I had a dream, I have a plan.

Jan 02, 2010

I had a dream and that dream came true. It was a culmination of a lot of hard work on my behalf, the help of a very gifted surgeon, guidance from a dedicated dietitian, and help from a knowledgeable therapist. Along with support from many people who understood, because they were going through the same struggles with their weight. With such a wonderful support system in place, I was able to lose (including pre-surgery weight loss) a total of 225 pounds. I felt so good, so healthy. I could do things I was not able to do since childhood, like walk on my own, run, get dressed, tie my shoes, you know the kind of things that become possible with this surgery. Life was incredible. Life was worth living again. I had a dream last night. It made me think hard about my life. In my dream I had gained my weight back, not all of it but most of it. I could not walk without assistance, I could not breath well, my chest hurt as did my back, knees, and hips. I was miserable in my dream.  The truth is I am well on my way to gaining it back. My weight has skyrocketed. My eating habits are out of control. I cannot seem to take back that control. I have gone from 153 pounds (size 6), to 210 pounds (size 12/14). I am tired most of the time, have a hard time exercising, and feel miserable. I have a plan. I took over a year to gain back these fifty-seven pounds. I will allow myself a year to take it back off. This will require a 4.75-pound weight loss each month, for the next twelve months. When I look at it this way, it does not appear to be an insurmountable task. I will cut back on my sugar and starch consumption. I will go back to measuring out my foods, and plan what I will eat on a daily basis. I will drink more water. I will weigh myself once a week. If I need to, I will start writing down what I consume, and count calories. I had an instructor who said, “Failure to plan is a plan to fail”. This is my plan. Will you make a plan to succeed? I know we can do this. We have come too far and worked too hard to let this dream slip away from us. Best wishes,
God bless,
Annette Lewis
R.Y.N. 11/17/05

old profile

Jan 02, 2010

Annette Lewis
Westland, MI, USA
Already had Weight Loss Surger - BMI: 29.1
Member ID: L1108597670
Contact: Click here to send a Personal Message
Surgeon: Arthur Carlin MD

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(Verse 1)
By the prophets, God foretold
of the sending of His Son
Who would give His life
to set the captive free.
Stepping down from His throne
and the glory He had known,
Jesus came to give His life for you and me.
Though He knew well the cost,
He was prepared to suffer loss
and give Himself as ransom for us all.
Into our hopeless world He came,
Endured the suffering and the shame,
Every moment staying faithful to the call.

(Verse 2)
Yet the One who spoke of love
was rejected and despised;
He knew all too well the sinful heart of men.
Those with eyes refused to see;
Those with ears refused to hear,
as they sought a way to bring Him to an end.
By a friend He was betrayed,
By soldiers, led away,
Yet for this very hour He had come.
They did not take - He freely gave;
For those He came to save,
the road to the cross He walked alone.

(Bridge 1)
He could have called a million angels to His side,
Or stepped down from the cross and walked away.
Yet His love held Him there,
Through the pain and despair,
To free us from the debt we could not pay.

(Verse 3)
In His suffering and pain
Took the guilt and the shame
As He hung between the heavens and the ground.
Every nail, every thorn,
Every stare, every scorn
pierced the One who so freely laid it down.
With His face to the sky,
"It is finished!" was His cry
The words that broke the gates of hell.
When His final words were said,
Breathed His last, bowed His head,
Darkness o'er the land so quickly fell.

(Bridge 2)
Yet death and darkness could not stand against His power:
He rose, victorious o'er the grave.
In His light we now may live,
By the grace He came to give
All who call upon His name are surely saved!
All who call upon His name are surely saved!

Copyright © 1997 by Elton Smith and Larry Holder

March 1,2005
I was keeping a journal on my computer, my grandson lost it some where. I've searched through all the files and it's just gone, guess he erased it. I was happy and excited that my Dr. sent a letter to my insurance co., but today I got a copy of it. I was really dissapointed by it. It didn't say much just that I have failed at diet atempts. That I have osteoarthritis in my hips and knees, and I have high blood pressure, and that she thought I would be a good canidate for bariatric surgery. The letter didn't give my weight, my B.M.I. or anything. I don't know, the Lord works in mysterouis ways, but come on. Maybe I just don't know. Maybe this is enough Info., maybe I can get approved with this letter, maybe I'll grow wings and fly. Who am I kidding, I'm very discouraged now. maybe it's just my hormones acting up. I know that good things come to thoes who wait and pray. Now I feel better .I just need to pray about this. Thats all for now I have to finish filling out paper work for social security.

