Miranda

Nov 27, 2006

I know you can't see the moon on my page very well, but it's Miranda, a moon that orbits Uranus. I'm a Pisces, and until December of 2010 Uranus will be in Pisces. How nice. :)

11/27/06

Nov 27, 2006

Dang. I'm having these huge waves of emotions. I cry, then I'm excited, then I'm really scared and nervous, but then I'm calm because I know that if I don't make it, I'm happy with myself right now, and I can say I've had many obstacles and overcome 99.9% of them. There's just this .1% that I'd like to overcome before I go though, so I have faith I'll come out on the losing side! hehe. See, and now I'm excited again. Everyone keeps telling me I'm going to be fine, but I'm so nervous. I'm a religionless person. I don't believe in God. I welcome all prayers though that people would like to give, and they are not taken idly for they give me comfort. I have very different views than a lot of people, and I'm almost afraid to think the things I do so closely to a major surgery like this. To be faced with mortality, to look at it in the face, and stare it down is one of the hardest things a person can do. When you know full well that this could be your last day, the last thing you look at, what is it going to be like? I feel like saying these things I'm going to sabotage myself, but then I have something else telling me if I don't say and feel the way I do, I really will make it through okay. The first of the psychological battles with yourself. I can foresee many ahead. I welcome them all. Hoo-ra.

11/26/06

Nov 25, 2006

I thought it might be a good idea to list the things I'd like to accomplish by this surgery. 

1. To be healthy
2. To be able to sit lady-like with my legs crossed at the knee and ankle.
3. To be able to be on my feet longer than 15 minutes and have my back not be comepletely in pain after that. 
4. To be able to sit indian style again. 
5. To be able to ride a bike without feeling scrunched up on it. 
6. To be able to run!
7. To be able to wear under a size 20. 
8. To sit in a resturaunt booth without my chest up in my chin. 
9. To ride on amusement park rides. 
10. Only take up one sit in the movies theater. 
11. Just to be able to be more active and not let this extra weight slow me down anymore. 
12. To live life normally!!

11/25/06

Nov 25, 2006

I'm starting to feel really good about the decisions I've made. I am worried that I mikght not wake up from surgery, but I have one of the best surgeons in the country. I think if something goes wrong, its going to be that I didn't follow directions which I hope I follow them to a 't'. I've been feeling like I'm on a mini roller coaster, but then Thanksgiving happened, and now I'm busy cleaning my room and the house so that everything can be clean and look good for when I ccome home. All that is keeping me so busy, that and wondering what I should take with me, getting the things I need to take with me to the hospital, and the things I'm going to need after surgery. 5 days away. 5 DAYS AWAY!!! ahaha, I'm really excited. I can't wait to have more energy. Actually I have a lot of energy now, its not being able to move fast enough is the problem. Hopefully soon! Will try to post more as the days get shorter. :)

Today.

Nov 16, 2006

11/16/06

It's almost like things are going too smoothly. I've been working at my job since 08/21/06. I got very ill on Halloween and had to be off work for two weeks. I just went back yesterday, the doctors office called me to schedule yesterday, and I was going to do it whether or not I had permission. I need to. I've been sick twice with bronchitis this year, I don't smoke, and I have asthma, and I weigh as much as I do. All this weight puts strain on my lungs, on my body, on everything about me. So it takes me longer to heal. But this time, I wasn't healing. I needed to be put on oxygen so that I didn't become totally hypoxic. My skin was already starting to hurt and it felt like my muscles were twisting in my legs. It's just not a good way to be. It's really worrisome to know that you can't breathe. 

So I walked into my bosses office this morning 30 minutes before work started. I tried to lie, but he had heard me on a phone call talking to blue cross about being approved. I work on the phones and have my conversations tapped into live, and so they can hear everything I say. So he told me to be 100% honest. I told him I had fibriods in my stomach that needed to be removed, and thats when he told me to be completely honest. So I told him and I told him why I needed it done now and why I couldn't wait to have it done, fearing I'd get really sick, very soon. So he told me that my job wasn't protected, but everything would be fine. I told him that I loved my job, and that I appreciate him everyday for hiring me. Anyway, he told me to get a letter from the doctor, not one that some office staff person hand wrote, but something the doctor has to write and sign. So I called the doctors office and they did that and faxed it to him today even! Awesome staff he has. 

Anyway, things are going really good! I can't believe I'm less than 2 weeks away. I can't fathom it. :)


Whats going on now.

