January 2012

Jan 25, 2012

Wow it's been forever, and so much has changed! First the weight, my goal weight which I hit on December 24, 2009 was 145, I got there but it didn't take long to keep fluctuating up and down.  In the last 6 months I gained 10-15 lbs. don't ask cause I really don't know how.  I think it had to do with other life changes, me getting older, life being too still, I need to move my butt. Also, had so many health issues.  Anyway, finally had surgery on 1/4/2012 to take care of 3 hernias, 2 of which had my intestine involved and were dangerous. also, had a biopsy cause dr found a tumor in there but it was benign, thank you God.  today I'm 3 weeks out of surgery and recovering very slowly.  This is 3rd surgery in 3 years and longest, hardest recovery. I'm back to work since last week and still hurting. yesterday was very uncomfortable. I'm not in pain, agony, per say but I hurt and I hate sitting here all day. I still have to move slowly and be careful.  Anyway, the good news is that I'm losing weight again, finally.  I haven't been able to eat much or like usual since surgery, for whatever reason my insides are still swollen and my food won't go down normal, and even though my activity level is at zero since surgery, I still have been losing weight. down 8 lbs from my gain.  I want 145 again, even less, but right now my goal is 5 more lbs to get me under 150, then I'll take it from there.  I have been taking CoQ10 regularly and vitamins that all help with metabolism so maybe it's helping.  as soon as I'm 100% mobile, gonna start exercising somehow, a gym or alot of walking.  In 2011, 3 people close to me had the surgery, my coworker, my grandchildrens auntie and my cousin.  I've been trying to be a mentor to all 3, they are doing so wonderfully, and I am proud that maybe I am an example and I inspired them to go fot it.  They are all happier because of their decision.

So on the personal front 2011, hhmm, let me see I went online, met someone and I'm engaged! Robert & I met on PlentyofFish.com and were engaged 4 months later on his 50th bd.  He's awesome, not like any guy I've been with before, appearance wise or behavior wise, but he loves me so much and he's so wonderful to me and my family.  I love love his family, he is 1 of 6 and they are great people. We are trying to get hitched this year, just need to get through our premarital counseling but because of his work schedule it's difficult to get to class. 
Also, 12/31/2011, Brittany moved out with Travis - 3 1/2 & Lily - 2, it breaks my heart a little but there is more peace in my house and for Joshua and that's whats important, I need my son to be on a balanced mental level.  The kids are at my house 3-4 nights a week, so I still spend plenty of time with them.  Even Isabella and melina have been coming around more often now, probably cause the tension and demeanor in the house has changed.  I love Brittany, she's a great person, but not such a good girlfriend, she has issues that cause too much stress on a relationship and the people around too.  So for now it's best she's on her own with her parents and her babies.  Joshua is okay with having the babies 1/2 time, and it lets each one of them have more time for themselves, without feeling like they are the only parent and the other one is out there having a party every night.  Joel is still with me, lost his job and has been trying to find another one, he may end up moving back to Florida.  I'll miss him but he is grown and he needs to do what's best for his future.  I think Joshua will miss him most since they hang out alot more now that B is gone.  I think Joel wants to go for his career, but he misses his fam and the babies.  So not sure where that will go.
Melina & Isabella are still at Dawn's, Isabella is 3 now and grown up so much, she is still half week with daddy and it's been hard for Melina but it's been civil and that's what is best for Isabella.
We are all well, getting through every day with God's help and Grace.  His mercy endureth forever, it's all we can count on 100%.

