obesedude

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Down another few pounds.  Definitely going in the right direction.  I'm almost down to the size of two overweight men! Hahahaha!  Nothing much else to say or that I am willing to share with the entire world, even if it is anonymously.  Your going to want to trust me on that one. 

I hope everyone else is doing okay too :).

I'm down another 3lbs.  I'm still 2lbs off the pace I should be at right now but I have some ideas why.  I still haven't gotten enough protein in on a daily basis and it maybe possible I am not getting enough liquids regularly either.  Also, my sleep schedule is insane.  I'm working a fulltime job and various part time jobs and a regular schedule just isn't on the table right now.  I know what I need to do, the question is will I do it?

Down a couple of pounds this week.  Before I would fret that it should be more but last time that lead to stagnation and even a bit of weight gain, so I will just focus on the scale is going in the direction I want it.

I have been dealing with some cravings, especially in the, 'I want takeout department.'  I am pretty good with dealing with these cravings because my fear is that if I have foods that have fat, I will die.  Whether that is true or not, does not really matter, because it is keeping me on the straight and narrow.  Still though, I won't lie and say I did not look up the nutrition label on a thin crust Dominos pizza.  Man, if it was somehow tolerabe, I might have ordered some during last Sunday's Jets game.  I didn't though.  I stayed up most of the night thinking about it but the important part is I didn't.  My doctor says these are the sources of protein I can have (in order of importance): fish, eggs, lean meat...............................dairy.  Oh boy, I might have had my last slice of pizza ever!!!  The ironic part is I am lactose intollerant yet I still crave cheese.  Eh, what are you going to do?  

At least the scale is going in the direction I want.  :)

I finally got past the period of stagnation where I wasn't losing any weight.  In the past month or so, I have lost twenty five pounds or so.  At my last doctor's visit, I was informed I am now part of the century club.  

There is one major problem though - my new attitude about not caring, still exists.  It seems to have gotten me passed my weight loss wall but now I am deficient in potassium.  My PCP says its a major concern and a lack of it can lead to heart instability.  You would think this would shake me to my core but it hasn't.  Today I tried the medication she gave me for the first time - I gotta say, it tastes horrible.  I have been on the first 1/4 dose for the better part of today.  I'm not sure I am going to continue taking it.  I think I will looki into a potassium suppliment or crawl the boards to see if people are able to stomach gatorade because this medication just isn't working for me. 

That's it.  I hope everyone is doing well.

No movement.

As I mentioned in my last post, my surgeon is perplexed and concerned about why I haven't lost any weight.  Since then I saw my primary care physician (PCP) and she was concerned as well but not as much.  I told her a few weeks ago that I haven't lost weight in a while but she chalked it up to a plateau.  She has started to come around now that its been six weeks and I have lost a total of five pounds.  I have already gone on the record stating my apathy and after meeting with both physicians, I am even more apathetic.

My surgeon believes I have to eat less and exercise more.  On a good day, I eat 400 calories so I am not sure how effective that would be.  My PCP beleves I should eat more to build up my metabolism.  There is a reason why I can only eat 400 calories on a good day - because I can't stomach any more.  I wish both physicians would get on the same page but my faith in each one faded a long time ago.  I will continue to do what both ask but when they suggest something that clashes with the recommendation of the other, I will rely on my body to determine what to do.  For instance, I am not going to eat more when I'm just going to throw it up minutes later.  My PCP also recommended that maybe I should shorten the time between eating and drinking.  Wow, what horrible advice.  First - it defeats the purposes since there will be minimal absorption and second, I dare her to try it.  I tried it and I felt horrible for the next day.  Ugh, I don't know what to do anymore.

I did reach out to Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield and they only gave me canned responses.  While that does not help me, I am not upset with them.  They are an insurance company and the nurses and dietitians who work for them are limited in what they can say.  I know they will do whatever they can to help but they have to do so within certain parameters.  Take for example, I asked the nurse if she could recommend a different physician and she said she could not because the insurance company can't show favoritism.  While it isn't the response I expected, at least they have been consistent.  I don't feel the same about my surgeon and PCP.  Prior to surgery, they seemed to have all the answers or at least they could get back to you with more information at a later date.  Now, they pretty much have shrugged their shoulders and sent me on my way.

