nomorehurt
My surgery was February 25th 2004 :-) I had an open RNY and an extensive hernia repair as well as an appendectomy. It was a lot to have done at once. It was necessary since the hernia was so large the intestines had wrapped tightly around my appendix. I have a great surgeon and I think she did an amazing job. Recovery wasn't much fun. At 12 weeks I am pretty much back to "normal". I am exercising and I have lost 52 pounds. I'm still having trouble getting enough to eat. There are still a lot of foods I just can't tolerate yet. I'm 46 years old, married with 3 kids. Two daughters ages 16 and 14 and an 11 year old son. I'm looking forward to a more active and fun summer with them!
July 13, 2004
Just a little update. As of today I've lost 63 pounds. I want to lose 61 more. :-)
July 31, 2004 Update: It's been 5 months and 6 days and I've lost 73 pounds. When I've lost another 51 pounds I will have a normal BMI!
September 9, 2004
It has been just over 6 months since my surgery. I've lost 80 pounds! I lost 80 pounds before surgery so I've lost a total of 160 pounds. I was looking at some older photographs the other day and I couldn't believe the difference. I can now wear zip up jeans! I've gone from a 5 or 6X top to an 18. My weight loss has been steady, yet I seem to have weeks when I don't lose much and then the next thing I know, my clothes are hanging off me! The last six months have been many things...painful, scary, confusing, frustrating. Okay those are the negatives. There have been many positive feelings as well! I am feeling so much better physically. I'm not out of breath all the time. I can climb a flight of stairs without spending the following 5 minutes trying to slow my breathing. I can walk 3 miles. I can cross my legs at my knees. Seatbelts fit and the steering wheel no longer digs into my stomach. I can go to the movies and fit in a seat with plenty of room to spare! I can fit comfortably in a restaurant booth! There are so many more things! I am still fighting depression though and have just gone back to Wellbutrin to help with that. This is a wonderful journey but it's not easy. It IS worth it though and yes it does get easier as time goes on.
September 30, 2004
Just a quick update! It's been 7 months and I'm no longer "obese". My BMI is now 30.I went to the movies last night and I fit comfortably in the seat. That's just one of the little things I appreciate. I have an appointment with my surgeon on October 4. I know I have a hernia. I can feel it and it is causing me considerable pain. I am hoping to have blood work done. I am taking my vitamins and hoping all is well.
October 4, 2004
I saw my surgeon today about my hernia. I was right I do have a hernia and it is getting pretty large. I am paranoid about it since the hernia I had repaired when I had the RNY was so large and terribly painful. I just don't want to go through that again. I am seeing a plastic surgeon on December 8th. My surgeon says that she will repair the hernia and the other surgeon will remove the extra skin that I have. I'm not looking forward to it that's for sure but at least both procedures will be done at the same time. I got a B12 shot. I have to see my PCP to have blood work done. I will update when I know more.
October 14, 2004 I have a date to see my PCP. He ordered blood work in advance for me. His office got the results today and called to tell me the results were "fine". I'm relieved to hear that! I will ask for a copy of the results at my appointment. I want to know specific numbers so I can compare them later.
December 8, 2004 I have reached the Century Club! I lost 80 pounds before surgery and now 100 since surgery! I saw a plastic surgeon today about my hernia and tummy tuck. I have a surgery date set for January 7, 2005. It is kind of strange. I wasn't too scared when I had the open RNY and hernia repair last February but now I am very scared! I'm worried and not looking forward to the pain of recovery. I know this time will fly by, especially with the holidays coming and I'm afraid it will actually go too quickly and I won't be ready. Just my anxiety talking I guess.
December 28, 2004 It's hard to believe that 2 years ago I weighed about 182 pounds more than I do now! Christmas was a lot easier and happier this year. I'm still battling depression and anxiety though. I had it under better control before surgery. Since surgery, medications react differently for me. I'm having trouble finding something that will work for me. I am scheduled for a panniculectomy and hernia repair on January 14, 2005 with Dr. J. Peter Rubin. I've heard nothing but good things about him. I'm anxious though. I had a lot of pain and a relatively long recovery time after the open RNY/hernia repair/appendectomy and I'm not looking forward to that pain again. I hate not being able to do things for myself. I know I need this hernia repaired. It is fairly large and getting larger. I need the panniculectomy to get rid of the weight of the extra skin. Hopefully that will help keep the hernia from reoccuring. I have a pre-surgery EKG and blood work scheduled for January 5th.
2005
January 6, 2005 I went to Montefiore Hospital yesterday and had my pre-surgery tests done. I only needed an EKG, blood work and an anesthesiologist consultation. Everything seems to have gone well and my plastic surgeon should have the results by tomorrow. My BP was 110/70. pulse a steady 60 and pulse ox was 100%. Sounds good to me! I'm still really dreading the pain from this surgery. I know I can't continue with the hernia being this bad. It is causing me a lot of pain. I also know that I need the panni taken care of. I am very unhappy with the way my tummy looks now and how it feels too.
