Loss & Gain

Feb 09, 2014

So I haven't been on here in forever. For the most part  I was doing great for over two years. I hadn't lost anymore but I'd maintained 180 and was damn proud of it. My cousin even went and got the sleeve and while she is doing even better than me (she was 220 as opposed to my 260 when she started) I still felt good about my loss and maintenance.

And then my aunt, the person who has been my inspiration for getting myself healthy and taking care of myself, the person who has been like a mother to me and who has been very ill for 10 plus years, got much worse. It started toward the end of August, and after 9 weeks in the hospital she passed away toward the end of October.

I think I was in shock at first. I was upset and numb, but thought I was handling it. I wasn't. in the time since I've ballooned up 20 lbs and am right back at 200. While it isn't as bad as I was before it's heading that way.  After some serious soul searching and an emotional week I ordered a month of medifast. It sucks because I feel like I failed. I know the only way to truly fail is to stop trying so I'm keeping my chin up. I feel absolutely out of control and I haven't really felt like that in the time since my surgery...until now. Just proves this will be a life long thing to deal with--surgery or not.

With Medifast, i've done it before with decent success, but I'm also going to look at treatment for depression and/or grief. I know a large part of my depression is related to my weight, but it also is a factor in why I gain and eat emotionally. Anyway so that's all. Keeping my head above water as best as I can. Going to be back on here more I expect.

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