over 3 years out...

Oct 20, 2010

 never come onto OH since there's a lot of cattiness on here. 

but, some people look for me on here. thought i'd update this.

started out at 267 lbs (08/22/2007) . got down to 170 about a year out. fluctuated from 171-174lbs for 1.5 years. then, this past january (2010) i cut out wheat and sugar (didn't eat much sugar anyway since i dump, but i cut it ALL out... even the small hidden sugars) and started losing weight as a byproduct. since then, i've lost 45 more lbs. i'm fluctuating 3ish lbs now, so i think i'm done losing... which is good since the last 9 lbs haven't been intentional at all. my initial goal was 150lbs. my surgeon's goal was 137. my final goal was 134 for giggles since i'd weigh as much as i'd lost... and today i'm 128 lbs and wear a size 2 in most brands in misses, a 3 in juniors (and they're baggy), and smalls/extra smalls.... and i still haven't had plastic surgery yet. my skin is absolutely horrendous and i wear spanx daily. 

i have a vlog that i started right before surgery on youtube- 3foldutopiandream. i still update it every once in a while now. 

i'll be graduating with two degrees this coming may (2011) in biology and psychology with the hopes of getting into graduate school in a clinical psychology program to counsel the obese/overweight or previously obese/overweight. i had/still have a lot of inner demons regarding this and don't want postops to suffer like i have. it's a completely mental journey. sure, they cut you open and molest your insides... but it's still completely mental. you have to fix what made you obese in the first place IN YOUR HEAD before you can succeed. the surgery isn't going to do the work for you. it's just going to allow you to not focus on food for the first year or so, so you can work on getting good habits down and figure out why you behaved the way you did. luckily, i got that part down just fine. now, i'm just working on my self image and reacting to how people treat me. it bothers me that i get treated differently now since i'm thin. i'm the same person on the inside, whether i'm 267 lbs or 128 lbs! also, the skin bothers me when i look into the mirror naked. i feel like i haven't accomplished anything at all. it looks like fat. i look like i'm still obese. i KNOW i'm not. logically. but it feels that way in my head. my mind hasn't caught up yet. and it's VERY hard. most people don't get that i need plastic surgery for psychological reasons, not vanity reasons. and what hurts me the most is that my husband is one of those people. i wish he could live in my head just for ONE HOUR, not even a day. but, i do not regret surgery at all... i can run, jump, play... do all the things i couldn't physically do before. and i'm much, much healthier. =) and luckily, i haven't gained an ounce... but, the journey is just beginning... 

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