MyFairuhLady
Well..
May 08, 2009
I haven't written in a long time. I've had so much to say, but I've been keeping it locked up inside. I'm not sure why, because keeping it inside is really unhealthy. People say that right now I'm in a "dark and angry" place and it's true, I won't deny it. My doctor put me on anti-depressants in mid-January when my mom took a fall while I was just beginning to truly recover from my surgery. I was just beginning to deal with her tumor situation and I couldn't handle things anymore. I took a bottle of my pills and held them in my hand. My doctor called and asked how I was and I told her the truth. She prescribed me the meds and I've been on them since. I tried therapy but my therapist was just as messed up as me (dude, she cried in one session talking about getting divorced - not exactly professional!).I am miserable with my body. Everyone says I'm beautiful, I look wonderful, yadda yadda. But they don't have to look in the mirror every day. Some times I just sit and stare in the mirror. I look at what I hate about my body - pretty much everything. About the "list" the doctor had me make during my consult and if I should've put my wants in a different order. Would I feel better about myself today? No one has these answers, that's for sure, but that doesn't mean I don't, and won't, sit and think about it. I went for my 6 month consult the other day and we're going to do 4 more procedures. 3 in-office lipos on the thighs and then next year I'll have the thigh and arm lift done in the OR. Then, hopefully, I'll finally be done. It just sucks because I planned on being done before the cruise, before my cousin's wedding, before my birthday ... but I guess I will just deal with things as they come. It also sucks because that means that I have to stay here for about another year. I'm going crazy living here.
On top of all of this, I've got more health issues coming at me. One may be WLS related (not complication-type, but a result of losing all the weight) and one that definitely is not. My personal life is a horrible mess and let's not even get started on my work lfie. I don't get to the gym, I don't work out, I don't jog, I don't do anything. I pretty much just eat my emotions and sleep. Yah, I'm a walking example of a great WLS patient.
On that note, I need to go to work.
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About Me
Las Vegas, NV
Location
30.2
BMI
Surgery
10/30/2007
Surgery Date
Mar 02, 2006
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
Celebrating my 23rd birthday.
300-315 lbs