My life isn't perfect, losing a bunch of work didn't change that.  It didn't change my outlook, my confidence, my sense of worth, not totally, I still hate my body, probably more now since all this skin is horrid.  But I have to learn to love myself, hopefully one day I will.  I have 3 awesome kids, 3 awesome grandbabies, a few great friends, even if only by text, email, facebook :) and a man who loves me eternally.  For all that I am grateful and thankful.  I'm in my 50's now, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna get better.
until we meet again!
0 comments

Sept. 16, 2010 - still here

Sep 16, 2010

Hi there, it's been awhile but I'm still here and i'm still within my goal weight of 145, I go up 3-4 lbs depending what day I weigh myself but thats okay and it's expected since us women have unpredictable bodies that retain water and can be affected by our day to day lives.  Life has been a little hectic, some changes, me and the fam moved to a smaller, cheaper apartment. We are still on furlough so my income is still a mess, we actually got 1 full check in July then the governor screwed us again and we're back on furlough. If this would end I could catch up and not struggle so much. Joel is back home, he graduated on 7/31/2010 (see pics) and he's hanging out for now, we found out his license is clear so he can take the test and get his license back, which means he can get a job as a auto guy :)  Mellie stayed at the new apartment up until 2 weeks ago then she moved with Dawn. I'm glad for her cause I know she wants some independence, some peace/quiet and she wants to be closer to work, church and her friends. I miss having her around even though she wasn't around that often cause she's busy but of course we're in contact all the time so it's all good.

As for my weight, well I made it to goal back In December '09 and of course i'm not satisfied, according to the charts I need to be under 131 and for a normal bmi I need to be about 140, I am now refocusing my eating and cleaning up my bad habits so that I can try and drop some more weight. I'd like a bigger cushion. If I can lost another 15-20 lbs then maybe I won't have so many fat days. I know they are mental but that's just the way it goes.  I am now a size 6, a 36C cup and even my feet went back down to 6 1/2 - 7 instead of 7- 7 1/2 :) I dont' feel as skinny as people keep telling me I am so for me losing some more weight is not gonna kill me, these people dont see me without my clothes, its scarey and I look very fat, especially with it all hanging everywhere Lord I hate it. BUT I don't hate wearing smaller sizes, fitting in smaller spaces, not feeling subconscious when I walk down the street or into a room, all that makes it so worthwhile. I can run after my grandchildren, pick them up, play with them and I can manage to walk 2-3 miles and not collapse. Of course my arthritis and body pains are still present and cause me grief but I try to work through it, not always successful but have to push forward. I'll be 50 in 3 months for now I'm better at 50 then 40 weight wise we shall see what else life has to bring in the days ahead.
so that's it for now.
0 comments

19 mos out - February 16, 2010

Feb 16, 2010

February 16, 2010 - 19 months out

Wow I haven't posted in awhile. I actually forget to post :)~ The weight is still hanging off of me, thank God. I kind of fluctuate 5 lbs up and down but as of yesterday I'm back to goal of 145. I wear a size 6 in jeans, but I still wear 8's cause it's what I have and no money to buy anything else. I tried on a dress that Melina just bought it was an 8 and it fit perfectly, a little big up top but thats the style of the dress and the fact that I am now wearing 36D, for heavens sake from a 42D, my chest has melted and it's surely not pretty. Here is a pic of the dress, it's kind of fuzzy because Joshua didn't like me looking so sexy and I had to force him to take the picture, so he did it quick and didn't even focus it.
 

 





So as for me and this weight loss thing can't believe I am at goal, and it's hard to keep thinking about how easy it is to blow it, so it kind of gives me anxiety when I see some of my yahoo support group people gaining 40 lbs in a year, I think 2 of the women posted that last month. it's scary. makes me so nervous. I don't exercise like I should because of the arthritis, the bad knee and the horrible back. it really is inexplainable how bad my back can hurt and when my knee decides to get into the mix forget it. I did get my 3rd supartz shot so that hopefully will help my knee. I have to go for a follow up mri this week to see how my back is doing. I didn't enjoy the shot in my spine that I got back in August so I truly am praying I don't need it again but I will do whatever I have to do to get some relief. I didn't lose all this weight to still be disabled by these aches.



also on the big news front, I have a new granddaughter, Lily Marie Davila was born Monday, January 25, 2010, 1 week late. quick delivery and she is beautiful. big baby, the biggest of the 3 grandbabies, 8 lbs 5 oz and 21 inches. she's long and thin, long skinny feet and such a good baby. she's a joy and so pretty, since she was a full size she isn't scrawny or anything her cheeks are full :) dark hair and fair skin, she's darker than Britt and Travis LOL. Travis is doing okay with her, he has his moments. Isabella sees her, makes comments but she's in a whatever stage at the moment. HERE IS LILY MARIE (yesterday 2-15-2010) 3 weeks old.