what a cool date.today is my sons birthday he's 18 yrs old. yesterday was my daughters 25th birthday. I went to my Dr. yesterday I gained 4 pounds I thought I had lost weight. my blood pressure came down a little bit, but not enough. she doubled the amount of my B.P.meds. I'm tired all of the time. between the pain med's. for my arthritis, and the med's. for my blood pressure all I want to do is sleep. The Dr. said this should go away after a while. She told me to call my insurance Co. to make sure they got her letter. I called they got it. I should have an answer within a few days before the end of next week. I hope they just say yes and don't make me go through a bunch of red tape. They shouldn't say no, my B.M.I. is 62.5. I'm super obese. I have high blood pressure, arthritis in my knees, hips, and back, I can hardly walk or stand up anymore. I have carpal tunnel (my Dr. says that dosn't count). I have sleep apnea ,get short of breath, have asthma,and get chest pain. I should be approved, I should have been approved years ago. Maybe thats why I'm concerned. Back then they said it was experimental then when I tried again they said it was excluded from my coverage. now they say its covered if its medically nesessary, and it is, so I should let it go. I know its in Gods hands and I know that God knows whats best for me even if I don't always know what that is. I have prayed about this so now I will trust the Lord. He is always with me no matter what. More later

I'm still waiting to hear from my insurance CO. They sure take a long time, But said I would have an answer before the end of this week. I am not feeling very good today. I've had chest pains all aftrenoon. It slowed down for a little bit, but didn't go away completly. It hurts in my upper back, and my right jaw. I also have a bad tooth on the right so I don't know if it could be that. I have a headache too. My left knee is really bothering me today. It gave out on me this morning. Lord please, I dont want to have a heart attack. Please Lord make this pain stop!

I haven't heard anything yet, but thats OK. I have been feeling a little bit obsessed with having this surgery, and quite a bit impatient. It's been constantanly on my mind. I'm not usually an obsessive person, but It was driving me crazy. I couldn't take it anymore, so being a Beliver, I got down on my knees last night, and had a heart to heart with my Savior. I told him everything that was bothering me and asked for forgivness. When I was finished I got into bed and felt a burden lift from my shoulders. I slept better then I had slept in some time. When I woke up this morning I knew everything would be alright. I know this surgery is Gods will. I know it will happen, but it will happen in God's time not mine. I will trust Him and know that He has my best interest in mind. He is always with me, always looking after me, always knows what is best for me . He knows what my needs are before I even say them. He has known me since before He knitted me in my mothers womb. He is my God, my Savior, My Father ,and creator He loves me and I love him back. Thank you Jesus.

The past four days have beem a nightmare. On the 9th my ex-husband died suddenly. My oldest son called a little bit after 6:00am. crying, and saying he was loseing his mind. I kept trying to get him to tell me what was wrong. I thought he was in an accident or something was wrong with his newborn daughter, she was born 7 weeks early. Then he told me his girlfriend called and told him that his dad had passed away. We were both crying and in shock. I told him I would go over to his dads house and find out what was going on. His dad Passed away sometime around 11:00pm. on March 8th, 2005. He wasn't pronounced untill 1:00am. on march 9th,2005. So what happend? There are far more questions than there are answers. We will never know exactly what transpired on that fateful night. We all have addictions of one kind or another. Mine is food, his was pain killers. His girlfriend saw him cut open and drink the liquid from the morphine patch that was meant to be put on his back and slowly absorbed through his skin over a 24 hour period, then she watched him do it again. He went into a deep sleep with very loud deep snoring. She heard him stop snoring, she saw his body start to twitch, this was around 10:00 pm. on the 8th. She did not check on him (knowing he took 2 days worth of morphine in just a few minutes) Untill 1:00 in the morning. That is something we totally don't understand. E.M.S. should have been called as soon as he took them. Three weeks earlier he had taken some pain killers (I don't know what kind) he said he was trying to get her to help him because he was having trouble waking up completly. He said she wouldn't help him. That she left him in a semi-comma like state for 36 hours. Now I'm wondering why would anyone leave someone in that condition knowing that A leathel amount of drugs had been injested? I understand that Dan took the medicines the wrong way. I know that he abused them. I know he suffered the consequenses for his actions, but I also know that she knew he took them and didn't do anything about it. Was it because he was going to break off their relationship? everyone knew it wasn't working out. He had just talked to his sister about staying with her for a while so he could get himself together. He told everyone that it wasn't working between them, and he planned on leaving. He called me a week earlier to say good-by, He said he was leaving for Florida on Monday to work with a friend for a while. I told him our oldest son was in Daytona he said that wasn't far from Jim He would try to stop and see him. Two weeks before this he called me said he wanted to get together to talk. He wanted to maybe get back together. I told him he should try to work it out with *****. Maybe I should have talked to him, but nothing had changed. It didn't matter that we loved each other I couldn't live that life style. Don't get me wrong, Dan was the love of my life. We fell in love and it stayed that way. He was a loving, caring, understanding, intelligent, Funny, good natured kind of guy unless he was drinking or getting high. oh well I can't think about the would'uvs, could'uvs, should'ves or the if i'd olny's. Whats done is done. Many people are left hurting. We are left with to many unanswered questions. Our minds and hearts are filled with sorrow. A sorrow that comes with losing your lifelong love. A sorrow that comes when a child losses a parent. Our hearts ache at the loss of one so dear to us. our hearts break that our eforts to help him failed, so now all we can do is to trust in God. God will call us all to account for what we've done in life. Some thing are good some are bad but we must remember that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We are human, we get caught up in this world. We do not look to the next. We will all pay the consenquences for what we do on earth. The death of my love will not be in vain. We will/have learned from him. We hug each other when we see one another. We will say I love you more often. We will try to be more understanding of each other, and more patient with each other. We will tell our story to others who will listen, in the hopes that just one heart will be saved from the sorrow that we have had to endure because of drug and alcohol addiction. We will tell how addiction tore our happy family apart, But how God is the great physican who heals our wounds. Yes If it wern't for all of the prayers from so many people (many we don't even know), I know this would be much more difficult than it already is. So I thank you all for your prayers. I thank the Lord for answering them. For giving us his grace to deal with difficult people, and for giving us His peace , the peace that passes all understanding. We thank our creator for giving us nearly 30 years with Dan. We thank God for the Love he gives us to share. For thoes of you who don't know, God sent his son Jesus to die on calvery's cross, to set us free from our sins,you need to confess your sins to God/Jesus and ask for forgivness. you must be sincere, God knows your heart. Then you must follow God's commands. Read your Bible daily (the book of John is a good place to start), pray. Prayer dosn't have to be fancy just talk to The savior from your heart. Love one another. thank you Lord Jesus. God Bless you.

