nanyn

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

It's been such a long time since I've been here. I am 5 months out from my RNY. My starting weight in Oct was 357. Today I am weighing in at 266. This is so amazing to me. Sometimes its really hard to wrap my brain around the actual concept of being smaller. Especially when in comes to wearing clothes. I use to wear a size 34 at one time. Today I can zip up a size 20 with no problems. It's crazy. However the most important thing that I have practiced in this journey is that staying focused is so important. When loosing this much weight you will find yourself distracted by all sorts of things. Your clothes, the way people (men) respond to you, the way you feel, the amount of different things you are able to do. And sometimes these distractions can steer you away from whats right for you. I have had good experiences, but distractions are not something that I have allowed myself to get caught up in. I STAY FOCUSED. Over-eating, food addiction is a disease, I will always have to keep myself in check when it comes to food.  But for today I am grateful I am here, I am smaller, I am healthy and complication-free.

Today was a good day. I started on my soft food. I had a few teaspoons of lowfat cottage cheese for breakfast. I chewed and swallowed very slowly. I was so afraid of anything getting stuck or the feeling of any discomfort. But it went down ok. Lunch was about an ounce of canned chicken and a little bit of broth just to soften it up. It went down fine. I stopped when my body told me I was done. Dinner was 1 slice of very thin 95% fat free deli ham and one slice of fat free string cheese. I had no problems. I was so happy to actually chew something. lol. My hunger was lessened because of what i ate today and that was great. I'm getting ready to go back to work on Wednesday. This will really help me with my gym routine. I have had a hard time going to the gym. This is something I really have to work on. I am confidant that once I start work going to the gym will be easy right after work. I am eagar to complete this goal. The excersice we do is just as important as how we eat. 
Overall I am in a positive place. From here things can only get better.

I went to my Dr's office on 10/23, a week after my surgery. I weighed on this day. I was 14 lbs lighter. WoW just in one week. I was so happy. I felt motivated. this high lasted for a few days. However, today not even the memory of this day has made me feel better. I am struggling with being hungry, and I dont seem to have a problem swallowing a mouthful of liquids. I'm tired of the shakes (slimfast lowcarb) and I dont want to make a big deal about it. It's something that I have to stay on till I transission onto the soft foods, I'm just a little depressed. I didnt even go to the gym today. That just made things worse. I hate my connection with food. It still haunts me. I hope I feel better tomorrow. I dont want the remaining of my two weeks to be hell. I have to find my own Zen and dwell there. The last couple months I have been so positive, I cannot allow myself to become negative now, not after I have come this far. I deserve to be good to myself.  I cannot give myself anything less.

Oct 15, 2007

I woke up early about 6am. I was somewhat disoriented. I didn’t know what to wear. I didn’t want to do too much to my hair. I was starving. The nurse said nothing to eat after 6pm the day before and I was feeling it. I wanted something, anything would have been ok. My brother picked me and my mom up at around 945am. I felt better when I was with them they took the edge off of me. I felt really uneasy in the morning. Ok so this is my BIG day. A gazillion things were running through my head. I registered, had my labs drawn and I saw off to the prep room with mom. My goodbye to my brother was brief. Mom stayed with me the whole time. Till I went in. I felt bad that she would be there by herself. I trusted that my friends would join her soon. ……. Little is recalled after that. I woke up in recovery. I was choking on the tube in my throat.  The respitory guy at my side kept telling me to breath, and not strain. I couldn’t stand that thing. Finally he said ok it’s coming out. Relief!! Instantly. I kept thanking him. Later in the room, Mom, my brother and some friends were there. But I was out of it. I and my pain button buddy were gett’n cozy. I don’t recall any significant pain. But I was in and out like a dream out of sequence.

 

Oct 16^th.

I woke up. groggy, and starving. I kept wondering. Hey my Dr. perform the correct surgery on me. Why am I so hungry??? I couldn’t wait to have some water. And so I did. It felt weird. Tiny sips is all I was doing for a while. I walked that same day. Moving around wasn’t too bad I didn’t have too much pain. And if any discomfort would set in I push the magic button. Good day overall.  I started my shakes. and walked as often as I could. Some friends stopped by. Mom comes by with my brother that was nice I showered that night. I went to sleep happy.

 

Oct 17^th

My IV is killing my wrist. My friend Arianne, (another RNY girl from the same day) comes to sit in my room. It’s nice. Her shakes aren’t sitting too well with her. She’s very young, I hope she’s ok. We walked a little a few times a day. The shake is getting too thick for my palate. I really wish I was having my slim fast. I’m hanging in there.

 

Oct 18^th

I go home today. I feel good. No pain. Some discomfort from the drain is all I can really say.

 

Overall the surgery itself was problem free. I had little or no pain. Discomfort yea, of course this is major surgery. My anatomy has been altered. But nothings been unbearable.

Well my pre op day is tomorrow. I'm super nervous and I cant sleep. I fear that i will not meet the weight requirments. I weighed myself once last week and was immediatley obessed with the scale. I forced myself to stay off of it. Otherwise I would have been there every minute of the day. 

I really dont want to have my surgery day pushed back. But I do understand the reason for the weight loss. Nevertheless, I am gonna keep my chin up, pray and accept whatever outcome is in store for me tomorrow. 

Best Wishes to All

 I'm really up for the fight. My Pre-Op day is on Tuesday. I will spend Monday on nothing but liquids, hoping it will make some difference. I know I'velost al least 15 lbs, but I was suppose to make at least 20 to 26 lbs. Dont think I'll be quite there by tuesday. I'm really tripping about my date being cancelled for a later date. UUUgggrrrrrr. This is kinda fustrating. But the important thing is that I have not given up. I refuse to loose this battle against myself and against anything that gets in my path. I have become my own warrior.

