What's wrong with me?

Feb 01, 2008

Okay, so it's been a while since I've posted to my blog. It's been a hectic month to say the least. As of this morning, I'm down 68 lbs. Words cannot describe how much better I feel these days, physically.

Mentally is a WHOLE other story though... I find myself constantly testing my pouch. I don't go all out or anything. I keep my daily calorie intake around 900-1000 calories a day. But I have been testing all the same. I've tried a few M&M's, a couple of chips, a few french fries, etc. So far the only thing that makes me break into a cold sweat is chicken fingers. Why is my pouch not fighting back like I hoped it would? These are the things that were supposed to make me physically ill. This worries me a bit.

On top of that, I have another issue. My health insurance changed this year and my surgeon is no longer in my network. I cannot get authorization from my new insurer to see him either. I even tried to see if I could switch to the only other surgeon in the area that I know of. Conveniently he will not take new patients for follow up when he didn't perform the surgery. Seems unfair. What if I had just moved here from another state? Crazy. So now my predicament is do I pay 150 bucks to spend 4 minutes with my surgeon to look at my long since healed incisions and weigh me? Do I just work with my PCP to do my bloodwork and follow up? I'm in a pickle...

Just thought I'd check...

Dec 29, 2007


So last night was the annual end-of-year gathering with my husband's family at an adult drinking establishment. I decided I wanted to see how my body would react to alcohol. Now mind you, I've never been much of a drinker. I wouldn't even classify myself as a social drinker. I just wanted to know what I would feel like post-op. Well, it didn't make me sick, nor did it have the strong effect on me that I was warned about. I drank 3 Malibu rums w/cranberry juice. The first hit me quicker than I expected, but the feeling seems to wear off much quicker than it did pre-op. I've noticed I experience this same thing with medications. Does this happen to anyone else? Oh well, I don't think I'll be drinking in the near future again. When I signed on this morning to track my caloric intake for yesterday, I was amazed at how quickly the calories for those drinks added up. 

In a "lighter note... I've lost 3 lbs in the last 2 days! That puts me at 57 lbs gone forever! I've said before and I'll say again that the pounds aren't melting away like I had fantasized about. I'm okay with that. As long as I see the numbers going down or staying the same, I'll be great. I didn't gain it overnight, so I can't reasonably expect it to be lost overnight. (Though it would be nice!  )

I hope all of my friends here at OH have a very happy and prosperous New Year! I know I have the highest of hopes for mine!

Fifty pounds, gone forever!!!

Dec 21, 2007


That's right, I've officially lost 50 pounds!!!! I know it's not century mark or anything that huge, but this is huge to me. Things slowed down for me over the last couple of weeks. I slipped and fell in an ice storm recently and broke a rib. Exercise has been almost non-existent due to the pain and the pain medication.

I keep remembering that I am smack dab in the middle of the holiday season and I'm losing weight! Every other year in the past there was the dread of learning how much weight I put on during the last month of the year. With that came the all-too-common New Year's resolution to lose the weight. Always ending in miserable failure. The hope that I have now is indescribable. I know I have a lot of work left in front of me, but that's okay.  I am committed to optimizing this tool, this gift. 

I hope all my friends, current and future, here at OH have a very Merry Christmas and happy holiday season. '08 is gonna be great!

Oh crap, I lost a Kindergartner!!!

Nov 28, 2007


Okay, so I didn't actually lose a kindergartner. However, the 40 pounds I've lost so far equate to a healthy 5 year old! That is just crazy. 

I went for my six week post-op yesterday and saw my surgeon. He told me I've lost 18% of my excess weight and dropped my BMI by 5 points. Then he proceeded to tell me, "You're doing 'okay'". What the heck??? I know some people lose 60 or 70 lbs in the same time frame, but I still think 40 lbs is pretty awesome. I actually felt a little discouraged. He advised he wanted to see me again in 2 months. So I told his office manager that my goal is to be unrecognizable at first glance when I return at the end of January.

Maybe I'm just telling myself what I want to hear. But, I truly think that the more failed diets and weight losses and gains you experience in your lifetime, the more difficult it becomes to lose weight. I think my body is fighting me all the way on the changes I've made. I honestly believe that my body will soon realize I'm not playin' around, and will have no choice but to start melting away. 