January 18, 2005 If it wasn't for the hernia, I never would have had the panniculectomy done but I was told it was nesessary to help the hernia from coming back. (The weight of the skin pulling on it etc.) I'm glad that I got the surgery over on Friday the Jan. 14. I'm in a lot of pain this morning. My back is killing me. I have a shooting pain in my right shoulder. I hate being dependent on other people to do things for me. I guess I'm not a very good patient. The suture line seems to be doing okay. It looks like it is healing. It goes from hip to hip. I have 2 JP drains that I empty and record. One is leaking but will have to be okay until tomorrow when i see the doctor at his office. The hospital stay was awful. It amazed me how little people know about the nutritional requirements of wls patients. I was served oatmeal with 28 grams of sugar, cherry juice with 24 grams of sugar and a bowl of jello with who knows how much sugar. I tried to explain that I'd be very sick if I ate just one of those things let alone all. A dietician was called in and she assured me that I'd get cottage cheese and other small, healthier things as snacks.... Never happened. My next meal was a roasted chicken, smothered in gravy with a bisquit. I shouldn't have been eating much after surgery to begin with but this was really ridiculous. I didn't eat at all in the hospital. I still have no appetite. I am really hurting this morning and am depressed. It will pass, but in the meantime, it is percocet and nap time. I am glad this is over. I am just tired of the pain right now. I will write more later, when I am in a more positive mood and in less pain.
January 20, 2005 I had a good check up yesterday. I will go back to Dr. Rubin next week and have some of the staples removed. The drains will stay in place for a while. I never do very well with general anesthesia. It tends to make me irritable and short on patience. It also tends to add to my depression. I will write about my plastic surgeon when I have more energy and am thinking a bit clearer. I think he is great so that is the short version! So now if I can just have some patience with myself and those around me, things will be better. A nice nap and some percocet will be helpful
January 28, 2005 I had an appointment with Dr. Rubin on Tuesday Jan. 25th. I still didn't get to have the drains pulled or the staples removed. I have to continue to watch the drains and when the output is below 30cc then I can call and make an appointment to have everything taken care of. Other than that things seem to be okay. As of yesterday, I am 8 pounds from goal. My BMI is 26 and I want it to be 25 (normal). I still get tired easily. I stay hurt a lot when getting up and down and when I stand for too long. It's been 2 weeks today since the panniculectomy/hernia repair.
February 3, 2005 I am still healing and still have the staples and drains. I also now have a terrible cold. I lost my voice. I also lost a couple more pounds. hehe I'm 6 pounds from goal.
February 15, 2005 I had an appointment at Dr. Rubin's office today. I got the staples removed (ooooowwwwwww!) and the drains removed. I'm very glad to have all that gone. I really don't feel very well tonight though. I don't know if the doctor's appointment wore me out or what. I don't have much energy these days. I have lost more weight and now I am 3 pounds from goal. :-)
February 22, 2005 Yesterday my 17 year old daughter gave me a pair of her old jeans and suggested that I try them on. They were a size 11. I haven't worn a size 11 in 20 years. I tried on the jeans and they fit! ME wearing my teenager's size 11 jeans! :-) As far as being 5 weeks post hernia repair and panniculectomy-- I am getting my energy back. I am hurting less. I'm still pretty done in by evening. I am not allowed to exercise yet and I was told to take it easy. That's about all for now.
February 25, 2005 Happy anniversary to me! One year out! Would I do it all again?? YUP! In a heartbeat!! Everything is so much easier and more enjoyable!
March 13, 2005 I really don't feel like posting but I'm doing it to vent/whine about my depression. This will be quick but not painless.... not for me anyway. My depression is really hitting hard lately. I am wondering if I need a med change. I'm still glad I had the RNY and am happy with the results. In fact I don't know if I would have been able to cope with this last bout of depression if things hadn't changed. I guess that's all I feel comfortable writing about for now. "just another excuse to remain weak"-a quote from a friend...guess she is right...
April 24, 2005 I had a wonderful vacation with a dear friend in Nebraska. It was certainly what I needed to brighten my spirits. It was really nice to travel on the airplanes and not need seatbelt extentions. I even had plenty of room to make the seatbelt tighter. I was comfy in the small seats. I am actually BELOW my goal weight! I can't believe it. If I was able to have the plastic surgery on my arms and legs and breasts, I'd be very much below my goal weight. I just don't see how I could afford to have the surgery done though. Sometimes I feel like a giant wrinkle. I'm still happy though with my weight! That's all for now, I guess. I'll update later.
May 2, 2005 My depression continues to drag me down. Losing the weight has helped in many ways but I've learned that it was never just my weight that made me so depressed. I just can't get the anti-depression medication right. It hasn't worked right since surgery. I'm considering stopping it completely. I don't want to say anymore since this post is out there for the world to read.
