PattiD13

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Update March 31st, 2016:

I had my skin removal surgery on January 5th--13 lbs of skin was taken off. Yay!! I have had several complications, I think partly due to the fact that I am not totally strict when "watching myself" be active. (I think I was being a bit too active). Also, I have diabetes, and even though it is well-controlled, I tend to heal more slowly than someone without. And finally, I apparently lost a lot of blood during my surgery. I know they talked about giving me a transfusion while I was in the hospital with unstable blood pressure levels, but my BP finally evened out so they decided not to. I really wish they had've, because I ended up being anemic from the blood loss and seriously weak for more than a month after my surgery. I also ended up having to go into the local hospital due to a serious infection that had set up, so that stunk. I couldn't even stand up long enough to take a shower, so my mom took pity on me and got our hairdresser to wash my hair a few times that month so I wouldn't feel so icky. 

Current Problem: I'm eating like crazy. I fully admit it. Emotional eating is causing me lots of problems, and I'm trying to get a hold on it. I'm going back and reading the books that helped me get through and learn how to deal with the changes from the surgery. I am working to get back to the lowest I had gotten so far, and hopefully go past that to my goal weight. I am currently at 237, and I had actually gotten down to 202 at my lowest, down from 444lbs. I'd love to even get to 199. My goal is lower than that, but to be under 200 again, after most of my life being much more, that would just be AWESOME!! I'm taking a year off from school to get myself together and focus on my and my health-mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

I feel that I need this time away from school just due to stress, and to finish healing completely from my surgery. It's been over 3 months since I had it, but I had so many complications everything is just taking longer. I have applied for several jobs in my field, I am hoping I will get the one I interviewed for Tuesday. It sounds like a good challenge. Even if I don't get that one, I will keep looking and applying. 

Trying to get myself in some seriously good condition, I WILL take better care of myself!

I had my plastics appointment on the 20th. After the nurse was done checking my bp and all, the residents came in to chat. The one who I had met last year at my other plastics appointment, kept asking me if I was sure I had not been denied previously and that was why it never worked out. I told him several times that NO, I had not been denied, because I get letters from my insurance when something big is approved or denied and I had never gotten a letter from them about it. Then he said we don't actually know where your file is, we have a receptionist that was known for not filing things properly. I told them I had called over and over and over, and they just sort of looked at me and mentioned the receptionist again. So someone had lost my file and that is probably why I fell between the cracks, because after my file was gone, no one knew who I even was to be able to call me back. Totally sucks. I'm not as upset about it as I used to be, since I am back in and trying again. 

HOWEVER, this time, my new Doctor (Dr. Drake at UVA), was very pleased, and he felt that we had a good chance of getting it approved. I have to get a letter from my PCP to add to the file before they send it to my insurance, and I'm working on that right now. Now I am not hearing back from my PCP! I'll go to her office this coming week, ain't gonna let that happen again! They did mention that I needed to stay between 5%-10% of my current weight, because they don't want to do surgery on someone who is still losing (or gaining) weight. So even though I was wanting to try to lose some of what I had gained back between now and the dates I am hoping to get, I have to be careful about it. They did say there is a point where your body will hit a set point and you might gain a little after that, but try to keep it under control so you don't gain much. they also feel I will have a significant amount of weight removed with this surgery, so I should want to wait until after it to see where I am. Good idea I think. 

I still want other plastics because there are some places I am really bothered by, such as my breasts, thighs, arms, and neck area in particular, but I will pay for those myself. I will save up for it, and get 'er done! lol I think those removals *will* add up to some more lbs gone, especially if I am able to get my thighs done. I'm not just doing it for the loss of weight though, I'm doing it for myself. I have photos of myself taken just yesterday that show, for example, that my arms look all nice and thin and then all of the sudden there's a huge flap of skin at the top that my t-shirts don't hide. I'm all droopy! I honestly believe I would feel better physically and mentally if I were able to correct those areas. 

I CAN DO IT! 

PS-I forgot to mention, I am down to one Diabetes pill, which I have to cut in half now instead of taking two a day. My A1c is 5.4, which make me happy. 

Well, it's well into a new year, and I've gone to my annual checkup with my surgeon. Things went well, and they were fine with the weight that I gained. They said it was not much of a gain considering how much I had lost since my surgery. They asked what happened with my plastics, because my records showed no progress beyond the initial consultation. So I explained....I fell through the cracks. I had tried and tried to get in touch, and had never been called back. So I gave up at the end of last year after not hearing from my plastics guy for 7 months. 
So, back to this year. My surgeon said let's try that again, and sent an order for me to be seen by someone in plastics. I got the call a week later, and now I have an appointment next Wednesday (20th) to be seen by my new Dr., Dr. Drake. I am looking forward to it, and I'm hoping things will go better this time around!