My Thanksgiving went well. I was very reasonable in my eating. All that I ate fit comfortably on a coffee saucer. I find though that I do not get sick really, unless I don't chew well enough or eat too fast. I ate stuffing! I ate an entire turkey sandwich the next day. Maybe I'm just eating too much and don't know what "full" feels like. I track every calorie I take in on a daily basis via
www.thedailyplate.com. I take in between 900 and 1100 on any given day. When I see how many calories others on this site take in, I feel like a total piglet! Oh well, my body knows what it needs and I try desperately not to listen to my head hunger. Hopefully I am doing what's right for me and I will still achieve the success I'm striving for. 

Until next time...

So it's been a month...

Nov 17, 2007


Well, I'm 32 days post op and 38 lbs lighter. I have to say I have zero complaints so far and couldn't be happier with my decision. I've started tracking my intake and activity via
www.thedailyplate.com. This has been immensely helpful for me. You can easily lose track of what you consume over the course of a day when you don't have a way to reflect on it. My stomach may be a fraction of it's former self, but if I put stuff in it a little at a time, all day long, I could be in trouble. I appreciate that this surgery is a tool that I have to master. It is not a cure or a silver bullet that can eliminate my life-long struggle with food. I have been exercising as much as possible, though I'm not able to do it every day, as I'd like. It's at least every other day though, which is a vast improvement over where I was before. As this belly disappears, I'm sure exercise will not only become easier, but more enjoyable as well. I look forward to that. I'm a bit sad that it is now winter time, because I would prefer to be adjusting to these changes with outdoor activities. Then my children could reap the benefits as well. Oh well, next spring and summer are going to be something special. I look forward to doing all the things I've avoided up until now, like taking them swimming and boating with my family. I can't wait!

On a different note... We're just a few days from Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays. This year it doesn't present the same feelings for me though. I am struggling with what to do for the holiday. I still have not shared my surgery with family and friends outside of a very small circle. I have been advising folks as they comment on my small meals that I am following a very strict diet that requires me to eat several very small meals a day. I just don't know if I feel like continuing with my explanations through the holiday. I may just go ahead and cook for my family and avoid the hassle all together. We shall see!



Nov 11, 2007


I just experienced what "dumping syndrome" officially feels like. ( I really wish someone would change the name of it though, it really sounds disgusting!) 

Anyway, I had some instant mashed potatoes with cheese and light sour cream, just like I have multiple days this week. I tried a different flavor, Four Cheese... After I ate, about twenty minutes later, I wanted to die. All of a sudden I got flushed, my head felt like it weighed 50 pounds, my stomach was cramping. I was in the restroom for at least 25 minutes before I could leave. I tried laying down. I barely hit the bed and another wave came over me. 

All in all, it took about 90 minutes for it all to pass and for me to feel normal again. WOW, was that miserable! 
I think we all need to go through that once, just not more than once.

On a different, much happier note, I just posted my one month post op pics! I wore the same outfits and stood in the same positions, just like I promised. I can really see the difference. No where near where I want to be, but it is awesome seeing lumpies getting less lumpy and fewer chins.  HA!!!

It's about !$#*(%&!~ Time...

Nov 10, 2007


So... I said I'd stop getting on the scale every day and I did. But when I got on it Monday, nothing! By now I really am coming to the conclusion that I will be the first case ever of someone having RNY and losing under 10 lbs. Of course that is how my luck works, so I wouldn't have been THAT surprised. However... I got on the scale this morning and I am down 4 lbs!!!!! I find myself talking to my scale each time I get on it. Today was the first time in quite a while that I had something nice to say to it. That puts me down 32 lbs total. I am starting to get excited again. 

I've also started getting a little more creative with my food and my protein drinks. This is helping me survive. Though I keep finding myself tempted to "test the waters" with whatever my family is eating. Last night I had two tiny bites of cheese pizza. The day before that, we ate out, and I tried a mushroom quesadilla. So far so good...

The only problem I seem to be experiencing started on Wednesday night. I have a dull, constant pain in my belly that doesn't want to go away. Unfortunately, when I eat or even drink, it gets worse. I stayed home sick from work on Thursday and slept almost the entire day. As soon as I took one sip of water, pain! I took some Maalox, worse still. It's almost like that sick feeling you get when you've waited too long to eat and the acids are eating away at you from the inside out. I left a message for my surgeon with no response. I'll follow up with him on Monday if it's still bothering me... 

Tomorrow my aunt will be coming over to re-take my pictures for my one month results. I plan to take them in the same two outfits in the same three poses so that I can really capture the differences. I want to be able to flip through them like those old cartoon books and see myself shrink. I know, I'm easily amused. I'll post them once she takes them.
Wish me luck!

Somebody hide the scale...