May 6, 2005
Migraines really suck.
I'm now 6 pounds UNDER goal weight! I weigh less than my 12 year old son! I have lost 131 pounds since surgery.
May 8th Mother's Day
I'm having a weird day. I'm enjoying my time with my kids. The weather is perfect and everyone is being exceptionally nice to me. The problem is that for the last few days, I have had several incidents of feeling faint when I stand up. Today was really bad and one time, I had to slide down the wall in the kitchen because my legs wouldn't hold me up any longer. I sat on the floor until the lightheaded feeling passed. I guess I need to call either my surgeon or PCP. I've been taken my vitamins and getting as much protein in as possible. Sigh... I just don't feel well. Maybe it isn't related to wls but I think that I'd better find out.
Tuesday May 10, 2005.
Wow do I feel lousy. I called my bariatric surgeon's office yesterday and the nurse that I talked to said that she didn't think the fainting was related to the RNY. So I went to see my PCP. I had an EKG done which showed sinus bradycardia. It was a normal EKG other than the slow beats. My blood pressure is also low. The doctor said she wanted to run some tests and would admit me. I have had enough of hospitals and I don't have time to be an inpatient. The doctor said she wouldn't make me. I had blood drawn and will see if maybe my electrolytes are outta whack. Tomorrow I am going to go get hooked up to a monitor for 24 hours. I feel really awful right now so I'm done writing. I'll update another day.
Saturday May 14,2005
Well, I wore the holter monitor for 24 hours. It showed an average heart rate of 55 bpm. Pretty slow. I dropped to 38 bpm a few times. So for some reason I have bradycardia. I'm going to ask for a referal to a cardiologist on Monday. I wasn't seeing my usual PCP and I really don't like the one that I had to see. She wants to do invasive tests and I won't do it without seeing a cardiologist. I'm not feeling well at all so I have to do something. I'm still light headed every time I stand up and I'm having chest pains. The blood work showed that I'm anemic. I had more blood drawn to have a hemoglobin study done. I will have to wait and see what the results of that show. Argh! This is so frustrating. . .
Sunday May 22,2005
I haven't gotten anywhere with my doctor's office or with a cardiologist. I was on the phone with the doctor's office last Friday for 1 1/2 hours. They still haven't called in a script for the iron for my anemia. I've been taking ferrous fumarate over the counter on my own. I'm still having chest pains and still light headed. Decisions to make...
May 31, 2005
What a nice Memorial Day weekend. My family and I went to Lake Erie. It is quite a hike from our place down to the beach. There are two long flights of steps and a path on the hillside that requires you to be part mountain goat. I haven't been able to make that "trek" for years because of my weight. Now even though I'm not feeling well with the bradycardia and anemia, I was able to go to the beach 3 times. I was so happy! It is the little things!
Monday June 20, 2005
I've switched PCP's and am much happier with this new doctor. She is truly listening to me and paying special attention to the fact that I've had weight loss surgery. According to the blood work that I just had done, I need to increase quite a few of my vitamins. I'm still taking a multi-vitamin but have also had to add ferrous fumerate (iron), vitamin D, B12, calcium citrate, Vitamin A, Vitamin D, zinc, vitamin C.... quite a few but I'm doing it. I'm still having a very hard time with the bradycardia. The doctor changed the beta blocker (I take it to prevent migraines). It is not a good thing though since I am finding myself very dizzy. Today, it doesn't seem to matter what I do. I am dizzy almost constantly. I'm even dizzy when I am just sitting. It is not fun. I lost 5 more pounds in the last 2 weeks. The doctor was a bit concerned since that is more than normal for me at this point. She wants me to take my blood pressure every day. I am not sure how this will all play out but I'm trying to do what is right. sigh....
June 30th 2005
I see my PCP again tomorrow. She has been great and has asked me to call her twice to let her know how I am feeling. I have a ton of vitamins to take and that's okay. I want to get my blood levels back up to where they belong. I am less tired most days than I was before so maybe the iron supplement is helping. I'm still not sure about the treatment for migraine prevention. I'm taking a beta blocker. This is the 4th one I've tried. The metoprolol was way too strong. I'm also taking neurontin. I've had 2 migraines in the past week. I'm still very dizzy and there are times when I've been standing and just couldn't take it anymore and gave up and sat down. I'm not trying to complain. I'm just happy to be getting some help. I'm willing to give the beta blocker and neurontin a chance.
As for life after weight loss surgery(other than the previously mentioned medical issues!), it is so nice to be able to enjoy my summer with family and friends. I can do so many things that I couldn't do or didn't want to do when I was heavy. It really is the little things that make life more enjoyable. I'm so much more comfortable with myself--with my body. I still wish that I could have plastics done on my thighs and arms and breasts. I will look forward to that in the future though. Money stands in my way at the moment.