Nov 15, 2006

11/15/06

Things happen for a reason. Over the last two weeks I've been sick with bronchitis, and I have asthma so bad, that when I get sick, my lungs get really tired and don't want to work anymore. So in order for me to heal when I have bronchitis, I need oxygen. This is the second time in 6 months. The first time I was hospitalized for 4 days, and this time I tried really hard to stay out of the hospital but it took me way longer to heal. I have a good job, and make decent money, but had recently just switched jobs, and so I was trying to pay stuff off now that I had a good job. I have absolutely no money saved, and I get sick, so my mom wrote me a couple checks for some co-pays. She then yelled at me and said, "See this is why I'm not going to help you pay for your surgery, I need you to save the money to do it, because I want to know you want to do it." I told her that me being sick and me being morbidly obese and wanting to do something to change it, isn't the same things. 

Anyway, today is Wednesday, and on Monday morning I hadn't been released to go back to work yet, my mom calls me on the phone and asks me again how much the surgery is going to cost me. I told her $950. She said, "Come pick up a check." And I said, "Not to be rude, but why?" And she said, "You've been sick twice this year, and if you have this done, it might not happen anymore, and if it does, not as often. I think one of the reasons why you've been so sick, is because your very overweight, and to get it done now would benefit you longer."
So I immediately went to her house to get the check, and took it to the doctors office who pulled it directly out of my mom's account. Then the office said they don't schedule people on Monday and Tuesdays because its so busy. So I had to wait until today in the afternoon to schedule. I kept apologizing to their office staff because I was like a kid asking, "Now?" 

So, it's scheduled for November 30th. I feel really bad for my work, but I really do need it done asap, because of how my weight is effecting my oxygen saturation levels. I'm terribly excited and really nervous all at the same time. I know that I could die during this surgery, and I don't want to. I want to get to the other side. I have one of the best surgeons in the nation doing my surgery. Articles have been written about him. He trains one doctor and picks him/her from anywhere in the nation, trains him for a year, and sends him home to open a practice of their own. My doctor is known as "The Hernia King." He pioneered the laproscopic hernia repair, and then started doing the gastric bypass that way as well. I'm confident that I will make it to the other side. But there is always that fear. 

And now my roommate is freaking out, hoping I won't change mentally, because she doesn't know if she can support me mentally. I have a therapist, and I have my mom who's a nurse, I told her I would be fine. However, it's come to my attention, the phrase that is so true, and how I'm going to feel the first couple of weeks after surgery. It's called Head Hunger. I know what its like, I have it now, and that's why I'm so giagantic. I may not look giagantic, but I feel like it. Head Hunger is going to be the first obstacle. The second obstacle is going to be the attention I get, when people start noticing, especially of the opposite sex. I know I'll be able to stick to the plan, but the mental aspect of it, is going to be a hurdle. I've been through complicated grief though, and learned extremely good coping skills because of therapy. I think I'm prepared if I were to change mentally. 

Anyway, that's all :)


Whats happened so far..

Nov 15, 2006

08/26/06 I haven't weighed myself in along time. I think the last time I was truely weighed, I was 319lbs. However, that was some time ago. I'm 5'7, and the extra weight is quite a load. I've noticed that I can't sit right. I can't put my knees together, I can't cross my legs, I can't even sit in bed right. The last time I was motivated to get on a bike and start exercising was in February, and when I got on the bike and started to ride, I felt very powerless and all scrunched in and couldn't even ride the bike properly.

I feel that eating is a gigantic issue to me. I eat for so many reasons, other than for being hungry. I started contemplating surgery when I was 19 and had a friend get an open gastric bypass. I think it was 1996. I wasn't bothered by it then because I wasn't in need of losing a great amount of weight, and back then I thought I could do it myself. In 2002 a co-worker had had the open gastric bypass and she looked great, I was impressed at how she lost so much weight. I started thinking about it seriously then, however, I wasn't covered on a health plan then and I didn't make very much money, so I could only just think about it.

Now, I weigh as much as I do and have recently started thinking about the things I can do, now that I've got a great job, and have health insurance. I first thought about the lap band, but then I saw so many comments on how it's not as effective as the gastric bypass, so now I'm more interested in the gastric bypass. I have an appointment with the surgeon Dr. Edward Felix, on 10/3/06. I will be going to a seminar and then have the one on one appointment. I also have a psych evaluation scheduled for 9/25/06. Hopefully everything will work out and they can approve my surgery. I can't actually set a date until March though, because I can't take any vacation or sick time until I've been employed with my new company 6 months. But hopefully in that time I'll find out whether I can be approved or not, and I can save the money for it too.

I am 29 years old.

 




08/28/06 I've only told my mom, my roommate, and my therapist. I asked m therapist if he would do the psych evaluation for me, and he said he would. I've been seeing him since 3/03, and I think he would know if I'm stable or not. I am stable, I'm just saying that because I would have had to pay $200 for my psych evaluation from someone who doesn't know me, and get information from a 500 question test called an mmpi. My doctors office said they would take a psych evaluation from anyone who was licensed to give it.

