of course I can't make any commitments during Shelluary (what I call February). So while "trying" not really to get back on track, we've been going out and I'VE been eating off HIS plate. Some french fries, here and there, a bite of a sandwich, my own bread, a piece of cake etc etc and BAM. Next thing I know I am CURRENTLY sitting pretty at 220.2lbs TODAY. Because of the MY secret I KNOW what I need to do but I will be the first to say it's HARD especially NOW at 3 years out. I can eat more then those first 2 years when it was EASY to say no. Not sure where I read this but always on OH about remembering WHY you had surgery. I actually would EXPRESS that same sentiment to someone struggling. Why did YOU do this. NOW I'm asking myself that same question....now onto MY journey.
MY journey...basically started when I watched for about 4 years my mother DIE slowly but surely allowing her love of all things sweet to EAT at her spirit and health and ultimately take her life. I saw her give excuse after excuse over WHY should "could" eat this that or the other. "I'll just take a little more insulin." I think my favorite excuse was when she was on dialysis after her kidneys' couldn't process all the meds she was taking for congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure and the like. "It's alright because they will "clean" my blood later." I saw her die and while I was sitting at 325 I was a ticking time bomb. Soon to follow in her steps if I didn't do SOMETHING. I promised myself when I would forget I would REMEMBER my mother and for the last few months I allowed myself to FORGET. I'm thankful to that person who reminded me of the WHY I had surgery...
Ms Shell
3 comments
Years "maintaining" over 300lbs = 21 years
Surgery Weight = 302lbs
Lowest Post Surgery Weight = 192lbs
Previous Maintenance Weight = 195lbs - 205lbs
Years at Maintenancee Weight = 1 year 8 months
Current Weight = 220lbs
Wow it's been FOREVER since I blogged or just wrote about ME and with all these "secret" posts rolling around I figured it's time!!
MY "secret" = When I had WLS over 3 years ago I made a VOW to myself and my dearly departed mother that this time around (considered MY surgery a NEW beginning) I would pay ATTENTION to everything my BODY was telling me. I researched WLS for over a year. Why because the LapBand has the BEST pr around and I knew the RNY was NOT for me. I researched full and partial gastrectomies for about a month before I KNEW it was for ME and in MY opinion was superior and would give me everything I ever wanted from WLS instantly. The VSG for me was "set it and forget it." Anyway from the moment I awoke from surgery until about 5 months ago. I listened to MY body. I learned that potatoes are almost ALWAYS not my friend even 3 years out. I learned that PROCESSED carbs, not only the obvious, like donuts, chips, crackers etc but "whole grains" like oatmeal, grained bread, wheat pasta etc etc would either stall my weight loss, trigger my hunger, or even if I had say 1/2 cup of oatmeal a day for a week I would inevitably GAIN weight. If I felt a pain or anything "wrong" I would call my doctor, read the boards and not REST until I KNEW what was the CAUSE. I refused to just treat the symptom with drugs I wanted to CAUSATION but I digress. I LEARNED how sensitive MY body was to carbs especially anything other then fruit and vegetables and beans. I have learned that MY personality is just AS big as life as it was at my HIGHEST. I changed after WLS. I just wasn't me for a good while. I LOST who I thought I WAS or who I AM somewhere in the weight loss. I stopped going OUT. I stopped going on VACATIONS. I was essentially a skinny chick HIDING away from life. Go figure I would become a recluse as fine as I was...lol. I'm better NOW. I'm ok with being a size 12-14. I'm ok with alot of things I wasn't ok with before. So MY secret to losing over 100lbs and maintaining it for 1 1/2 years. I LEARNED about MY body and LISTENED to it. I got on the scale EVERYDAY to SEE where I was. I ATE protein first and if room had vegetables, fruit and even an occasional "treat."
NOW though I'm NOT ok with my currently weight....onto MY struggles.