I'm going away with my family for a week. I'm looking forward to swimming (in shorts--the world isn't ready for my thighs with sagging skin). Summer was good last year since I'd lost 63 pounds then. I've lost another 70 pounds since last July. What a wonderful feeling. It isn't always an easy journey. The dizziness/weakness is lousy but I'm trying to get through it and feel better.
Tuesday July 12, 2005
I had a nice vacation. I went swimming for the first time in a long time. That was a nice thing to be able to do with my kids. I have more energy these days. I'm hoping that means that the extra vitamins are helping. I am still dizzy quite a lot! Sometimes I have to hold on to something and put my head down. I'm working with the neurontin and nadolol. My BP is still low. My doctor wants me to call her and let her know how I'm feeling. I'll do that tomorrow and see what if anything she wants to do. The migraines aren't too bad. I hate them though. I can even live with the dizziness. I just want the migraines to stop. So that's my update. Vacation was great. I was so glad to be able to swim again. I've always enjoyed it.
July 15, 2005
I just wanted to updated about my weight. It's been nearly 17 months and I've lost 136 pounds since surgery. :-) I'm still losing. Every now and then I pick up a pound or two but then I lose it plus more. It's kinda strange but so it goes. If I could have plastics done on my thighs, arms and breasts, then I'd been a lot lighter and more comfortable. My thighs are ugly and I'm going to see if my insurance will cover a thigh lift. I don't want the pain of more surgery but I'm thinking about having this done.
I need to get feeling better with everything else though. I called my PCP but I haven't heard back from her so I'm just staying with the meds and vitamins as they are now. I managed to strain my back and am hurting from that. Seems I always have a complaint. Things are much easier now with the weight loss and I am forever thankful for this tool. I'm thankful that I had a skilled surgeon and that I've found a good PCP. I'm also thankful for the support of family and friends. I am truly blessed with all these wonderful gifts from God.
September 1, 2005
It's been a good summer and I'm sorry to see it end. The kids are back to school. This summer I bought a bathing suit and went swimming as much as possible. I went on a 200 mile motorcycle trip. I almost got to camp out (Mother Nature's 75mph wind ended that!) I got to spend time with a dear friend and that always makes my heart smile! I found a new exercise l that I really like---I started riding a bicycle again. I can now ride for about 3 miles at a time (it's a start). I still like walking. I'm going to walk in the Labor Day Parade. Then next week I am doing a 3k walk. Later in the month I'm going to walk for diabetes. I really tried to be as active as possible this summer and I plan to continue to keep busy! I love Fall and it will be nice to be outside walking and biking.
I'm feeling better physically. I'm still having trouble with bradycardia though and sometimes I still get light headed. I ended up on the floor twice a few days ago. I'm also having trouble with my feet. My toes are hurting a lot. It started months ago with my right foot and now the toes on my left foot are hurting too. i'm being really good about my vitamins and the other meds I take. I'm due for blood work so I guess I'll mention my toes when I call the doctor.
I'm still fighting depression and anxiety and at the moment I'm not winning the fight --I'm trying though. I had to take a couple days to get away. Sometimes driving helps me and just getting away from my problems. I guess it's like running away but I've found it can help me.
This summer was special in so many ways. I got to be with family and special friends. I got to go places and do things that I couldn't/wouldn't have done before surgery. I'm so thankful for my family and friends and for this surgery that has allowed me to make so many positive changes in my life.
Sunday September 17,2005
It is a pretty day. The sun is shining and I'd love to be riding my bicycle with my hubby and son. I have the cold from hell though and I don't think I'd get far on my bike. I can't smell,taste,or hear, and every part of me aches. Yesterday I kept thinking I was going to throw up but then it would pass. So I guess I better stay off the bike trail for today. Not long ago, I would never have complained about not feeling like exercising! I am now down 140 pounds since surgery. I'm about 15 pounds under my surgeon's goal. My BMI is 22 and I'm loving it! I actually enjoy exercising. (Did I say that?) I love to ride my bike. Lots of times I pack sandwiches(healthy ones -like turkey!) and we find a nice spot off the trail and have lunch. I am able to ride a much different kind of bike too! A Harley! I enjoy riding with a friend of mine. I had a great summer of swimming and getting out and doing other things too with my kids. I still battle depression and sometimes it seems overwhelming, but life is so much better. I'm living again.
Just a brief update. Nothing is really new at the moment. The weight loss continues-slowly now but that's okay. I don't need to lose any more weight but it's hard not to still want to continue losing. I'm afraid to to stop losing. I got the script to have blood work done. I have a feeling that things are outta whack again. I'm not as tired as before, though. I think I'm tired from staying up too late and getting up too early. Sleeping hasn't been easy. I just feel so anxious and stressed. I went out to lunch today at the Olive Garden and had soup and salad and a big glass of wine. I hardly ever drink wine, but it was a nice endulgence today. It's the best I've felt in quite a while!