I don't want to tell anyone else that I want this surgery. I don't know what people will think if I tell them. I'm going to have enough support with my mom and my therapist. I don't think I'll need it from my friends. I want to meet other people though that have had this surgery and I'd like to have their support. It's hard for people to support you, when they have no idea how it feels to be as big as you do.

My mother and I are very close, and she's all I will ever need. She has been my pillar though so many bad times, just to know she's on my side helps alot. I'm going to a seminar tomorrow night at 5pm. My first appointment with him isn't until 10/3/06, but I'm trying to get all my ducks lined up before I see him so that it will be easier for them to submit it to my insurance and I won't have to wait long for approval or denial. If I get approved on the first try, that would be fantastic, but if I was denied, I would do anything I could in my power to get it approved. After that it's all cream cheese.

I can't get off work until the end of March or the beginning of April. That's if I want them to pay me vacation though. I just started and I want a good work ethic with them, but I really want the surgery before March. I may be able to take off work if I had surgery due to gallbladder inflammation and got on temporary disability, however if I did do that, I wouldn't have time to save money for the rest of the procedure. So I may have to end up waiting, but that would be alright too. I just want to be on the other side. The losing side.

 




08/29/06 I went to the seminar tonight. It was very informative, and this is what was said. He said that he does that gastric bypass on people who are <35 bmi-40bmi with a co-morbid. It didn't say how many. Over 40 bmi you don't have to have a co-morbid, because people probably have a few by now. He said that nationally there is a 1% death rate. He said at his practice for over the last i think it was 9 years, his mobidity rate was .13%. I think that's totally awesome. He said that the other surgeon in the office, Dr. Swartz did a gastric bypass on a person who had a bmi of 91. Isn't that crazy? I hope it works for that individual.

Anyway, my insurance will probably cover it, but i'm crossing my fingers to make sure. I think I just have to pay a deductible and maybe co-insurance. I'm not sure. I think my deductible is like $500 so I pay that and I pay for the $950 in services that the insurance doesn't cover. I think I'm going to try and finance the small amount just so I can get it done sooner, but if I can't I'll wait. I feel 85% sure that the insurance is going to approve on the first try. So all I'm really worried about is my job and the financing bit. I have over $6000 I owe now in medical services I received in the last year. I don't know if they'll let me finance or not.

 




10/2/06 Wow. I never thought tomorrow would come. It's been forever that I've written anything, and I've just been trying to keep myself busy until tomorrow. Tomorrow is my consult with Dr. Felix. So far, everyone has been great, even Dr. Felix. I did that seminar with him, and really learned alot. I hope that tomorrow goes well. I'm kinda nervous about what he's going to say, because I don't know if his office has gotten my lab tests and chest x-ray yet. My psych eval had to be postponed because my therapist had a family emergency. I tried the best I could to take care of every single thing I needed to do. I'm kind of excited to hear what Dr. felix is going to say. My mom is going to be at the appointment with me, so maybe she can shed some insight as to why I might need the surgery as well. Anyway, not much else to say. Will write more tomorrow if I remember. I might be too excited!

10/11/06 Wow again! When I went to my appointment I saw Dr. Kettelle. He was very nice, they did an ekg in the office and an h. pylori test to see if I had the bacteria that causes peptic ulcers, and I don't. Then he did a regular physical exam on me, and pretty much went into the hall, spoke into his recorder, and I overhead "great candidate". They told me that beginning Oct. 3rd that not only does blue cross need a psych eval, and some other specific information about diets you've been on and excersise programs you've done, they want a letter from the primary care doctor, and you have to see a nutritionist. Luckily they have a nutritionist in his office that can fullfil that part. That all took place 10/03/06.

Today I get a call from their office, and I couldn't answer the phone, and Casie one of the girls in the office left a message saying that my insurance approved the surgery and to call back to set up surgery! Oh my god. I still can't really believe it. This doctor's office wants you to pay whatever you're going to owe him, plus a program fee. For me it equals out to about $1350. Not too bad. So I'm applying for a small medical loan to see if I can get that paid and pay them later, or if I get turned down, worst case senario I'll have to just save it. Which shouldn't be a problem. It'll just take a little longer until I can get the procedure done. We will see what happens now. I'm still excited though!!



10/12/06 Turns out I've met my deductible, only $950 more to go!!

About Me
Fresno, CA
Location
28.9
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/30/2006
Surgery Date
Aug 19, 2006
Member Since

Friends 11

Latest Blog 27
190
smallest since I can't remember when.
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too hastey again.
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