natashialeah

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Okay ya'll......Its been a very long time since I've been on my OH profile.  I think I've been hiding out.  I think this has always held me accountable for my food and weight and so I've been scared to come back.  No I havent gained my weight back but I have made lots of bad food choices and this has been very overwhelming.  It will be 2 years since my surgery in Aug of this year and I still have not reached my goal of 160 lbs.  I eat whatever I want especially chocolate.  Now dont get me wrong, I cant eat alot of it at once but I do eat it everyday.  Im so scared that I will gain all my weight back and I dont know how to control it.  The old mind set starts working and it tells me that I cant ever finish a diet and I cant ever hit a goal and automatically I start sabotaging my self and my weight loss.  Why do I do this?  All of my life I have come so close to finishing things and then I stop.  What is it that causes me to stop?  I have no idea.  I dont go to counseling although I have lots of friends now who have had this surgery.  My dad has even had the gastric sleeve since the last time I wrote.  He was doing awesome and has lost alot of weight but I see him doing the same things except his crutch is alcohol where mine is chocolate.  I was watching Oprah this morning and Starr Jones was on talking about her gastric bypass and how ashamed she was of it.  I am not ashamed of having it but sometimes I do hate telling people I had it.  I feel like they look at me as a wimp or someone who took the easy way out.  So many people dont realize this is NOT the easy way out.  This is not a magic wand, obviously or else I would be skinny now.  Im still in size 12 pants and I weigh 172.  My goal was to reach 160.  I've had 3 surgeries in the past year and infact am supposed to be on strict bed rest as we speak.  I would like to use the excuse that this has stalled my weight loss but Im not that naive to believe that.  I just make the wrong food choices.  My body doesnt get sick when I eat chocolate.  It does if I eat too much but that doesnt help me stop the initial eating.  Now that Im typing this and actually getting it out its making me aware of how bad things have gotten.  I hate that I was given a second chance at being a happy, healthy, thin person and now im abusing it.  My goal was to be healthy and thin and feel better about myself but all I see is the failure I am.  I havent reached my goal.  That is all I see.  I have the tape measure out today so I can do my measurements and Im fixing to go surf the chat rooms and get some inspiration.  This site did inspire me and motivate me in the beginning and Im praying that this is just what I need to get back on course.  I am typing this for two reasons.  One, I need to hold myself accountable for what I've been doing and 2, I think someone out there is going through the same thing and we can motivate each other.  Either way I am back and as soon as I am released from this bed rest I am gonna be back at the gym and eating better.  I am gonna start the eating better now.  I want to be healthy and I want to be out of double digit clothes once and for all.  Thanks for bearing with me all these months and thanks to all my dependable friends who never stopped caring and writing.  It meant alot.  MUAH

The last time I did this was last year in April so this is my yearly comparison.lol

Last weight: 195    Current weight: 172     23 lbs lost
Arms: 13 in             Arms: 12 in        1 inch lost
Waist: 35 in            Waist: 33 in        2 inch lost
Chest: 40 1/2 in    Chest: 37 in        3 1/2 inch lost
Hips: 46 in             Hips:  41in          5 inch lost
Thighs: 26 in         Thighs: 24 in      2 inch lost
Neck: 13                Neck: 12 1/2 in   1/2 inch lost

Weight loss: 23 lbs
Inch loss: 14 inches

Total weight loss to date: 136 lbs
Total inch loss to date: 58 inches

Wow, I guess I did better than I thought.  This may be just the inspiration I needed to get this going again!  I can do this!

Okay so its been a while since I've been on here.  Sorry about that but life has been very busy.  I am finally down to One-derland!!!!  Its very exciting to be out of 200's since I haven't seen One hundred and something in 14 years.  OMG that is almost half my life........So here it is.....

Weight:  195   (-19lbs)   (still feels funny saying that)

Measurements....


Waist: 35  -  same
Hips:  46  - (-1)
Thigh: 26 - (-1)
Chest: 40 1/2 - same
Neck: 13  - (-1/2)
Arm:  13  -  (-1/2)

Monthly stats:
inches lost:  3
weight lost: 19 lbs

Total weight loss to date:  113 lbs
Total inches lost:  44 inches

Okay so its 6 months now.......here are my stats

Weight:  214    Total weight loss:  94lbs

Waist: 35
Hips: 47
Thigh: 27
Arm: 13 1/2
Chest: 40 1/2
Neck: 13 1/2    Total inches lost: 41

Total weight lost this month: 8lbs
Total inches lost this month: 7 inches

Im down to the wire and it doesnt look like Im gonna be making my b-day goal.  I wanted to be in One-derland by March 5.......I have been pretty much on a stall these past 3 weeks and its very frustrating.  I am, however, very happy to announce I have been running (jogging) a mile every day at the gym.  Who would have thought I could run......I actually love it and it motivates me everyday to beat my time.  I do see a big change in my muscle tone all over my body and im so glad I do work out a bunch.  I am growing to love the new me!  I also just got a new (dramatic) hair do and will be posting new pics of my 6mths real soon.  PROMISE!  :)

Okay I cant find my folder with my last month measurements so i'll just put all my measurements this month and write the total lost since pre op.  

Weight:  222 lbs     Loss of 86 lbs

Waist: 37 in  (-8 1/2in)
Hips: 49 in  (-10 in)
Thigh: 28 in (-4 in)
Arm: 14  (-3 in)
Chest: 42 in  (-6 1/2 in)
Neck: 13 1/2 in  (-2 in)

Total inches lost:  34 inches
Total weight lost:  86 lbs

I had a job interview today and I wore a size 16 pants with a size Lg shirt.  I actually havent worn that shirt in almost 9 years so im very excited about that.  Im struggling at the weight part.  For some reason my body likes to stay on stalls.  I guess its testing my motivation b/c I have a ONE-derland goal to reach before my birthday on March 5.....Wish me luck!

