Nancy1Marie

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March 9, 2009
I have a date. March 26th. It is a Thursday. I am not sure how I feel about this. It seems so unreal. I am not that excited---I am stuck in neutral. I don't care either way. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I have gone through all the hoops the insurance company asked me to do and I passed!  I feel I should be excited but I am not. I am a little nervous about the surgery itself but I expect that is normal. I have not had to go on any pre-op diet and very minimal pre-op exam has been ordered.

It has been awhile since I last posted. I have been sick off and on since last time. First, I was sick taking medicine for the bacteria causing ulcers and then secondly, I got asthmatic bronchitis and a sinus infection which lasted two weeks. I have my last appointment with the dietitian on Monday the 22ND, Then I see my doctor and he sends in all the information into my insurance company and then it is wait for approval.
I stayed on my diet until Thanksgiving and then I got sick and lost my appetite for a couple of weeks but boy am I pigging out now that I am feeling better. I have to get back on track. I have it in my mind this is the "last" Holiday Season so I am going to enjoy it to the hilt. Bad attitude! I have lost 17 pounds in 6 months but the way I am eating now I'll be gaining it back. I have had a lot of doubts the last couple of months about this surgery. Then I read posts and blogs for successful bandsters and I am inspired again. Will these doubts ever go away?

Well, I saw my dietician yesterday and I have lost 4 more pounds. I also only have two more months of appointments. Then off to my insurance company. I not too good with all this waiting. It gets me down.

Well, I have got one more step towards surgery taken care of. I passed my psyh evalulation. I got the okay this morning. I have my third dietitian appiontment this afternoon---jus three more to go!
I feel positive again!!!!! I was worried about that evaulation with my background. This surgery is really going to happen. I was scared that if I hadn't passed I would have to deal with the disappointment and I wasn't looking forward to that. It would of broken my heart to have failed. I am back on track!!!!!

I had my appointment with my surgeon on Monday. It went great.Last week I was having such a rough time what with my PCP trying to talk me out of the surgery for at least a year because my diet is going so good. I was depressed anyway because of all my doubts about if I could do this after all was said or done. And to top it all off I had to put my dog down on Saturday. It was a horrible week!
Well, my surgeon, bless his heart ,called my PCP and got her okay for the lapband. I feel real good about the change from gastric byoass. In fact, it has given me a peace of mind that reflects what is really right for me. I am happy.
Except I miss Toby soooo much,  I know he is at peace and is no longer in pain and he is in a place where there is no cancer. I had him put down here at home, which is in the country and is so beauitful, that he had a straight shot to heaven. i didn't want him to be stressed out. He went peacefully into the light at 9:15 AM on Saturday. I miss him so much.

I went to see my PCP yesterday and I have lost 9 pounds since I weighed in at the nutritionist. She was so impressed that she wants me to stay on the course and forget about surgery for now. I have done such a good job that all my blood workup has stablized. I don't know what to do? I love my doctor. I don't want to see another doctor but if she won't support me in this----well,I just don't know. I will just will have to give it over to God and let time take its course.

Happy Labor Day! I only have one week to go till I see my surgeon and I am getting excited. I will find out if I am going to have my surgery lap or open. I was a little concerned about having it open but I found the Over 50 forum and the wonderful people who have responed to me have waylaid most of my fears. it's been a quiet day with my family. Most of our family is in Germany today so there hasn't been the annual family picinc. The weather here has been extremely windy and cloudy. My prayers are with the people of LA, MS today. We put up with tornados and blizzards up here in Minnesota but they are better[ if any bad weather can be better] than hurricanes. I feel for them.

I'm back!!! I am once again gung ho about this surgery. I was second guessing my decision yesterday. I have to stay the course and let God guide the way.

I can't get over how inspiring some of the people are on this site. Their courage astounds me. I just hope I can dig deep down and find that same courage in myself. I am having doubts right now. I just finished a book---"Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies"---and it brought home the risks involved. I know that I have read about the risks here on this site but this book just made me wonder if I am doing the right thing. Then I went and looked in the mirror and I am reminded why I HAVE to have it done. I am so overweight that I am not going to live much longer if I don't. I hate being this old and being this fat. If only........I was younger.

I have lost three pounds last month. My nutrutionist was pleased with the start of my  new eating habits. She cut my insulin 60 units. That's a big drop for me. I told her about this site and she said one of her other clients has been on the site and has been frightnened by  all that can go wrong. I was just the opposite--I am more determend than ever to have this surgery. I find the stories inspiring and positive. I have read hundreds of profiles and I have only came on one person who regretted having the surgery. If this site had been available to me in 1998 I would have been on the loosing side ten years ago.