Naomi236
Conceptualizing a new image of myself
Dec 11, 2009
Yesterday afternoon, I talked with 2 different co-workers about each of their weight loss surgery experiences. One had lap band done and the other did DS. They were both advocates for their unique surgeries, but I wasn't convinced I wanted to switch out of my plan to have RNY. Nevertheless, I got an idea from one of these fine ladies to join this website.
Later that night after sitting at the computer, mulling through this site and thinking about the surgery for a few hours, I thought: "What would I even look like smaller?" The thought was mostly sparked by a brief conversation I had in live chat on obesityhelp.com. When I informed the chat room that I planned to have RNY and that I sought to lose about 70 pounds, one of the women responded by saying that she thought I would be a better candidate for lap band and that RNY was really for people who wanted or needed to lose 100+ lbs.
I haven't actually been scheduled for surgery yet. I'm waiting til Jan 1 on my new insurance card and new insurance options to kick in with a zero deductable and lower out-of-pocket for in-patient procedures. So I have 3 weeks left to just sit and wait :-(. I'm not sure what I will do in this time frame to keep from going crazy.
Anyway, the point of my writing today is to say that the chat session response I got from a fellow member, made me think perhaps, I've been in denial about how my weight has affected me. When I look in the mirror, I don't really see an extremely obese person. However, over the last 2 years I noticed shopping for clothes became more and more difficult. I finally gave in sometime last year and starting shopping seriously at Lane Bryant. But still, most of their stuff doesn't work for me in terms of style and cut. But I did find a few good pairs of jeans.
So, I always thought of myself as curvy and sexy, not obese. So I did an internet search last night to see if I could find a website that could help me figure out what I would look like thinner. And I did find a couple. The one I chose was weightview.com. I took a picture of myself with my webcam, wearing long black tights and a singlet and submitted it to the site. A few hours later, I got my photoshopped picture back and I declare, it was pretty shocking. I printed out both the before photo and after photo and taped them up in my home office. Even now, I keep staring at them.
I am curvy. I wear a 40G bra and a 22W in jeans. Still, it never really sunk in that I was extremely obese. Even after my sisters looked horrified to see me after 7 years, when I went to visit them in 2008. I don't know. The before picture... I know it's me... it's how I look, but it's not that bad. But I also know I haven't had a date in a while... I don't seem to be catching anything with my current fish hooks ;-). However, the after picture, which makes me look about 25-40 lbs. lighter, still looks weird. I mean, it looks great, but I can tell this new image of myself might take some getting used to. Whatever happens with the surgery next year, I'm glad I'm doing this now. Perhaps if I keep looking at it I might get more accustomed to the idea of this new self.