I'll try and post some pics tonight or tomorrow.  Hope everyone is well and sorry I havent been posting and emailing ya'll lately.  I'll try to do better!  MUAH

Okay so Im 4 months out now.  I have lost another 14 lbs this month and only lost 2 inches (and you would know it was from my boobs) lol.  That makes a total of 78 lbs lost and 27 1/2 inches.  I am now fitting into some size 18 jeans and size 14 shirts.  I am very excited about that but cant fit into my old navy 18 jeans.  I can fit into old navy size 16 shorts and skirts but not 18 pants.  I guess cause I carry most of my weight in my fat legs.  Oh well at least im out of the 20's now.  I cleaned out my closet and loaded up 3 bags of clothes for one of my friends.  I was shocked to see that I even has size 26 jeans in my closet.  I guess I lived in denial about how big I really was.  My husband was so shocked that I actually got rid of clothes for once in 8 years.  LOL  Well this is the first time I actually knew I WASNT EVER gonna need them again!!!

Well it was a great day.  I was very proud of myself.  I cooked green bean casserole with cheese in it, 5 cheese mac & cheese and 2 pumpkin, pecan pies.  My family all got together at my dads and we had a FEAST but I only ate a few bites of my favs and started with the ham and turkey.  I fixed my hubby & kids plates and it actually grossed me out to see the amounts of food I used to eat.  I ended up going outside while they all eat b/c the smell and site of it all nauseated me.  I started sweating and feeling sick.  That is so funny.  I only ate that one small portion all day b/c I didnt want anymore after that episode earlier.  I ended up losing 2 lbs that day which was great b/c normally I would have gained it and more.  I took a pic that day which im not that thrilled with but at least ya'll can see me.  I did have a wow moment on Saturday when I went shopping at Cato's.  I actually got into a size 18 pants and skirt.  I also wore a 14 shirt.  That was crazy.  I still dont fit in my old navy 18 pants so I guess they are made bigger but it was great anyway.  I cant wait to fit in my old navy pants.  A friend gave me tons of 14, 16 & 18's old navy jeans.  They are sooooo cute.  Dont worry when I squeeze into them, you will all see the pics!  ha ha ha

Well im sorry its been so long but i've been struggling with female issues even though I had my surgery.  Im still having bleeding but not as heavy as before.  Its still a major pain in the butt.  I took my measurements and weight but havent taken new pics yet.  I will try and do that at Thanksgiving.

Pre-op Weight :  308
1mth: 266
2mth: 254
3mth: 244

Total inches lost:
1mth: 15 1/2 inches
3mth: 25 1/2 inches

Pre-op Size Clothes:  24 pants/ XXL shirts
1mth:  24/XXL
2mth: 22/XL
3mth: 20/Lg

Well I finally went to the gyn after many years of avoiding her and it seems as if I have LOTS going on.  They put me on LOTS of birth control pills to stop my bleeding but its only made me violently nauseated and major migraines.  I've been feeling pretty bad for a couple of weeks now.  I've been bleeding of and on since surgery and with my anemia it can be really bad.  Im having surgery wednesday and they will do 3 things.  D&C, tubal ligation and Novasure.  That is the new hysterectomy procedure which is outpatient.  Im hoping this will end all my problems.  I havent been able to lose much weight and Im sure its b/c im always bleeding and always bloated.  My body is going nuts.  I havent been able to work out b/c I've been in so much pain and been exhausted.  Well I'll try and to keep ya'll posted.  I lost my measuring tape so I didnt take my 2nd month measurements but I did take my pics.  I dont see any difference at all so its been a slow month.  Its very depressing......

Beginning weight: 308lbs      One month post op:  265lbs

Waist:  45 1/2 in.                   Waist:  40 1/2 in.    (-5 inches)
Hips:    59 in.                         Hips:   55 in.           (-4 inches)
Thigh:   32 in.                         Thigh:  31 in.          (-1 inches)
Breast:  48 1/2 in.                  Breast: 46 in.          (-2 1/2 inches)
Neck:     15 1/2 in.                  Neck:    14 1/2 in.    (-1 inch)
Arm:       17 in.                         Arm:      15 in.          (-2 inches)

Total weight loss:  43 lbs
Total inches loss:  15 1/2 inches

Okay my doc's visit went great.  She said Im all healed and can go back to my normal activities.  ALL CLEAR!!!  I can even start crunches now :) YAY!
Im down 42lbs today.  I am very excited about that b/c I've been on a stall for a while.  Im not eating very much b/c Im tired of the choices I have.  I am drinking my liquid protein so that helps alot.  I have been hungry lately but its easier not to eat than to eat something I dont want.  My blood work came back good except my protein was a little low.  She said that is normal for the first month.  I told her I was getting it all in now so it should pick up.  My next appt is the day before Thanksgiving.  Gosh its so weird to think that I wont be stuffing myself and gaining lots of weight this holiday season.  Its actually very liberating.  My life no longer revolves around food.  Its wonderful.  I try and hit the gym everyday and no longer is FOOD my number one priority.  I've been cooking healthy things for my family to eat.  Sometimes its hard b/c I really want a salad right now.  Im really craving it BAD.  I cant wait til im on regular foods.  As for chocolate and my period......well I found the sugar free chocolates and the turtle candies are DELICIOUS.....I chew chew chew it and can only eat one but it satisfies my craving and its good.  Im not really craving it as much as I thought I would since Im a choco-holic.  I actually crave real food now.  Its true, whatever you cant have, you really want!  Well I'll try and update on the 15th.  Im gonna put pics and my measurements on that month anniversary.  Hope ya'll enjoy!  MUAH