 

so it's not easy having your stomach and intestines cut and re-routed as always the people that think this is easy yeah right, you try it. restrictions are huge, pain is daily if you're not careful and I am not always careful. I do feel deprived sometimes but for the most part I can eat whatever food I want just small quantities and carefully. I can even have some sweets, just a little and some bug me more than others so I stay away from the sweets except for chips ahoy, they always seem to be in the house and I tend to have 2 at a time sometimes twice a day but not always just when I want a snack. more than 2 will be bad so I limit them. at work we have someone who always has those mini bite chocolates and I may have 1 of those a day, usually 3 musketeers, twix, kit kat, something like that. sometimes just eat half of one but at least I know I can if I want to.

so I got a haircut this weekend, even got a pedi, courtesy of Melina. God Bless her! I don't ever have money to do anything for myself anymore and it sucks that I can't shop or buy anything I want to buy but at least this weekend I got those 2 things and also got treated to dinner at Red Lobster, I ate enough and brought home the rest for the next day. Josh and I took care of it :)

for the most part I am doing okay. have pain daily but I just have to work through it and try to move on. dealing with maintaining my weight is so stressful. I still log my weight every Wednesday but I check it at least 2-3 times a week so that I know what is happening and try and stay on track.

Anyway, that's it for now.

2 comments

GOALLLLL!!!! -118 lbs. and actually below goal :)

Dec 26, 2009

So I've been sick since Christmas Eve, got stomach flu the 4th person in my house to get hit this week and on Wednesday weighin I was 2 lbs short for goal and this a.m. I was down 3. so I'm under goal. the illness helped 144 today! my goal was 145 so I unwillingly got under it. so thats a loss of 118 lbs. pre/post op weight loss.

 the last time I even think I was that I was in Junior HS.  and now that my system got a jolt, albeit a harsh one I'm gonna take this opportunity to get my butt back on track. i still have bad eating issues with some stuff but I see I can have a little more carbs and sweets once in awhile and that is my goal to stop that nonsense. thats how I screwed up all the other times, a little here and a little there and no damage to scale but then bang it all hits and it's over.  i've been up all night with cramping but it's been almsot 12 hours without any bathroom visits so I think I'm okay. drinking tea now to see how it goes. gonna stay on tea, water and broth today and even tomorrow if I can to give my system a rest.
my son and his gf broke out and started eating regular right away, crazy. i won't risk it. i am thankful though that since I can't eat much there wasn't much to come out
LOL - but it was bad anyway. do any of our nurses know why after the food is out of our tummy our system still keeps vomiting just liquid and air? its so painful and weird. anyway my OH family, I feel better today and the kids and Travis do too, so i hope it doesn't hit anyone else here. my oldest son came home from Sacto on Wednesday night and it hit him lightly on Thursday and yesterday but nothing serious.
 I finally completed 1 goal in my life and I am praying to God everyday that I can maintain my weight, I get so scared when I hear people gaining even after 1 year of surgery, I know I'm not eating crazy but I don't exercise cause my arthritis in my neck and back is aggravated by exercise, and not a little bit, it's extremely painful sometimes I can't help it and I have to take Motrin even though I kow we are not supposed to but I can't be in pain, cause I can't function. my neck is so bad even carrying heavy things or the babies causes days of pain so exercising is very limited. the only thing I can do is walk and even that causes my back and knee pain but I try when I can. so for me controlling the eating is the main way I have to keep the weight off.  
I hit goal before the New Year so I'm about to start the year with a new outlook on my health, and the main goal to stay fit for life.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas with their family and friends. love you all.
 

2 comments

Today is my 17 mos post op -115 lbs.

