Wow,,its been forever!

Aug 21, 2011

I can hardly believe its been five years since surgery but time flies when you are really able to live life.
It hasnt been perfect,,far from it. Lots of stresses and tragedys and problems in the past few years but that just makes for a full and interesting life.
I really messed up on my eating through it all. I got all the way back up to 246 pounds! I was so depressed. Back into 18W to 20W. I hated getting dressed in the mornings cause nothing fit. I was back to wearing elastic waists and flat shoes and baggy tops. Even long jackets. My legs started swelling and that scared me. I dont want any more episodes of congestive heart failure , My blood pressure rocketed again and they had to double my medicine.
But I can say today that with the help of the Lord and the South Beach diet, Im back on track and down to 226 pounds as of today. Im determiined to get back down to my size 14s that I have packed away. Today I wore a suit that was a small 18, straight skirt no elastic,,and it fit beautifully. The jacket was a bit big too,,so Im probably more of a 16 there. Was I excited! I had convinced myself that I was doomed again. I have a huge garden this year and have been working in it,,thats a great form of exercise. I am sure that has helped. My husband is on the diet too and is doing well. Hes been on it two weeks and lost 12 pounds.
I am learning that the struggle never ends but that its worth the effort to keep trying, I felt pretty today for the first time in probably a year or more. Isnt that sad. I was over 300 pounds at one point,,and here I am stressing at a size 18 that I am ugly. But if I hadnt felt that way I probably wouldnt have been motivated to get it back off.
So, for anyone who is wondering,,no,,the surgery isnt a permanent fix, ya still gotta work. But ya still have the tool and it will work if  you work it. Im finding Im satisfied with small portions again,,and that a protein shake is still a good thing once a day to keep me going. Im back to drinking water which I detest, but I want the results so I do it. I dump occasionally,,and Im GLAD! That just lets me know its working.
WOuld I still do the surgery if I had it to do over? In a heartbeat,,once a month if I had to. There is nothing like being healthy and feeling good at age 64!
So..Ill try andnot wait so long to update,,Ill let ya all know when I get back into those 14s,,and maybe smaller!!

Im actually dreading this holiday!

Nov 24, 2009

Not because of cooking or cleaning or family coming,,but because I know Im going to eat,,and probably gain some weight. That depresses me, because I feel like a weakling and a WLS failure. I have gained 20 pounds and hate every one of em. I have two closets of clothes that no longer fit,,and when I try em on its just a couple inches that is stopping me from wearing them and that frustrates me.

Im lazy when it comes to exercise...but I have this mental block that tells me that I cannot lose weight now because of my age..62. And part of me says why bother,,be a great grandma and relax..nobody cares anyway. Do I sound depressed?? Well,,I am, in this area.

My daughter is going to school to be a personal trainer and she told me to just be careful through the holidays but to enjoy them,,and then on Jan 2nd hit the basics hard and get back on track. I think thats what I will do. I will accumulate a pantry full of protein shakes and tuna and canned chicken and cases of water and such,,and start my walking again. I have to...I cant take this feeling of failure. Ill start journaling too,,keeping track. Maybe I will make Easter a goal date,,to wear those clothes in the closet that I havent worn in a year.

Anyway,,whatever,,I know I have the tool,,I still get sick on certain foods and dump occasionally. So, its  up to me to face the reality that I gotta do this,,nobody else can do it for me.

So, Ill bite the bullet,,(and a lot of other stuff,),Ill fillup on protein and only leave a little room for the carbs and treats,,,I hope. Oh well,,this too shall pass,,,,

Happy Holidays everyone!

maintenance and me....