Today was a good day. I've been good a sticking to my slimfast with minimal bitching. However over the weekend I realized that the 9th is right around the corner, and with this I was reminded of the nutritionist telling me she wanted at least 20 to 26 lbs lost by my weigh in on that day. I felt a little discouragement comming along. I even mentioned to my brother over the weekend of the possibility of a reschedule on my surgery date. I told him I didnt think I was loosing any weight. On the 19th of September I weighed in at 352. I have to be at least close to 315 to keep my Oct 15th date. Well he told me I looked smaller and to just keep up my routine. I've walked only a few times. I'm afraid of my appetite increasing, and the only thing that has carried me through the hunger is the water (74oz.) and tea that I have been drinking everyday religiously. 

Well anyways today at work, I asked the nurse at work if the scale in the hallway was working and she said yea hop on I'll weigh u. So there I went. The scale only gose up to 350. So I was ready to get off right away. I was standing there trying not watch and I didnt hear the familiar cluck of the balace hit the bottom when I've been there before. OMG I opened my eyes. And she said yea it looks like your at 337lbs. I was in shock. I told her about my recent weigh in. She congratulated me, and moved along to her duties. I stood there starring at the scale. There I was all weekend thinking I hadn't lost but maybe a few pounds if I was lucky, instead I was 15 lbs lighter. WoW!!!! Funny how Success is such a foreign thing to me. I called my Mom and brother. I was floating all day. I will continue on the path I have taken, knowing the rainbow is getting closer and closer. 

Best wishes to all....

On the 21st, I had an appt at Dr. Oliaks office for my labs and another little informative sessions with the Dr. Well I got there a little late so I came in a little frazzled and honestly I was just really pisst, when I walked in. However my weigh in really pushed all that fustration out of the way. I weighed in at 352. I was really happy cause in Dec I was about 379. So I was happy about that. Following that I sat down with the nurse. She reviewed my little quiz about WLS and she went over the answeres i had gotten wrong. Then she lets me know that I have to loose some weight before my surgery. She placed me on a  low carb slim fast routine. I have to have one for breakfast, one for lunch, then a good dinner.  She wants me to give her 30 to 50 lbs before my surgery on the 15th. Well it's sounding really unrealistic to me, but I decide to keep my mouth shut and be positive. Considering I'm made it through the hurdles and this will be the last one to jump.  Finally, I'm sent to the appointment dept. She gives me two choices, and my choice was Oct. 15th. I was so excited. I'm still really high on the fact that I have this day to look forward to. 

On Oct 9th, I have to return for an all day thing. I have to pre-register and weigh in. I really hope my efforst pay off. 

Wish me tons of love and luck.

 

 

First of all I would like to apologize. I have been terrible at blogging about my surgery and all the hurdle I have had to jump to finally be where I am at. So sorry once again.

Most of us are here to share, cause I know when I read people pages and about their experiences it really helps ease some of the anxiousness about WLS.

I in-turn have to not given back the same. Sniff sniff

Well my update for today is good. In the last week of August I went to a mini surgery conference at Dr. Oliaks office.. I took my then best friend with me. During the conference The Dr. explained the lap band procedure and the gastric bypass procedure to us. And just simply explained everything to us about before and after care, nutrition facts, and insurance issues. It was basically informative. At the end of the conference we met with his staff to review our paperwork, and I found out that I had met all of my requirements. Hooo Woooo. I was really happy to hear that. Being that most things seldom go my way I was really really happy. I walked out of there almost crying. On my way out my friend was silent. When asked to say something she said. “Well it all sounds great, the only obstacle I see, she says is the stuff in your head! “ What??? This is coming form the person who has witnessed millions of ““This doesn’t fit!!!” me tantrums over the years. How could she think like that? I snapped at her reminding her that this was not something I had just chosen to do. I reminded her that I have spent hours reading about this surgery and about everything related to the surgery. She said I was taking her comment personal. I said how can I not?? Since I realized and admitted to myself how much quality was lacking in my life due to my weight I decided that I would do anything to keep my self focused and determined to loose weight. During this entire time I have not allowed myself to create  and/or manifest any obstacles or insert any negative thoughts into my plans of having WLS. As tactfully as possible considering the molten lava that was forming in my stomach, I explained to her that my desire to feel better, improve my health, were greater than any struggle with my personality. I would remain steed fast in my mission. I was fully aware that in order for me to benefit I would have to correct my relationship with food. I have been overweight and miserable for most of my life, and the minute that I admitted this to my self, the sacrifices that I would have to make became easier to deal with. She was adamant in stating that it was her opinion and that I should not take it personal. I could not take it any other way. The plans that were to follow were cancelled, and we each went our separate ways for the day. After a few days I texted her to apologize even though I didn’t think it was my fault my friend is prideful and stubborn and for the sake of a 20 year old friendship I was the bigger person. However she did not respond. I’ve left her messages and still nothing. We were suppose to attend a concert a day before my 36^th birthday so I figured she would call then or at least to wish me a happy birthday. But still NOTHING. What I have come to realize is that. My friend is afraid of what is approaching. I am very outgoing now, and she’s made comments about not being able to keep up with me once I’m smaller. Well all I have to say is that the loss is hers. Sometime with friends YOUR DARKNESS CAN BE SOMEONES LIGHT. My darkness shall be no ones light. I know that in having WLS I will loose the friends that I sit down and eat with. I know that my change will make some people uncomfortable. And still these are things that will happen and will be dealt with. Yet nothing that is bound to change from my life will be mourned, but a celebration will arise as I become a  NEW ME!

 

Much Love and Blessings to all

 

 

WoW I just wrote "My Story" Now the many of this wonderful site will know me a little better. 
I'm glad I did it. It took me a while. But it's put my feelings back into perspective.....

Best wishes to All