Bridget M.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

So I am pregnant. Dont know how it was possible with 1cm of an ovary left, 6 months out from surgery, over age 35. I am scared to death, have to see a high risk OB GYN, do lots of research. Will update pictures and all soon.

So the drama continues. I had pain Friday at work and was taking my pain meds, thought I was going to pass out from it and couldnt afford to miss more work, PLUS we were short and didnt want to leave them. Good until Saturday around 8pm then started hurting ALOT. By 1am I was 10 in pain. Friends took me to ER, was there from 1am to 6am. Finally got some pain meds, I was dry heaving from the pain. Did a CT scan and it turns out I had a kidney stone that passed. Still in my bladder but "shouldnt" be anymore pain. God, will it ever stop? I just picked up my son yesterday and had the weekend planned out of going and doing things as I just started to get my energy back. Nope. I was out of it all weekend. I feel like a horrible mother. He is going to go stay with his grandma until Friday night and I PRAY I will be re-couped by then. I just want all of this to be over with. I still cry to God that maybe I made the wrong choice. I should have just left well enough alone. Feel like I am being punished now. Yes its a pitty party. I cant help it. Besides all that, the scale isnt moving although clothes are fitting looser. But whenever I eat I get nauseatious? Cant spell tonight. It seems I take a few bites and ugh feeling comes over again. Honestly I just want to stop eating.

So on July 20th, my tube came out! YAY!!!!!!! Now I just have a hole, still pinches but its getting better everyday. Today however I had an upset stomach ALL day. Didnt want to eat or drink. The bad part is, I got alot of "snacks" that I thought were healthy, sunflower seeds shelled, almonds, pork rhines. Ok, I am intelligent, why does my brain not work? For one, I am a month out tomorrow (2nd surgery), I cant be having that, plus it is STILL snacks, cant have that either. I finally figured this is probably why my tummy is upset (gurrgles all day). So tonight I am having a hard boiled egg and some saltine crackers. Nice and bland and some protein. I really have to work on this cooking thing. I hate cooking! Tomorrow is another day, I will try better. Oh and of course, its been about 2 weeks since I have lost anything :(

Ok I did it. I will be 4 weeks out this week and I went back to work. I was terrified to go back. This has all been very strange to me because for one I love my work and life, for two I usually am not afraid of much. But honestly after all I have been thru I have been terrified of everything and even afraid to live and try stuff. I am hoping that will go away the more I heal. So my supervisor was WONDERFUL today, it helps she had RNY in December. She was very understanding which is what I needed today. I got really tired real easy and this JP drain is killing me. I had sharp pains all day long and my back was hurting me. I posted in the forums about it and thanks so much to everyone who answered! I am scared to get it taken out, but they helped me understand it wont hurt. I am still taking pain killers! I did have to take some Labotab (?) pain med today at work, just was to much. But I enjoyed getting my mind of the tube and surgery. It was such a nightmare. I cant wait for the day I can think of my surgery without the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. So I am going to relax tonight and go to bed early, back to work tomorrow. Sleeping in the recliner still most of the time and that sucks but at least I can sleep. Thats about all! Thanks to all who leave comments too! Its nice to know people care.

Well I thought I would write more. It has been difficult. I still dont have my energy or desire back yet. I think its because I had two surgeries and I have the tube in my side still. So mentally I feel like Im still in that "be careful" stage ya know? It comes out July 17th which I will be thankful for. All of my other incisions feel fine, I can deal with them. I ate my first "normal" food last night which was 2 slices of Ham and 2 slices of cheese. Tasted WONDERFUL! Didnt come back up. BUT I did wake up at like 2am with diahreah (sp?) bad. I have to take Tylenol PM to sleep and then I dont wake up until 11am or noon! Crazy. I cant seem to win. I just try to drink water and protein shakes. I love EAS Myoplex drinks. They have 25g of protein. So the thing driving me crazy is not having energy. I dont want to get out of bed, hell I dont even want to take showers. I dont want to go anywhere or see anyone. Nothing. I dont know how to make it stop. Going to try and go to a support group tonight and maybe they will have some answers. I hope so. Im still in the stage of "what in the hell did I do" and cant wait to get to a different stage. Onward we go.

Well, I should have known. You know the 1-2% that things go wrong for? That would be me. I dont say that happily.

I had surgery June 17th to revise the lap Band to RNY.  Had a bit of trouble with drinking water on Friday, but then everything started working again. I absolutley drove the nurses mad because the beds were hurting my back and I couldnt sleep much less sit. I was ready to check myself out. So on Saturday Dr Felix let me go to the hotel room with an appointment on tuesday to see him. On Sunday around 10:30 a.m. I felt INTENSE UNBEARABLE pain, told my support person Susan to call the doctor and an ambulance. Something was wrong. By noon I was at the hospital and getting ready for a second surgery. I was screaming in pain at the hospital. My doctor (whom I adore) came quickly even on Father's Day (sorry doc) and performed another surgery. It seems that where my Lap Band had been had rubbed enough on my stomach (I was throwing up alot for the last 3 years) to break it down and my intestine had flipped..not once, but twice. So think of a garden hose with two kinks in it, my stomach exploded with a hole in it from the pressure, hence the pain. Doctor cut off the old part of stomach and fixed me up.

I stayed a week in the hospital, from Sunday to Sunday. Just to make sure every thing was ok and to heal and get antibotics. Doc wasnt taking any chances this time. Went for the follow up and everything seems good. I now have a tube out my side that I hate, still cant sleep well with it, but its my emergency valve. I go back on July 17th to take it out.

So as of now, I am still on the phase of "what the hell did I do to myself". I now also have panic attacks thinking of something else going wrong and my innards not working properly. I am terrified. I try to give it over to God, I'm lacking. Any prayers are welcomed.

So wish I could be more upbeat, but just trying to walk and eat mushies until July 9th, then I go on regular foods. Dont know if I can make it full time to work yet or not, maybe half days. The two surgeries seemed to drain all of my energy. Its rough even getting up and walking (energy wise). I still burp alot and hear my stomach making noises that scares me. I hate being afraid.

BTW anyone tried beans with cheese on mushy diet? Did it go well?

Thanks for reading.

Bridget

Things that I am TIRED OF!!

1. Difficulty tying my shoes or adjusting straps on shoes.

2. Running out of breath getting dressed!!

3. Not going to the fair anymore because I went about 10 years ago and they couldnt close the bar over my stomach.  

4. Something I call "fat anxiety"..thinking if I will fit in booths, chairs, seat belts, airplane seats, movie theater seats, sitting next to anyone anywhere, going out on dates..will add to this..

5. walking up one flight of stairs huffing and puffing and my knees hurt. 

6. Wondering if I have body odor.

7. embarrassed to eat in front of others.

8. wearing shirts that HAVE to go over my stomach to cover it and seeing rolls of fat still.

9. Pictures and mirrors are prohibited.

10. Personal hygiene and the toilet. Get my drift?

11. I NEVER have skinny friends who say "let me set you up with this really nice guy".

12. Dont wear nylons because they roll off my stomach.

13. Having to wear necklaces that have extenders.

14. My ankles being swollen ALL the time.

15. Scared to death to walk thru those bar entry things at zoos because Im afraid I will get stuck.

16. Getting in a car and everyone can feel it lower down and WORSE, we bottom out on driveways etc.

17. My under boobs sweating.

18. I dont own a single dress. I hate dresses. I look ten times as fat in one.

20. Peoples looks of disgust, and yes it happens.

21. Went to Hawaii and afraid to get in a helicopter because afraid of the weight limits. Anything that might have weight limits!