Oct 30, 2009

Well,,here I am 4 years and one month out from my RNY. I reached alow weight of 193 for about two days,,right now I am 217. I wore a size 12-14, now Im in a 16-18. The good thing is,,I have maintained this size for about a year now. I watch pretty close cause I dont want to lose any more. I still feel great, Went to my doc for a complete checkup,,,everything was perfect, he just said to eat more fruits and veggies. And of course, more exercise. I have a realproblem with that. Im basically lazy. Iknow Iwould still be in my smaller sizes if I would exercise, but I just cant seem to make myself do it!
I have a few friends who have gained a lot of weight back, and that scares me,,so I try to keep it under control. I still get complements and thats good, but most folks are used to seeing me now so all the hulabaloo is over, and that is dangerous too.
All in all,,I would still do it again in a heartbeat. I feel great, I can do about anything,,and Ill be 63 in a few months. I count it a great blessing.

Settling In....

May 27, 2008

Its been a few months since I posted anything on here, so I thought I would take the time tonight to catch up. 
Its been 2 and a half years since my surgery and Im holding steady. I suffered the traditional bounce back of ten pounds,, I lose a few and then gain em back. I dont deviate much from what I should be eating. Once in awhile I have a candy bar or a piece of birthday cake,,but I really dont miss it or care that much about it. 
I was really stressing because I havent lost any more..I was so hoping I would get into a size 10 someday. But then the other day I saw a woman that had been 320 pounds that had got to  size 10,,and her hanging skin issue was awful! I changed my mind about my goal! I have very little hanging skin,,and would be so embarrassed and depressed if I did have because there is no way I would have plastic surgery to fix it at my age. So, I have decided that I will be happy right where I am. I have beautiful clothes, look good in 'em, my family and friends tell me all the time that I dont need to lose any more. My hubby still tells me Im sexy and Hot,,,LOL,,at 61 thats an accomplishment I guess,,,
I was stressing about wearing size 16 skirts,,some 14s fit,,when my daughter reminded me that I used to wear a 28-30.I guess I have come a long way. I told the Lord once when I was fat, that I would be so happy to be a 16! Ok,,so here I am..a 12-14 at the top,,a 14-16 at the bottom, and Im stressin!! Everyone tells me that I look smaller,,so what am I worried about? Im so wierd!
I have several friends who are suffering serious health issues, that would be helped or resolved with this surgery. One is afraid to have it,,and so she lives a life of an invalid, and has for years. Shes even  younger than me. That is so sad. I often wonder where I would be health wise if I had not decided to go ahead with the surgery. Probably near 400 pounds by now,,and debilitated. it makes me so thankful for this gift.
So often I will see someone that I have not seen for a long time, and they will remark how great I look,,and Im surprised. I guess I dont think I look that different. Just this past Monday I saw my own reflection in a window and was amazed again. Its funny. I guess Ill never get  used to the change. Tonight hubby came home and told he he had seen an old friend and had showed him my picture and he said "WOW!" Thats funny to me. AN old ex in law saw me yesterday and said,,"You Look Fabulous!"
Its funny cause,,a few years ago I just knew my days of looking good and feeling pretty were over. I knew I would never wear any shoes but the sensible kind. I resembled Aunt Bea on Mayberry...and it made me sad, cause inside I was Dolly Parton or Cher!! We are the same age,,and I often thought,,its not fair! if I had their money I would look good too! Well, I may not look as good as they do, or be as rich as they are,,but I betcha I feel just as good if not better! I feel pretty in a crowd now, and dont hide behind someone when I get my picture taken. Ive had an Extreme Makeover, thanks to Dr Gomez and the good Lord!
So I guess you could say Im settlin in,,,getting comfortable in my own skin, enjoying the size I am. Its about time.

