newSaga

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

...and I'm down 92 lbs.  Wh00t!!!

So, I haven't been around much.  I've been busy living and enjoying the new me.  Volunteering, socializing, just being out & about.  Living life.  And not worrying too much about my surgery, my body, etc.  Is that weird?

Hm...

...it kinda is, isn't it.  I mean, so much of my pre-surgery life was aboout my size. I am not ignoring my size, my surgery, taking care of myself or any of that.  But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel DAMN good for the focus to be off my weight and on who I am.

I am not, and was never just my size.  My weight.

Ok, so since we're being honest - I'm also getting a lot of attention.  People who knew me are stopping in their tracks.  "You lost a LOT of weight".  "OMG - you look so different".  And some attention from the fellas...lol.  But even in all that, it feels good to for my size to be an aside.

Ok, and in post-surgery land:
- eating is a process and is trial and error.  Generally, carbs don't agree with me, fruit does so I keep it handy always. I eat all the time, just small portions, anything in small doses.  Mayo, sugar, fats, and fried are still very much not my friends anymore, so I spend a lot of time with fruit, veggies, Thai, Chinese - my new friends.
- weight loss: has slowed down dramatically, so I started couch to 5 program.  So far, my body doesn't hate it  

That's it!  I'm off to cross a few goals that I've achieved off my list

This is so surreal.

So, I've been reaching into the back of my closet for all those clothes that I kept "just in case".  In case I lost a lil weight...in case I finally started working out regularly.  In case Spanx came up with some panties that would take me down a size.  Or three.

Amongst these was a pair of Seven jeans, that I found on the clearance rack with no size tag. I had no idea what size they were, other than SUPER TIGHT and UNABLE TO BUTTON WAISTBAND....lol.  So they'd been sitting in my closet for years.  Until my birthday this weekend.  I was reaching to find something to wear that fit, so I tried them on and they fit!  Whoot!  Then I went to the store to find some new ones, and low & behold - I'm a size 18! Woohoo!  Down 3+ pants sizes (at least), 70 lbs and I can see/eel this change.  *does happy dance*

 So yeah, the newly size 18 jeans are a birthday present from me - to me.  I rocked them to a concert over the weekend.  A concert involving a lot of walking, dancing, being out & about and appreciating my new body.  And appreciative of the new lease on life I've been given. How my knees feel.  How my back now feels.  All of which is a good thing.

Yep....18 again.  It feels good. 

that's me on the left, btw - circa 1982

I'm down 64lbs, clothes are too big, still working on water & nutrients.  But my loss is becoming PHYSICALLY obvious.

which got me thinking...

"what happens when you get "skinny"?

See, people are already treating me different.  Acting different towards me.  I'm already getting more attention.  More compliments on my clothes, hair, shoes.  More doors held open.  More people smiling at me.  More attention from men.  I'm not immune to this, and this isn't completely new to me. After all, I haven't always been this size.  BUT still...

What does happen when you get skinny?

My psychologist asked this during my pre-surgery evaluation, and I *thought* I had an answer.  I've been "skinny" before.  I'm ready for that - emotionally & intellectually.  I don't mind the attention, I know how to field it.  I just want to be healthier.

Hmph.

when I was skinny before, I was fighting that last 15 lbs.  10lbs.  5lbs.  Even when I was "skinny" - I thought I was fat.

I'mma need to ponder on this one, for real.  But what say you?  What happens when YOU get skinny?

Hm...10 weeks post op, and....this hasn't been the most fun week.

Weight:  I've been stuck around 55-60lbs down.  Today, the scale says 61 lbs down.  It's tricked down a bit, but I'm cool with that because I knew I'd hit a plateau.  I need to step up on the exercise and not obsess about the scale.

Exercise:  I wish I enjoyed walking, treadmills etc.  I LOVE swimming, but Saturday's workout gave me da cooties.  I need to really get my Zumba on, or get used to the elliptical, etc. 

Eating:  this is the area I'm having the hardest time with.  I'm inconsistent.  It's not that I'm eating unhealthy.  It's the enjoyment that's inconsistent.  I dunno - maybe this is a hurdle I need to get past?  Like today, I had pineapple in juice, a low-fat peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and water.  That means - no protein!  Tried to eat some thin sliced roast beef, and literally felt like I was gagging.  I'm going to try some yogurt in a bit, but I'm really worried about vitamin deficiencies at this point.  Oh, and I'm dehydrated.  Ugh.