I don't know what todays date is! it's Wednesday. It's so hard. I think of Dan most of the time. Why does it have to hurt so very very much? It is said time heals all wounds, but I wasn't "over" my Mothers death yet. It has been 10 months since mom died from alzthimers. We had warning with her, we didn't with Dan. I don't like it this way. We grieved and mourned mom we talked we said goodbye. There were no goodbyes with Dan, no holding hands, no prayers over his dying body. No final huggs, no last kisses, no final I love yous. He died alone, with no one there to make sure he was comfortable. I can't think of this any more, my heart is braking. will we ever mend? Thank you Lord for touching me right now. You father are the great physician. You will heal our broken hearts, and our broken minds. Thank you Lord For reminding me that you are always with us, in good times and bad times. In happy times and in sorrowful times You are always here to help us through, no matter what we go throught in this life. Thank you Jesus.

I still don't know what the date is. it's still Wednesday. My insurance Co.(cape health plan) called me. they said I'm not apporved but I'm not denied either. They just need more information. they faxed a letter to my Doctor telling her what to send them. The cape lady (Judy) Said just be a patient for a little bit longer they will try to get me approved. yea. Thank you Jesus!

Well at least I know what the date is, thats an improvement. A rep. from C.O.R.I. called me last night. She said I must be pretty disgusted with them. I told her that I wasn't disgusted with them ,Its just that they need to keep open communication with their patients, and let us know whats going on it does get frustrating when calls are not returned, and we can't get a hold of anyone. Well she has my file in Indiana(I think she meant illnois). She took my insurance info. and said she would call me back on Monday as soon as she talked to cape health plan (my insurance Co.) I told her that I was told they don't take my insurance. She said she's not so sure of that. She said that she would try to get me approved through C.O.R.I. But, if not she would send me all the criteria that Cape wants And try to help find someone that will accept Cape. If she follows through on this, it would be GREAT! What a way to make up for their lack of communcation. C.O.R.I. has always been my first chioce. I hope I can go through them. Yvonne told me about Harper Hospital in Detroit. I will also call them on Monday to see if they can help. Yvonne says they have Doctors there that do this surgery all of the time . I really want the grape sized pouch that C.O.R.I. offers compared to the Lemon sized pouch'es that other places use. What I really want is to get it done and over with and be healed up. I want to be healthy again. I want to be able to walk with out so much pain. I want to enjoy life. To be active, To be able to Play with my grandchildren, not just sit and watch them play. I WANT TO BE ALIVE AGAIN! Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for me. Thank you for my life, And for the miracle you are about to make happen.I love you my Lord and Savior. The one and only Son of the living God.
P.S. I lost one pound this week. I'm sure it will show up the next time I get weighed. Since Danny died I've been eating to much. My P.C.P. said not to worry about it to much because that may cause me to eat even more. I love my P.C.P. Dr. Gail DeNuccio at the Westland clinic. She has been wonderful through all of this. Thanks again. God Bless.

The days seem to pass by quickly lately. I'm so tired all of the time. I'm waiting to hear from C.O.R.I. last time they didnt call untill 7:00 pm, so I'm not expecting the call any time soon. No biggie, I'm learning to be patient again. I should call my P.C.P. to see if they got the criteria letter from my insurance CO. yet. then I'll call Harper Hospital and ask about their bariatric program. I cant believe it only took Yvonne Two and a half months from start to finish with approval and sugrery. I have to write out thank you cards from the funeral. I tried before but, couldn't do it. I guess it makes it seem so final.I have a hard time with this. I still can't believe he's gone. I wake up several times a night with Dan on my mind. I dream of him often, and the wonderful times we had together before his behavior got out of control. Before he started to do the things that he would never have done if it wern't for the drugs. He never did "street drugs" only pharmisuiticls(wow is that spelled wrong) oh well I know what I mean. He said they were clean and you didnt have to worry about them, what they were cut with etc. the other night I kept dreaming that I had to look up my funeral today.com , how creepy. Oh well that one stopped gotta go I have things to do. God Bless.

