Sherry T.

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Wow, never understood how people could be so loyal about posting before surgery and fall off the face of the earth after...well, I'm here to tell you....the energy abounds!  I am still lazy sometimes but I know how much better I feel when I exercise.  I am in the transition of changing jobs so I probably won't have opportunity to post for awhile.  After no health insurance for a year, I'm excited to just have benefits and the great thing!  They cover weight loss surgery so I won't have to worry if anything should happen but praying it don't that I won't have to pay out of pocket anymore.  Just need to knock their socks off and do what I know to do!!  I had an episode a week ago that had I had benefits I might have ran to the doctor...but I'm pretty sure it was dehydration...because I made it through my whole exercise class last night because I drank lots of water before and after Zumba but I was concerned to say the least.

Also, hoping in the next year that I can have some kind of skin surgery for my stomach...I have a hernia so I think that my get me covered to get it fixed and a tummy tuck to boot...hoping!!

Lots going on in the personal life and just going to focus on work and my son....dating is just to hard still...I still tend to want to settle and I do not want to continue to do that.....so until I can find happiness with myself, I think men should be off limits. I know I'm beautiful and I know I'm worthy but I'm also very compassionate and accepting....but accepting less that I deserve is no longer an option.

Carpe diem!!

:) Sherry 

 

So, much has happened since that August 16th post....told you I had to worry about family and husband....well Hubby drank the entire weekend and embarrassed the living crap out of me....Even had to get security to help haul him back up to the room.....That pretty much put the nail in the coffin.  I left him within the week of returning home.  Job or no Job, I could no longer be in that nightmare.  I certainly wish I knew how some women hang on for years and year dealing with that.  4 years and I was about dead from exhaustion.   He lost his job, 80k a year down the drain....so now I have no insurance....fortunately, the following month in I found a job.  Granted sometimes I worry about it but it's paying the bills and I continue to look for something else.  I had to trade in my fancy SUV, and got a practical mommy car, but it's okay, it's still a HONDA and me and the kid, love it!  We are with my Mom...can't say that's the ideal of any situation as much as I love her.....we are too much alike sometimes and it's hard being 45 and trying to learn to keep your trap shut when I have all my life!!  I don't want to do that anymore!!!   Even considered looking for a job in the big city (Atlanta) but it'd have to be good money and then I'd pretty much be on my own....His Dad lives there but he'd do what he could but he wouldn't go out of his way in my opinion so I can't leave...my Mom does help me more than I care to admit and others too!! It does take a village!! Thank the Lord, I have them! 

Frustrated with the scale....and even clothes...I could normally pass off the scale not moving but dang, even clothes don't seem to be making much change as of late!! I've really been trying the last 2 weeks!  Had a challenge with a friend of mine, and I was determined!! I've lost 1 pound....I really don't know...got to get my groove on and EXERCISE!!

I bought a bike over the weekend!  Ofcourse it started raining on Sunday, so maybe next weekend I can practice! I hope it's true....you never forget how to ride a bike..cause I felt like a big ole goofy kid trying to manuever that thing around the driveway and the Target parking lot!!  When I'm more experienced I'd like to get a fancy mountain bike! LOL Not sure what for but it'd be cool to go on long bike rides and train! *Gasp*  Did I really just say that??

I better go for now, it's getting late and I'm tired...went to Zumba tonight with it being spring break...oh yeah, started college!! Go figure, ME!?!   Loving it just wanting to make really GOOD grades!!  But sometimes I feel REALLY old! LOL

 

I've lost 7 lbs since I last posted and that's been one week!  On top of that I've lost 14 lbs since the first of the month.  Granted it's time for my monthly visitor so I won't see a loss for atleast a week or two until the body settles down again.  Such a vicious cycle!   Loving water aerobics at the base gym.....ofcourse I get the monthly visitor the very week I decide to get in the water.....I went Wednesday but if it doesn't slow down I'm going to have to forgo tomorrow.   Excited to go next week and try zumba afterwards.  The leader invited me to join and they have a good time she said...which is good, not sure I could keep up with them right now!! lol 