Dec 23, 2009

2 lbs from my goal. can't believe it. got on scale and it had moved, got on twice to make sure. now i'm kinda of not sure if I sure worry. I just went to enter todays weighin on my weight log and i noticed i lost 6 lbs in 3 weeks. okay so great right? but isn't it odd, just like that? 10 lbs. loss in about 3 months. I should be grateful, well I am but I truly thought that after the year things would kinda stop and I don't want it to stop totally cause I'm not where I think I need to be but so much so fast. during the first few months 10 lbs. in 3 months is way too slow but at this time 10 lbs just like that without truly trying can cause thought. well I guess I'll just take it and see what happens.  one of my support group ladies emailed us this week and said she gained 40 lbs. this past year, her second year out and that terrified me.  I still have things I can't eat but there are alot more things that I can and those are the ones that worry me, gonna have to cut that out. nothing out of control but 1 bite goes to 2 and then on and the cycle begins. for the most part all is okay. i'm having some small pain issues in my my pouch area but not really sure why and i'm not gonna deal with it right now. my knee and back pain is resurfing but I think thats this cold weather we're getting, the arthritis is under attack sometimes have to give in and take motrin because I can't function with so much pain. all in all no regrets. I hate all this darn hanging ugly skin but oh well, no one needs to see that. I can stay alone no big deal. and if I ever need to wear a bathing suit, they have skirts and sarongs to cover stuff up LOL. stayed home today because my son, his gf and my lil travis are all sick with stomach flu and I stayed to help out with baby but he's knocked out due to being so ill all night. so i'm just blogging and catching up on dvr programs. my dtr. is driving to SACTO today to pick up my son for the holiday weekend. i'll have all my kids and the grandbabies here for christmas eve. lil isabella goes with her daddy on christmas day. i hate having her going back and forth but I am glad that her father wants to be active in her life just wish it was a 50% custody that means she shuttles back and forth every day.  we are also waiting for LilyMarie to come next month, Travis getting a little sister and Isabella getting a little girl cousin to grow up with her. they'll be 14 months apart :) Believe me I can see why I am losing weight with this chaotic crazy house I'm in. if i'm watching babies I rarely eat cause I don't like eating in front of them and not being able to give them what I eat, and also being busy with them I don't think of eating. like today it's 12:45p and all I had is coffee and a couple of pillsbury croissant things. i'm about to go get something to eat because Travis will be waking up soon and he really can't eat food so I don't want him to see me eating and ask for some, i feel bad. so I guess i'll stop blogging and go eat something. ttyl.
0 comments

2009 Office Christmas Luncheon

Dec 18, 2009

We had our Christmas party on 12/16/2009, really nice time. I'm in charge of the planning and stuff so I'm always happy when everyone enjoys themselves.  I was thrilled I could dress up in a size 8 dress and look pretty decent for the party. Had fun, ate well and felt so much better than last year :) I had a wow moment when I bought size B nylons! not a big deal for the little people but anyone on here knows that buying regular size pantyhose is a big deal. I've always worn Queen Plus and this year I had to read the back of the pkg to see what size would fit me. very cool. I felt very pretty and confident in a dress and heels, my daughter's dress b y the way. we share clothes now. first time cause when I lost alot of weight before she was only 12 so our clothes obviously wouldn't be the same, she also doesn't remember me like that. so this year has been a very big deal for alot of folks around me. my boys see me as skinny already and it didn't make difference to them what i weigh but my girl understands how things are going for me and has supported me 110% - she hugged me the other day and said i can put my hands around you and more. shes 25 and she is divorced and so we hang out with each other, it's fun. especially when I don't get so tired going out and doing things. I can keep up with her at the mall :) getting ready for Christmas eve, holidays stress me out big time. no money ever and this year is the worse ever. I just can't wait for it to be over. anyway feeling pretty good, my weekly weigh in went great, showed 149, which is still 113 lbs gone. and 4 lbs from my goal. tired of that too. just want to get to goal and then work on maintaining my weight.