wow its been 10 days already since my last update. No big deal nothing has changed. C.O.R.I. never did call me back. If I can't trust them with a simple phone call how can I trust them with my life? I don't think that's gonna happen. I wouldn't recommend them to anyone At this point! My insurance case worker dosn't return my phone calls, she has other people call to tell me she will be in tomorrow and will call me then. Its always someone else calling and its always tomorrow. I'm so discouraged again.
I'm crabby all of the time. Maybe crabby is the wrong word, crabby is very mild to the way I've been. An out and out *&^%$#@$%(**&@## that might describe me lately. I don't know if its because of grief or what, but its been very hard.I don't want to be like this, and I'm normally not. It has to be grief that's all I can figure it for anyhow. I want this surgery so bad but now am having second thoughts. My children don't need to lose another parent because of an addiction. Now I keep thinking if I have this surgery I'm going to die. I won't make it through the process. Then what will my kids do? We are so close. I know that they would go on with life. My daughter needs to use the computer now so I have to go. I'm back,anyhow I guess I'm mostly concerned about Danny Jack, my 16 yr. old. He says he's fine but he gets so angry lately. He got suspended from school because the teacher asked him to take off a hat. He took it off but it was hanging on his back. The Teacher wanted him to give the hat to her he told her no punched a desk and kicked a chair. He also has been having fits at home yelling punching walls this morning he threw a chair on the floor. he's a bit old to be acting out like this. I need to get him into anger management classes and maybe grief classes too. I know my daughter would take care of him if anything happended to me, But is it selfish of me to get this surgery now with everying thats happened lately? I will pray about it . I know God will lead me in the right direction. Lord help me to make the right choice in this matter.

I was denied yesterday for surgery, but theres still hope. I'm tired of typing more later.

4-11-05 Monday,
I went to the Dr. today I was dreading it all week. I gained 9 pounds. This has got to stop. I bought a note book so I could write down everything that I eat. I hope it helps I know I'm eating from emotions lately, but this cannot go on! I did go buy fruit and veggies the other day and I feel like I'm getting back on the ball. I need to try harder. Not give in to all of my wants and cravings, thats what killed Dan. He didn't say no. I need to say no, Or else I'm gonna find myself right along beside him. I don't want to die, but if I keep this up I will! So I need to buckle down and do whats right. Drink water instead of pop and juice. Stay away from the sweets, and the chips, and all of the fatty foods. I should be reading my Bible much more. If I fed on the word of God, instead of the food of this world I would be well nourished spiritually and may not have to concern myself with what I'm going to eat today.
Jen posted a writing about Mud puddles and dandelions today. It made me think. I really do wonder when do we stop seeing the beauty in the world and see all the ugly stuff instead? As a child everything is so beautiful and exciting and magical. everything is fresh and new, but as we grow older we don't see all thats there for the world to offer. Sometimes I think children are more intelligent than adults, Because they can see everything through the eyes of innocence. What would happen if we all started looking at this world through the eyes of a child? I wonder.
We went to Camp Dearborn yesterday. WOW, I did not expect it to be so hard! We spent so much time there, First Dan and I. Then when we had the kids we spent even more time there. It was a special place. Every where I looked held special memories. Good memories. Standing on the top of the hill looking over the water, holding hands, arm in arm we gazed into each others eyes and told each other for the first time that we loved each other. He looked me stright in the eyes and said dont ever forget this moment, always remember how we feel right now. We were so much in love. Looking over the beach I could just about see him laying there catching some rays, as his skin became darker and darker over the course of the day. I remember swimming in our special spot. Holding each other making love when we were alone. I remembered the countless picnics we had up near the pine trees, and the many canoe trips down the river there. I remember pulling our canoes up in the little bank at the camp and walking through the park. I remember so many times we camped there. The time we all had to take shelter in the laundrymat basement because of the severe weather. The time he was making a phone call and lightining came through the phone line, his arm was numb for nearly a month after that. There were so many memories all of them good. Thats the way it should be. Even though it was hard, I thank God for the memories he gave me yesterday, They were bittersweet, but beautiful.

What a difference a day makes. my insurance Co. called me today.
Danielle (my case worker) said the second letter from my Dr. looked much better. She just needed records of my supervised weight loss attempts. I asked her if it would help if I wrote a letter to. she said I should send a letter stating all of the diet's I've tried, and any supervised weight loss programs like weight watchers etc., And a statement of commitment to making the surgery work. She said they wanted to approve me but she wanted all of this info.together before she took it to the director who makes the final decisions. I already had a letter typed and ready to be faxed. I wanted to make sure they got the one from my Dr. first. Now I'm excited. I have to fax it all to them then I should get an answer back within 14 days. I pray all will go well. That I will have surgery and live through it to have a healthier happier life with my children and grandchildren. GOD is so good. Thank you Jesus. Yes Thank you Jesus.

