SUMMER OF FUN

Aug 26, 2009

It's been a while since I've posted here and I wish I would've been doing it more... This is like my journal of fatness... Helps me re-think and re-focus my goals regarding my weight and my life in general...

This has been the summer to top all summers... I've never had this much fun in my entire life- and that includes my college days... LOL... I've partied and gone out every single weekend since the beginning of June - NON STOP!!!    It has been great... I finally feel like I've left that fat insecure girl behind... Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely do not feel skinny but I do feel more in my own skin.  I feel like ME again and it's been a while.  I've been open to new friends and experiences and it's been great.  The friends I made this summer are amazing people and I love them all very dearly.  I hope that we continue to build those friendships.  Most importantly, I am now my sister's SISTER as opposed to her sistermom (lol).  We've become so close, it's scary and wonderful- we're two adults sharing a wonderful bond- true sisters... I can't even explain how fulfilling that has been for me. 

I met someone that makes me smile and, although, I don't think we're going to be together long-term, he's good for me right now- just what I needed...   Made me realize that I could fall in love again, that I am beautiful and sexy, and worthy of someone wanting me; that love is around the corner when you least expect and with whom you least expect.  It's just been a great experience so far and I wouldn't trade it (or him) for anything right now.

I've continued to lose weight, which is the most important thing... Well... I was losing weight until this week... This morning I was 3 lbs heavier... But, I've been a fat b*tch this week... REAL, REAL BAD... Eating way too much, drinking WAY too much... And, I didn't even workout... LIFE SUCKS!  But, I need to refocus now... I'm in a wedding in 6 weeks and I need to lose 10 lbs before then... I know I can do it... I just have to start working out, again... Measuring my food... Drinking my protein and water... FOCUS!!!  

I won't beat myself up... Life is about living and I wouldn't change a thing... You've heard me say it before and I'll say it again- when you fall off the bandwagon, get up and jump back on!  That's exactly what I'm going to do... I know that this will never come naturally to me... I know that I will ALWAYS struggle with food and staying "thin" (I use that term loosely)... I will always have to work at it... I will always fall of the bandwagon and have to start over... It won't ever be easy.  That's ok!!!  I can deal with that... I'm happy now. 

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