    
  

 























That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps!
Stay Strong!
Judy
0 comments

It's my 49th BD today and I am 113 lbs lighter, 4 lbs from goal

Dec 07, 2009

WOW It's my birthday today, 49 years young! I had the honor of attending the Women of Faith as a volunteer this weekend and was totally blessed and made some new friends. One of the highlights of my weekend a WOW moment was on Saturday evening. Nicole C. Mullen, Christian singer, was going to close the evening and I wanted to be where the action is, so I RAN down the arena steps, yep ran. BUT the WOW moment is that I ran back UP the arena steps. When I got to the top I was like OMG I ran up the steps and I can still breathe and I didn't have a heart attack. I actually took a picture of the steps to see how many there were LOL at least 50-70 steps because I was at the top of second level. and if you've been to any arena you know there alot of little steep steps. anyway that was a big WOW moment, I also stood most of Friday and Saturday working the conference and was able to feel okay afterwards. Of course I would never have volunteered if I didn't think I could stand and hustle around without getting tired, but the steps were an extra :)

anyway, I gave myself a gift this a.m. by stepping on the scale, had to do it today cause I didn't eat perfectly this weekend being that I was stuck at arena and had to deal with whatever I was fed or could buy. anyway 149!!!! SEE PIC BELOW, I am in the 140's woohoo. 4 lbs from goal. the last time I weighed 146 I was on WW and it was 1991. anything under 146 was when I was in JUNIOR high school. so when I hit goal of 145 it will be the first time since I was about 12 or 13, because I vividly remember (i hv pictures) my 9th grade jr. high graduation and I was probably a size 16 already at 14 years old. I am okay with where I am, I wear a size 8, some 8's are big on me. some folks say enough don't keep losing but come on people, 1st I am not really trying to lose, 2nd I can't help it if I do lose now cause my body will do what it wants. 3rd I haven't reached goal yet. 4th my personal goal was 145 but at 5'3" that's still high. my normal bmi will kick in at 140 so we shall see. I know if I could have PS I could drop at least 5 lbs of all this fat but oh well don't think that will happen.

For sure, it's been a rough challenging year, health wise and every single other thing too. still having some health issues but doing well. getting ready for grandbaby #3 next month. never thought I'd be grandmother 3x's over at my age but "the best laid plans..." I truly thought it was my turn now, all kids grown adults but God had other plans for me. It's been a really bad year with the pay cut and stuff, things are going downhill fast and I can't stop it but the days go by and we can't stop them either. I am praying that next year is better, that by the time I hit the big 5-0, I can say things are finally stable and I can have a happier life until the end. today is a day like any other, no big hurrah, I do appreciate all the birthday wishes and I am grateful that all of you are here, you do make a difference in my life.
Be truly blessed for each day is not promised!

1 comment

my Birthday is coming up/ WOMEN OF FAITH CONFERENCE

Nov 28, 2009

http://www.womenoffaith.com/sacramento/
so next week 12/7 is my birthday, my 49th! so I decided to take myself to the Women of Faith Conference in Sacramento. Since I can't afford the event, i am volunteering and I only could have done this now at my current weight. I will need to be on my feet all day, running around and at my previous weight no way could I do such a thing. so I'm really excited to go to the event and be amongst those who are seeking God with me. :) http://www.womenoffaith.com/sacramento/
                    
                   
0 comments

15 MONTHS Out - still in honeymoon period?

Oct 14, 2009

WOW 1 month ago I posted and I had actually gained 3 lbs and didn't know how that happened, well it's been going down hill from there. I somehow managed to drop 9 lbs. from that point, 5 lbs in last week. that hasn't happened since surgery! I am now 151 lbs and 6 lbs away from my goal.  I am in a perfect size 8 jeans (finally got some new ones) and except for this cold, sinus, neck arthritis I feel pretty good. My back has calmed down tremendously since I got the cortisone/steroid injection, the procedure wasn't nice, painful and stressful but wow it worked. I feel so so much better. I was in debilitating agony with back/hip/groin pain, now it only hurts if I overdo it and it only hurts not agony, so I'm thankful for that.  I've had a stupid cold for 3 weeks and just when I think it's almost gone, now I have a sore throat and having issues swallowing, for heavens sake that annoys me. whenever I get a cold I feel like a child, like why do adults get dumb colds.  I have sinus/allergy issues so usually I do have a runny nose and sinus headache but this is just dumb, blowing my nose, runny nose, earache, now sore throat, it's useless. My 2 grandbabies are sick AGAIN, and my daughter, we keep passing it around the house.