I've been on a migraine marathon for the past few days. I'm also back to having very little energy. The pain in my feet is really bad. My toes hurt so much I could cry tonight. I had blood work done the other day but I don't have the results yet. I'm going to have to make a doctor's appointment no matter what the blood test shows because I can't go on like this. I am taking my vitamins and eating as best I can. I really malabsorb and I'm afraid of what is ahead for me, if I don't get my nutrition under control. I'm not trying to complain. I'd have this surgery done again in a heartbeat.
October 20th 2005
Tomorrow my oldest daughter will be 18 years older. It is so hard to believe!! Time has passed so quickly! I love her and I'm so proud of her.
This is quite a journey we are on. Researching our options about surgery and surgeons, waiting for approval, having all the tests, waiting for a surgery date....having the surgery, recovery and all the things good and bad that happen after that. . . I'm watching the Today Show and they are doing the segment with Dr. Hurowitz. I would love to have more plastics done. I really need my arms, boobs, middle tummy and thighs done. I want my weight loss process to be complete. I look fine in clothes but without them...yuck!!!
I am going to get moving now and do my morning exercises. I think I'll start with Pilates and then do some light aerobics. I work hard at this every day (the days that are migraine free). I've really worked at changing my lifestyle. It isn't always easy but I've gone through so much and I am not going to go back. I remind myself that food is not my friend. I made a lot of bad decisions that got me to the point of needing this surgery. I'm going to do my best to make better decisions about food and exercise.
Thats my ramblings for today!
November 10th 2005
I just wanted to post a couple things from my blood work. I'm not going to post it all. This is really just for my reference.
Updated again in February 2006
June 2005 Vitamin A: 27mcg/dL October 3, 2005: 39mcg/dL January 30, 2006:38mcg/dl
(normal range is 38-98)
June: Vitamin D: 25ng/mL October: 31ng/mL January 30, 2006 25ng/ml (normal range is 20-100)
June: Zinc: 610mcg/L October: 786 mcg/L
January 30, 2006 689mcg/L (normal range is 670-1240)
January 30, 2006
HDL 43 (normal at least 40)
LDL 69 (normal below 100)
cholesterol total 123 (normal 120-240)
B12: 578 pg/ml (normal above 400)
transferrin saturation 39% (normal 15-55%)
ferritin 18 (normal 18-300ng/ml) *low normal
TICB 116 mcg/dl (up from 32 in June '05) normal 240-450 *low
uric acid 4 (normal 3-7)
triglycerides 62 (normal 45-150)
thyroid, liver, kidneys= fine
folic acid=fine
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it," said Piglet. "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought. The other day, I sent this quote to a friend who was having an anxious and depressive time. I need to use this quote more often in my own thinking. Depression and anxiety sucks. As happy as I am with my weight loss and all the wonderful changes there has been in my life, I still have to fight the horrible overwhelming depression.
I've been maintaining my weight at about 15-16 pounds under goal. I'm really where I want to be as far as my weight is concerned. I will probably never really feel like I've lost enough though! I weigh about 10 pounds less than when I got married 24 years ago. That's pretty cool considering all the extra skin I still have.
December 4, 2005
Next Saturday, I am going to my husband's office Christmas party---Something I have avoided like the plague until this year. On Friday, my 14 year old daughter (aka my fashion advisor), and I went shopping for something for me to wear to the party. I have a sexy little black skirt that I love so, we looked for something to go with it. I found this top, (that has just enough shimmer to it), and a black shrug,(something I thought I'd never wear), to go with it. I love it! I can't wait to wear it!
My weight has been holding steady for quite a while now. I think I've lost more though--haven't gotten on the scale this week. I have been sick for a week, (see below), and I think I've lost a couple more pounds. I nearly lost my jeans a few times when I was shopping the other day. I put things on the bottom of my shopping cart and my jeans kept sliding way too far down!!
On the negative side, I am trying to get over bronchitis. I am on my third day of a broad spectrum antibiotic. I'm still coughing my head off --sometimes for 20 minutes at a time. This is a once a day antibiotic and I'm hoping that I'm preocessing this effectively. I trust my PCP--she is very good. I just didn't think to ask about a once a day antibiotic.
Anyway, that's my update for today!
December 11, 2005
Last night was my hubby's office Christmas party. It was in the grand ballroom of the Radisson Hotel near where we live. It was very nice. We had a fun time. It was drinks, dinner and dancing. Hubby introduced me to what seemed like everyone! There were about 200 people there. I never felt uncomfortable, even though I'm not a social butterfly by any means. I loved my outfit! I felt as pretty and sexy as my shaky self image would let me! I was glad that it was a buffet. They had quite a large selection of salads. I chose salad and a small piece of plain herb chicken. My only indulgence for the night was drinking white russians. I won't beat myself up for it though. I recently lost another 4 pounds. I actually don't need to lose any more. I am carrying around a lot of excess skin in my arms, legs, mid tummy and breasts. I'm 19 pounds under goal. I am feeling better as far as the bronchitis goes. I'm still coughing a bit from time-to-time, but I feel much better. The next big thing will be Christmas. It will just be the 5 of us though. Dad is in Florida with my brother. Hubby's parents are disfunctional and we can't be with them. So, it's just us. Then my youngest daughter will turn 16! I just can't imagine her driving. I know she will do fine, but it will certainly add to my stress level! It will soon be my 2 year anniversary! I'm going to celebrate that "big time" this year! I started looking into the surgery in December of 2002. I saw one doctor that scared me away. In time, I started looking for a new doctor and was dieting while I researched. I lost about 80 pounds before surgery. I have lost 144 since surgery. Needless-to-say, this December will be a much happier/healthier one than in 2002. I wish everyone a very happy and healthy holiday season.