MY struggles. So above we have my LEARNING right? If you want to read my profile you'll see as I "learned" I wrote and shared...but somewhere along the way I would like to say I FORGOT but in reality I just wanted to NOT something. I don't really know if I stopped caring but in essence I did. I saw the scale creeping it YET I did NOTHING to correct MY behavior. Between October to December 2010 I STOPPED listening to my body. I ate ice cream and cake for dinner, would have assorted "holiday" fare for lunch and slowly but surely my 195 actually low 192 in early October, went to 199, 203, 207, and finally on December 31, 2010...I weighed 216.6lbs. Even then it was JUST like oh well it's just 3lbs over where I was December 31, 2009. So BAM January 1st I hit the ground running and tried to "diet." You remember those failed attempts where you became all strict about your "diet" that you inevitably fell OFF the diet and binged...yeah that was me in January so I then bounced from 210 to 220. So February came...well that's MY birthday month and I decided in lieu of "dieting" I would just give up carbs BUT I decided in honor of my 41st birthday I would have 41 different alcoholic drinks. You know what...I LEARNED that alcohol "carbs" didn't really affect me. My weight STAYED 216lbs for the whole month. So March 1st...ready to hit the ground running again right?? Well not so much why because I fell in love and became a couple. I avoided it during January and of course I can't make any commitments during Shelluary (what I call February). So while "trying" not really to get back on track, we've been going out and I'VE been eating off HIS plate. Some french fries, here and there, a bite of a sandwich, my own bread, a piece of cake etc etc and BAM. Next thing I know I am CURRENTLY sitting pretty at 220.2lbs TODAY. Because of the MY secret I KNOW what I need to do but I will be the first to say it's HARD especially NOW at 3 years out. I can eat more then those first 2 years when it was EASY to say no. Not sure where I read this but always on OH about remembering WHY you had surgery. I actually would EXPRESS that same sentiment to someone struggling. Why did YOU do this. NOW I'm asking myself that same question....now onto MY journey.
MY journey...basically started when I watched for about 4 years my mother DIE slowly but surely allowing her love of all things sweet to EAT at her spirit and health and ultimately take her life. I saw her give excuse after excuse over WHY should "could" eat this that or the other. "I'll just take a little more insulin." I think my favorite excuse was when she was on dialysis after her kidneys' couldn't process all the meds she was taking for congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure and the like. "It's alright because they will "clean" my blood later." I saw her die and while I was sitting at 325 I was a ticking time bomb. Soon to follow in her steps if I didn't do SOMETHING. I promised myself when I would forget I would REMEMBER my mother and for the last few months I allowed myself to FORGET. I'm thankful to that person who reminded me of the WHY I had surgery...
Ms Shell
Sleeve vs. Band MY story...
Oct 16, 2010
I responded to a lady who is considering the band (just like I did oh so many years ago). I thought it was SO good it was worth posting on my profile, lol. I think so highly of myself =)
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While I never got the band I will tell you about my story. I was always fat upwards to 345 in my 20's, 325 when I started researching WLS in 2006 when my mom died. I actually saw a LapBand commercial (the greatest ad campaign I have EVER seen). I was never ever going to get the RnY because of the fact they have a hole at the bottom of your stomach (stoma) that basically just dumps the food you eat into your intestine (where the term dumping comes from). I have seen COUNTLESS people in my personal life and read who CAN have complication etc. Please note that I say CAN because it's not guaranteed that anyone WILL have complication x, y or z, but they can. Ok so I'm researching the all mighty LapBand (and that's how I felt) I needed a surgery that would HELP me the most, and I believe that I needed a surgery that would keep my stomach as a normal stomach. Where the stomach acid helps digest and mix up my food, where my pyloric valve once the stomach was done doing it's job would open and let my food continue on the digestion road. I wanted a surgery that would REDUCE the amount of food I could at at any one given time.
So research I did. Now I saw the website where there is a (and I think back then in 2006 there was like a 50-60%) complication rate and you MIGHT not lose ALL your we ight but I also believe that given the right mental aspect of this surgery coupled with the restriction you can do almost anything so I kept on researching. I came to OH thanks to a friend and well what I saw here made me nervous. Instead of some arbitrary number on a website about complications I was seeing ACTUAL living breathing people with the LapBand who WERE having complications, some minor others not. So I in total research mode started a pros/cons list. I had page after page of "possible" complications with the Band and of course RIGHT next to it I had the "words/advice" of those who loved the band saying oh if you do this or do that you will NEVER suffer from these complications. In my research I am ALREADY forcasting that I WAS going to be the PERFECT bandster. Like someone already said I was aiming to be ONE of the LUCKY ones. The more I researched the MORE I found people who were banded in like 05/06 with these complications and they were CLAIMING to have been "perfect" bandsters. But STILL I did not want the RnY because of the false stomach, nor the DS because I just do not consume that much fat and I had NO medical issues. THEN boom bam thank you Jesus a young lady on the LapBand forum asked Dr. Curry about the VSG and that her insurance (just happened to be MY insurance) suggested she get that instead of the Band.