Da cooties:  yeah, so the pool made me sick I think.  Or KLN.  Either way, I've been phlegmy and coughing.  I had some antibiotics on hand from pre-surgery, so I TRIED to take them.  Crushed.  They almost got stuck, and it took me about 6 hours just to get a couple of pills down.  Which also killed my appetite.  

The positives:  my back and knees are much better.  So is my blood pressure.  And my endurance is improving..  OH...and all kinds of clothes are coming out of the back of my closet.....lol.

Until I post again...much love in your journeys. 

Hello all - and sorry for the long absence

I've been busy back at work, working on stuff around the house (Spring cleaning and all), busy with KLN, and busy living again!  And it feels good.

Post-op updates:  well, it's week 5 (I think) and I'm down 46 lbs! wh00t!!!   I'm feeling pretty good...I have occasional bouts of nausea/dry heaves (it's stomach acid and dehydration, per my DR) so I'm working on getting my water intake up and making sure I take all my supplements when I'm supposed to.

Eating: is still interesting.  I'm on mushies, but eating mostly soup - which tastes best to me and experimenting with what I CAN turn to mush.  My faves so far are turkey chili (work makes a really good one) and stuffed peppers (I only eat the stuffing, which is really ground turkey, tomatoes, etc, and skip the pepper.  Oh, and FruitFull bars are the truth!!!

Nutrition:  Still uppping my supplements to get protein & vitamins where they need to be, but it's a process of experimentation.  I have this nasty thrush still, so most artificial sweeteners, medicines, and protein drinks make me nauseous.  What I have found is I can tolerate Muscle Milk powder pretty well, and that it's a short shot almost (32G of protein per 5-6 oz of fluid) so I much prefer it to anything else. 

NSVs:  where do I start?  The clothes getting baggy?  The shoes that fit again?  Being able to walk stairs relatively pain-dree?  my coworkers noticing how agile I'm becoming (they say they can tell my back/knees don't hurt as bad)?  Or the people finally noticing the weight loss:  saying my clothes are getting too big, or I'm moving much easier.  Overall, I'm really please with my progress so far.

Negatives:  I don't want to paint this super-rosy picture.  Yes, I've had nausea and rare vomitting (1X in the last 3 weeks).  Yes, I've had diarrhea.   But no stuck food, no dumping, minimal pain (mostly just gnawing hunger...lol).  I've had some head cravings (I wanted an italian sub from Publix really bad!), and my energy levels are just now getting back up (yep, I really need to work on supplements).  But overall, the negatives are minor.

So yeah...I'm really happy!!!!

As of yesterday, I'm back in the office, full time as long as I can stand it.  And remembering that along wtih fighting the weight loss battle, I also need to eyeball my stress levels.  Oh, and that eating is not the solution for that.

So...I'm still trying to get my routine together.  Protein starting at 7:15AM, Liquid lunch around 12-ish and continuing all day.  Dinner preferably around 7-ish.  Bedtime lemon water (just because I have a horrible case of thrush, can't stand anything sweet late night so no protein, and I've been waking up parched thru the night.

Pain is pretty much gone unless I overfill Bytu.  I've done it a time or two, so I've been pretty good about not overfilling for the last week I think...

And eating is...interesting.  Sweets are blech...generally.  Given that all my protein now is shakes/smoothies, getting it in is still a problem.  So, I'll be order unflavored soon and adding to savory things to make sure I get it in.  Little nausea, but overall - my complaints are minimal.  Whether/not I'm getting my nutrition in is a different story.

Energy level is wavering pretty much based on whether/not I get my nutrition in.  I may have to do the B-12 shot, since ingesting B-12 is again...interesting.

My blood pressure has been generally down, but has been creeping up a bit over the last day or so.

And in other news:  I watched My 600-LB life yesterday.  I may write a post only about that after I watch a few more episodes so I can get more details.  But - from it I learned not to complain too much about my journey AND note that it's a journey, not a destination.  And to keep underminers far away from me.  And that I will eventually be able to eat, which may not be such a good thing.  Time to form good habits now.