Nov 03, 2007


I have become obsessed with weighing myself everyday. Each day I got on it last week, it showed NOTHING! How discouraging just two weeks post-op. I even posted on a messageboard about my concerns. The advice I received was that my body is in shock and trying to hang on to whatever it can. At some point, it will have to let go and the pounds will begin falling off. I sure hope that's true. I don't see how it can't be, considering the number of calories I'm consuming. I guess my brain, which is so programmed to accept diet failure, was convincing me that this is yet another failed attempt to lose weight.

Anyway, I've made a commitment to myself to only weigh myself on Monday mornings. That's a start... 

I started back to work last Wednesday. How exhausting! By the time 1pm rolls around, I can barely hold my eyes open. I look forward to the time when my body adapts to the limited carbs and starts running on the fuel I'm providing it. Until then, I guess I'll just be thankful that my employer has a "Relaxation Room". It has those Homedics anti-gravity massaging chairs. I just go in there at my lunch time and take a power nap. 

So Far So Good...

Oct 25, 2007


So I'm 10 days out from my surgery. I think I have felt worse the last two days than I did the first two. I saw my surgeon on Tuesday and it was very short and sweet. He removed my butterfly stitches from the incisions that they didn't already fall off of on their own.  I advised him that I had begun my protein supplements one day early and was holding them down fine. I begged him if I could try an egg a few days early. He wouldn't tell me one way or the other. He simply informed me that some folks don't do too well with eggs. So I went home and ate one for dinner. It was VERY strange chewing something again. I hadn't chewed anything in 2.5 weeks and I nearly forgot how. It was a very peculiar feeling. I've never given much thought to chewing my food, especially to the extent we are required to now. All I kept thinking was I had to make sure every bite was too tiny to get stuck anywhere. I think the egg went okay, I didn't get nauseous or sick. I'm still limiting the amount though. I really just felt my body screaming to consume one, and I have now satisfied the request. I am sticking to potato and split pea soup this week. I've also been eating yogurt for breakfast. I'm having a really hard time getting all of my fluids in. I feel like I need to duct tape the bottle to my hand in order to get it all in. I can take two swallows and I'm fine. Take three, and I instantly get a pain in my belly like I overfilled it. Since I was a person that chugged water all day every day, this has been the hardest adjustment.

As of yesterday morning, I've lost 28 total lbs since I began my pre-op diet began. I lost 20 pre-op and another 8 since the surgery. I can already feel the difference in my clothes and can see it in my face. 

The transformation has officially begun...

I'm Back.........

Oct 18, 2007

Well, I'm officially home from the hospital and on my road to recovery. The surgery went well, so I hear. Apparently I was a raving lunatic during recovery, complaining about nausea and thirst, and moaning a lot. Ha Ha!  

I remember absolutely nothing about it from the moment I was wheeled into the operating room at 11:30ish until around 5pm when my IV machine started beeping in my room. Strangely, the worst pain I was experiencing was from my foley catheter. I even requested that the nurse call my surgeon and see if he would allow them to remove it early. That was a no. He said it was one way they were monitoring that all was going well. I didn't sleep well at all, awake every 30-45 minutes. Not from pain, but just discomfort, I guess. When the nurse came in at 5:30am and removed my catheter, it was off to the races! I started out walking 7 laps around the hospital floor. It was slow, since I had my IV cart in tow, but it felt good to move. By lunchtime, I was up to 10 laps. I was a machine! However, then it was time for me to get my xray. That drink was the foulest thing I've ever consumed. It instantly made me feel awful from head to toe. So I went back to bed. 

My surgeon came in and gave me the green light to start my liquid diet again. He even said I was doing so well I could go home a day early!  I elected not to, simply because I thought I needed another night to just focus on myself and my recovery. I would have surely overdone it had I gone home. 

I have now been home for 24 hours and I'm doing alright. Last night was rough because I was awakened by what I thought was a tornado at 1am. I finally got back to sleep, but when I awoke at 6am, my medication was completely worn off and I was hurtin'.  

The gas is the most difficult part. I have this full feeling like I had when I was 9 months pregnant. The Maalox isn't really helping, but the walking does. 

Till next time!

About Me
O'Fallon, MO
Surgery Date
Oct 28, 2003
Member Since

Friends 27

Latest Blog 14
What's wrong with me?
Just thought I'd check...
Fifty pounds, gone forever!!!
Oh crap, I lost a Kindergartner!!!
So it's been a month...
It's about !$#*(%&!~ Time...
Somebody hide the scale...
So Far So Good...
I'm Back.........