onlysunnydaysahead
Week 5 Class - Dropped 6 Pounds - Adapting to me
Oct 17, 2014
I am so glad I have these classes. I am being more mindful of what I put in my mouth and I am trying to exercise more. The 6 pounds I lost actually don't matter. I gained that 6 pounds between orientation and my first class. I was disgusted with myself and was beating myself up when they said that 10% of our weight loss prior to WLS would be calculated from our weight at orientation. I should have known. But that is out of the way I can keep moving forward. I think about pounds as hamburger. Do you buy those huge 5lb hamburger tubes at the store? Well I lost a little more than that. If I was to look at that meat piled up on the counter, I could see what I have to be proud of.
I have made a couple of friends at my daughters school. I am trying to be that up beat poppy fun person that I envy so much. I have been negative for so long that I think I may have forgotten how to just be. People used to like me. I also used to be happy. I say that and realize that, that was prior to getting a job, a house, a car, a life, and having a child. It ain't high school friends anymore. Anyway. I am trying. These 2 moms really seam to like me. There is a 3rd but being judgmental me, I think she looks more classy and maybe she is judging me and fakes it in the mornings. But I am freaking crazy and bi-polar and weird sooo... It's probably in my head. :)
I skipped out on being in the PTA and being room mom for my daughter's school because I thought she would be ashamed to have her fat mom around so much. Well one of the ladies I talk to in the morning is a little chubby and became the room mom. So I in turn get to help out with a ton of events and am feeling ok about it. I have started to say SCREW IT! I want to be there and this has to start now. I would rather not miss a day of stuff I can do with my daughter. I am making chili for the chili cook off, I am donating time and manning a both for the fall festival, I have donated prizes for the fall festival, I am making fun food for their Halloween party, I am really feeling good about this being involved stuff. I can only imagine how I will feel about all this once I am comfortable with myself on the outside. Right now I am working on the inside.
Skipping back around to my classes. I do have to say that I feel like am am getting the minimal from them. Not as much as I thought I would. I get more out of this site. And well, common sense. And using that common sense without being crappy to myself, by either treating my body like a trash can or telling myself things that make me hate myself. I have to keep this can do attitude. I have to stay positive for me. I really liked class 4. We had a sub and she was AMAZING! I could feel the energy and comfort in the room. She was supportive and had opinions. My classmates were open and honest and getting answers on how to resolve their questions. It was just AMAZING! It's too bad I can't hire that lady on the sly, because I really felt energized and ready to rule the week when I left that class last week. I hate to sound bad, I hate to talk crap, (ok no I don't, let's try to be honest here) But our teacher just talks and is repetitive and we try that uncomfortable laugh at her harshness, and rude comments but I can cut the tension in the room with a knife. These poor people just want answers and support and kindness and tools for their future. And they (we) leave feeling ashamed and baffled and haven't learned a thing because she kinda likes to hear herself talk. Maybe that's just her. Sometimes I tune her out and look at her smile and think, well some people probably are attracted to her emotionally and attach themselves to her like a cult leader because she is so care free. Yeah I guess I break it down to her being care free. She probably don't know the effect of what she is saying until after it comes out. Some people are just like that. F-IT. She looks happy.
Anyway, Long blogggggg! I am going to have a great week! I finally hit my starting weight. I got about 20lbs to go to get my 10%. I am averaging about a pound a week. I think I can do this. I got 19 Weeks left. Wow... 19 Weeks. I like the sound of that!
