nieba
In need of support
Apr 04, 2012
So I found it very clear yesterday that I cannot talk to my Mom about certain items in my life. Although I have told her about this in the past, I told her last week that I have started the process for Weight Loss Surgery. I could hear in her voice that she was not happy about that. I know she doesn’t believe in it. As a matter of fact when I told her last month that I had an appointment with my Primary and with the Weight Loss group, her reply was…”well your Primary is more important.” Not to me. I was meeting with my Primary because I was still getting my GERD attacks. The Weight Loss appointment was my initial consultation to see if I could qualify for the surgery. To me they were equally important.
So now skip ahead to this past week and yesterday. Lately, Mom has been pushing me to make a decision on whether or not I will have kids. If I have the surgery, they ask I wait for at least 1 year for my weight to stabilize before getting pregnant. I could end up in high risk of problems if I don’t. So, I met with my Primary again on Monday for an EKG (one of my clearances for surgery) and asked her if I should be concerned or had I waited too long. If I have the surgery in June, I will be 36 before we can conceive and 37 before the child is born. (This is where the major frustration came in yesterday.) Mom then says, “Well I just think you waited too long.” I replied that I want to get my health in check so that when I get pregnant, the child’s health will be better too. But I am scared right now because of all the reports of Autism and Down Syndrome going around the news.
What I wanted to hear from my Mom is something like “Although I don’t think you should (or need to) have the surgery right now. I think you should consider having kids now and the surgery after. But whatever you decide, I will support you.”
Instead, I had to ask her last week if she would support me. I got a faint, yes. A daughter is supposed to be able to go to her mother to get some comforting especially if she is scared about what she is doing. I understand that she is not the same person she was before Grandma came. She now has this I don’t care what people do or say. I have seen in other conversations that she doesn’t have the comforting feel anymore, she is plain tired.
Now my husband supports me 100%. But he has a hard time (especially when he is sick) just sitting there listening and comforting. When I talked to him about all of this, he was just getting mad. But that doesn't help me now. Needless to say, we ended up changing the subject.
Just a couple of days later, I had a good talk with my Mom. She explained that she believes that I haven't gone through all the avenues of trying to lose weight and I jumped into this. She knows I have been looking at surgery for almost 10 years now. But she doesn't like the idea and is concerned about me when I do lose the weight and gain it back with a child. It was a good conversation and we both came out of there understanding a little more about how the other feels.
Then....I talked to my Dad. I was expecting another blow out like I had with my Mom at first. Boy did he surprise me. He too knew that I was thinking about surgery for quite some time. He is also very large and had diabetes. He see his doctor/nurse every week. When I told him that I have decided to do this, he said he thought it was the best thing for me. He knew that if I wanted to have kids, I was going to have to do something drastic and my health is already starting to so signs of going down hill. Aparently he had been talking to the nurse about me and my GERD. She asked him if I had considered it. He was not shocked by my news at all!
That goes to show that you really don't know how some people will react.
