Natasha B.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Boy things change when you go threw WLS!!

I have alot of mixed feelings lately about myself and how others view me. Especially my husband. This is in no way meant to bash him, but this post will be mostly about him.

I'm not sure how he feels about me anymore. Without going too deep into details, our sex life is null and void. He has no interest in being intimate with me. He has expressed this on several occasions, but also says he has no interest in sex at all. Then his actions say otherwise, that he just has no interest in sex with ME. I'm not saying he's cheated on me, but it's apparent he has an appetite for sex, just not with me. So what do I do to fix this? Where do I go from here? For once in my life I am taking pride in my appearance and my health. I have this new found self esteem and actually like how I look. I feel SEXY. I wore a dress for like the first time in years yesterday, and he didn't say a work. I wore heals, looked great and he just looked at me like I was wearing sweats. He doesn't see me anymore. I had to ASK him if I looked good? The obvious response, yes.

I have a need that needs to be met. That need is that I am wanted and am beautiful. Currently it's not being met, and I am not sure if it ever will be met with him again.

I love my husband dearly, and can't picture my life without him, but at what extent do you stop putting up with something like that and allow yourself to deserve MORE?

So here I sit, in Aggie's living room, at 7:40 am brewing coffee. LOL 6 months ago I had never met the guy. S I X short months ago, we had our life changing surgery done. Now we are totaly different people on the outside. We shared a meal that would never have fed one of us before! We had drinks, hot tubbed , shared laughs, and made some memories we will neve live down. HAHAHA "I can't feel my face!".............. "Hecho?"................"SLAVE? SLAV!!!!!"..........Ate too much fat - I'm paying for it this morning let me tell you! Damn Aggie is such a good COOK!

This is how I spent my 6 month sergiversary. I am down 110 lbs - I weighed in on Wednesday at 185 lbs. I can't belive it. We came to ottawa (it has been a year since I have been here) we spent 2 days with my bf Ann-Maire and her family then we came to Aggie and Shawn's place for 2 days (with the kids) we went for a dinner at Lone Star with some of the Ottawa OH memebers. Thanks to Bev for putting it together. I wish I could have mingled a bit more, but I was so out of my element and felt shy (which anyone who knows me would find that really really hard to belive) It was so nice to met everyone that came, and I hope to be able to see them all again soon.

I did a bit of shopping. Last year when we came here, I couldn't buy any clothes - well this time I walked into Jacobb and bought stuff! HA! HELLO! I got an XL and didn't try them on, and should have got a L. I'm still having a hard time grasping what size I am! Such an adjustment. Picked up some great books too.

So in another 6 month I will be one year out. I wonder how much different the next 6 months will be? I am excited to find out.

WOW - it's been 4 months since surgery. OMG...where has the time gone? I am down 90 lbs. I can't belive it. What would I have done without this surgery? I would probably have been another 40 lbs heavier. I am so glad I made this decision to have surgery. It's my birthday today and we set a goal months ago that by my birthday I would be 4-5 lbs away from 200 - well I'm 205 lbs today. I hope by Christmas I am 200 one week. I am averaging 4 lbs a week, I should make it (I dunno withChristmas tho and that ice cream I'm gonna eat tonight) hahahaha

I know Dr.L was VERY happy with my progress when I saw him in October. He actually wanted me to eat MORE! Well bigger portions at meal time and not to snack inbetween. His goal for me is 125 lbs. It seems CRAZY for me to have a goal of that..I am shooting for 150. If I get to 150 I will be sooo happy with that! If I keep loosing then right on, but I don't want to get all caught up in numbers. If I feel good in my own skin..that is where I will want to stay....

Still not working right now and am ok with that. I am going a bit nuts..but am working part time at Vivah Jewellery for the season it's good to get out and talk to adults instead of chatting with a 3 yr old all day..which I don't mind most of the time...lol

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday with their friends and family. xoxoxoxoxo

Natasha ♥

sooooo I am 234 lbs that's 60.5 bs gone for life. So why am I not jumping for joy? I am - don't get me wrong - on most days. I am getting my period so I'm a little more bummed then usual.

I had to cancel my 3 month post op apt with Dr. L. My Van is broken. With me not working - cash flow is low. I was soooooo looking forward to going and seeing Shawn and Aggie. I also wanted to hear from Dr. L how my progress is and if I'm on the right track. I think I am, but it would still be good to hear it from him. I am going to make my 6 month and 1 year apt. HAVE TO!

We are going to Ottawa in December, so I will get to see Aggie and his new baby girl! heheheh

In other news...........

Digit is fitting in great. She is sooooooooo affectionate. We also finally got our 3rd doggie addition. Ruckus - he is a 7 week old min pin. He is sooooo freaking cute. He makes a huge RUCKUS all day..love him..I felt bad last night I had to pen him (he usually sleeps with me)..he was not feeling very well (he's being dewormed, so he was vomitting and had the runs) he cried all night. He's such a momma's boy! We are kind of litter training him, but not with litter, with a tote and puppy training pads - he is so small and freezes when he goes outside...YES we have snow already!

