Mznikkitou
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4/15/05
I'm a happy person no matter what the size of the skin is i'm in.I just rather be in the smaller skin now.I've been researching the surgery for a number of years now, and recently decided that its not gonna get any safer then it is now.I have a 11 year old daughter that is about to graduate from elementary school and if i want to be around to see her graduate from high school and therefore. I better make the choice to change my life now. Anyone out there please feel free to give some encouraging words. until next time ...........hoping to be on the other side soon
4/19/05
Hi all, i have an appointment to start scheduling my test with Dr Merola on 4/22, wish me luck,i dont think that i'm nervous anymore, just content with being on the other side. My best friend is scheduled for her surgery the first week in may. Michelle best of luck and we will soon be on the other side together.I do however want to say to all the people out there hoping to have the surgery, that its funny how when u make the choice to go to the other side u find urself alone. everybody has something negative to say,my advice to u is, when u look in the mirror and ur not please with urself and u find urself in that place trying to figure out how u could have let this happen to urself where is all those people then, if u decide to do this, then do it. When its all over ur the only one walking in ur shoes. if anyone out there is listening any comments is more than welcome.
4/21/05
Hi all, tomorrow is the first one on one consultation with Dr. Merola. I'v done my research and found out some really good things about Dr Merola and the surgery, making me less scared.
i'm looking forward to being on the other side, hopefully things will work out for me........keeping my fingers crossed, i would love to hear from someone who recently had it, if ur out there please talk to me.
4/22/05
Hi, got a little disappointment today. I went for my first face to fact consultation with the doctor and found out that i needed a referral for the first consultaion. The person that scheduled the appointment failed to give me that bit of information. Lucky for me i'm in a place right now where, i wont be stopped. Michelle my best friend was with me and she was more disappointed for me then i was. lol go figure. But i did get a chance to meet some of the staff, and thank god,,,,,they were so nice.Well u know what they say, if u fall off, get back up and try again. that was a mere delay.I'm taking advantage of this delay and setting up some of the appointments i need in order to have the surgery.............will update later
4/25/05
Hi all, well i finally got an appointment with my pcp. I have to see her to get the referral i need for my face to face with Dr Merola, on the 6th. Oh yeah Michelle my best friend is having her surgery on Monday exactly one week away,,,,oh my god, we were screaming on the phone i'm so happy for her. We laugh everyday about this journey she saids she hopes she does not chicken out, yeah right like thats gonna happen. I hope everything goes good for me and i to will be traveling on the other side..........until next update. god bless
4/27/05
Hi all, i'm a little down but not because of myself. u see my significant other(my childs father and the only person i ever been with sexually) is stressing me out. i think that alot of it has to do with the fact that i'm planning on having the surgery
u know how they say misery loves company. i believe that unless he makes me miserable his day is not complete. i have notice that when i'm devoting all my time to him he is content, my day consist of me going to work and coming home and waiting for him to come over and be with me...sad i know but if i have one of my friends that is not of the same sex around he flips his lid and he's attached to me like a siamese twin. i know i'm to dependant on being around him and i even push people away who want to be around me and get to know me better. i think it has alot to do with how i feel about myself that i allow him to do me like this but i'm hoping when i loose weight for health reason that i loose him too.........well enough with my rambling i just needed to vent....... sometimes it gets like this.