2006
I started this year off with a migraine that won't give up. I've lost track of how many days it's been going on. It's been about 4. I still don't feel well, but I think I may be on the way to having this pain gone. At some points in time, I couldn't even stand to move. I guess that's my main complaint for now!
I did fine during the holidays as far as food goes. I stayed away from the junk. I tried not to have much in the house. I just didn't eat it!
That's about all for now, folks.
January 22, 2006 (Sunday)
On Friday, I bought a pair of jeans that are a size 8! I even have room in them! A size 8.... I still don't believe it. I bought a pair about a month before that are 10's. I tried on a 12 and my daughter told me that I was being silly--that they'd be too big. She was right and so I bought the 10's. I've been wearing them, but they're big--so I went back on Friday and bought the 8's. Sometimes it really is the little things.
I was tempted to be like Minnie Pearl and wear them with the tag still on them! I'm not being vain--just amazed. It was a very difficult week for me and I've been very down...so this was a very good feeling.
I'm almost 26 months out now. I just wanted to make a quick update. I am still amazed at what a wonderful tool this surgery is. My BMI is 21--I wear size 8 and sometimes size 6 jeans--I love it!
I'm still trying to get my vitamin/mineral level back up. I really malabsorb. I'm also still in migraine hell, even with injectable Imitrex and Inderal. Medication seems to react differently for me now. I walk or ride bikes with hubby and son every weekend. I exercise by myself everyday. I like Leslie Sansone's DVD's. I really like working out with light weights. I watch everything that I eat. Cookies, candy, cake and junk food are all things of the past. I try to buy the healthiest foods that I can. I am working very hard at living a healthy lifestyle. I always say that this isn't an easy journey--but it is worth it to me.
April 22, 2006
I'm becoming an exercise guru lately..hehe. It seems that with the nice weather, I'm doing even more. It sure is nice to be active. Being ABLE to be active is wonderful. I've been exercising every day for a long time now but I've also been adding Pilates more frequently. Last night I was doing an intermediate workout on DVD and I wasn't sure if I was doing more harm than good! I try my best to use proper form and positioning, but gosh--- some of the moves I don't think I'll ever be able to do! I'm trying to think positively! It's fun to try new things, even if it takes paramedics to get me off the floor! :-)
Tomorrow is Mother's Day which is bittersweet. My kids always do things to make it a nice day for me and I know they love and appreciate me. I miss my mom, though. She died from a brain tumor 9 years ago, on my oldest daughter's 9th birthday. She was an awesome lady.
The migraines still suck. Seems like forever since they were under control. I just started on verapamil, yesterday. I wanted to try Topamax, but my PCP doesn't want me to lose any more weight (isn't that a kick?!).Topamax tends to cause weight loss i guess. I hope the verapamil helps or I will have to see the neurologist. My 13 year old son is having migraine trouble, too. He just started on Elavil. I hope we both get these migraines under control. Medication just doesn't absorb the same since surgery. I didn't realize it would be such a big issue for me. It affects the depression medication, too and makes it very hard for me to have any control over that, as well. This past week has been quite a "ride". I also still have days of low energy. I have days when my I'm in a lot of pain with my back.
On the positive side---I can do so much more-physically. I am walking, running, playing tennis, doing Pilates and yoga...and even trying kick boxing. I try to do all these things using correct form and I'm careful, so I don't think that my back pain is caused by my activities. I'm still hanging in there, though and I am going to continue being active. Speaking of that, I think I'll take a walk to the neighborhood Starbucks! Hang in there, everyone!
Tuesday May 23, 2006
I've been having a lot of trouble with good ol' depression lately. So, today I decided I needed to be out of the house. i went to a nice trail in the area. People walk, run, and bike there. I've walked there many times and have been biking there frequently with my family. I've never run there, though. I've run a bit in a treadmill and I've run by racing my son. This is the most running that I've done since I was in college.( a long time ago). The run helped my mood and kept me out of trouble.... What made me smile, though was when I was waiting to cross a street that intersects the trail, a trucker went by and "beeped" his horn at me. It was something that should have annoyed me-what a sexist thing for him to do-- but :-) I must say that it made me feel good. He he -Hard for me to imagine a guy beeping at me!! It was an ego boast that I needed.