Time seem's to fly by since day light saving's time took effect. My daughter was going to fax my letter to Cape for me, but she kept getting a busy signal. They must turn their fax off at night. I have to go to kinko's in the morning. They charge 1.00 per page, it will be worth it if I get approved.
I'm trying to stay away from the pop and the sweets. WOW thats hard, but I may as well get used to it now! I bought some crystal lite raspberry lemonade. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I kinda liked it even. I drank 1-8oz. glass went to get some later and it was almost gone. My son said "I only had a little bit" yeah, all but 1 glass, I guess thats a little bit to him. I have great difficulty standing and walking but I tried to walk around the house for a while today. I was on my feet for quite a bit longer today than usual. Now my feet are swollen and kinda stiff feeling ,my calfs feel like that too.
I want to prepare myself for this surgery as much as I can. I really need to buckle down on the amount of food I eat. I would like to lose at least 23 pounds pre-op, then I would be down to 350. One of the c.o.r.i. people said that the O.R. tables have a weight limit of 350# At Garden City Hosp., and a little bit more at Harper. Most of the post-ops say its better to lose a little pre-op if we can. Someone suggested taking measurments
thats a good idea. I will have to tape two or three of them together to get an accurate measurement. I wish my mom was still around she liked to take peoples measurements. That's all for now I have to prop my feet up they feel like they are going to fall off and my toes keep cramping up. OUCH!

THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU JESUS, THANK YOU LORD! you have given me a second chance at life.
Now that I'm settled down a little bit (i had to take a break to pray and thank my Lord) I can say that I am estatic. I knew this day would come, I just didn't know when. I certainly didn't expect to hear "your approved" today. God is so good ,He has answered my prayers with a sound yes! I wrote a letter to my insurance Co., and my daughter faxed it to them yesterday. This afternoon I called my Drs. office to see if they had faxed my weight charts to the ins. yet. They said it was on the nurses desk and would be done by tonight. About 15 minitues later, Danielle from cape called me and said she had good news that I was approved. She said I would be going through Henry Ford. She said that I would have to meet all of their criteria
(a bunch of tests and see a phyc. etc.) Everything I've learned from this site and all of the OH family. She said I may have to lose 20 pounds. I can do that, I've done it lots of times. When I pass all of the tests and the Dr. clears me for surgery, and sets a date, then I call Danielle back, and she gives me the approval for the surgery part. She can't give me the surgery apporval part untill the Dr. clears me. YEA. I am too excited.
I have such ephoria, how long will this feeling last? I can't describe it if you have been approved then you know what I'm talking about. OH THANK YOU JESUS!

OH my I cannot believe that I just spent half an hour typing all this stuff out and accidently hit a button by mistake and erased it all AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!. Now my carpel tunnel is kicking in, my hands hurt so I can't retype it right now. Maybe later or tomorrow. oh well such is life. God still loves me. Thats what counts!

06-18-05 SATURDAY
I can't believe it's been over a month since I last updated.A lot has been going on (what else is new). We moved back to Westland. It's only about a mile from where I grew up. The house is nice, and we have almost an acre of land. Now that's real nice. The back yard is mostly wooded. Very beautiful to look at, walk through and relax in. Makes me feel like I'm up north. There's still lot's of cleaning, and work to do.
I have an appoinment at Henry Ford Hospital on July 14th. for a Nursing consultation, Dietician consultation, and with the Exercise Specialist. It seems so far away. I'm going to need $292.00 by then. I don't know where that will come from. I guess I'll just have to pray about it. The Lord will provide!
I'm also working on a letter of intent for them. It must include the following. #1 Reasons for obtaining surgery. #2 Expectations for the outcome of surgery. #3 My knowledge & understanding of the procedure. #4 My knowledge & understanding of the recomended post-op lifestyle changes. #5 The changes I will Personally make post- op. and #6 A description of how I will get social support Post- op. It sounds like a lot. but I already had the most important part done. My reasons for having the surgery (its more complicated than a simple because i want to lose weight answer). I'm using the same letter i wrote to my insurance co. to get approved. Just changed who its addressed to. of course i'm adding in the rest of the things they want to know. I went to the dentist last Monday to have a tooth pulled. He said eat only soft foods for the next five days, so i've been living off of instant potatoes with cheddar cheese melted into them and pinto beans w/ melted cheese. I tried f.f. cottage cheese and almost threw up. That stuff is so gross i gagged at the first bite. I could not eat it! Just the thought of it sends shirvers up my spine.YUCK! how will I get protien after W.L.S.? I don't know, but even those nasty protien drinks are like heaven compared to f.f. cottage cheese! Oh well, i have to go. God bless you all.

I haven't been very good about keeping my profile updated. I will try harder. I went to my Dr. to have my b.p. checked and for a follow up visit after being attacked by mikey the dog. this was yesterday that I went to the dr.. I lost 11 pounds. I was surprised. I thought I had lost a little bit and was praying for a little bit of a loss, but when that scale kept going down I was very happy. The Lord answers even our little'st prayers when we believe and trust in him! God is so good. I'm just waiting for the 14th to roll around that's when I have my consultation. I may be healed up from the dog bites about the time i get a date. I'm thinking it will be mid August to late September. I hope to get it done in August, before school starts. There is a person I heard about his name is Terry I don't know him nor have i ever met him, yet he has been such an inspiration to me. He recently had his surgery, near the end of June. Before he had his surgery he lost somewhere in the area of 150 pounds. That takes a lot of determination and willpower. I'm in awe that he did this prior to surgery. He didn't give up. He fought for what he needed and wanted. Terry has touched me and inspired me to try harder to lose weight as a pre-op. I can do this I just have to try and not give up.
Lord I thank you for O.H. and the Michigan board. I thank you for the miracle tool that you give to us so our lives on this earth, your footstool, may be prolonged. Father I ask that you would let me and the other believers on this site use our weight loss for your glory, to help bring healing and your salvation to others. Thank you Father for your love and mercy and grace. Lord help us through our journey of life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. I hope you all have a blessed day, and a blessed life. p.s. Today would have been Dan's birthday. I miss him.:-(