He is curled up in a small little 3 lb ball cuddeling beside me....all my furbabies are getting along great.

So I was feeling rotten until I made this post. Now I feel pretty good. Things are generally good..just having a small downer week. My period is so messed up since surgery. I spot for liek a week, then get my period for 5 days heavy. It's insane. I want the bits taken OUT! lol I think I might bed my GP to take em out..lol..not like he will but hey..I can ask...right? lol

I am sooooooooooooo stoaked for Halloween! We are going to Northern Pride with a bunch of friends. I am being a greek goddess with tons of boobies hanging out. I'll make sure to post pics..I actually feel SEXY in that costume..WOW..never thought I would say that!!

I love my DS!!!

October 13th was my 2 month surgiversary. WOW - 2 months past already. I can't believe it. I'm feeling great - getting lots of good food in. Starting to get out more, my energy level is alot higher.

I am IN LOVE with cooking and finding recipes. It's a new obsession I think. I don't feel guilty cooking something then eating it. Before I never wanted to cook, because I would over eat and fall into this shame spiral. Not anymore. My husband loves it, he hardly cooks EVER! I do have to learn to cook LESS tho. My eyes still can't judge how much too cook and I'm still cooking like I was for 3 adults and 2 kids, not I have to cook for 2 adults and 3 kids.

I weighed in on the 13th at 237.5 lbs - 57 lbs gone for life. 50 since surgery and 7 pre op. OMG that is nuts. I have not been this small since before I got pregnant the first time. 5 years later I have LOST ALL MY BABY WEIGHT and then some!!!!! LMAO

I am falling out of my clothes tho..I am in a comfy 18, I will probably die when I put my first pair of 16's on. HAHAHA From a tight 24 - WOW

The only downside is that my boobs are not really going anywhere. They are still way too big. They shrunk a bit, but my god. I put on a XL little tank from Old Navy and it was so big in the waist, but the boobs..omg...my gf was crying she was laughing so hard..I should have taken a picture...JEESE!!!!! I can wear La Senza bras but I'm a freaking 40E!

One thing I didn't do was take measurements. I happy with just seeing how loose my clothes get.

In other news....

My gramma was sent home yesterday...WITH HER LEG! Thank god! They did a skin graft last week and it took and she got to come home. she was in there for a MONTH and had flesh eating in her leg. That was a nightmare. I am so glad she is home.

I still miss my cat Jazzey a whole bunch. RIP We did adopt another kitten on Thursday. Her name is Digit (she has extra toes) She is so cute and loves to cuddle. She is asleep on my shoulder right now. I wanted to name her Kali.. who is a Hindu goddess of death,  time and change- which I found very appropriate, but DH loved digit - to me she is still Kali...boy the comfort I am getting from her...it's almost like she knows...

Here's a recent pic of moi....

Around 7:00 my doorbell rang. It was my neighbour across the street he said he was next door talking to the neighbours and they told him we had a white and orange cat ..I said yeah we do...Jazzey...he said he hated to be the one to tell me this, but that she was dead in his backyard. I asked if he the cat had a collar on, he said yes, a multicolour one with Cassell Animal Hospital tags on it.. I started to cry and said yeah that's her. He said he saw her laying on the lawn with another cat over her and he went to see her and she was pretty stiff..so she had been there for a few hours. There was no sign of trauma on here or blood anywhere. 

Dave went over and got her he said yeah it's her. Are you sure you want to see her? I did, I needed to see for myself. He unwrapped the blanket and there was my cat - dead. She was only 2. Her eyes were open and rolled back into her head and she was stiff as a board. I took off her collar and petted her for a good 10 minutes sobbing.

We both thought she was poisioned, but after reading on the net, she would have shown signs of being sick - which she wasn't becuase around noon, she was her crazy self. She must have been hit by a car and died of internal bleeding.

That cat was Hoodini and always got out. I just posted a few weeks that she was missing - well this time she isn't coming home. She had NO claws and was supposed to be an indoor cat. She would sit at the door and CRY for hours to get out, the whole time pawing at the door. She should have stayed a barn cat.

We burried her in my fgarden and Dave made a cross out ouf bamboo and we put her collar on it.

I miss my cat!

I love you Jazzey RIP

Yesterday marked my 7 week update...thing are going well. I am down 51 lbs since my consult 44 since surgery. WOW!! I feel wonderful, other then I have a nasty chest cold. hahaha

My Grams is still in the hospital with her leg. She has had 3 operations and has this Vac on it to help it heal. She is scheduled for a skin graft on Tuesday. She will have to stay in the hospital another 10 days after that. That's been a MONTH she has been in the hospital. I hope she gets better soon. I am learning to be more independent with out her - which is good for me, but I miss her soooooooo much.

I got my WLS tattoo on Friday, September 26 - LOVE IT. My artist is amazing. He did exactly what I wanted, and I never even had a verbal conversation with him..only threw email. He is an amazing artist!!!

