nean

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See, I coulda done the six month weight loss program twice by now. But it still frosts my cookies that my insurance wanted me to spend $20 to $50+ a month to prove that it is hard for me to loose weight, but I can stick to it. So, I am not going the insurance route. My honey still brought up last night that I might want to think about going that route.... Okay,....NO.

We are going private pay at the local center of excellence with the doc who does not have the below mentioned reputation (yes, there is one). I am extremely happy with my choice. I think the Mexico surgeons would do just as good a job, not require so many questionable necessary tests (but they keep the local hospital economy 'stimulated'). Having the surgery here means our local family and friends can be at the hospital supporting my honey. And that means way more than money for her.

Who knows, in the last few months we have found out that my abdomen is normal - with the exception of my right ovary being nestled (probably adhered into) a very tight curve of my bowel - so ovulation pain is refered to my bowel and constipation/bloating pain is refered to my ovary. And I have a vitamin D deficiency - which is probably resolved now that I am on MAJOR doses of vitamins both to treat the deficiency and to avoid them finding any other issues during next months blood tests.

My initial surgical consult is Halloween day. That would be a week from yesterday. So I realized - Oh God! - this morning that my preferred surgery date is exactly one month away. YIKES! So I have between 18 (being hopeful that he will count the 8# I lost during September) and 24 (being realistic and knowing he won't) pounds to loose this month. Starting clear liquids and protein shakes now. I have never lost 24# in a month. Nor have I stuck to a liquid diet. Given all the health problems I have had (to pay for) this year - this surgery MUST happen before January 1 so I can pay record low taxes!!!

God bless Dr. Porter, my gallbladder surgeon, for telling my partner that my liver is fatty and my heart must also be fatty so she is at more risk of loosing me to a heart attack than to WLS. And double bless Dr. Srikanth for having such an excellent seminar. She has really decided that the surgery is safer than not having it. Plus, she has definately noticed that it makes me HAPPY to be moving forward on the issue.

Gee, I've abandoned my blog! Better catch up with what's been going on. 

Went to see my ARNP who was actually very supportive about my having WLS, but shared my concerns about the local talent. They are a center of excellence, but the surgeon's followup, blame of the pt for lack of success, and keeping all their $$ in overseas accounts so they can't be sued...not promising. So she referred me to another surgeon. I've called 3 times. My ARNP's office has called once. They say "let me take your # and call you back." Never call back.

I really, really want to go to Dr Alvarez in Mexico because he beats out the local talent for 50 miles around in # of VSGs performed. And he works for (his long term practice and) me. With that option, I choose the date and the proceedure. US surgeons work for the insurance companies and their hospitals or group and if they can please me in the process, great.

My DDP remains leary of the surgery and of doing it in Mexico. I plan to ask her to come here and read, read, read. We have both had more than a month of feeling just sapped out. No energy. Upset tummies. No real other physical symptoms, but we both came home and just sat and stared. Both feeling better now. Didn't want to have the conversation when we were both down and out.   

I go back and forth - am I wanting Mexico because it really is the best option? Or am I just wanting an adventure and to spend  lot of $$? Am I so impatient that I won't do 6 months of supervised WL? or lazy? or afraid that the 6 month option will actually work? (or work for 7 months and make me feel bad for never managing to get closer to goal before) Surely I can argue with the insurance company to approve the surgery I want. Surely I should try - maybe they would approve it by the time I do my 6 months. AARGH. I just want to schedule and do it.

So, I said DDP was supporting my VSG. Maybe 'not actively opposing' would be a better statement. The other night she actually said, "Well, you're talking about having surgery to mutilate your body" Ah, woah, not talking about tattoing my face!

And it certainly has been a way to open a conversation about finances. Since I mentioned WLS - cut back on my hours at work so I can make and sell my art, add an extention onto the house, cover the back slab with a pergola, get me a new car....  I'm sure she'll soon remember that I wanted a pond someday..

Me thinks someone is insecure!!!