07-07-05 Thursday
I went to the Dr. today. The Lord is answering my prayers! I lost another 11 pounds. Thats a total of 22 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm down to 351 pounds. The Lord never fails to amaze me. He's Awsome! After only 11 day's they took my cast off. My Dr. said the bite's are looking good, but wrote a perscription for 2 more antibotics. I still have to see her once a week untill they're healed up. Maybe it wont be to long, the cast was supposed to stay on for 6 to 8 weeks, but that came off way early. My consultation is next Thursday. I'm looking forward to it. The sooner I get it done the sooner I get healed up and back to a more normal and healthy life. I finished my letter of intent to pursue gastric bypass surgery. My Dr. said she would have the nurses get my records, weight charts and last physical ready to pick up so I could take them with me to the consultation. I guess I'm all set. God bless

07-13-05 Wednesday
I picked up copies of my medical records and weight chart from my P.C.P. today. The Lord blessed me with the money I had to have by tomorrow. Thank you Jesus. My letter of intent to prusue gastric by pass surgery is completed. My nurse/nutrition consultation is at 11:00 am. The car is gassed up, my clothes are laid out. I guess thats it, I'm all set for tomorrow. I tried to make an appointment for the phsych. eval. with the Dr. that Henry Ford hospital recomended, now this Dr. works at Henry Ford hospital my insurance sent me to Henry Ford, but the Henry Ford Hospital phych. dosen't take my insurance! What sense does that make? I called my insurance Co., they gave me the phone number for their phych.(I don't know how to spell it, can you tell). I called them, They don't do baratric evaluations! Wonderfull. I then call my insurance co. back and talk with my new case manager Becky. She dosen't know what to do in a case like this. She'll try to find out and will call me back later. I ask if she can leave a voice mail because I have to go to the Dr.. She said she would call me back in the morning instead. I tell her but I'll be at the hospital tomorrow. She then says how about if I just leave a voice mail? DUH! So I will find out tomorrow about the phych, and who I'm going to see. I hope I can get into see who ever it is rather quickly. I will also find out tomorrow what other appointments I need to make I will schedule them as soon as I possibly can. I really want to have this done before school starts at the end of August. But its all in Gods time. His timing is perfect. Hopefuly more (good) news tomorrow. God bless,

Wanda told me not to pay out any more money. She said cape works different than the rest of the insurance companies. First I will have my surgeon evaluation then she will try to get me approved for the actual surgery. After I'm approved for the surgery, then I can start the phsyc evaluation, the exercise specialist, the behaviorist and anyone else I may need to see. I can also get all of the neccassary tests, but can do nothing untill then. I Keep telling myself it's all in Gods time. I do have an appointment for my surgeon conslutation on august 10th at 9:00Am. It seems like forever. It has been 9 months since I've started this journey this time around. For those of you who don't know I've tried to get this procedure twice before. The first time I was told it was expirmental so they wouldn't cover it. The second time around the insurance co. told me I had no business even discussing this with my Dr. or any else, and that it was an exclusion they would not cover it. Oh well like I said all in Gods time. I get weighed again tomorrow I should have lost more weight. I have been keeping my calories well under 1200 per day, and average 700 to 800 per day. I started going to fitday.com. This really helps a lot. It shows everything you need to know about your nutrition intake, and shows you how you are doing with pie and bar graphs. I would recomend this site to everyone who is trying to lose weight or keeping a diet journal More next time God bless,

It's another day,oh whoopie! a another day to be tired with absolutly no energy, and a lot of pain in my hips and knees. I tried to walk a little bit, but my back hurt so much I was nearly in tears. I've tried to use the stationary bike I got, but I can't peddal it because of my knees and hips. My son got me a used treadmill, the thing is stuck on super duper fast. I can't use it He tried to unstick it but couldn't get it . I have to find a way to exersize, but I'm in so much pain all of the time I don't know what I can do. My feet have been swollen up for about a month now. They start off normal but as the day goes on I have to prop them up, or they feel numb and picky they hurt. I've never had this problem before. i thought I would feel better If I lost some weight. but i'm not. I feel heavy. It's seems to get more difficult to breath later storm is comming.

