Lorena C.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

 hahaha i lost 20lbs over the summer on my own! no one is more shocked than me. so long since i posted on here hope everyone is well and happy. no date yet but im still working on it. : )

 So, i've been to the orientation, the support group meetings, therapist and now i need to see a nutritionist and speak with a surgeon. It was funny, my mom was on the phone the the secretary or whatever a nurse? was like which doctor would i like to speak to to perform my surgery, and i yelled "who ever is the best!" duh bitch. lol but yeah im excited its the only thing i look foward to nowadays, but im trying to stay optimistic about everything. easier said than done. Still scared about school. i just hate looking around in a see of people who do not look like me. i feel so alone sometimes... im uncomfortable and no one seems to understand what i mean, they just say go back to school like its so easy. i will return to school because frankly i have no other option and because i do want to finish. but it's all still very frustrating. thats why i love this site i know many other feel or have felt this way and i can speak or type whatever, freely. any advice? 

The past two months have been hard. I've been feeling down since leaving school and my job and I am just frustrated overall. I went to my meeting at the hospital but im not sure if i want to do my surgery there, because all the people who i know who have done the surgery did it at this other hospital, and thats were i wanna go because they have told me great things about the docs and nurses, and the hospital i was referred to is one i never heard of anyone doing their surgery. So i dunno, maybe thats stupid. I like the hospital where i was referred to and the surgeons seem competent, but i dont know. There werent as much fatties as i expected, some were no where near 40+ BMI. hmmmmmmmmm.... lol.  I am opting for laproscopic gastric bypass. the sleeve surgery sounds tempting, but i don't know too much about it, and anyway, my insurance doesn't cover that type of surgery.  my mama joined me...I love her <3. And the docs didnt say anything new. Dont you just love google? lol

 I hate going to school. Everyone just looks so comfortable and I am not, so im a hater. lol. I just wish I can go to school and not worry about if someone's gonna take my seat in the back row, cause i refuse to sit in the middle or the front of the class. I want to be in the background where no one can see me. Oh and being uncomfortable for hours squeezing in my chair trying to look comfortable, all the while trying to focus on my school work is hard work. I was watching the insider, which i am not to proud to admit, and Kevin Smith said believe it or not fat people just want to blend in, we try hard not to to stick out, ironic as that sounds, and it so true. No one is bothering me or making me feel insecure IT'S ALL ME. But as much as i try to be normal, which i am, I can't help but look around and see no one who resembles me in terms of weight. im always the biggest in my class, and im just sick of it. And im tired all the time (anemic for years) . i can't wait for surgery.   

 So, after waiting for about 2-3 weeks I finally got my referral letter to meet a doc concerning Weight Loss Surgery. When i got the letter, I was beyond thrilled, it was about 6 in the morning, and I even woke up my dear mother to tell her the news. She was groggy and a lil grumpy but she said "we'll talk about it later" and then said "don't be scared". Well, im no fool, i have plenty to be scared of, but im still excited. and nervous. I know its just 2 sheets of paper, but it's so much more than that. This is the beginning of a new (i don't want to say it) journey. ugh, lol. All that drama so early in the morning, but i just felt so happy, like i won the lottery? no. not the lottery, something better, a new  fresh start. lets see if i'll be this happy when they cut me open.