Shoeing Away This Black Cloud. 4 Classes Left

Feb 23, 2015

I haven't blogged in a while. Life got the best of me. I am counting down these classes like days in a plague! I can not friggin wait to be done and starting other appointments. I did have a hiccup and I will be graduating 4 days behind my class. I had to switch groups for the last 4 classes. Usually this is not allowed. I did have special circumstances and am so lucky to have has the positive choice center there to help be get figured out. My classes were on Thursdays. My husband starts radiation and chemotherapy this Wednesday. Well starts radiation wed and that's every day and chemo Thursday and that's once per week. See, when I signed up for these classes they were very firm in me understanding that I had to be available for the whole 24 weeks and no shenanigans. No switching and nothing in that range. If I miss 5 classes I get dropped. Even if I make them up. On number 5 I get dropped. So I vowed with my soul to never be late or miss a date. And I did miss one. It was for a Christmas concert that my daughter was in at her school. And I made that up by going to 2 classes in one day.

As time went on, I knew I was going to have to keep trucking. I knew that the treatment for my husband was coming soon. I went to orientation for this in July of last year. I started classes in October. We started dr's appointments for my husband in November. We found out he had cancer in January. We were told the landlord wanted to raise the rent $500 in the start of February. We moved this past weekend and his Uncle also past away this past weekend. Somewhere in there a ton of other stuff happened too but that was just a lil time line on the stupid black cloud we have over our heads. So finally with insurance approval we are to start his treatment this week. I am hopeful that the worst has passed. He is going to feel so crappy during the next month and a half. And I only have 4 classes left. I am grateful that a non family member was willing to jump in and help for the next 4 Mondays I have class.

We have a 5 year old daughter and I would have felt terrible trying to leave her with him after treatment just because I am fat and need help. With everything that has gone on with him, It makes me feel like I am being stupid perusing this. I am at constant battle with myself. I have actually gained 15lbs since I started this. So much for losing that 10%. I already feel like a failure. BUT BUT BUT. I felt like dropping out a while ago and I kept going. No matter how bad I felt I kept going. I have changed my diet a but and the portions and mainly the sweets are whats eating me. HAHAHA Eating ME! Ok dumb joke . I also quit smoking.

Anyway I am about about to be done. How exciting! And the way I have this calculated, my surgery should be scheduled right after he is done with his treatment. That's more exciting! No conflicts! As he is getting better, I will be getting better. I finally feel like this cloud may be moving on. I hope everything turns out. If everything goes right, My surgery will be in about 8-10weeks. I am going to have to be pushing out all those positive vibes! And I really need some coming our way! 4 Months from now, Everything will be OK right?!?! And we will end this year with a bang!