I really need a new anti-depressant! I'm just not absorbing the wellbutrin, or it has just quit working--one of the two or both. This mal-absorbtion thing can have it's drawbacks. I don't understand why some days, I am so tired that I can barely get through the day and then other days, I can go none stop. I just don't get it!
Sunday June 4th, 2006
I went walking and running this weekend, but Mother Naure wasn't making it easy. I did my best with the rainy, chilly weather. It IS June isn't it??
I took my 18 year old daughter out to practice driving, today. She is just learning. My anxiety goes through the roof with this task. She did fine except that she pulled into a parking space at the Holiday Inn. She hit gas instead of the brake... dirt and mulch went flying. There is now a tree that is a bit skinnier than it once was and a few scrape marks that the bumper of my car could have done without. We stopped short of the sliding glass doors and being on the 6 o'clock news. Whew. I don't know how other parents do this !
I started taking a lower dose of Topamax last Friday. Hopefully this will help with the migraines. I have to titrate it up from the present dose of 25 mg, to 100mg. I am really hoping this helps!
Thursday June 8th 2006
The end of school year for the kids.
Yesterday, I got to start my day by seeing a friend, and going for a Harley ride. It was a great start to a lousy day. There were way too many crappy things that happened after my friend went home. I was in bed by 9 p.m., trying to bring a bad day to an early end. I started today with a migraine. My depression is in full swing. I'm not a happy camper at the moment.
My youngest daughter got her first job today. She'll be working in a book store. She is so excited. I'm proud of her.
Last time I hopped on the scale I was 22 lbs under goal. That's about it for now.
June 16, 2006
I've been looking forward to this weekend. The weather is supposed to be "perfect" and my kids and I were going to go away for the weekend. Spend some time on the beach and get to see my dad for part of Father's Day. I really need to get away. I just want a little break from things. Instead, I'm looking at a $440 repair bill for my car. I'm bummed. I'll have my pity party and get over it, but for now it just sucks.
23 pounds below goal
June 24,2006
Despite, fighting the migraines and depression and running around with my kids, I'm getting a quite a bit of exercise in. I'm being as active as I can. Exercise can be an escape for me.
I saw my PCP for a check-up and to talk about my migraines. I just started Topamax and am taking 75mg. My PCP wants me to see a neurologist, but I just want to see how the Topamax works. So, I'm not sure how that is going to play out. I went for blood work. I should know the results pretty soon. That's about it for now.
July 30, 2006
Sunday
I had a wonderful vacation with a dear friend that came all the way from Nebraska to spend time with me. We had a great time, but I sure was sad to see her leave.
Saturday :-)
Yesterday, I saw the hematologist and after talking to her for quite a while, we decided to schedule an iron infusion for next week. She said my ferritin should be at least 80 and I'm "squeaking by" (as she put it), at 17. I've been trying to raise the level for over a year with the Vitron C. I just can't do it. I have days when I'm feeling okay and then days when I'm so tired! She seemed optimistic that this dextran would help me. We'll see what happens!
I'm trying to eat as best I can. I'm not "dieting". I'm trying to eat healthy --just like I've been doing all along. There are just certain things that I can't tolerate and certain things that I just won't eat--like junk food and candy. I have come too far and worked too hard.I won't let myself gain weight. I have changed my life style and there is no going back. I don't exercise and eat healthy things just to look good--just to be a size 6-- I do it because I want to be healthy and active.
August 14, 2006 Monday
I had the dextran infusion done today. It wasn't so bad. It just had my anxiety up. My doctor is an oncologist/hematologist and her nurse(who you'd think would be used to dealing with some pretty sick patients), gave me a big speech about how she'd be back to check on me every 10-15 mins to make sure I was alright and to see if I needed anything. After she gave me the benadryl and the test dose of dextran, she started the infusion pump with the full dose. She left the room and never came back until hours later when it was done. Hmmm! So much for checking on me! I had to get another patient's nurse to fix my pump. My nurse left and didn't make sure the infusion pump was working --and it wasn't. After that patient left, I was on my own. No one else appeared. Anyway, I'm glad it is overwith. I hope it helps!
August 20, 2006 Sunday
I just came back from a walk to Starbucks, which is about 1 mile from my house. So, it's a 2 mile walk-there and back. I usually do this walk every Sunday. I walk other places and do other exercises on different days of the week. I'm am so wiped out, though. I really had to make myself take this walk. I had the dexran infusion a week ago, and I thought that I'd have more "umph" by now. I actually don't feel well at all, today. Maybe, I'm expecting too much-too fast. I don't know. I guess I just needed to whine a little bit. At least I got the walk in!
August 23, 2006
i took another walk on the trail, today. I'm so tired. I'm cranky and wish I could take a nap instead of making dinner. I don't feel like eating, but everyone else needs food. I guess I'm still expecting too much, too soon from the infusion. I'm just feeling miserable today.