Eh, whatever.  I can take solace in knowing I'm doing my part. I'm just tired.  Since May, I have seen doctors anywhere from once a week to three or four times a week and thus far I have heard more bad news than good news.  So instead of dwelling on it, I have chosen not to care anymore.  Whatever happens, happens.  One doctor think that is a sign of depression and I said that was "bullshit (my exact verbiage)." I just think I have accepted the situation for what it is and I am going to move on.  The doc retorted frustration or anger would be a much more healthier reaction but what is the point of getting angry or frustrated?  When I said that, guess what response I got?

A shoulder shrug.

I am down 3.6lbs. I bet you are expecting me to complain but I won’t this time!!! Typically, I like to complete these posts on a Monday but this week I had an appointment with my surgeon for a check-up. I figure since I have the appointment, why not get an official reading, and that official reading was 455lbs! Is that a good weight? No! Those aren’t just my words but my doctor’s words. In the past five weeks, I have lost a total of five pounds. Right now, he says I should be losing somewhere between 20 and 30lbs per month. “Major red flag.” Again, his words, not mine!!!

But why am I happy? Because now I have physical proof that my gastric bypass surgery has not gone very well.  The frustration I have been dealing with isn’t something that I made up in my head.  It isn’t all in my head and damnit, I am happy about that! It demonstrates to me that I have been pretty objective about my situation and I am not overreacting.  What sweetens the pot is I haven’t cheated on my diet and have done everything asked of me so far.  In the past, when I tried to lose weigh and didn’t I wasn’t completely dissapointed because I knew I skipped corners at one point or another but this time, almost three months in, I haven’t and yet, my body has defied science and won’t drop the pounds.

Now, I do realize that this is a serious problem, as my doctor mentioned but for so long I have heard what I was doing was wrong for x,y, or z reasons and now that I given up control to others, guess what, they were wrong and I was right!  When they said I didn’t have an ulcer but it turns out I did, I was right!  When I said certain meds don’t agree with me but they said they should, I was right, and now, when they were puzzled with why I have been so frustrated with weight loss surgery, they now understand why I was right!!!  I know, its morbid that I am celebrating being right when something clearly is wrong with me physically but hey, you got to take your victories when you can especially when they are few and far between.  I can start freaking out about this month plus plateau tomorrow but today, I celebrate!!

I'm down 1.8lbs from last week.  Yay?  I'm down 1.4lbs from last month.  Yay?  I'm pretty sure that is quite atypical when you are less than three months out of WLS.  Whatever, lol, I have already gone on record how I am less than thrilled so far about the surgery so why belabor the point?  Next!

Today I was back in the hospital for a follow-up endoscopy.  For the past couple of months I have been dealing with ulcers.  I received good news in that the ulcers don't seem to be present anymore.  I was definitely happy to hear that.  Unfortunately, the stricture that came along with it was still present and actually was larger (or smaller depending on your viewpoint) in magnitude than before.  I told the GI doctor to not dilate it because it has been dialated twice already.  My surgeon said, dilating the opening too often in the first few months may lead to increased weight gain a couple of years from now and I definitely do not want that to happen.   The GI doc said, don't worry, everyone is on the same page.  I hope so because he did dilate it again.  I'm not upset that he did because he said if he did not do it, there was no way the camera would be able to pass.  If it could not pass, how would I have learned that the ulcers have healed?  You have to take the good with the bad sometimes.  Another benefit to dilation or at least knowing the stricture got worse, it does answer my question to why I had been vomiting a lot recently.  I think that is good news because I was really questioning my habits and how I could be so good one week and now those same habits were causing vomitting the next week.  I didn't ask the doctor if that was the cause but I think it is safe to assume.

The end result is I have to continue the ulcer medication for an additional month and then have another check-up.  This time though, I won't have to go to the hospital and even better, I won't have to beg one of my friends for a ride there and back. 

