I havn't forgotten!

Sep 25, 2007

I have not forgotten! It is so easy to get your surgery and want to go about your life, that you may forget from wence you came. I can not forget the struggle it took for so many people to get me here. I am very thankful for all those who have been so supportive of  my journey. I also feel blessed to have those who have not been supportive or been 'haters'. Those people have taught me what it is to be truly blessed and have, in there way, encouraged me to do better on my own. I am turning over a new leaf. I am changing! I am a little over three months out from surgery and have lost over 70 pounds! I am really focusing on turning my life around for the better. The Lord did not bring me this far to give up now! Amen! I love all my friends, both on line and in person who have lifted me up and carried me when I could not do it on my own. Thanks guys!

About 6 weeks post op

Jul 19, 2007

Well, I am a little over a month out from my surgery. I have been doing wonderfully! Some of the time I even forget that I just had surgery. That is until I try to eat something. I am trying to maintain the appropriate path for post op patients. It is really hard to get the protein in all the time. I am having a really hard time taking my meds too. I don't have too many of them to take still, but they are hard to swallow. I use to take in upwards of 13 or so pills at one time, now I can barely get down a half of one.

I thought that by loosing weight, working out and generally feeling better physically, I would not need my anti depressants. Oh how wrong I have been! I haven't taken them in almost two weeks and boy can I tell. I am a mess! I can not tolerate the most simple of things. What I feared is happening, the lifestyle changes are not happening like I need them to. I'm loosing weight and all,but I need to change me. Ha change me, is that possible?! 

I just feel like I am in a world of chaos. I can not seem to maintain control over anything! I have no motivation at all. I mean, I finally got what I had been waiting for and now what. I can not let all the people down who helped me get to this point. I can not let myself down. But I just can not seem to get out of this rut. I don't feel as if this has anything really to do with the surgery, but it's just the way I am feeling right now. What can I do? I have a plan of action in my brain, but how do I make sure that it is followed?! I am at a loss. Everything irritates me to no end. Things that should not bother me, make me want to scream and kick doors down. I can not continue to put people through this. I kept hearing stories of how happy people were after surgery, I thought the same would be true for me. I am happy that I had the surgery, but now what? I must get proactive, I know this, but that is a whole lot easier said than done. That's for sure! 

So I am searching for a lost me. Does anyone know where to find me?

I'M DONE!!!!

Jun 19, 2007

YEAH!!!! I had my surgery on June 8th 2007. I am done, with that part at least. My surgeon ended up adding an extra day to his surgey schedule. I am so blessed that the surgery went well and I had no complications! The first day was kind of rough, but every day afterwards has been better and better! I am down over twenty pounds already. Even though most of that is fluid, I dont care. I am feeling better every day. I can already do some things that I had previously not been able to do. It's a wonderful feeling. I look forward to more and more!!!!


Anxiety turned to anger...

Jun 04, 2007

Okay, so here is where we are today. My surgery had to be postponed on the day before it was scheduled! :( Major bummer!!!! The doctors decided to do a stress test in order to be safe for surgery. Look! I can say that so nicely now!!!! I couldn't less than a week ago. But I got a phone call today from an anger! I got scheduled for a Friday surgery, this Friday!!!! Yeah! Yippy and more good stuff!!!!!

I am really excited my anxiety has gone to anger and back to anxiety again. Oh, the horror! I am done! My family and I have been through so many changes and bless them, they've rolled right along with them. We all will be so happy when I am wheeled out from surgery. I tell you, I won't really believe it until I see the stiches myself!

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait and guess what, I can't wait. Now everything is all set. I am ready to do this, recover and move on with my life. I would like to reach a point where I can start paying it forward for all of the good deeds bestowed onto me! I am very blessed to have the love and support that I do. I thank God for getting us thus far and pray that He continues to lead us.

Thank you to all the wonderful people on this site, as well. You all helped to get me through this too!

Wish me luck, say your prayer, keep your fingers crossed or whatever you see fit! I'm on my way...        

ANXIETY!!!!

May 28, 2007

I am so nervous! I h ave so much anxiety right now that I can't sleep! I am not nervous about the actual surgery, I am nervous about things going well and as scheduled. I am so worried that something is going to happen to post pone this damned thing! I just hope and pray that everything goes as scheduled. I will be doing all the prepatory type things in the morning. I have one more day until I report to the hospital on Wednesday morning.  I am trying to think positively, but it is hard, very hard. Hopefully, I pray, that things continue down the right path and the surgery goes on as planned. I am busying myself with things that I feel that need doing. I may just be giving myself busy work, but it's helpful. It's almost like I'm nesting or something! I should go onto sleep now, but I can't. I keep thinking two more nights and one more day. If I would just go on to sleep, one of those nights could be checked off the list, right? That's the logical me thinking, but that's not the voice that is prevelant at the moment. I am so ready! I thought I would be more depressed about the limiting of food thing, but I am ready to reclaim my life! I'm so tired of being tired!!!! I am so excited about the prospect of movement without fatigue! It will be amazing!!!! I am ready, bring it on!!!!