Oh, and we decided no surgery until after the Labor Day reunion. So now there is M & O's wedding Sept 23rd. Guess what, this VSG is gonna happen, and if I have to be on liquids during some event or other, then that's what I will do. It's not like there will never be another wedding, funeral, holiday etc. And I want to be able to attend all those other events and not worry that I will hover over the buffet line and eat more than my share of the food.

Okay, DDP is supporting the VSG. We have a WLS seminary to go to tomorrow night with one of the local bariatric surgeons. And I have a PCP appt. at the end of the month (not that I expect her to know about the VSG).

Kinda gonna go about this in a two pronged approach. We are not doing the surgery until September or later so we can go to the in-laws and not have me on mushies or just learning to eat solids. So I will go through the process of trying to get approved through BSBC. Pretty darn sure my company excludes the VSG because apparently you can get an RNY just about by asking for it but you have to have lots of comorbs to get the lap band (kinda backwards in my mind, but I didn't make the rules). Then, if there is no approval by August, I will sign up for a surgery date with Dr G. Alverez in Mexico. 

I am totally comfortable with the idea of going to Mexico to be in the hands of a young surgeon who specializes in this kind of surgery, but we went and bought a motorcycle yesterday. What does that have to do with surgery you ask? Well, my DDP's adopted family heard she was buying a bike. So they all showed up at the motorcycle shop just to be there, see the new bike, ask and answer any questions, celebrate the purchase, watch the first circle of the parking lot, and help load it onto the trailer. So it would be nicer for DDP and my adopted siblings-in-law if I could have the surgery here. Strange to think of them all sitting in the waiting room, but I'm betting they all would be there to support me and my lady. And then she wouldn't have to be trying to help me out in a Spanish speaking hospital (German would be fine, but not spanish)

The bad side is that I'm having the WORST time with food. Whatever.

Well, guess I'll tell ya a little about me. 43yrs old now. Been with my DDP for 23yrs (she's a cutie). She's also a recovering alcoholic (for years now) and an ex smoker, so she's not real understanding about the food/ weight issues. She get's real distressed about my 'perseverating about dieting and food' - just doesn't get the obsession. She's real afraid I will have WLS "mess up my plumbing" and then fail at the last resort. Think she would rather have me fat than see me even more heartbroken and with added complications. Maybe she would rather just have me fat because then things stay the same. I also had an affair years ago - probably my getting skinny is an issue r/t will I stick with her if I loose wt.

I remember being in ballet class in kindergarten and looking in the mirror at my huge tummy while all the other kids were skinny. Looking back, I think a little work on tummy crunches and core body strength would have fixed me right up, but as it was, I knew I was fat and ugly. In late grade school, I was in an experimental program at UCBerkeley to teach kids the high carb/ low fat/ moderate exercise lie. I learned it well, but never lost weight. Mom and I went to WW, a gym, etc (hum, who was fixated on my weight?...) Mom offered to pay me $100 if I lost all my weight. Never even came close.

I'm a plateau and hold wt gainer. No yo-yo's for me. I can loose 5# the first week of any diet and then no more. Haven't tried too many of the pay to loose programs, but have wasted lots of $ on gyms over the years. Low carb works best for me, but man when I'm off, it's nearly impossible to get back on. At least I have experience to know that I can be happy on protein first, healthy vegies, and lots of water. ;} I have maintained a 50 # loss for several years by changing my eating habits, but I get to 200# and FREAK OUT. Can't get past it. If/when I have my surgery, I may need tranquilizers from 205 to 175# LOL

I want a VSG so much! I want it soon. I am SO tired of GERD, sleep apnea, hiatal hernia (I can feel that food above my diaphragm, I swear I can), gallbladder pain, interstitial cystitis/ incontinence & urgency, facial hair (would be a waste to get electrolysis - it would just grow back), skin tags, back aches, a tummy that best fits in maternity pants. I'M JUST SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!! I pick up a sack of dog food to carry to the car and think 'dang, if I could get rid of two of these I would just be so happy.' Love those stats that say patients only loose 60-70% EBW. Well shit, I would love to loose only 60-70# - if I can keep it off. Why bother if it just comes back.

Anyway, I better climb back into bed. Night all!