Its Been Awhile

Feb 12, 2008

since I posted here, so decided to add a post.
Im well over 2 years out now, and still maintaining. I weighed 201 this morning,(that I reached for about 10 minutes!!) thats up 9 from my lowest point, but lower than during the holidays, when I reached 207. I was eating everything I shouldnt.
However, thanks to that 5 daypouch test, I resensitized my pouch and once again cannot tolerate sugar, or eat a lot. I dump, and I had stopped doing that. So, I know what to do the next time I get off track! I have set a limit for myself, of 10 pounds, and when I reach that, its right back to the pouch test and basics! I havent been exercising at all this winter,,I like walking the best and will not get out in the cold to do it, so my little dog has even gained weight!  LOL
I dont drink my water as much either, when its cold out,,whats up with that?? I do drink a lot of decaf coffee though,,so maybe that counts! I drink skim milk, and I still do the protein drinks at least once a day. I buy the Body Fortress from Walmart, cause it tastes good and mixes well. I use it to make hot chocolate mix
too, with powdered milk, powdered coffee creamer and splenda. Thats usually my bedtime snack.
Im still seeing changes in my body from the WLS. For one, my bad ankle hardly ever swells any more. For years and years I could not wear any kind of shoe with an ankle strap,,now I can, comfortable for hours! I have always been a shoe lover, and have LOTS! Now I have cute ones, and even wear stilettos again. hey, if Dolly Parton can at 62,,I can at 60, right??! In fact, Ill be 61 next month,,but I sure dont feel or act it! I refuse to get old!! At least psychologically!
Recently I have noticed too, tha I dont have any interest in food at all. None, zilch, nada. Now THAT my friends, is a miracle!! I used to wake up in the morning thinking "what am I going to eat today??", now I wake up thinking,,what am I going to DO today!! Amazing!! 
My favorite food now is chili, and even when we go to steakhouse, thats what I order. Once in a great while I will order shrimp,,but its usually chili, or some kind of soup. 
I still cant tolerate most kmeats. Chicken, ham, and pork roast I can, with no problem, and once in awhile ground beef. But steak is out, pork chops are out,,and I dont even miss em. This is the girl that used to go to O'Charleys and order the 16 oz prime rib!! Now, it even looks yucky to me. Unbelievable...but Im GLAD!!
I have changed so much. I make sure I look nice all thetime, not just when I go out, and the change in my relationship with my husband is awesome. He is always pulling me down to sit on his lap, or grabbing me for a kiss and hug. Oh, he has always been romantic,,but now I reciprocate. Always before I felt ugly and fat, how could he want to do that?? Its like we have fallen in love all over again. he buys me perfume and slinky nighties, and tells me how HOT I am,,LOL. Its like being young again! Im loving it!
I must be shrinking in inches. A friend boughtme an outfit, and it was a perfect 12,,it fit! Its been awhile for that! I had been in 14- 16, and some of those I still wear cause of the way they are made,,but this was a surprise! So, I went in and tried on some clothes that had been too tight. Voila! they fit too! So, my closet is expanding again. Today, im gonna even sew some new things!
Ive had folks close to me recently look at some of my old before pics, and tell me they never saw me that way, or remember me that way. Even my kids say that. But ya know what,,I will never, nor do I want, to forget! All the misery, all the health problems, all the depression ,,all because of the excess weight. Its all gone.  And as long as I remember that,,I wont let it return. Someone said, if you have to diet even now,,why have the surgery at all? Well, the surgery took it off,,and now the tool with help me keep it off!
Ive never been happier, or more confident, or healthier, than right now. I thank God for that, and feel like WLS is something he allowed to be created for people like me. Healing isnt always instantaneous,,sometimes it takes a process,,but does that  make it any less healing? No. I prayed for years for God to heal my weight issues. And He did. I will be forever thankful!
Be Blessed!

Another Thanksgiving..

Nov 19, 2007

Well, its Thanksgiving 2007. Two years ago and a couple of months I had WLS. Its been a wild ride. I have lost 140 pounds, and look and feel like a different person. Dreams have been realized, to be sure. Here are a few:

I can wear heels again!
I wear a "normal" size- 12-16
I can shop anywhere.
People dont stare at me anymore.
Im not the butt of fat jokes anymore.
I feel pretty.
I dress fashionably.
I trade clothes with my daughter and granddaughters.
My thighs no longer chafe.
No Queen size anything!
I can put my own sox on without help.
I can tie my shoes,
I fit in an amusement park ride,
My seat belt fits.
I can go through a turnstile.
People call me skinny!
Friends tell me I have lost enough weight.
Hubby says I have a nice butt!

