divorced

Jul 31, 2011

he came wednesday, called me and wanted to talk. he wants the divorce now, does not want to fight, does not want to hurt me anymore. thursday i went to see the lawyer and petitioned dissolution of marriage. onlly because he wanted me to not because i wanted to.  since he came from mexico my next step was to get him served. so after he invited me to breakfast on thursday (7/28/11) he said lets go to the court house to sign the papers.  we went together to the sherrifs dept to have him served.  he was scared he was going to get arrested for something? he was shaking.  so he got served and then we actually went for ice cream and he took me back home. we spoke like as if we were friends.  he cheated on me with a girl who is 23. he is 38. thats 15 yrs difference. she could be his daughter!  friends? how could we be friends?

so thursday night we spoke to each other over the phone till about midnight and texted each other too. i explained to him that friday we'd have to go to the lawyers office to sign the agreement.  we did go. peacefully together in the same vehicle.
he took me to have lunch and then went over to my house to mow the lawn, trim trees and take down a tree, fix the weed eater as well.... i couldnt be a "B*T*H to him.  i wanted so much to smack him in the face and tell him off but i couldnt.
before he left he hugged me and took my head and kissed me on my forehead then quickly on the lips....what was that supposed t mean?  he asked me not to change my phone number and that he'd call me.  he kept telling me what if in 15 days he comes back to stay with me.  how could i take him back if he's the one who wanted the divorce?  i dont know whats' gotten into him. he is a totally different person.

all if this after 5 inf treatments and gastric bypass -to loose the wieght and try to get pregnant on our own.  a month before our 13th wedding aniversary.... and from 240 lbs to 140 lbs in less than 9 months.
i feel so miserable right now.  i have the house we lived in (paid off), the truck, the car and some money in the bank...but none of that fills me --all i wanted was to save my marriage and nothing worked out the way i wanted.

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