I got a counter put on my page today for free. If you want one go to www.flash-gear.com My grandson Mateo learned how to ride his bike with out training wheels on it yesterday. He learned very quickly. It only took him two tries to get it. We are very proud of him! The Lord has really blessed us with this child .We love him so much. He wants me to play with him right now so I will update later. I'm back from "playing" with my grandson. not that I can actually play with him, but I can watch him play. We like to do "homework" together. We buy the kindergarten books at the store and work through them. I think were ready to move on to the first grade level. The kindergarten ones are getting to easy for him. He likes a challenge. I ordered some protein drink mix samples from bariatric eating.com the other day. They're supposed to be here on the 1st. of August. I have to find some that I can drink that I will like the taste of. I have been doing absolutely awfull dieting this week. I had lost 22#'s in two weeks, then stopped losing. I wasn't gaining, or losing. I was so dissapointed. I posted on the Mi. board about it. Everyone said the same thing I needed to up my calories. Well I did that, problem is I didn't up my calories with good healthy food I reverted to the old stand by chocolate cake, But I didn't like it at all. So I ate 1/4 of a candy bar, it was to sweet and made me want to throw up. Then I indulged in a strawberry-cheesecake flurrie from the Dairy queen (just a small one) after that I stopped craving the sweets. I am scared to get on the scale now. I feel guilty about eating junk food, so what do I go and do? I eat a Roche Ferrio (sp?) You know the little round chocolate waffer ball covered in chocolate and coconut With hazelnut/chocolate spread on the inside and a maccidameia(sp?) nut in the center, and three werthers original hard candy. What is wrong with me? this has got to stop! NOW!!! I know that I've been awfull stressed out lately. My son had written some very scary letters, so I had to get him some counseling he is in the hospital right now. The Dr. says hes doing pretty good. They put him on med's. for deppression. When I went to see him tonight he looked really good. The best I've seen him in a few years. I just hope he continues with his treatment when they let him out, probably on Monday. I'm very tired so I am going to bed now. Good night. God bless.

You're Brigitte Bardot!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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I really don't like this part, but when I'm a post-op I may appreciate
putting my measurements on here. OK, If you are reading this We need some Rules. #1 No gasping allowed #2 No O.M.G. can you believe how huge she is. #3 This info stays right where it is ...On MY profile. If you agree to these terms then go ahead and read them. Remember rule #1.
July 30th. '05-------11-13-05---12-18-05---12-30-05
left upper arm--21.50 ---18----------15.5-------14.75
Left lower arm-12.50----11----------10.5-------10.75
Left wrist------7.50-----7-----------6.75-------6.75
Right upper arm-21------18----------16---------15.25
Right lower arm--12.75---12.25------11.5--------11
Right wrist------7.75-----7.5--------7.25--------7.25
under breast----?--------?----------44.25--------42
Left thigh--33.75 Left calf--24.75 left knee--24 Left ankle--13
Right thigh-35.5 right calf--24 Right knee--22.5 right ankle-12.75
I really need this surgery.These numbers have to come down, no wonder I can't walk very well. I once had a Dr. tell me that I had the biggest knees he had ever seen. He treated me like like I was a medical oddity. Duh! Could it be that my knees are so big because I'm so fat! God bless,

This puzzle is of my 4 year old grandson Mateo and his daddy Johnny. His dad is stationed in Hawaii, but just came home from Afghanistan. They went to visit Johnny's mom in New Jersey, where this picture was taken, Can you see the statue of Liberty in the back ground.

My son was released from the hospital on Wednesday. He looked and sounded good. The medicine they have him on are working well. He went to stay with his older brother for a couple of day's. They're going camping. AAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH !!!! what is wrong with some people? My son just came home I't's so obvious that he is not taking his med's. He say's he dosn't need them. He seems to think they are going to turn him into some kind of drooling, retarted zombie! He looks awful and he look and sounds angry again! They didn't go camping. they went to Oz-fest instead. He's trying to tell me that the people that go to concerts like that don't get high. I told him that I've been around the block once or twice myself, and have been to enough concerts to know that most of the people that go to them most certanily do get high. Not only do they get high, but they are more than willing to pass the joint around to whoever wants to take a toke or few! I also told him that they would test him to see if he was taking his med's or not , and if he wasn't taking them they would send him back to the hospital. I pray that he stops listening to his older brother, who has him convinced that he dosn't need the med's or counseling.
I went to the Cemetary today. they still don't have Dan's headstone up. It's starting to get to me. They tell me three weeks, they tell my father in law 2 weeks. Then they say 1 more week, then it's oh we ran out of them and have to have it carved, If it's not there by Monday I might call the problem solvers.. I don't know maybe not. I'm just emotional today. I'll get over it. God bless,

08-09-05 Tuesday,
I didn't sleep very well last night. My knees were bothering me they hurt so bad. My hips hurt to. They are really bothering me today. I want to take my med's. for them but If I do I will sleep for the rest of the day. plus I'm not supposed to take them for 30 days before surgery. not that I have a date, but I want to get one a.s.a.p.. I don't want my med's to be a hinderance to getting one sooner. I can barely stand up, maybe I'll take half of one. I don't know. My feet are swollen and ache too. Will it ever get any better? I am a lot better off than a lot of people though. And the Lord has really blessed me through it all. I truly get my strength from The Lord. God has brought me through so much in my life. I'm grateful to Him. Thank you Lord. Tomorrow is my surgeon conslutation. I'm not sure what to expect. I wish someone could give me a heads up on that. I'll find out tomorrow. Wouldn't it be wonderfull if I came home with a date? After 10 months of this, that would be a real surprise. I don't expect it to happen. Maybe that's why this whole process is taking so long, Because I don't expect it to happen? Maybe. Oh well, I'll write more tomorrow after I come home. God bless,

