A letter to the weight I have lost

Apr 22, 2011

A letter to the weight I have lost

I am so glad to have lost you, all 122 of you.  I have to say that I think of each and every one of you in different ways. 

To numbers 1 – 50 – You left me and I couldn’t believe that it was real.  I figured that there couldn’t really be any others after you.  I don’t miss you.  I never want you back in my life.  I know that you have been in and out of my life for the past 20 years, but this is it.  You are gone forever, good riddance.

But then, numbers 51 through 100 left me.  The feeling of this loss was beyond anything that I can describe.  I was shocked.  Could it be true?  Did you really leave me?  I never thought you would – we were together for such a long time.   I thought that you were going to be with me forever.  But you left, much to my surprise.  I don’t mourn you.  You leaving me was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I have grown more without you than I could have imagined.  Thank you for leaving me.  I’ve changed.  I didn’t realize how much you held me back until I started to live without you.   I will never take you back.  We aren’t compatible anymore.  Don’t contact me.

Next, numbers 101 through 115 left me.   You never bothered me as much as the rest.  You and I were together since high school.  Being with you was natural.  When you left me, I was scared.  Could I live without you?  Would you try to come back to me?  Could I be strong enough to resist you?   I know you will try – you taunt me, you constantly let me know that you are out there and desperately want to be a part of my life.  Will you ever stop stalking me?

Lastly, to numbers 116-through 122 - you are the ones that devastate me the most.   You continually leave me and come back - showing me how easy it is to take you back.  You tug at me constantly.  I wake up thinking about you.  I have a love hate relationship with you.  I truly do want the last few of you back, but the though of that is horrifying as allowing that shows that I can be weak.  If I take you back, I feel that I have lost and you have defeated me.

I want to stop thinking about all of you, but I can’t.  Thinking about you helps me avoid making the same mistakes.

Stronger without you,

Maura

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