4/22 later in the evening
Hi all again.......i almost forgot the real reason for updating today, i went to see my new pcp and she gave me the once over.family history etc. Dr wright she was very nice and caring. she immediately sent me for blood work to test for sugar and thyroid and what ever else she could think of. my blood pressure was ok,,,,,just ok. she wants me to come back in the morning to see if my blood work turned up ok or if i need some iron i've been very tired lately and cold i think my blood is low i'm anemic. she also thinks something is wrong with my ovaries being that i dont have my monthly as offen as i'm suppose to so she is sending me for an ultrasound........i know that it was easy getting fat......poof like magic i woke up and there it was but its really a hard job being fat. we should get paid for this...lol just kidding......until next time.....boy i hope my test comes back negative for sugar
4/28/05
Hi all, I had to go back to my pcp to get the result of some of my blood work, and found out not only am i anemic but i'm severe anemic. i also had to have a EKG. my doctor told me that she will clear me for my consultation with my surgeon but until anything else is done she will have to work on getting my blood count up. oh well she also had a physcologist sit in to evaluate the meeting. she was very helpful. my mind is made up to what i have to do.........pray for me..........and for Michelle her surgery is monday the 2nd..........until next time
5/2/05
Today Michelle had her surgery, i went to see her and she looked like she was in alot of pain but its what to be expected giving the circumstances, on the way home from the hospital i broke down and started crying, some of it was out of worrying prior to the surgery about what if she does not make it. what would i do without my best friend. All i kept asking myself on the way home was, how did we allow ourselves to get like this? to the point where we have to go through so much to get right. i was hurting, hurting for everyone who when they did make the decision to have the surgery all those who told them ,,,no dont do that, hurting out of fear for not being here to see my child grow up if i dont do something about it now. all and all i'm so happy for my friend her new life begans today. and soon i will be right there beside her on the losing side just like many of u. i hope i didnt ramble on to much. if u read this i hope it brings some comfit to u. until next time
Music Video:I NEED AN ANGEL (by Ruben Studdard)
5/06/05
Today i had my face to face with the surgeon, I honestly was not impressed. He had another dr stand in with him so it was like in a interrogation instead of a meeting, it went smooth once i reminded myself what i was there for. i guess i wanted to be a bit more personal meaning i want to get the feeling like he really did care instead i felt like i was there to get a service and leave, not like this person will have my life in his hands and i need to feel safe. Ok i will give it another chance.Well anyway i found out that i'm not 370lbs but 354lbs almost 20lbs less(wow) now when i look in the mirror maybe it will adjust my eyes so that i look 20lbs lighter. (i'm still fat)lol.daaaah Everyone said i should be happy about that(not) well yeah ok i'm happy that instead of my being 30lbs from being 400lbs, i'm almost 50lbs, what is that like a big mac away.....lol just trying to find the humor in this to keep from crying. By the way update on Michelle, she is still in alot of pain and cant do alot of things for herself. she is not to thrilled about that. but i guess once she gets pass the pain she will be just fine. by the way the doctor told me to try and lose 14lbs by the next visit, which will take place after all my evaluations. His said if i drink only diet that i will lose about a 1lb a week just from that,and no bread. I dont see that being a problem. but i hope that it works fast.well enough of this babbling.......utnt=(until next time)
5/13/05
Hi all, today i made three of the appointments that i need to get approval for the surgery. i never got the chance to tell you a little more about myself. I'm a 34 year old mother of a 11 year old daughter, thats thinks she 20 in attitude only. I have four younger brothers and a half sister. My mother died at the age of 41 of diabetes. I then had to raise three of my four brothers. I always think about everybody else first, always put everybody else first and now its time for me to put myself first. I'm 5'3, 354lbs, wearing a size 26/28. The doctor wants me to lose 14 more pounds before surgery and just to show u that everybody is different. Me and my best friend Michelle has the same surgeon and he didnt tell her to lose any weight before surgery and we are the same weight but not the same height.(ain't that about some nonsense) like i can just go lose 14lbs, then why would i need his help? lol just kiddin i will try. If anybody out there shares my feeling please feel free to send me an email, i will respond to all.
5/18/05
Hi everybody, I've got some bad news a couple of days ago. I went to my pcp to get some referrals for needed appointments to schedule the surgery, can u believe that i schedule all four appointments in a two week period(i meant business) well anyway getting to the bad news. I found out that one of my test showed that i have a small growth on my brain. The doctor said that its mostly likely benign but i'm very scared, she scheduled me for a catscan. she also said its nothing to worry about(yeah ok) a tumor on the brain is alot to be worried about but i'm trying not to let it get the best of me and make things worst. I got one appointment out of the way, and that was the one for pulmonary study. I have to meet with the nutritionist on 5/19. Then i have two more to schedule my final meeting with the surgeon. Pray for me. I have some good news and thats, my best friend Michelle is two weeks post op and she has lost a total of 30 lbs so far. well i have to go.but feel free to post a comment.