The interview went good but it didn't last that long so I'm not sure what his impression was or if I will even get a job offer.  I seriously need the job but I can tell it's office politics as usual with bankers! They all seem very nice though just wonder if I'm about to jump from the frying pan into the fire but my Daddy always said, it's easier to find a job when you have a job and I just need to get past this stint of unemployment.  It's like a black cloud.  You'd think the last 19 years as a loyal employee would serve as something!  We shall see, my luck and worry is they'll bring a job offer to the table and I need to be off the last two work days of the month...one for my 3 month follow-up and Friday because we are to the beach for our first summer vacation.  About time!  We are really lucky we are getting an opportunity to go....so I want to go and have a good time and hope everyone in my family behaves!  Between my hubby, mother and sister...they are some hot heads and I'm the peacemaker.....so most of the time my nerves are shot as to who is going to set the other one off by what they say or do.   I just want to put my shoes in the sand, read a good book and drink my water!  LOL 

I feel like I need to write about life and maybe that will help.....and for one brief moment on the scale this morning I saw 342, now for some folks that could make you gasp but for me, it's the next goal on my journey.  You see, I weighed this when I got pregnant with my son 10 years ago.  I've only seen that number one other time, well count that two when I was on the way back up and avoiding my scale like the plague.  So for me, I'm excited to see that number!  On a day when I have an interview that could mean alot to our lives right now or struggling to make ends meet.  I'm really stressed out on how I'm going to get bills paid when my unemployment benefits are dried up....who'd ever thought after 16 months of unemployment still no job!  Another reason I had this surgery is to find a job.   No one wants to hire a walking liability on what looks like the verge of serious health issues.  

I know God has a plan and I'm waiting on him to help me with it.   As my husband says, don't pray for a job, pray for the right job for you.  At this point Lord, a job is a job.  I wouldn't even worry about it if I didn't have alot of debt from when I was a single mom not receiving child support but now that I am...it helps but it surely doesn't help all that debt I accumulated over the first four years of his life.   We were at the doctor's atleast twice a month and being diagnosed with asthma at 5 months old...it was rough.  Breathing treatments, antibiotics for ear infections, diapers.....I don't know how teenage mom's handle it...I thought I was ready and I was 35!  I love him more than I love life itself and he is worth every penny.   Just wishing I could get out of this hole I have dug.   I went and saw a credit counselor yesterday and while it will only lower my monthly expenses $100, the great thing is I will have all that debt paid off in 4-5 years.   Yes, it's alot!!   Or I could sell my car....which would mean no way to get to interviews, dr appts or whatever I'm doing during the day...and trust me I don't go much at all to save gas money.  My hubby is against the debt consolidation because while the lady said it doesn't put a negative affect on your credit report....the creditors can report that you are under a debt management plan and that tends to have a negative impact.   So, while right now I'm not worried about it.....in the future when I want a newer car or buy a house...how is that going to impact that decision....it's all very explainable and being unemployed certainly covers it.  It's hard though, that's one thing I always prided myself on....I always paid my bills and never had to ask my parents for money.  But granted now I have this mountain of debt.  So, maybe if he calls my creditors he can make headway with them because after two phone calls and no one would lower the interest rate or work with me, I was done....if he doesn't want to do it then I will do it on my own.   I just hate to do it being a banker because they will do a background check and bing! that'll get me disqualified in some banks.   I feel like atleast I'm making the effort and no one is willing to work with me.  The small bills are fine, it's the credit line from a Mega Bank that is what's killing me.....and while I'm the idiot that used it and I owe it (I take full responsibility) who gives a person that kind of credit line on a signature!  I'm talking new car figures here!   *sigh*  then the economy went south and rates went sky high and I was scrambling.  

I digress...I could talk about this all day....a decision will have to be made before next month...hubby picked up the first two credit card bills....but the biggest one is due in 9 days....we'll see how he feels about coughing up $300.  It's still going to be a chunk of money. 

Gotta focus on my interview, get my suit out and study up my resume and the bank....positive thoughts, self confidence and great image!!!  I can do this!!!

Lots of love! 

Well I'm surviving....actually am getting to a point where being so hungry isn't a factor anymore....lol  if I could eat like this ALL the time, I could lose weight without surgery.  HOWEVER, if I knew I wasn't having surgery....I'd be at the first fast food place and order up!  I even had an interview today...not sure how well I did since it lasted a total of 15 minutes!! LOL oh well, really want to get this surgery under my belt without having to ask for time off or tell them I will need so many days off upfront.  It'd be a great job and maybe offer me an opportunity to get a degree since it's for a 4 year college.  However, I don't think they'll take me seriously being it last 15 minutes! Not even upset about it actually....because surgery is my first priority.   Time will tell.....just waiting for surgery. 

