Nicole0216
The more things change the more they stay the same
Jun 02, 2015
It has been over three years since my last post. I will admit that I have moved away from OH as a outlet as Facebook has been my preferred place to get and give support. There was a time that this forum, this website and the connections I made here were as important to my daily life as FB is now. Much has changed and much has not. The relationships I severed once I realized that they did not serve my higher good remain buried. I did not look back. I have few regrets. Surgeons continue to churn out new patients with varying degrees of supportive program. What remains the same is that there is not enough support for the emotional components pre and post op. I have seen friends and acquaintances ravaged by cross addiction , marriages and relationships ended. Sometimes I wonder if the carnage was really worth the loss of some LBS for a short while? Some of us reached our goal weight some of us did not. The majority of those I know have regained some if not all of their weight back. When they reach out for support from the programs and surgeons they are met with blame, unrealistic expectations and staff that do not know how to help those of us that are far out. So was the surgery worth it? I cannot answer this for anyone else but myself.
I see people targeting the post ops fear by selling us PINK DRINKS, making us feel as if we are broken and in need of recovery and management. The shaming continues
I wish I had had the insight and tools then that I have now. Perhaps I could have lost the weight on my own without the surgery. If I had them I would not have the complications that I have now. But, I will never know the answer to that. The truth is that I did NOT have the tools and insights then that I do now. I lost my way in a maze of trauma activated behaviors and put a protective 50 lbs plus on. The grand and amazing gift of the regain, is that it propelled me to truly do the emotional difficult work needed to address my inner most demons in an attempt to save myself from the shame of regaining it all back. I have done that work. I am working on finding the right nutritional supports to help me get the rest of the regain off.
What has changed is that I LOVE MYSELF. I believe that I have the right to a divine life, and I am no longer afraid to shine and be visible and stand in my truth. I no longer need a pink drink, extreme dieting or shame based programs to get me back on track. Because I am not broken, I am divinely made and where I need to be. My deepest desire is to begin to help other old heads like me, come out of the shadows, change their mindset, attack their deepest fears and truly stand in their truth for the first time in their lives. I hope this post will reach the right people and can provide hope.
