It's a Man Down, Hostage Situation!!!

Jan 24, 2010

Ok, I know I have not been around for quite some time. Almost 3 months to be exact. Well lets cut to it. Statistically speaking, I got down to my lowest weight of 217. But for some reason I couldnt understand why I wasnt losing anymore weight. Well honestly, I knew why. I hadnt been to the gym since October and although I could barely eat, I could barely stand and stay a awake either. So I dialed my favorite surgeon's office, and spoke to Jessica who scheduled me for an appt on 12/18/2009. I thought I was having a wonderful side effect free post op situation, until about the end of November. Then I panicked. I thought I had a bowel obstruction or any of the other horrible things you read about people getting post op. I went on about my life, continued to work and waited on my impending appts to be held in 3 weeks. Then again, I forgot that I had just bought a house and had recently went through the most stressful, dramatic, emotional rollercoaster of my ENTIRE LIFE. Let me tell you the pressure Obama had me under thinking I had to close by 11/1/2009 in order to get my $8K TAX CREDIT.  Then the government, true to form, extended the date to now what seems like 2012. BUt I digress....So im tired. My house is huge. HOnestly, what was I damn thinking. I get home from work and go upstairs to my bedroom, and I cannot leave. So much so, my husband relocated my mini fridge and microwave to the laundry room so I wouldnt have to starve myself. I literally refused to go downstairs after I got home from work. I would rather nibble on my puppies toes than take that trek down them damn stairs and back up again.

I spent my evenings drinking glasses of White zinfandel, trying to be social and hang out with friends, and continue to be the Hott Girl that God intended to be. But I could not eat more than a spoonful of food in a sitting. That was my meals. Panicking. WTH is going on. The final straw is being starvational, at work, people pissing me off I'd had it. I had a major meltdown/tantrum at work that took me to the breakroom staring at the vending machine about to do the unthinkable. Then it hit me! Fridays fried string beans.....mmmmmm....and a strawberry Daiquiri. I called my closest Gay friends and we went out 12/6/2009. After my 94th daiguiri and the feelings of dumping coming along, I made my trek into my house, climbed Mount Everest to my bedroom to crash. Well Low and behold, that other pregnancy test. The one that was on the floor in the bathroom for the past month from when I took the first negative. IN my drunken stupor, I did what any other well respected, drunk hot momma would do---I peed on it. Still debating that decision right now....It was positive. Can I tell you I'm as pregnant as a naked bunny in heat!

I feel like a hostage in my own body. I dont know what I'm supposed to feel like. Im not sure if Gastric Bypass makes it feel different. But I cannot eat. I feel like I had surgery last night--That kind of restriction. Now is not the time to "not be able to eat." right? INitially I lost 3 lbs. Then I stabalized around 218 for a few weeks. Now I'm 221lbs and 13.5 weeks preggers! I feel like I'm in Iraq right now. There is constantly some strange person that doesnt speak a word of english (i'm sure b/c ive been begging her to stop torturing me for weeks now, and she won't listen) telling me when to pee, when to sleep, when to eat, what to eat, what I can and cannot wear, how I can wear my hair, hell--even what shoes I can wear to work! Man Down I say!

Im going to write a book, something about the Post Op pregnancy. B/c there are none. I looked. and Looked again. This is all the shit they dont tell you in your Nutritionist meetings. At your pre-op educational courses. That your momma just looks at you like a brand new sports car with a huge engine--looks nice to drive, would love to have it, but dont know a damn thing to do with it. that's me. You think you knew about pregnancy, wait until you have had Gastric Bypass.......this should be interesting. I'll keep you posted. right now the prison guard is telling me I have to go to sleep before the Narcolepsy sets in and I fall asleep at the computer like i did last night......10-13!

My kidnapper 4 weeks ago......

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