Have I made mistakes? Of course. I still love chocolate candy, and eat it. But I know in a few days to get back on the basic plan and rid myself of the cravings. I have held steady pretty much at the same weight, give or take 5 or 6 pounds,,for over a year. That in itself is a miracle. I have never done that before.
I have more energy, and enjoy life more. I look younger some say,,and everyone remarks on how happy I look.
So, the holiday season is upon us again. Will I indulge? Im planning on it, but in moderation. I will do the 5 day pouch reset immediatley after Thanksgiving,,,to rid the junk and cravings, and set the pouch back to post surgery sensitivity. 
I love what this surgery has done for me. I would do it again in a heartbeat,,a thousand times over!
Do I have medical issues? yes, but nothing related to surgery. Arthritis, and the usual things that come with aging. But they would be so much worse if I still weighed over 300 pounds. 
I thank the Lord for this gift He has given,, and this new lease on life. I know its up to me to keep it new and good,,and I will. Thats what a big part of my Thankgiving will be this year,,thanking Him for His goodness to me and mine, by prolonging this abundant life He so freely provided.

The Downside of WLS...................

Aug 17, 2007

Well, Ive come to a realization this past week. There really is a downside to WLS. Now if someone had told me that a couple of years ago, I would have thought they were crazy. After all, what could possibly be bad about being thin? Well, Im learning there is such a thing, and it came as quite a shock.
This week, I noticed that my skirts were getting tighter and my clothes were not fitting like they did. I got on the scale, after having not weighed myself for a week or so, and was shocked to see a 6 pound gain! This is where the downside comes in.
I panicked! I was so depressed, I didnt want to leave the house. I felt like I had gained back everything I had lost, and more. I felt like a failure. There was such an overwhelming depression that I burst into tears. The guilt was horrible. I didnt want to leave the house or go shopping, or even get dressed in the morning, because I knew nothing would fit quite like it did. It may have been six pounds, but it was several inches. I cant even describe how horrible I felt. It was like,,ok,,,there is no other answer, ive really tried everything now! And so many people are watching, waiting for me to fail. Im in the public eye so much, that every day people comment on my size, or what Im wearing, or how great I look. Now what will they say??
Finally I shook myself, sat down and had a long talk with Betsy! I realized I had been trying to act like a "normal" person, and eating whatever I wanted, It was bound to catch up with me sooner or later. And I am NOT normal by any means!
So, today I wrote down everything I ate, ate protein first, drank water and even ate veggies! I took all my supplements too. Im determined to get this off, before 6 becomes 60. Im even determined to get out of the 190's, where I have been stuck for a year. I just felt so good, and got so used to the compliments, that I slacked up, and got careless and lazy. Like an alcoholic with his first drink. I just added more, cookies cake, candy, breads, pop, chips, fried foods.
No more! I prayed for God to give me strength, and He has. I dont want to abuse this gift He has given me.
So, with His help, and Fitday, and the supposrt I get from friends on OH,,,I can do this! I can get back on track and stay there! And I will,,,,one blessed day at a time.
So, whats the downside?? Its the remorse, the guilt, the feeling of failure and the fear of permanent regain.Its so much worse than it was before I had the surgery. Because this is not just a diet,,its 25 thousand dollars worth of extreme measures to be thin and normal and healthy,,and no one can mess that up,,but me. And for a few days I thought I had done just that!
But its an on going battle,,and its mine to fight. So I will.

Gettin' Used to Thin..............