5/19/05
Hi all, well today i completed the visit to the nutritionist. I'm so happy i can jump(not, if i do it would be the first earthquake here in new york)lol just kidding. I have two more to go for the surgery, well two thats required to be scheduled. The nutritionist put me on a 1600 calorie diet(lol like that really worked before) cant u tell from the picture. Honestly, i dont know how she became a nutritionist she was kind of dingy but i dont give a darn she served her purpose. I see the cardiologist next week. I just got a interview for a hospital doing clerical work i hope i get it. i will not say anything about having the surgery i need this job so i can quit the dead end job i'm at right now. well wish me luck(utnt)
Future Update
6/03/05
Hi all, its been a little while and i still have appointments scheduled, its not a easy for me as i thought. I had all my appointments scheduled so fast but my appts did go as planned some of them had to be done in two parts some in three and i'm not finished yet but the good thing about it all is that i will have everything finished by the 21st leaving me to see the surgeon on the 24th and hopefully get me date then. i still have to have my cat scan for my brain and head to the growth. I have to go back to the pulmonary doctor and i still have to see the strenk. then all is good in the hood(lol).I've been going along with my life and not trying to think about this growth on my brain business because i dont want to make it worst. still having problems with the ex, but wait until this time next year, i wont be able to fart him away. he thinks because he is the only one that he can use and abuse me mentally that is, anyway and time he wants to. I have a surprise for him. By the way update on Michelle, she is now down 40lbs in four weeks( that heifer) i will have to catch when its my turn. Lol. i'm so happy for her.the only thing is that she is not seeing the difference, but i do. well enough of this babbling i'm signed on under his name and he does not know so i better go.lol.i'm being bad
6-22-05
Hi everybody, not in a good place right now, and because of this i havent updated in a little while, i'm almost finished with my evaluations for surgery. I have since the last time i posted lost 10lbs and i dont know if its due to stress or what. i recently found out my so called best friend was going behind my back and talking on the phone to my childs father. talk about a low hoe, sorry that slipped out that one of my nice names for her right now, i see now that she has been nominated for best actress for the part of playing my friend. can somebody say envy,always lerking in the backround jealous of the friendship i have with him. it took me some time to get my head straight and not make the 6 oclock news but i'm good now. and u know what
i'm not letting no one steal my sunshine away i'm still having my surgery and i will be better than ever mentally and physically. just felt like venting, u know i went for my catscan and got sent somewhere else because as they say it the machine wont accomodate me. WHAT IN THE HELL? u have to be kidding me. can i ask if ur over 300lbs what the heck are u suppose to was my question. but i then found out they have open. but i'm mad because u mean to tell me that if u have a tumor and u weigh over 300lb they dont have a machine to fit u in to find out life threatening information that might save ur life. that was the second reality check for me. besides not being able to fit on rides at the amusement parks. and u know what some movie theaters seats are to damn small too. i guess fat people are suppose to stay home eat and wait to died from being fat. did they ever stop to think that maybe we want to have some fun too. ok sorry my fans on this vent are going into over drive. love u all. until next time.
10-31-05
Hi everyone, its been a long time, i recently finished everything i needed to get approval and my surgeon wants me to have the laparscopic sleeve first to get me down to a less risk weight for bypass surgery hopefully i will lose enough weight and be trained enough to where i wont even need to do the other surgery. It seems like this surgery is of less. I scared but hey i will get over it.
i called my surgeons office back today to ask them if they got the go ahead and they gave me a date for the 15th of november ..................OMG i'm on my way pray for me
11/08/05
Hi all! well the date is right around the corner. i go for pre admission testing in the morning. so far everything is a go. i'm a little nervous but hopefully everything will be fine. I have alot of angels watching over me. i'm having these scary feelings that after i lose the weight, this sort of brick wall i put around myself will expose me to the wolves. everybody always saids u have a pretty face.(like ok what about the rest of me?) i keep asking myself why does it have to take surgery to make u eat normal. it took me along time to come to a decision about this i have been studying this possibility since my child was born about twelve years ago. i briefly mentioned that my surgeon wanted me to have two surgeries, but as for me i'm gonna make the first part work for me. its safer and less of a risk from what i'm told. Its called the sleevectomy, its not a bypass but a regulator i should say. instead of u have a big portion of ur stomach bypassed along with the part of the stomach that helps process the food. it simply removes the part that was strecthed out over the years and leaves with the processing part the part that helps u digest ur food and converts ur stomach to a normal size or a little less then normal. this surgery is a malobsorbant(i didnt spell that right). along with it being less risk it has its own little niches. one being that its long term effect is unconclusive. just like with bypass after a certain amount of time u will stop losing and there is a big chance that u will even start gaining alot of it back thats why they do this surgery in two parts. I have faith in myself that once i learn how to eat again like a normal person i will be fine...so whatever surgery u chose to have.... look at it from all the angles.........and god bless u on ur journey..........speak to u soon
11/09/05
Hi all, i went for pre admission testing and all went fine but one thing. they tell me that if my blood work comes back to low, i will have to pospone until a later date.........xxx fingers are crossed.