August 25,2006
It's my 2 1/2 year anniverary today! I bought a denim skirt today--it's a size 4! :-) I never thought I could wear a size 4 in anything! It's amazing! I'm loving it. So many things have changed. It's an awesome journey, even with not feeling well sometimes. I would do it all again in a second.
September 3, 2006 Sunday
Things seem so out of control in my life. Right now it seems like what I eat is the one of the few things that I can control. Last time I got on the scale, I was 29 pounds under goal.
Tuesday September 5. 2006
I never thought that I'd have trouble eating. I just could never imagine not wanting to eat. Lately, eating is a chore. I'm 30 pounds below goal. That's fine with me. I don't know if I will ever be able to feel that I've lost enough weight. I guess somewhere in my brain, I know that I have--but I just don't want to accept that. I still want to lose. My war with obesity will never end and I will never lose the battle again! I will never let my guard down.
September 17, 2006
It frustrates and angers me when someone tells me that I've lost too much weight! My BMI is normal. I look "normal". I feel "normal". I've yet to have a doctor tell me that I need to stop losing. I've worked so hard to get where I am. I don't ever want to gain. The old me was so unhealthy and so unhappy. I was so trapped. I'm having a hard time with the tiredness right now and I think the anemia is still an issue, even though I had the infusion. It's not what I weigh that is the problem. Gaining is not going to bring my iron up. Sigh. I'm just frustrated right now. I'm doing my best. I have worked too hard to get the weight off --I've changed my lifestyle completely. I am not too thin. Grrrrrr........
September 22, 2006
I've never had a whole lot of self esteem and now finally, I am finding a little spot--a little place, if you will, where I don't feel so bad about myself. A place where I'm happy and healthy and maybe don't look so bad after-all. I've worked hard to get here. Lots of research and trying different surgeons, testing, dieting--losing about 80 pounds before I even had surgery. Surgery wasn't easy, hernia repairs have sucked. I have taken an active part in getting to where I am. I have changed my lifestyle. I exercise every day. I ride a bike, I go for walks/runs on a trail. I park my car far away from the store so I can get more walking in. I have changed my eating habits. No junk food. No sweets. I eat healthy food. I've taken an active role in my health care. I've changed doctors because I wasn't being taken seriously. I wasn't being given the right care and I knew it. So I was proactive. I read everything I can about vitamins and nutrition. I'm saying all this because I'm frustrated and sad. I started feeling good about myself. I actually started thinking that I was looking good--well as good as my self-esteem will let me. Then I have to hear, "You look too thin." There's a weight issue, but not the one you think." "People think you look too thin." Great...just great.... That really hurts and just kicks my self esteem in the ass. I know what I'm doing. I'm trying my best to balance food and vitamins and exercise and make it all work for a healthier me and nobody gets it.....Excuse me while I go bang my head off a wall for a while......
(Oh, and I bought a pair of size 4 pants today. I guess maybe that's too small--but it's A-okay in my book!)
Thanks for listening!! :-)
Second entry for September 22nd
I'm back, again. The other night I had a weird dream that I was trying to kill myself by taking an overdose. One of the dream interpretations that I read about online, says that dreaming about commiting suicide means that there is a part of myself that I'd like to kill. Hummmmm The "fat person" in me, most likely.
Another interpretation says that the act of committing suicide in a dream should be taken fairly seriously. It says that this act says a lot about how you perceive yourself and your value as a person. Hummmm Okay, so I guess I have some self esteem issues to work on! It does feel good to be thin, though. I am enjoying all the benefits of being smaller. I haven't forgotten all the little things, either--like being able to cross my legs, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, not having to squeeze behind the car's steering wheel--oh so many things! Alright, I'm actually really done ranting and rambling. Thanks to anyone that actually reads my page!
Saturday September 30TH
I bought a pair of size 4 jeans yesterday that absolutely ROCK! I love them!
The museums is free this weekend in Pgh. so I think that we'll be taking advantage of that, today. It is so cold here, today. It is only 47. I'm cold all the time, now. I'm not ready for cold weather, but actually I don't really care this weekend. I just want to get out and do things!
I'm still trying to wrap my head around where I am physically as far as weight loss and how I see myself. I am still losing a pound now and then, but like I've said in previous posts, I like where I am. I tend to over-analyze things. Then that stirs up my anxiety. I'm 33 pounds under goal. I'm at the low end of a normal BMI range. If you use a BMI scale that factors in aage, then I'm underweight.
We are going to have nice weather this weekend, so I'm going to get out and do something! Maybe I'll ride my bike or at least walk the trail. I love Fall!
January 4TH 2007
Today is my youngest daughter's birthday. She will never read this (that I know of). I just love her to pieces! My kids are my joy. I am still not feeling well. This migraine thing needs to stop. I can't take it. I'm maintaining my weight just where I want it and so I am happy with that. I guess that is all for now.