Anyways, that's it.  Hope you all are doing well in your journeys too

All at the same time? Yes!
The good:  I'm under 300 lbs!  *does cabbage patch*.  As of today I'm 299, so I'm happy!  Pain is minimal, my doctor was happy about the minimal pain so that's all bueno.

The bad:  My doctor spanked my hand about eating/not drinking enough.  No more chewing, and I'm low on protein, not getting enough liquids, and not taking my vitamins consistently.  No, I'm not trying to make myself sick (I swear, you'd think I was).  See "the ugly" below for details.  She sufficiently scared me straight, so I'm sipping water & protein all day (switching off between the two) and tracking via LoseIt.com to ensure I work my way up to the minimum requirements.  She also cautioned me about high quality proteins - so no more drugstore brands just because they're handy. Sorry Special K!

The ugly:  I've been hungry AND nauseous at the same time.  My dr. explained that too - so I'd been trying to drink 4 oz of protein in a sitting to get it in.  TOO MUCH!  This was apparently overfilling Bytu (my pouch - named because it will effectively divide my in half - by two, hence Bytu) which was making me a lil queasy and not wanting to drink enough later.  She suggested 2 oz intervals, switching with water, over the course of the day. So far, it's a bit better, and I'm less prone to skip all liquids as a result, which is a good thing.

The tracking:  I mentioned LoseIt.com, but wondering - does anyone know of an app (preferably online with an iPhone version) I can use to track nutrients as well as water, calories, etc?  LoseIt tracks nutrients, but you can't set your nutrient goals, so it seems like you're 300% on protein, etc...





The glam:  me, on my way back from the Dr's.  This is my post-op glam...lol!  Keeping it glam helps me keep it positive, even if I'm feeling ugh.  Even in recovery, stay fierce my friends!

I'm working from home this week, and today's my first day back.  It's weird - I'm still having a hard time putting myself and my health first.  It's not that I don't value myself/my health ( I do).  It's just that I'm used to taking care of everything else first.

Hm...maybe THAT should be my first goal to tackle?  Putting myself first?

My boss told me to get some rest.  I responded that I didn't want to be a slacker.  WHO DOES THAT?  I'm fighting my boss to get work?  LOL

On another note, I've been thinking about NSVs (non-scale victories).  And I think I may have gotten the biggest one first:  I saved my own life.  Bump getting back into a cute outfit, or getting that man's attention, or anything else - that's the best gift I have given myself taking this step.  And I'm not letting anything/anyone misinterpret that at all.

As far as everything else is concerned - getting the water in is a challenge, getting all my protein in is a challenge, eating stuff I like is a challenge, I have a pretty decent case of thrush making everything taste like aspirin.  But the glass is always full:  I also feel much better, have much less gas, am weaning myself off the pain medicine and I'm moving around pretty darn good.

All in all - Life Is Good.

  I spent it with one of my BFF's, walking the mall, window shopping, shopping at the local "healthy" grocery stores like Trader Joes & Whole Foods, and talking about life, love, relationships, getting older, et al.

It was a great day.

I didn't do too well on my eating/supplements, which makes me note that I HAVE to get pill cases, and figure out how to make sure I get all that in.  But I felt good, pain's < 3 on the pain scale all day, didn't cheat, didn't starve.  So, overall a good day.

Takeaways from today:
- life is too short/precious to let one day go by because of _______.  Fill in the blank with whatever is holding you back, including your weight.  Which was holding me back.  Not for long though.
- we're getting older, and our peers are fighting diseases that have telethons.  Meaning:  those diseases aren't going anywhere.  Cancer.  Heart disease.  My surgery is long overdue, but timed perfectly for me to get serious about preventive eating/living.
- being Fat isn't the only problem leading to those diseases.  What I chose to eat is also the problem.  How I chose to live = another problem. 
- I want to live healthier and grow old abundantly.  Thriving.  Not quietly, but having a raucously good time every moment.
- I'm really happy
- the produce section of the store, 'specially the weird fruits/veggies (ugli fruit? jicama?  yucca root? sour sop) looks VERY enticing right about now.
- fish is food, not friend.  Cow is friend, not food.  Rinse well, repeat regularly (I so am going to have to get over my fascination with steak & chicken wings before they kill me, literally).

So many others, but that's the gist.  And now that I probably got more than 10 minutes of walking in today...I'm beat!