Aug 11, 2007

Its been a long while since I posted anything on here. Ive been busy livin'!
Im still in the 190's,,and thats fine. I wear a 12-16, somewhere in between there, depending on how its made. My shoulders are very narrow and thin, as my hubby never ceases to tell me. He said my back is absolutely bony now! I have a lot of size Large clothes that fit. Thats hard to X in front of anything!!
One of the hardest adjustments is,,what do I focus on now?? I mean,,all my life I was obsessed with my weight, Every Monday it was New Diet day it seemed..everything from Atkins to WW,,there was always a regimen.
Now, I worry about regain. I havent regained any, but I havent been eating right either. I do watch the protein, but I think Im bored. I cant eat most meats,,just hamburger, fish, some bacon now and then. Pork chops and steak take forever as I have to really chew em,,,they are just not worth the effort. And most times they seem to sit heavy, if ya know what I mean. I eat a lot of cheese and cottage cheese, cant really tolerate eggs much. So, I get in a rut, eating the same things over and over. Peanut butter, a spoonful here and there. Oatmeal. A Protein shake. Food has definatley lost its glamor, thats for sure.
Im lovin clothes shoppin! We hit the garage sales every weekend, and I have a closet full of great finds. My friends say they never see me in the same thing twice..thats fun. Getting ready for church is fun now, I can put together an outfit, shoes purses everything matches. Makes me feel so glamorous, and its all thrift shop finds! LOL
My house is always clean now,.thats another perk the family loves. I have all kinds of energy. Right now Im organizing closets and getting ready for a huge garage sale of my own. I figure I have de-cluttered my body, now lets work on the house!
I go and do more. I keep up with the 3 year old grandson. I get in the floor and play and he thinks thats so neat. I run and chase, and he giggles. Making memories he will always have. I couldnt have done that without WLS. It would have been a different kind of sitting on the couch or in the big chair, looking at a book.
People are getting used to seeing me thin now, and several have remarked, when they see my before pics,,that they dont remember me that way. Thats good. For that reason the compliments have slacked way off,,and that was to be expected. Folks have adjusted to the shock, and the difference, Now. its up tome to keep things like they are. I have to always remember, I am not normal..I can and will gain if Im not careful. I try to weigh everyday and keep an eye on things, and when there is a few pounds gain, its right back to protein only for a few days.
I guess,,what Im really trying to post here, is, that the easy part is over. The fun part,,losing, looking and acting different for the first time in my life, all the oohing and ahhing over the its down to just living it. Fighting the head hunger, and its always there!! The wanting to graze all day,,,,those are the demons I fight. The not wanting to exercise. In other words, the same demons I fought all my life are still alive and fighting to take over.
But ya know what??" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" I prayed for years for a way to be "normal" sized,,and He gave me one. Now, He will help me to maintain this gift! He is faithful!
So can I be any less??
Enjoying life,,what a precious gift!

A day in the life......March 31

Mar 31, 2007

Well, Im really getting lazy about posting here, but there really hasnt been much news in recent weeks. I havent lost any more weight and Im staying really on plan, so Im starting to think I may be where Im supposed to be. Doc said I may stop near 190,,and he said I look great, so Im adjusting my thinking a bit. Im satisfied here. I love my new clothes, and the way I feel, so if I dont lose anymore, thats ok, When people ask me if IM gonna lose any more and I say pronbably, they are quick to tell me I dont need to. Thats so hard to believe though,,after a lifetime of losing and gaining,,,,
Im doing a lot better about the snacking, Hubby has been doing the South Beach Diet, and Im staying on it with him, so the cravings have stopped. I have lost inches, and people have commented on that. Hubby has lost 10 pounds in a little over two weeks, so hes happy. He wants to lose about 40 more, so Im helping him by fixing healthy things in his lunch and breakfast,,then having his supper ready when he gets home with a sugar free dessert.
I am having a little trouble getting protein in, and maybe I would lose more if I did. But I cant tolerate most meats,,so I eat a lot of soups, cottage cheese, beans, salads. I still get the foamies occcasionally, but I rarely ever dump. I did today, the first time in awhile,,on grape nuts cereal!! Go figure! Ive eaten that lots of times,,but today it didnt work! I had cottage cheese and tomatoes for supper,,amd for a snack I had 2 ounces of monterey jack cheese.
I can eat bread now,,but I choose the really expensive multi grain flax meal bread,,and eat one slice usually. Its high fiber, and protein,,and calorie,,but I figure, a slice of that with a little peanut butter, thats breakfast!
I do drink pop a couple of times per week..It doesnt hurt, and I am not gonna overdo it. I usually nurse one all day so its pretty flat by the time I finish it. Its diet of course. I just get really tired of crystal light and tea and milk. Ive read the posts about putting some pop in a plastic bag and watch it swell,,well,,that plastic bag doesnt have a hole in both ends,,my pouch does, I dont gulp,,but take tiny sips,,so leave me be,,its my choice. Im 60 years old,,
I have pretty much come to the realization that some foods will forever be a nono,,and I dont even miss em. Pizza is one,,and that is a miracle. My favorite food for years,,,now it doesnt even tempt me. Once ya get sick on something,,its sure doesnt look appetiziing. Fruit Loops is another,,,and fried chicken..and gravy, and Little Debbies. 
Now, my new favorite food is chili..or chicken enchilada soup. And I love decaf coffee,,and my sugar free fat free hot chocolate  before bedtime. Life is so much different,,but its different in a good way.
Well, guess thats enough for this time. Ill try not to wait so long to post again, Till next time....Carpe Diem!!