WHAT you say girl. There is a surgery out there called the Sleeve...what is this...tell me more. Well you guessed it I started researching the Sleeve and OMG it "appeared" to have EVERYTHING that I wanted....normal stomach, food restriction and to boot there was a CHANCE that I would wake up from surgery and NOT be hungry because it removed over 1/2 your stomach and the hormone called Ghrelin. Well tell me more all mighty Sleeve. I then simultaneously was researching the Sleeve but not taking my foot all the way out the band camp. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could about the sleeve. After all I was willing to say GOODBYE ADIOS to over 1/2 my stomach (NOT that my stomach ever did anything for me, I still am VERY fond of ALL my body parts). I took my research AWAY from the WLS forums and researched Full/Partial Gastrectomies as done on people who have stomach cancers and ulcers which has been done for over 30 years or more. I read about peoples LIVES after having a partial gastrectomy, What LONG term vitamins "may" be needed. How they just eat way smaller portions then before. How yes they would lose weight. How yes they weren't really hungry. How yes you could even live a full and productive LIFE even without ANY stomach. How a family who had a history of stomach cancer voluntarily had their stomachs REMOVED as a preventative measure. How people were LIVING life YEARS after their gastrectomies with virtually the same restriction and the "bonus" of weight loss.
Now the whole time I still had my pro/con list. The Band one was LONG and extensive on the "possible" complications, slips, erosions, esophagal dialation, adhesions for IF the band had to be removed all the risks involved in removal. The VSG after researching had a few questions/comments. What size bougie would the surgeon be using? How does the surgeon check for leaks? After surgery I did research to KNOW if I did have a leak what SHOULD I be looking for in those weeks after surgery? How long does it take the stomach to fully heal over the sutures/staples? That was IT.
I was fortunate that my insurance DID cover the sleeve back in 2007. Blessed if you will because back then Insurance companies weren't. I don't know what I would have done in 2007 once I KNEW about the VSG, if my insurance would only cover the RnY or the Band. To be honest I don't like the GAMBLE of either of those surgeries to NOT be one of the "lucky" ones. For the VSG I took a gamble that I might still be hungry. I did take a gamble that hey you could have a leak but as of yet I have not seen a VSGer die purely from a leak.
My reality after my VSG. I woke up from surgery with INSTANT restriction. I have been blessed with NO physical hunger. I am almost 3 years out, still not hungry and still with restriction. I have lost over 100lbs. I COULD have gone lower then my current 192 and I'm working out it, but at 1 1/2 years out, I decided a little carbs here and there won't hurt, well they do and depending on YOUR body...well shit I'll say CARBS are the DEVIL. I am referring to PROCESSED carbs, not fruit but yes fruit for some can be "danger Will Robinson danger."
I wish you well on your decision.
Ms Shell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yes thats the story of how I ALMOST had the LapBand. Ok YES I'm bias but if you are LOOKING for a RESTRICTIVE surgery then you are doing yourself a DISSERVICE if you don't get the VSG. All the GOOD of the Band with none of the bad...yup I said it NOW what...
2 comments
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
While I never got the band I will tell you about my story. I was always fat upwards to 345 in my 20's, 325 when I started researching WLS in 2006 when my mom died. I actually saw a LapBand commercial (the greatest ad campaign I have EVER seen). I was never ever going to get the RnY because of the fact they have a hole at the bottom of your stomach (stoma) that basically just dumps the food you eat into your intestine (where the term dumping comes from). I have seen COUNTLESS people in my personal life and read who CAN have complication etc. Please note that I say CAN because it's not guaranteed that anyone WILL have complication x, y or z, but they can. Ok so I'm researching the all mighty LapBand (and that's how I felt) I needed a surgery that would HELP me the most, and I believe that I needed a surgery that would keep my stomach as a normal stomach. Where the stomach acid helps digest and mix up my food, where my pyloric valve once the stomach was done doing it's job would open and let my food continue on the digestion road. I wanted a surgery that would REDUCE the amount of food I could at at any one given time.
