Bandwagon? Where are you?

Apr 22, 2010

 I've fallen and I can' t get up... Lol... I really have fallen off the bandwagon BIG TIME.  I've gained 15 lbs in the last 4-6 months.  It's terrible I know... My friends and family have been trying to help me and this has been my reaction ->  Lol... It's not funny cuz it's true.  I haven't wanted to listen to anyone- been in denial of myself but I can't do it anymore.  My clothes don't fit me and I refuse to buy anything larger than a size 12...  I WON'T DO IT!!!
I am disappointed and disgusted with myself... I don't feel beautiful or sexy right now... I feel like that awful fat girl I used to see in the mirror...  And, I know that feeling sorry for myself isn't going to do anything for me.  I just need to get this out of me because I am so angry with myself.... Then, I can start refocusing again...
I don't know what the f*** is wrong with me right now... UGH!!!  My life is great, well.... It's good.    I have a job- not LOVING my job right now but I'm ok here and I'm doing good here.  My family is the same as always- WONDERFUL!!!  And, I'm in love  with a wonderful man (same one from my last post) and we're living together and it's great... So, really, getting it together should be easy for me... ::sigh:: I am my own worst enemy.

My goal is to get it together...  So, I can feel and be me, again...

Wish me luck!!!

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