Still on Track: Down 130 lbs. Total

Jan 20, 2010

So long since I've posted.  Feeling pretty good with the place I'm in today, with my food and continuing weightloss - slow, but steady.  Since recommiting myself last spring, it's given me alot of time to reflect on why I gave up on myself after having lost 130 lbs. and had gained half of it back .  True, I loosened up on the food, ate too much of the wrong things, and stopped exercising, but also I knew I had to believe that I could truely succeed.  Beyond being thin, which I've never been in my life, I knew I had to find a place where I could be not constantly obsessed with food, fearful of food, guilty about what I ate, and all the other negative thoughts around food.  The first two years following surgery, I swore off sugar/refined carbohydrates.  The all or nothing mentality never has worked for me long term.  When I did finally eat sugar, I looked at myself as a failure and just kept on eating.  This past 10 months, I've been diligent about watching everything I put in my mouth.  I've allowed myself a few bites or small piece from my regular plan, usually not more than once a month.  What has worked, is that it is in the plan and a small amount.  I don't feel deprived, but more than anything is that I can feel satisfied with a taste.  It also feels good, though, at times to say to myself that I could have a taste, but that I choose not to.  I'm worth more than that piece of _______.  Not to mention, when I think about how many laps it takes to work off a 100 calories, it's just not worth it.  It's all such a mental game.

I'm heading into a total hip replacement in 2 weeks and am pretty nervous about the procedure and how long it will take for me to be able to get back to the gym, swimming, working, etc.  With fibro, recovery has always been a slower process in the past  following surgeries- just getting some pain relief has been near impossible.  Trying to take a deep breath and think positive.  The changes that I have made this past year have showed me how strong I am.

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