Losing Inches again, finally!!!

Feb 05, 2007

Well,,its been a few days since I posted anything, so here I am. 
Im feling great, got over the meltdown and started exercising regularly. I dugout the old Richird Simmons and made this oldie sweat!! LOL And, I rode the exercise bike every day for awhile. Then I got cellulitis in my leg and had to rest it. Itsbetter now and Im getting back to the bike.
I had a few wow moments over the weekend. 
Our church Ladies Auxiliary has what we call Secret Sisters,,,where we draw names and send cards all year,,or token gifts, then in February we have a Valentine party and reveal,,and give a really nice gift. Well, my Pastors Wife had my name,,,and she got me two gorgeousoutfits!! Now that may sound like alot, but remember,she has been my friend for 35 years,,and has watched me struggle and suffer with obesity all those years, until the last 17 months. So, no one is prouder of me than she is ,,or happier for me. So, she wanted to buy me clothes,,,she did,,,both size 12's!!! And they fit! Now, the really good thing is,,she has been that size ever since I have known her,,so I thought that was the perfect size,,now I'M WEARIING IT!!! WOOHOO!! I was thrilled! I wore one outfit to church yesterday and had Mike take my picture. Ill wear the other one soon.
Im starting to feel comfortable where I am I think. If I lose more pounds, thats ok...but im really gonna work on the inches. I cant beleive the change already and its only been a week or so. I got a new dvd of weight training for beginners....thats supposed to speed up the metabolism,,and tone ya too. Im gonna start it this evening I think.
Life is so much fun now. I love dressing up,,,,and I have so much energy!! I just go all the time,,and am rejoining the choir at church, the outreach team, and have written a new drama and starting practice Thursday night. 
The other day we were getting ready to run some errands, and I bent over, put on my sock and shoe and tied it. Hubby laughed and said,,I remember when ya had to have me do that. I said yep,,,17 months ago!! I felt I had hit rock bottom then,,,,I couldnt do much of anythiing for myself. I could hardly even turn over in bed,,or walk from the parking lot to the car at the grocery. Now, I can run if I want to. I even ran a race with my 18 year old granddaugher and won!! She was elated, and thought it was soooo cool!! LOL
God has given me another chance to live,,,and I am so grateful!

About Me
Danville, IN
Surgery Date
Apr 01, 2005
Member Since

Before & After
rollover to see after photo
August 2005
325 poundslbs
April 2006
222 poundslbs

Friends 56

Latest Blog 12
Settling In....
Its Been Awhile
Another Thanksgiving..
The Downside of WLS...................
Gettin' Used to Thin..............
A day in the life......March 31
Losing Inches again, finally!!!