Well work is good, I love my job, I am blessed with a great work environment, awesome boss and a pretty good staff. of course the governor cutting our salary by 15% is a downer but we try to encourage each other. we remodeled the office during the past 3 months so we have new paint on walls and new carpeting, looks awesome and a new phone system is getting installed this week. Makes you wonder where is the "budget crisis" if we are getting all this nice fancy new stuff. what we spent on this stuff could cover my 15% paycut for 2009.  it is unbelievable the amount we pay for rent too, we are in a private building not a State building so we pay a pretty penny but we love the building it's nice, safe, clean and in a great location in San Francisco's financial district, can't beat it. we have it all right outside our door so it's a nice area to work in and at least we have that. we are all praying that our furlough/pay cut is eliminated in June 2010 as promised, if not sooner.  The stress I am having because of the pay cut is driving me insane. 

Oh my labs are sad again, waiting on my surgeon to get back to me about what we are going to do, some labs went up but still some low, my ferritin is horrible! my Vitamin D finally went up not alot but I think alot better.  As my weight keeps dropping it may all get worse but I hope not. I am in SHOCK that I am dropping so much weight at this point but I am thrilled to death that I am so close to goal.  I got on scale couldn't believe it and jumped back on to make sure. i am still in shock that i dropped 5 lbs in a week. hopefully the momentum will continue so I can lose the 6 lbs get to goal and then work on maintenance although to get to "the" goal I should be for my height I have to drop some more but when I make it to 145 I will be grateful and satisfied that I worked for a goal and succeeded. so that's all for now. take care and God bless each and everyone of you trying to get to your goals!
1 comment

Almost 14 mos. out and it's not going so well

Sep 17, 2009

Someone on my online support group asked me if I regretted the surgery this was my response. 

I do not regret the surgery, I've lost weight so far 105 lbs. from before and after surgery. still need to lose more but it's good. I say I don't regret it but I honestly feel that I don't know what I've done to myself by doing this. you caught me at a time where I am just not happy. it's been a few months and it's probably got alot to do with the hormones but sometimes i am sad that I had the surgery because my life has changed so much as far as eating. it's been 14 months and I still obssess about food, all day it's a struggle with what i'm eating, how much and that i ate the wrong thing.  in the past 2 weeks i gained 3 lbs and i don't know how and that has just added to my depression.  the loose skin issue has also got me depressed and when i see that yes i regret the surgery. i think it has alot to do also with me not having a social life, i have no friends, i only go to work and home. so it allows for alot of sitting and thinking time, and of course thinking about food and grazing out of boredom. definitely the health issues I had are gone now, but due to the arthritis and now a joint issue in my back i'll never be pain free and that still holds me back which upsets me because i didn't go through this surgery to still be sitting down instead of running around.  it's great that my clothes size is down that I share clothes with my daughter, but right now during the past few weeks I feel so fat and so low and just don't have any desire to deal with this eating issue. today i had a cookie and it was not a little cookie it was big and i took the chance and ate it, i didn't dump but i felt woozy and just weak and it's been 4 hours and i still feel out of sorts. of course can't do that all the time so I have to watch it.    I think some of us get this surgery and think that their life will change in a different way and it doesn't. my life is the same except for the fact that I can't enjoy a meal, can't go to a restaurant and order something and actually enjoy it.  sometimes i cook because i'm craving something so much and then i cook it, have a few bites and i'm disgusted with it, i hate that.   I will say that if anyone, including you, asks me if I would recommend the surgery I say yes, go for it. don't let anything or anyone keep you from the surgery that will probably save your life. my experiences are mine, everyone is different and I think for the most part most people don't go through this down period I am feeling.  but then again I do feel that most people do have the periods of "what did I do?" and probably don't admit it because then they may have someone say "I told you so" or "deal with it you wanted surgery there you go" but me, I won't lie to anyone that asks me about the life after surgery, it's not easy, it's hard, it takes alot of willpower and committment, but yes I would do it again.   SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG BUT I GUESS I HAD TO LET IT OUT.
.
2 comments

×