11/10/05
Hi, thats all i can say i'm depressed, i got some bad news today.
my bloodwork came back to low and the surgery has been posponed i think until january sometime. omg why does everything i do have to be a struggle and a fight.......i mean everything i do i have to fight hard,,,,,,something always blocks my way,,,they say God does not put anything in ur path that u cant conquer..........i believe that and return that with a question.... when does my testing stop? please i feel like i'm being punished for someone elses mistakes..... and i know God is a loving God...... i dont know what else to do.........what am i doing wrong?
sad
2006
12/06/05
Hi everyone. I would like to say thank u to all of the people who have given me support through post as well as just reading what i've wrote. My new surgery date is january nineth and i guess i'm siked. i just want to be on the other side of surgery, then i will have some sort of relief. You know its funny how when u decide to do something , something or someone tries to bring ur hope down, u know trying to block my blessings. that damn devil has such a easy job working on some of us. well for me i have decided not to let him interfere this time, as my brother saids it is what it is. i'm having this surgery. I read peoples profiles religiously as well as post on the black message board. No offense to others but i have been to other message boards and i dont get that honesty like on the baf board. I do however thank whoever thought of this website in entirety. i have learned so much and have been touched by the stories on here.
12/10/05
I'm back again, Hi everybody. I stayed home from work due to i had a root canal that was very much need and didnt want to be bothered with alot of silly questions from customers in customer service. I just read an email from my aunt telling me that she read my page and really liked and understood where i was coming from. she said that see really saw what i meant by how when u are this big u cant do certain things, get on rides at amusements parks, scared to fly because u dont want to be embarrassed about having to pay for two seats instead of one. and by the way who the hell thought of that BS i mean as if the airlines really will go broke from people taking two seats and paying for one. also now certain things at the doctor u cant even do because some machines wont accomodate u(meaning cant fit ur big ass in it) is what they want to say. i recently watched the Tyra Banks show where she put on the fat suit and i could relate so much to the ladies on her show because one of them was saying how at the end of the show tyra can take hers off but we cant. I mean i swear sometimes i feel like i'm trapped in this body. things u know u can do like dance just dont feel right when u do it but u feel like u could do so much more then u start to sweat and ur body gets tired like going up the stairs those firsts one are a breeze then when u get almost to the top,,,,,,forget about it. u feel like u just ran a marathon. i just watched something else on t.v. that made me say to myself what the hell happened to u. Oprah had these mature ladies on her show i mean like 50s and better looking like goddamn teenagers or something. I mean my hats is off to them.
12/20/05
Hi everyone been meaning to update but been running around going to dental appointment after appointment trying to get somethings out of the way before the surgery next month and sucking down those iron pills like candy i'm not playing. and on top of that we're having a big bus strike up here with more than one bus line. the city is basically on shut down. in the last couple of weeks i have had two root canals and one extraction. i tell u, i'm now an advocate for proper dental care and if u dont have insurance please get some. if u let things go too long ur teeth might look good on the outside but be infected on the inside. its no joke, seriously. i was reading a post from a girl saying that her boyfriend is somewhat jealous of her now and another post from a girl who said that her bf saids bad things to her to make her feel bad about herself. i'm kind of going throught he same thing and before now i would let it eat away at me and cry my eyes out all day, i could not function properly at work due to this. i use beg God to let me stop hurting so bad and see past this. and honey he does answer even if it takes time and u think u will never get that answer. i'm seeing things in a whole nother light now, and its funny because i use to be the strong one with my friends that use to tell them things to help them. i laugh at my ex now. i'm having this surgery for me and in hopes to prolong my days here for my child. i can honest give two#$#%$'s about what he has to say to me. i've come to realize that he is jealous of me, and insecure with himself. like many of these guys, as long as they have u where they want u and they think nobody else wants u they treat u like shit and walk all over u. when the idiot thinks some else is interested in me he flips out and then he wants to be mr. nice guy (oh hell no) because i didnt forget. so all i have to say is when they are putting u down ladies and making u feel worthless remember this, all that fly guy shit is all a front for the little boy inside that didnt get enough hugs from their mothers. or they didnt get enough attention back when they had braces, pimples or the rash on their backs. lol and in some cases still wetting the bed at over 30 yrs old.