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!
You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!
What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Funny thats my least favorite flavor. I like moose tracks, and strawberry cheese cake, and anything with hot fudge and nuts the best. I will miss Ice cream more than anything else. It will be well worth it though! God bless,

08-10-05 Wednesday
Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit is such a wonderfull place. I met Dr. Carlin today. I must admit I was quite impressed! I am very happy to have him for my surgeon.:-) Michele is my Nurse, she told me how to help cut through some of the red tape. She gave me papers for test's that Dr. Carlin wants done. Instead of waiting for insurance to approve each test, I take them to my p.c.p., she orders the same tests but with her forms. I get copies to take back to Dr. Carlin. That way the tests are done and the insurance pays for them, because they were ordered by my p.c.p.. I have an appointment with her at noon tomorrow, can't wait.
I do have to have a sleep test and a carido. stress test. I also have to have my psych evaluation, and see the exercise specialist (A.S.A.P. for this one). He wants me to start chair exercises. I have my medical clearance appointment on Sept. 21st. and my second consultation with Dr. Carlin on Oct 7th. Michelle said that should be enough time to get all of the testing done and for me to lose 30 more pounds. I can do this Please pray for me. I also found out that I am not 5'4" tall I must be shrinking NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I am only 5'2" tall, and to think I used to think that I was 5"7" where did I ever get that crazy notion. I will probaly have sugrery in October or November. He (Dr. Carlin) said about 2 or 3 months. Things are looking up. If it weren't for all of my O.H. family I would have given up long ago THANK YOU ALL for keeping me encouraged to continue the "fight".
God bless,
P.S. My surgery will be done lap.

08-11-05 Thursday
I went to my p.c.p. today. She gave me a new perscription for a diruretic. My feet have been swollowing up. she said this should help. I hope so. My hips and knees seem to be getting worse. theres not much I can do about it, that I'm aware of any how. I can't take the med's for my arthritus anymore and am in pain all of the time. My knees are always popping and cracking and they just give out on me sometimes. That seems to be happening more and more lately. My back feels like its grinding against itself, I just want it all to stop hurting so much! My p.c.p. says the surgery wont take the arthritus away but will release the pressure on my joints and make them feel much better. I told her that I was measured yesterday and I was now only 5'2"tall, she said that people do shrink, but that surprised her because that dosn't usually happen at my age. she said to wait untill after my surgery to see what happens, maybe my height will come back. Sounds kinda funny to me, I'm not a slinkey, Short, tall, short, tall frustrating!She drew the lab work for Dr. Carlin They they should be back by monday. she also took the chest X-rays he requested. They will be ready next Thursday. She is going to give me refferals for the exersice specialist, the sleep test and the psych eval., But first I have to make appointments with them. there is so much to do, yet at the same time it seems like theres not much I can do, but wait patiently. Michelle from Henry Ford said to start trying different protein drinks. They have to be able to be mixed with water. I ordered some single pack servings from bariatriceating.com
Today I tried nectar whey protein isolate (Fuzzy navel) by syntrax. I was pleasntly surprised by it. I added some ice to my water bottle, added the protein, and 8oz.(measured) water. I shook it up really well, then reculently took a sip of it. It tasted like peach and orange juice mixed together. I'm going to order a can of this. It is so much better than the vanilla designers whey I bought. I just can't stomach that stuff. Gotta go. God bless-

08-12-05 Friday
Are You Fun?
Life and Soul
You're the life of the party. "I'm comin' up so you better get this party started...Everybody's waitin' for me to arrive..." Pink was singing about herself, but she might as well have been singing about you. If you don't arrive on time to a shindig, guests are watching the door, knowing that the party won't be a blast until you come through it. If you don't arrive to the party at all (as if!), the party just won't be the same and everyone knows it.

I dont think I put that one on right.I copied and pasted it. theres no link, but you can click on the ice cream flavor link thats where this one was. God bless,

08-14-05 Sunday
A normal person.

The quiz of laziness
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I have to replace one meal a day with a protein drink. I have tried nectar-fuzzy navel and liked it I will order a can of this, I also liked the protein delite strawberry white chocolate drink. I want to order a can of this one to, but it has pieces of strawberry in it so i cant have it right after surgery but it will be good later as a post-op. I also tasted the nectar crystal sky. I thought it was yucky! I couldn't drink it at all. I couldn't stomach the taste. I'm sure other people love it though. I'm having a hard time with the dieting. Dr. Carlin wants me to lose 30 pounds before surgery. I lost 23 but, that won't count toward the 30 because they didn't weigh me even though my P.c.p. did and has it documented in my files. He said I 0 comments
About Me
Farmington Hills , MI
Surgery Date
Feb 16, 2005
Member Since

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