I noticed something this year, to add to my noticing last year but thinking it must be a fluke...but I noticed this year that all the male residents are pretty handsome. I told my husband (who goes with me), that I think that the person who hires people there and arranges the residencies must be a woman, because she only hires hot guys. LOL 

It's been quite a while since I posted, and I thought it was time to do an update. 

I have been really struggling with my weight. I gained back about 12 lbs, but I have been yo-yo-ing over that between 209 and 214. I gain and lose the same weight constantly. I am NOT on track at all. I feel so hungry so often. I know I am emotionally eating, because I have a lot of things going on in my life right now, one thing being a lot of upset with my husband, and that makes other stressors hard to deal with. See, I know what I'm doing, but I can't seem to stop myself. I guess I have lost a lot of my willpower and desire to get lighter. 

I hit 202, down 242 lbs, and just got this thought in my head "I have come so far...I don't need to push myself now". I know that is somewhere deep in my brain, just rolling around in there. I was 211 last week at my Weight Watchers weigh-in, and I was so happy with that. That sucks, that I was happy with 211! 

I also have heard nothing from my plastic surgeon. I have called him three or four times, only to have the office not return my calls. I have to assume I was denied, even though I haven't heard anything from my insurance either, they haven't sent me a letter about it. I will call him again of course. I have a little hope that maybe things just haven't been fully worked on, and it could still come through. I really need that to happen soon though, I won't have another break from school where it could be done until next year around this time!

Wow, what a downer blog post. Sorry guys, I feel like a failure. I still hope to get back on track, and to be able to say, "I CAN DO IT!" 

PS: I actually do have some positive things, one is I was able to go off all my BP medication, down to 1 pill for my diabetes (A1C is 5.4), off my cholesterol pill, and I'm graduating in three weeks from college..and I got into the grad program at the same school so I will also be going for a masters degree.  

I had my consultation with my hopefully to be surgeon on May 29th. I was SO excited, but he calmed me down quite a bit.

He said that it seemed like about only 1 in 5 were able to get their surgeries on their insurance. He said he was hopeful too, but that it was harder than it had been before to get abdominoplasties through on medical necessity. He still told me about everything and talked about which surgery I might have done, and how many nights I'd be in the hospital (One?? Wow, they kick you out fast now!) He told me if I had any questions to just call his office, and someone would answer them.

I am still excited, I want to be one of the 1 in 5 of course!! He took my photos to send to my insurance, and said now we wait. He said if they turn me down initially, that they can have my doctors send letters to show the need. he said also, if I could talk to them on the phone it could help out too, as they would be talking directly to the person who needed it.

I am praying and crossing my fingers, toes and eyes! I want this so bad!
Y'all cross everything for me too!

I am so happy! I had my annual follow-up appointment on the 29th of April with my RYN surgeon, and he was pleased with me. I had removed 30 more lbs, for a total of 242 gone. YAY Me!

He also had some other things for me in store! He had his resident/intern/whatever they call them, come in first, and check my loose skin. He measured it and looked at the main problem areas (belly, thighs). I have been getting rashes and infections in that area, and the only thing I have found that worked was Nystop powder.

Anyway, he measured, and smiled real big and said I think it's time we sent you to our surgeon to get that skin removed. I have read that it's not just problems like infections that count, but also how far the skin hangs down, so I'm glad they had thought it was a good idea too ....because it has been driving me totally nuts, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how much it's been bugging me for months now. LOL I understand how many people aren't able to afford it, or have to work month after month to get their insurance to consider it medical necessity, and I really hate that. I think it should be part of the surgery process and paid for along with the original surgery! That would make so much sense! But it's not something that will happen any time soon.

So, I am really happy, and I am looking forward to meeting my surgeon for my consultation later this month. I don't want to get my hopes up too high, because I don't know how long this process will take and I don't want to get too excited for nothing, if it eventually doesn't go through. So I'm praying and crossing my fingers and toes and asking friends and family to pray for me too! lol

I have a new "special goal" I am hoping to get to. I now weigh 211.4 lbs, and I'm hoping to get down to under 200 lbs. I am not putting a time limit on it, as my weight loss currently is back and forth (my own fault), but I know I will get there. Hopefully before or by my birthday on May 16th. It sounds like a long time to "hope" to lose 12 lbs by May. That's months away.

I need to get back on track. I know I am eating too much to lose the weight like I want, but I am having a hard time stopping. I mostly have problems with eating at night. I need to really work on that. I have heard suggestions from my WW group and such, but I just can't buckle down and do it. I need to rearrange my eating schedule entirely, so that I am not so peckish at night. I need to ask on the boards here too. Maybe they will have some ideas.