ok do u feel me. i know most of u are laughing right now but seriously when they are trying to put u in the place where u think u cant do better think of this. no one can make u hurt unless they know what can hurt u. no one can make u laugh unless they know what makes u happy and baby girls u really can do bad all by urself. screw these little boys go find u a man who will cry when u cry and laugh when u laugh and if nobody told u today. I love u
SMILE!!!! dont let nobody steal ur
happiness.
P.S. watch out for back stabbers...............lol
5-14-06
Hi everyone ,HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. its been along time. i was suppose to have my surgery on 1-9-06 and unfortunately it was posponed again due to the fact that Dr Merola said my blood needed to be at least a 14 count before he would preformed surgery on me due to i'm high risk for a blood transfusion and being that the surgery is not a mandatory he does not want to put me at risk. i was so disappointed but life goes on. however i do have some good news also in january i got a new job paying more money while on vacation from another job needless to say i almost six months down the line and loving my bosses and some coworkers to death. i probably could have rescheduled the surgery by now but i have really falling into my new job so some things had to be put on hold. since i started this new job i have been more active walking more,eating differently. its funny how when ur life takes a change emotionally it also changes u physically. i've lost weight, and gain some back now its more inches because of all the city walking i have to do daily but i feel good and went down some pants sizes.i'm also learning how to deal with my body changing and dealing with the way that it is changing. it could really mess u up mentally if u dont figure out that there is a difference between losing weight ,gaining muscle and losing inches, i dont even think i can explain it but i do know that at first i had lost about 10 to 12 lbs then i went back to the doctor and was told that i gained it back but i went down two pants sizes and i was like can the scale be broke? well anyway once again i did not have my surgery yet and when it was postponed i was totally disgusted and through with the whole thing but my new job kept me from thinking about it and now that my lifestyle has changed i'm wanting to change me as well and onto and even healthy life. u know recently i was on the train and i heard this lady and this guy talking and she said she would be so pretty if she would just lose some weight. i looked at her and gave her the look like BITCH,,,then i started laughing because she was in need of a complete makeover not only to mention she should have been the star of what not to wear, and he looked like he had water on the brain or something. neither one of them was worth my time. well thats it until next. i will try to update more.
8/29/06
Hi everyone! it's been awhile..........wow, where do i began,,,well let me make this fast i'm on lunch break. well the new update on the surgery is, i'm in the process of trying to get a date again. my blood count kind of went up and recently went down a half point...i was up to ten and all the doctors say that should be good enough but i dont know what dr Merola is going to say to that. i recently went down to 9.5 which is not good..they gave me some birth control pills to regulate my blood..get this i'm 35 years old going on birth control like i'm trying to stop something when i have only been with one person in my whole life........sad on both parts,,,i know ...lol well i still want to get the sleeve or i probably would have try to go somewhere else with all the cancelled surgery dates......i'm trying to have it before the new year...and too all the people who read this....please drop a couple of lines and tell me how we can help each other i will respond to all....until then speak to u real soon....love ya
9/29/07
oh my god...finally i leave an updated message other than the my welcome post. hi everybody, i send in somewhat good spirits...i decided i want to try to get the lapband even though my doctor thinks i should get the sleeve. But for me i need the fastest healing and least hospital stay surgery and i believe i can still lose alot of weight with this one...all i ask is if ur reading this and u have experience the lapband surgery and there is anything i need to know please drop in a tell me. the reason for the change is that i need to be working to make money and the longer i'm out the least money i will make.