So what am I eating at 7 weeks out? I still can't eat alot, maybe 3-6 tbs of food. I can't drink those protein shakes anymore...shudder!!! I'm trying to eat more protein. I am not sure how much I'm getting in. I should track it!

I can eat....

Chicken nuggets from Mcdicks (only 2)
Pizza Hut Edge Supreme pizza (only 2 squares)
Ground Beef
Roast beef
Chicken
Fish (even breaded)
Popcorn (THANK GOD)
Any kind of veggie - spaghetti squash is my FAVE
Eggs
Cheese
Oatmeal
any cold cereal
ESPRESSO!! YEAH!!!
crystal lite

I can NOT eat
Pasta, bread, any kind of melon, Bananas *shudder*


So far, I am pretty happy with my progress and where I am at mentally. I thought I was going to have HUGE issues with the amout of food and the type of food I can eat, but so far I don't and I hope it stays that way. I did so much work before surgery to prepare, and I am still doing it every two weeks, I think I am going to be safe.

Eat to live, not live to eat!!

Khala and some friends gave me new clothes!! Thank god..I needed them. Most are still too small, but I bet by Christmas I will be in most of them! I can't wait.

Not many of you know this, but my grandparents rasied me (my dad's parents) well she is my MOM in my books. She is 73 and so far has been healthy as a horse. She is such a huge part of my life. She took care of my kids EVERYDAY when I was working.

2 months ago she had an ulcer in her vein in her leg. It seemed to heal up - well she started complaining of some pain (which wasn't unsual for her, she always has pain in that leg - she also has an artificial knee) Her Right leg is just a mess.

Well at the begining of the month she was in London and told me when she got back, she could barley walk. When she came home she contacted the clinic she goes to and they couldn't fit her in. Well this weekend she went to Ottawa and her legs went to hell in a handbasket! It is swollen and red from her ankel to her knee - My gramps drove from Ottawa to North Bay on Saturday and took her right to the ER. They admitted her right away and found she has an infection. The surgeon gave her surgery right away to cut out all the dead tissue - turns out he also removed a bunch of blood clots. They packed her leg and put her on the pain drip. She also has a blood infection.

My Gramps call today and said the surgeron who originally took the ulcer out of her leg was back from vacation and is taking her BACK into surgery again today.

I'm freaking out and dont' know how to handel this. SHE is the world to me and I don't kow what I will do without her..I hope to GOD she is going to be ok!!!

Thanks for listening!

Wow - I can't belive it's a month already! I'm feeling great! Food is going down well - and I have been trying new things with no ill effects. Well minus the veggie dogs and M&M veggie burgers..NASTY!

I'm still not hungry like I used to be, but I do feel hunger. It is gone the minute I eat somthing tho.

I have lost 40 lbs since consult! I am at 254 lbs. WOW I feel great! I went from a TIGHT 24 to a tight 20. I'm not buying any clothes so..because hopefully I will be out of this size and into something else soon. Khala says she has 5 garbage bags full of clothes for me. WOW ........my god!! I owe her BIG TIME!! I just have to go pick it up I guess!! LOVE YOU KHALA!!! xoxoxoxox

I do have to UP my water intake and make sure to get at least ONE shake in a day..but it's hard! I'm getting much better at eating SLOW and chewing!! I don't like the pain I feel when I eat too fast..it's a GREAT thing, even tho it sucks!

Dave's pretty happy with the weight loss thus far...he's so cute. He keeps making fun of my small head! Apparently I lost all 40 lbs on my head. My hair was in BAD shape after surgery so we shaved her down. My hair is super short, but it's coming back nice.

I'm going to get Dave to take some pics today and post them (I need to see it for myself) I see I've lost weight, but won't really SEE it until it's in my face...KWIM?

I'm so excited for Sept 26 - I'm getting my WLS tattoo. It's not to celebrate a surgervisary - it's to celebrate the start of my new life. For those who know me, I have a HUGE piece planned for my one year! My full left arm. WOOT!!  Yes - I'm a HUGE Tattoo nut!

Dave and I have been talking about the next few month, him applying to the military and us moving. I can't wait !! We decided that when we sell the house we will spend the money on US - he gets a bike and I'm going to have my plastics money. He is all for it. Thank god!!

Life is great - it's only going to get better!!

xoxoxoxo Love you all!

The eating is getting better! So far I can eat...

Special K
2% milk
Corn Bran
Weight Smart Oatmeal
Eggs
GNC Strawberry Why Portien
Chicken
rice
tomato soup
parm cheese
moz cheese
sugar free pudding
sugar free popsciles
sugar free jello
tomatoes
cucumbers
apple sauce (even tho I don't like the taste)
cooked carrots and broc

I have to admit that I am really tired of eating all this meat...BLECH!
What did I eat before surgery? I almost HATE eating now...there is no enjoyment in it anymore..lol...maybe that's a good thing????