I had a great Christmas. Got several new clothes, as I have lost more weight. That is how I reward myself when I reach a mini goal...I buy clothes, or something that makes me feel pretty. That sounds so silly, but it really works for me. Certainly better than buying a cake, right?

My mom is having problems maintaining her goal weight. She eats at night too, but she also snacks on a lot of candy. I don't know how she doesn't gain more! I guess it is because she is so active. I am not at my goal yet, and I snack at night too, but lately I have not been eating very much of that sort of food. I know I'm moving slowly, but I am still losing weight. (I also know if I tried harder I would probably lose more-but I've been pretty lazy.)

No matter what though, I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!!! I've lost 232.6 lbs so far, and I would like to lose at least 300. AND I CAN DO IT!!! I may be slow, but I WILL get there!

YAY!!! I've finally reached that special goal in Weight Watchers! I've lost a total of 100.2 lbs since I joined in 2011. For a total of 225.2 lost since October of 2009. WOOHOO!!

I was so excited yesterday. The leader gave me a certificate to show my success, and the group gave me a beautiful card with some cash in it! Everyone had signed it. I have no idea how they hid that from me! I am usually up in everything in there.

I used some of the gift to get some new clothes that fit me better than what I have. I went to "GW Fashions" (Goodwill-lol) and was able to find 3 pairs of pants, two skirts, and a shirt to match one of the skirts perfectly.

My new small goal is to reach a good size where I will be able to fit into more of the clothes they have. I had to lose out on a few things I really liked because I was too big for them.

I also started my new college last week. I go on the weekends, but it's still full-time. I am enjoying it, and I think it will be a great experience for me. Hopefully I will find a job with it locally. Crossing my fingers!

As I continue on my journey, I will work on my mental health some more. I still have mindless eating moments, and I have some kind of mental hunger where I will try a taste of everything and never be satisfied. I know that something I need to examine, so I will be working on that.

All in all, I am really happy where I am. I have lost half my body weight since my surgery, and I am SO happy. I have gone off insulin, I have cut my diabetes and high BP medications in half, I have an A1C of 5.7, and cholesterol of 149.

I CAN DO IT!!!

I'm almost to another really big goal for myself. I am .6 lbs away from having removed 100 lbs since I joined WW in June of 2011. I've gained a little this week, and it seems like I do that every time I'm getting close to a goal. I will have to be careful of what I eat and get in some exercise before Weigh-in day! I think I can do it.

I've found I don't eat quite as much at night now that I am under less stress. And that is a really great thing. I was eating nighttime snacks like crazy, and it was causing me problems. I'm trying not to each so much chocolate, that is one of my downfalls. I can't eat a lot at once, but I still try! My eyes are still bigger than my belly, even after all this time.

I also still see myself as a very large person, and I have a hard time thinking of myself in a smaller body. I get a pinch every time I buy new clothes in sizes I wore in high school, and that's cool, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in very well---if It had, I wouldn't get those little shocks every time I bought clothes in smaller sizes. lol

I'm getting the tips of my hair and a streak in my bands dyed blue this Saturday! I am so excited. I have missed  having blue hair SO much since I dyed it back 4 years ago. But I've seen people in professional jobs having streaks of wild colors in their hair at work, so I guess it is somewhat acceptable. I'm still in school though, so I won't have to worry about it much right now. Can't wait!

And as usual I will close with....I CAN DO IT!

YAY! I've finally gotten to my one of my goals of getting to under 225 lbs. It's taken me a really long time to get to that, and I am proud of myself for making it there.

I am also seeing non-scale goals more often now. For example, this past weekend was my two family reunions. I had some pictures taken of myself with a few close cousins and after looking at one of those pictures, I discovered that I, in fact, did NOT look totally huge in the pictures. But after comparing, I looked about the same size as one of our smaller cousins! I was practically in shock. I just sat there, looking at that picture. That made me feel SO good!  I'm still a little "high" from it.

Even though I am 3 years out, I still don't see myself as a smaller person. I am working on that, and seeing that picture helped some. Lately I have been wishing I could have some plastics done. I need to start documenting infections and chafing under my belly flap with my doctor, so I might be able to get that done as a medical necessity. And I have plenty of infections, and chafing that makes it feel like I've been cut in those places it's so raw. I have tried a few things, but so far none have really done much for me. I really need to talk to my doc about it. She's real good about listening.

Well, I guess that's all for this go-round. I'm having a good summer, and I hope it will continue.

I CAN DO IT!!

PS-I almost forgot....I AM OFF INSULIN!!! I still take oral medications for my diabetes, but I am off the needles! YAY!