I am still hovering around the same weight.  Am I frustrated about that?  No.  What I am frustrated about are my food dreams.

I am having dreams about buying food and it is driving me nuts.  I don't think about food all day but when I go to sleep, its always on my mind.  The weird thing is, I wake up before I am about to eat it and I am not even sure if that is good or bad.  If I eat it, will I feel better or if I do not eat it, will I feel teased?  Add this to waking up with a nasty taste in my mouth (dream or no dream) and needing at least an hour before I can get started doing anything. 

My solution is to not go to sleep.  This is just getting annoying so I am doing my best to stay up.  The longer I stay up though, the more miserable I feel but the alternative is not any better.  I think I am starting to understand why people do drugs now...not that I would...

The scale might say I lost 2lbs but I assure you my weight stayed the same this week. I was wearing shorts and a thermal top when I weighed myself instead of jeans and a polo.  I imagine if I was wearing those items, the scale would have reflected a negligible difference.  Much of the same problems I was having this week have bled into this week.  I am not as dedicated as I should be with the protein drinks and I know I am not getting in enough fluids.  I don’t remember if I said it in my previous post but I am just getting tired of drinking the same shake daily.  And when I say same shake, I mean it in the most literal sense.  Everyday, Muscle Milk Lite, 400z, chocolate.  It doesn’t taste bad but I guess I am ready for a change but  I still haven’t found another flavor or different brand in which  I can keep down.

As a result, I have ventured into trying to eat a bit more often.  Here is the catch 22 about eating more often, it is a great way to get in alternate forms of protein but I am deathly afraid to eat post-surgery.  I have had two dumping episodes (throwing up) so far and I do not want to experience it ever again.   Because of those prior episodes, every time I plan to eat something, my throat closes up.  In addition to that, I eat super slow with small bites.  Take for instance if I have string cheese, it can take me about 60-90 minutes to eat it.   I know the post-op journey is partly a learning experience but i want to avoid all possible pitfalls.  My major concern is because of this, I’m not getting in enough protein and possibly not enough calories.  Last week, I think it would be safe to say I was under 300 calories for most of the week.  I was reading on dailystrength.org that there is a calorie target for each stage.  This is news to me but i am going to investigate to find out if this is true.

I do have one positive note for this week – I am more vigilant about getting in my vitamins.  I ordered some from bariatricchoice.com and so far, I have done well taking them everyday.  I hope they had calcium in them…. .

[UPDATE (6/29/2011): I weigh 464.8lbs (I went into the hospital today and was weighed).  That is a weight increase of almost five pounds.  Is is possibly due to my lack of following my diet to the letter this past week?  Read below for details.)]

I am not sure what my weight is this week.  Last week I posted my weight at 460lbs.  That was when I weighed myself using my home scale.  When I went for a doctor's appointment the next day, it was 468lbs.  When I went for another doctor's appointment three days later, I was at 465lbs.  Three different scales, three different readings.  I am not sure which one to believe.  My weekly weigh-ins are done on my home scale but if I am to believe that, this morning I dropped down to about 140lbs only to balloon up to 320lbs two minutes later.  Whatever.  I am not worrying about which scale is correct because I have a pretty good idea that I am probably still in the 460lbs range (over not under) and likely gained a couple of pounds.

The weight gain wasn't from cheating on my diet but rather, I haven't been following it the past few days.  The area I think is most problematic is getting in enough protein and liquids daily.  The main source of protein for me at stage 3 are protein shakes.  Prior to surgery I was not a fan of sweets and much of the supplements I have come across (at least so far) have been sweet.  The vitamins are candy flavor, the shakes are chocolate, strawberry creme, etc, etc.  I am pretty fickle about what I eat and drink so I don't enjoy a lot of what is offered so far.  Thus far, I have stuck to muscle milk lite chocolate.  It tastes okay but I am going on about seven weeks straight drinking it.  Some days its not so bad, other days, I just can't stand the stuff.  I have tried other flavors and other brands but this seems to be the only flavor I can keep down without my stomach grumbling shortly after.  I am considering purchasing flavorless protein shakes but from most accounts, they have a flavor.  I don't buy that it necessarily needs to have a flavor because protein in its most basic form is flavorless.  Plus, if it is in powder form, there are other products out on the market (i.e. benefiber) that are flavorless when mixed in with a liquid (and yes, I understand benefiber is a carbohydrate and not a protein but gelitan is a protein (not a bountiful source of it) and while it stinks before flavor additives are added to it, pour it in some crystal light and the smell is gone). 

