Launa N.
Well, I don't know what to put. I was born with a birth defect in my left ankle and foot. I was 2 or 3 before they figured out it was more than just a missing toe. Then it was hospital after hospital trying to find help. When I was about 8 or 9, Shriner's hospital basicly told my mom that the braces I had worn for years didn't do anything and there wasn't anything they really could do. At that point I had hyper mobility of the subtalor (sp?) joint and degerative bone disease. I was in constant pain, though my mother had no idea I was in pain. The doctors must have known but didn't acknowledge it. My ankle swelled daily to the size of a grapfruit. I still didn't really know that what I was feeling was any different from everyone else. I thought I was just weak or lazy. Finally in high school, I'm not sure what happened, but my mom wrote a letter to the gym teacher explaining how I couldn't do certain activites. He threw it back at me and said he wasn't "gonna read this book". He told me to go to the councilor. I did and they decided I didn't need physical education. I tried to live life as normal as possible from there out. Shriners and Texas Children's decided nothing could be done. I just hid it as much as I could. I didn't let anyone know I was in pain. My classmates never had a clue. Meanwhile, home wasn't a place I wanted to be. Mom was on husband #3. He hated us and was verbally abusive. My mom, always thin, had lost down to 98lbs from stress. Then she started in, telling me I was fat, maybe to make herself feel better. Who knows? I was a size 3 then. There was almost never food for us kids. There wasn't clothes for us. The clothes I'm wearing in the picture where I'm thin are my mom's. She got up every morning at 3am and made him breakfast, but there was never any for us. Every now and again there'd be cereal. I got a job when I was 15. I started buying food and eating it all before I got home. If I tried to keep it, her husband would eat it. By that time my little brother had gone to live with his dad. 1 year later my older brother graduated and moved away. This left just me. I didn't know my dad. I got pregnant with my oldest son prom night. I didn't stay with his father. Instead I chose to do it all on my own. After Alex was born I was a size 16. I took care of him, but I still wasn't taking good care of myself though. I didn't have a clue about nutrition. I knew how to feed him healthy, but I think part of me thought it was only important for babies and kids. I got a college degree with the help of welfare and PELL grants. I got good job doing payroll for a large corporation. That's when I met my husband. By then I had started trying to eat right, but I still didn't know what I was doing. I was about 215 then. By then my mom had finally realized the pain I was living in. She had realized a lot of things. 2 years after my husband and I got together (with our two sons Alex and Dakota) my mom came to me and apologized for everything. We cried and forgave. We're the best of friends now. Anyhow, Rob knew something had to give with my leg. We made the choice to have the ankle fused. It would elminate some of the pain and prevent more extensive damage to the bones. It would not repair any of the damage already done though. I had the surgery and lost my ability to walk for several months. When I stood up to take my first steps without crutches, walker, or wheelchair, I was 265lbs. The recovery was long, but gradually the weight started to fall off. I read 8minutes in the morning by Jorge Cruise. It was a wonderful eye opening book. It was also a tool I used to lose down to 210lbs. Then, 9 years after my first and only pregnancy, I find out I'm pregnant with Miriam. I got through that pregnancy, so happy, "I had my girl" and I was only 217! I put on another 15lbs her first year with the craziness of having a baby. I had just started to lose weight again and found out I was pregnant again. 2 weeks later I heard the doctor say "It's twins". From then on it was a race to make sure they got all the nutrients they needed. I don't regret the monitored weight and special diets or bedrest. Eliza weighted 6lbs 12oz and Elaina was 7lbs 15oz. They were born at 37 weeks and never saw the inside of the NICU. It was a blessing. So was my husband's subsequent vasectomy. *LOL* The twins are 18 months now. I haven't been able to lose weight. It's been a struggle to keep my energy up chasing all these kiddos around and yet, my weight is still climbing. I now weigh 250-255 depending on what day it is.
The pain in my legs and back is incredible. My abdominal muscles need repair from the pregnancy, but they won't do it until I lose weight. I'm not sure if should laugh or cry.
I am just now starting the process of approval to have RNY. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Excited about finally having a tool that will stick with me for the rest of my life. Scared that I won't be approved.
We're a military family. My husband is a career soldier, but he's enlisted. We're at the mercy of Tricare.
I'm really glad I found this site. Everyone seems so nice. The perfect companions on this journey!
