one year out!

Jun 15, 2011

wow i cannot believe that  a year ago today i ad my surgery. it's bittersweet because i am still so far from where i need to be, that i get these overwhelming waves of depression and i just want to give up. i still have to lose 100 lbs to even be near my goal and not to mention the skin removal surgery i am going to need. i feel like i am right back where i started minus 130 lbs from my highest weight in 2009. there are weeks when i hit the gym every day and then i find myself not going for an entire month. i keep thinking to myself, what if, what if. what if i did what i was supposed and stuck to the diet, what would i look like now? it is so frustrating to be in this body. i look decent in clothes, but when I'm naked i look like a melted candle and i want nothing more than to crawl under the covers and not come out until I'm at my goal weight. i hate to sound depressing in all my blog entries, but this is what I'm feeling and i am sick of it.  I'm sick of the fat on my body being the one thing my life has always been all about. i have so many things i want to do and the fact that i am letting what i look like stop me, is mind blowing to me. i told myself that today, being the anniversary, i am going to lose the hundred pounds by the end of this year and have my skin removal by the end of next year. i am going away to college in the fall and i am going to be living on my own, with roommates of course, but it will be my first time doing this so i don't know how I'm going to workout or buy my food. so basically for the next two years i am supposed to be finishing college and be on my way to my goal weight. just typing that overwhelmed me. i want to do this in a healthy way and not starve myself on a ridiculous diet for a month then binge for twice as long like i am used to doing. so i started taking my vitamins again today and went for a walk. baby steps is where I'm at now, but eventually, I'm gonna get there.

0 Comments

About Me
31.6
BMI
RNY
Surgery
06/15/2010
Surgery Date
Apr 11, 2008
Member Since

Friends 89

Latest Blog 51

×