What I have done to compensate is introduce foods my doctor said were okay to eat during stage 3.  Remember, I am a picky eater so while I am big as a cow, I don't have feasts;  usually I just eat a lot of a few certain foods.  I started out with scrambled eggs.  That was pretty good for a week but I grew weary of it and even threw up from it once.  Next, I tried meatballs.  That was actually pretty good.  I would have one meatball for a given meal.  Up to this point, I was only eating one solid meal a day but after reading some literature, it stated that in stage 3, you introduce soft foods but you also should try to have three meals a day.  That was problematic.  I built up to two meals and then tried three meals.  I kept everything down but it was certainly a chore.  I spaced out my meals (4-6 hours between meals) but I found it to be too much.  Still though, I may buy more meatballs in the future. 

My doctor really has been pushing chili.  I have never had chili before and was weary but I saw some ready made chicken chili in Whole Foods.  I bought some and must say it was really good.  Fortunately, it was mixed really well and soft so I did not have to mash it up in a blender.  By the way, the last two foods I have mentioned, I have seen listed more as stage 4 foods but my doctor said it was okay as long as I took it slow and chewed it very well.  It is probably one of the good things I have heard out of him in a while because I am not a cottage cheese fan, or cream of anything fan.  These items are much more palatable and have worked well for me so far.  The only other solid food I have had on a regular basis is string cheese and these small cut up cheese packs.  They are good but I am lactose intolerant.  They go down well but I am not sure they are digested too well or they are but it takes a while (like maybe 6+ hours).  Today though, I took a lactaid pill with it to hopefully ease digestion.  My hope is by introducing these additional foods into my diet, I will make up for the lack of commitment to protein shakes as of late.  I know I am not reaching my protein goal of 65g daily but that has always been an issue.  It isn't a matter of taste but I just have difficulty getting in 72 ozs on a daily basis.  I just get full easily I guess.  And yes, I do sip throughout the day. 

It probably maybe related to the ulcer and stricture I have.  I am having an endoscopy on July 19th, and hopefully it will be fully healed by then.  Right now though (and sorry ladies), I think I am having the equivalent of morning sickness.  Every morning I got to throw-up.  I'm pretty sure I have GERD and gastric juices are just backing up on me while I am sleeping.  During the rest of the day, I have the urge spit every few minutes but that is decreased when i do have a protein drink.  To help resolve the issue, I bought the mattress genie last night.  It raises your bed at about a 40 degree incline and is meant to help with GERD, back and upper extremity pain.  It cost about a $120 but based on the reviews, it seems worth it.  Honestly, I am tired of having to wake up an extra two hours in the morning to have to throw up and then calm down so I can get my day started.  It should arrive from Amazon on Wednesday, so maybe I will write a short review about it next week.  

That is pretty much it.  I know many of my posts have not been the cheeriest but I haven't felt cheery much.  I'm approaching two months since my surgery so enough time hasn't passed for me to make any judgments about whether the gastric bypass was worth it, but at the same time, I am not going to pretend everything has run as smoothly as advertised either.  I mention this because some people have asked the question if the surgery is worth doing?  I feel uncomfortable answering that right now but will reserve the right to issue an opinion maybe in ten months when I am a year out and thus have had a year of experiences.  What I will say right now is, this is a last resort procedure and you always have to remember it as one.  Absolutely do not think about weight loss surgery unless you tried everything else.  It isn't enough to just assume other avenues just won't work.  Until you try them, you really won't know, and unlike other "diets" this one is permanent and certainly isn't a breeze!