Not much longer now!!!!

May 25, 2007

So, I had my preop appointment today. It went well, without a hitch! As we stand I will have surgery on May 30th at 12:30! WOW I haven't said it in that affirmative way yet! I am so happy and nervous at the same time! I can't wait, I want it done! Yeah, smiles all around...

For anyone reading this, please pray that all goes as planned and goes well, thank you.

SPEED BUMP!!!!

May 24, 2007

AND WE COME TO A SCHREECHING HAULT!!!!!!!!!! Maybe, I don't know for sure yet. I went to the doctor today, my regular physcian, because I have been feeling very ill. I have been nauseous, vomitting, and very weak, I mean really fatiged! The long and short of it was that the freaking PA, doctor laday hooked me up to do an EkG. The EKG showed some abnormalities. I have a right bundle branch block.. So this might put a hold on my surgery for Wednesday. DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!!!! I knew something was going to hold me up! I really hope that it doesn't come out to be something crucial. I have to have a chemical stress test before the surgery on Wednesday. Please, I hope this works out for the best. I've gone too long and have worked too hard to get to this point to have it messed up now. What am I going to do...?

I got a date, I got a date, I got a date hey, hey,hey

May 21, 2007

I've got a date for surgery!!!! Yeah me! So far so good. I have a preop appointment on Friday the 25th. Wish me luck. If I have not gained any weight before then, everything is a go! I am so worried, still, that everything won't go well. Please, please let everything go okay! I am so ready for this to happen. I am so ready for this to be over. It seems so close, yet still so far away. I am really busting my butt this week to keep my weight where it is suppose to be. When I go into the appointment on Friday, I have to be at the right place, I have to be. There is no other choice for me at this point. I will be back on to post the progress, but I pray it will be positive and productive!

Well...

May 05, 2007

Well, well, well, what's a girl to do! I have been "bad" these last few days with my liquid diet! I have actually eaten during the day! Shock and awe baby, shock and awe! But it's okay, I think, I have managed to eat and sill keep my calorie intake under 1000. That's good, right? The point of a liquid shake diet thingy is so you don't have to choose what to eat and what not to eat. Well, I was able to eat and still keep the calories where I would have with the shakes. Is that good or am I just making excuses for myself?

I see Kathy, weight check lady, on Tuesday. We will see then. I weighed myself on Friday. NO pounds lost, but I was down 6 oz. Ounces  come to be pound sooner or later. I had not gained anything, so I can be positive about that.

I think this whole thing is really making me very depressed, well, even more so than usual. I am so frustrated and angry!!!! I am almost ready to give up hope and just say fuck it! I apologize for the lanuage, but it's how I feel. Will this surgery ever happen? Will I ever feel good? Hell, I'll settle for feeling better!  Will I always be sick? Should I just resign myself to a life of misery, pain, uncomfortable situations and illnesses? Is that what I have to look forward to?

And then, I think about Omar. His 3rd birthday is in a few days. I can't beleive it, my baby is turning three! It seems like just yesterday I was bringing him into this world, trying to figure out how I was going to do it. But I did, we did. He's here. He's a wonderful kid. I have to do this for him. I know longer have the will to do this for myself. He is my life, my motivation, my determination. I will keep going for him. I don't want anyone to have to try and explain to that sweet child why his mother couldn't be here to see him turn four...

Updates and weight loss zero

Apr 27, 2007

So, I had my weight check on the 11th. No weight lost, actually three pounds gained. I did loose an inch and a half on both my waist and my hips. I had another weight check on the 24th. Again no weight lost, well, one pound down. I am so sad and discouraged!

Now, I have been placed on a liquid diet. I may have three meal replacement shakes (8ozs) a day. Then at dinner I may have a frozen dinner that is under 300 calories. I have been doing this since Wednesday April 25th. I weighed myself on Friday morning and was down 3 pounds! Yeah! I guess, right?

I have no energy! It is crazy. Normal activities have me winded. I am hungry! I don't know how much longer I can take this, but it's for the betterment of myself, right?!  What do I do?

About Me
Eugene, OR
Location
57.8
BMI
Feb 12, 2007
Member Since

Friends 11

Latest Blog 14
I havn't forgotten!
About 6 weeks post op
I'M DONE!!!!
Anxiety turned to anger...
ANXIETY!!!!
Not much longer now!!!!
SPEED BUMP!!!!
I got a date, I got a date, I got a date hey, hey,hey
Well...
Updates and weight loss zero

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