So research I did. Now I saw the website where there is a (and I think back then in 2006 there was like a 50-60%) complication rate and you MIGHT not lose ALL your we ight but I also believe that given the right mental aspect of this surgery coupled with the restriction you can do almost anything so I kept on researching. I came to OH thanks to a friend and well what I saw here made me nervous. Instead of some arbitrary number on a website about complications I was seeing ACTUAL living breathing people with the LapBand who WERE having complications, some minor others not. So I in total research mode started a pros/cons list. I had page after page of "possible" complications with the Band and of course RIGHT next to it I had the "words/advice" of those who loved the band saying oh if you do this or do that you will NEVER suffer from these complications. In my research I am ALREADY forcasting that I WAS going to be the PERFECT bandster. Like someone already said I was aiming to be ONE of the LUCKY ones. The more I researched the MORE I found people who were banded in like 05/06 with these complications and they were CLAIMING to have been "perfect" bandsters. But STILL I did not want the RnY because of the false stomach, nor the DS because I just do not consume that much fat and I had NO medical issues. THEN boom bam thank you Jesus a young lady on the LapBand forum asked Dr. Curry about the VSG and that her insurance (just happened to be MY insurance) suggested she get that instead of the Band.
WHAT you say girl. There is a surgery out there called the Sleeve...what is this...tell me more. Well you guessed it I started researching the Sleeve and OMG it "appeared" to have EVERYTHING that I wanted....normal stomach, food restriction and to boot there was a CHANCE that I would wake up from surgery and NOT be hungry because it removed over 1/2 your stomach and the hormone called Ghrelin. Well tell me more all mighty Sleeve. I then simultaneously was researching the Sleeve but not taking my foot all the way out the band camp. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could about the sleeve. After all I was willing to say GOODBYE ADIOS to over 1/2 my stomach (NOT that my stomach ever did anything for me, I still am VERY fond of ALL my body parts). I took my research AWAY from the WLS forums and researched Full/Partial Gastrectomies as done on people who have stomach cancers and ulcers which has been done for over 30 years or more. I read about peoples LIVES after having a partial gastrectomy, What LONG term vitamins "may" be needed. How they just eat way smaller portions then before. How yes they would lose weight. How yes they weren't really hungry. How yes you could even live a full and productive LIFE even without ANY stomach. How a family who had a history of stomach cancer voluntarily had their stomachs REMOVED as a preventative measure. How people were LIVING life YEARS after their gastrectomies with virtually the same restriction and the "bonus" of weight loss.
Now the whole time I still had my pro/con list. The Band one was LONG and extensive on the "possible" complications, slips, erosions, esophagal dialation, adhesions for IF the band had to be removed all the risks involved in removal. The VSG after researching had a few questions/comments. What size bougie would the surgeon be using? How does the surgeon check for leaks? After surgery I did research to KNOW if I did have a leak what SHOULD I be looking for in those weeks after surgery? How long does it take the stomach to fully heal over the sutures/staples? That was IT.
I was fortunate that my insurance DID cover the sleeve back in 2007. Blessed if you will because back then Insurance companies weren't. I don't know what I would have done in 2007 once I KNEW about the VSG, if my insurance would only cover the RnY or the Band. To be honest I don't like the GAMBLE of either of those surgeries to NOT be one of the "lucky" ones. For the VSG I took a gamble that I might still be hungry. I did take a gamble that hey you could have a leak but as of yet I have not seen a VSGer die purely from a leak.
My reality after my VSG. I woke up from surgery with INSTANT restriction. I have been blessed with NO physical hunger. I am almost 3 years out, still not hungry and still with restriction. I have lost over 100lbs. I COULD have gone lower then my current 192 and I'm working out it, but at 1 1/2 years out, I decided a little carbs here and there won't hurt, well they do and depending on YOUR body...well shit I'll say CARBS are the DEVIL. I am referring to PROCESSED carbs, not fruit but yes fruit for some can be "danger Will Robinson danger."
I wish you well on your decision.
Ms Shell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yes thats the story of how I ALMOST had the LapBand. Ok YES I'm bias but if you are LOOKING for a RESTRICTIVE surgery then you are doing yourself a DISSERVICE if you don't get the VSG. All the GOOD of the Band with none of the bad...yup I said it NOW what...
About Me
Hawthorne, CA
Location
30.1
BMI
Surgery
11/26/2007
Surgery Date
Oct 26, 2006
Member Since