This is really starting to get me down...but I know if i give up then I'll have to start all over again....and can you believe my husband brought baked bbq chicken home and told me I should have a couple bites?    That'd be like giving alcohol to an alcoholic....and as bad as I wanted to believe him, I knew I couldn't.    The protein shakes aren't that bad when made with skim milk but I can't add fruit if I have it with milk so it's a toss up.  The banana wasn't too bad with the chocolate shake and it did make me feel somewhat better and my pudding cup before bed and I slept all night.   Was worried the hungries might keep me awake.  I'm sure some of the medicine's the doctor has me on helps with me sleeping so hungry or not I sleep all night and still wake up groggy in the morning.   Which is okay, I get the kiddie off to school and I nap until I wake up and can eat one of my "liquid meals".   I haven't tried to find any broth to supplement....just not a broth kind of person.  I did order some fake chicken broth from unjury to try after surgery so if i get desperate I may crack that open and give it a whirl.   Well, time for my first protein shake!  Going to go whip it up!   Take care folks!

following the plan but wow, I'm hungreeeeeeeeeee!   just keep thinking about the better days ahead!  

After going back and forth about it being the last week of my son's school, I took the date.  He will go on Monday and i hope to return home Thursday, so he can go and see all his friends on Friday.   I was really frustrated about not getting my meal replacement along with my husband missing work and no longer having leave for me to have surgery and then he said of all things he was waiting on me to give him the date! There is so much to this story but I won't bore you with my life difficulties. So, he will have to ask for unpaid leave which is fine by me....I'm so ready to have this done. 

Last week, I had a trip to the hospital which was totally unexpected but when you go to the doctor and say you're having chest pain, at my weight, she put me into the hospital to be monitored overnight.  My husband also found me an allergist to finally figure out why I've had Hives for the last six months. I am starting to believe it's more likely STRESS but in a way I hope he finds something so I can get better and stop itching and taking steriods.  So, he's done a boatload of bloodwork and will find out after my surgery.   Andmy heart is fine so I'm good to go!

So, last night after talking with my Mom, I told her I had a date and she was skeptical.  I know she's scared and really worried something could happen...but after my struggles this week with the hospital, bloodwork and also the realization I had to have a scooter to get around the water park we went to over the weekend.  YES, IT'S MY TIME!!  I do have some resentment because I feel like she doesn't take me and my priorities serious.  That it's all about when its convenient for her.  I will say I know she was tired and had been at the hospital all day with my aunt who was having shoulder surgery.....but I honestly wanted to scream and say she has 4 children, let them run her back and forth to rehab, worry about ME for once.   And honestly I know she does.....she's more worried though about me having the surgery than me dying from being this overweight??  I don't get her sometimes.....I just have to digress and know we will come together and it will all work out.    I need to let this resentment go of how I never felt good enough.    *sigh*

Really hungry on day 1.....ready for my protein shake!  

How long does it take to get something shipped from a warehouse for pete's sake??   I realize after my last post it's been 10 days and I've yet to receive a confirmation from the warehouse it's been sent and told twice it would be shipped overnight!!  I'm so frustrated...not to mention I am having home life issues and so scared my husband is going to lose his job...which is the only way I could ever have this surgery.  Please pray for me that everything will work out.  I know it will in God's time.   I'm just want to get healthy and find a job so I can support myself and my son.....I don't think my relationship is going to survive because I'm so done.....I try and see his "disease" but it's very hard when you are about to lose an 80k year job that you love and lose your family.  It's a very hard time for me....the time he actually had saved was going to be to take off for my surgery but now he has no time so I guess it's just as well that I haven't gotten the supplement. *sigh*    

I know the Lord won't give me more than I can handle but I sure am about at my breaking point.   

There is alot more to this process than meets the eye......I have to do a 2 week liquid diet and once I receive the protein that I ordered from the suggested website I can call up the scheduler and let her know I've started the process and she will set up my pre-op day on that Monday (I believe will be May 7th).  Dr Hart does surgery on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I will be set up to have surgery on one of those days..hopefully Tuesday so can get done and get home! lol  I hate to do it but my son is going to miss about 4 days of school but I'm so ready for this and he's only missed one day all year..it's that important to me!!  Can't say I'm not scared and want things to go well and everything to be okay, going to follow the doctor's orders to a T!    I'm asking everyone to pray for me!!!