Happy New Year

Jan 02, 2009

for once in my life my New Years resolution is not to loose weight....not that I think I have lost all that I have to loose
but I decided on my Birthday that I have done all that I could to ensure a healthier me and if that means a smaller me than so be it...at my present weight and clothing size I could be happy....I remember being this size in my 20's and crying about how FAT I was...isnt it funny now after all I have been through and how FAT I did become that now I am happy with my size.
I can walk....I actually outwalked my DH at the mall the other day....I can breathe and I can buy clothing anywhere I go to shop...ok not the mall but considering the prices there Im not to worried about it.
 being able to purchase clothing from Wal-marts or a t-shirt at the FleaMarket or go to rummahge sale an know that maybe Ill find something for myself is such a warm fuzzy feeling.
  since I last wrote not much have changed in our financial situation...our home of 18 yrs is still up in the air...it now feels like a never ending money pit of Hell...the more we give the bank the more they want and still no sign that if and when we finally do all they ask will we still be living in our home of 18 yrs.....we still have our son and and his family living in our home....with no signs of leaving....Dean did tell them be out by the end of Feb...all that got him was dont be expecting any more money from them...HAHAHA as if! they have been here since Sept...and I think maybe they have given us 500 all together and both of them were working....now she isnt an he is only working part time.....I want them OUT and I dont think I have the strength emotionaly to take them all to a shelter....the babies I can stand...but my son or his GF are another story.
  my disability is now gone along with it my medicare...so there will be no pannilectomy for me....even though the weight of all the excess skin is killing my back...all I can think is that if I keep working to tone the muscles that it will get better....dunno what will happen with the hernia but I will not dwell on it....I will not do any lifting and tugging...and hopefully it will not become worse until such time as I get some ins...which wont be at my new job...the pay is good but the ins comes out in each check to the tune of 280 per check and well thats a tad ok its WAY to much money out of my check ...I have to keep feeding the money pit. so I will not dwell on the fact I have a front butt and it weighs more than the one behind me...LOL. the 17 yr old daughter skipped so much school last semester that she lost all of those credits....IF she returns to school after the break and does well she should graduate....she says she will...and I hope she does but frankly I see no indication that it will happen at this point.
   My emotions are often erratic...I am very diligent about taking my meds now....but am not on hormones...I simply cannot afford to go to the OBGYN anymore. she gave me a clean bill of health the last time I went so Iam good for now.
  as for my weightloss at this time it has slowed down considerably...I dont think Im done loosing just yet but if I am I will still think that WLS was successful for me.
I dont get sick often but when I do it is bad...I actually got sick on Christmas eve on ham....I ate it to fast and did not chew it enough....OMG the pain was horrible and I even tried sticking my finger down my throat to get it up and OUT but no...I am soo anti throwup that I could not give myself relief in that way. so I suffered for 4 hours...my mom is now giving me grief about seeing my bones...I told her to chill out...it is strange seeing my collar bone now after all these years of not seeing them.but untill Im weighing in at 150 or less than Im still good. I still take my chewable vitimins 2x a day and calcium and make sure I get in 80 grams of whey protien which is the kind or protien that our bodies absorb the best. I also take biotin and Lysine for hair and skin health.
I feel pretty good about all Im doing for my health....maybe I could do more excersizing but really Id like to start lifting weights for the toning...but all of that excersizing envolves tummy muscles and mine has a baseball size hole in it...so Im very reluctant/scared is more the word to do that.
  I did go dancingfro New Years eve for the first time in 23 yrs....we usually stay in and throw the bash here...but ohhhh how I danced...for almost 3 hours straight...it was great. but ohh how I did pay for it the next day.all my muscles were sore and tired.
   I think Im all caught up for now.....
New Years resolution......to find joy each day
                                             to live each day like its my last
                                         share my story as much as I can and maybe touch someone on their path twords a new beginning.
I am excited to see what this yr will bring to me and my family.
nutti

0 Comments