FINALLY Got My Fill...1/19/2010

Jan 19, 2010

And I'm crossing my fingers for strength, help, and miracles.  I know many people say a fill won't change things and it might not for you but it DOES for me.  I immediately woke up "different" today.  I had been starving and ready to eat furniture every morning for the past 2 weeks and today, I wake up not ready to kill someone. 

I was feeling a little tight last night and I'm still unsure.  I guess time will tell when I get back on solids but right now I am riding the wave of liquids.  Did fine yesterday and so far ok today.  I'm hungry a little but not evil and bitchy. 

I saw my pouch and my band on the barium swallow yesterday and it all is good.  My last weigh in at the Dr's office was on 11/26 and yesterday I was down 4lbs but that is with an entire month of living on fat and sugar...cookies, candy etc etc.  Not too bad.  Had I not fallen prey to those foods I'm sure I would have had great progress but that's neither here not there ...adios 2009 holiday season. 

I still have my mental funk going on but honestly I always do.  I myself have to accept that it is just who I am and other people who choose to associate with me have to accept it too.  I am a true at heart perfectionist with everything and therefore have a very hard time being content or satisfied even if things are going "good" as my mentality is they always could be better.....kinda might suck to me be you'd say and I'd have to agree sometimes.  It's not easy always having to work at something because things just aren't the right way and therefore something in my life is usually off balance and when lots of things are I am losing it like in my last blog.  We all can't help for our upbringing and our wiring.

I'm slowly but surely working and figuring out some things but of course they aren't going fast enough or easy at all so I get frustrated.  If I only had to focus on my weight loss it would be easier but such is NOT the case.  If I have my way I will get there though.  It's not going to be today, tomorrow or next week but I have a plan and a schedule, I just hope it works! 

Ok off to get my soup.  YAY for fills!

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