pattyg

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Does anybody really care???

Just checking....

Well,  not quite yet, but at least I am heading the right direction.

Decided that if I am going to get my life back, that it is up to ME to do so. I hired a personal trainer and am working out with him 2 days a week right now. I try hard to hit the gym everyday, and so far it is going well. I am also trying to stay off the scale, so I do not get depressed.

My trainer will keep track of where I am going and if I am at least moving in the right direction.

As far as my sanity - getting back on track with that as well. It has not been easy, and everyday is still a struggle, but I know with time this too shall pass. I just have to try to stay stong and trust my faith that everything has happened for a reason. It might be years down the road before I found out what that reason is, but I have to keep on believing that God will lead me through as he always has.

wow. It has been over a year since I have posted. And I swore to myself I would NOT be like that - disappear and not keep everyone updated as to what is happening in my life.

I would like to say that my absence is because I have been out living life, but that would be a lie. Shortly after my last post (and the gatlinburg trip) My life fell apart. Lost my job and with it went my sanity. I fought long and hard to get life back together.

But - as barry said "I made it through the rain" Actually, it is still sprinkling, but at least I have my umbrella and my head is up. I will really have to update this thing with pictures.

I have gained a bit of weight back, but I am still in the normal catagory and am just fine with where I am at with it.

I owe so much to my friends and family for helping me get through this rough time. I just have to keep remembering that no matter how bad things get - you can always go home again.

Take care.

yep - 7 1/2 months and 130 pounds later and I have hit my Doctors goal weight for me (159). That puts me in the *normal* category!

I still have about 10 to go in order to get to MY goal weight - but I am happy. Firmly in a size 10 pant/medium shirt - although I still like to wear them big!! haha

Also got to go in for a CT scan last week. I am having some eating issues that I hope will resolve soon, but they are more than likely due to stress anyway!

Hopefully my nice long getaway in the smokies will cure that!!

Two days and COUNTING...

It is my monthly weighing day. I try to stay away from the scales - except for the first of each month. (sometimes it is hard).

So I get on today and have lost exactly 1.5 pounds last month! WHAT!!!

I am SOOO used to losing 10-15 pounds, that at first It hit me hard. But - looking back at where I have come, I am ok with it. I am within 12 pounds of goal. I am 7 months out and this is my first true stall. 

it is hard, but I am not going to let it get to me. Although I still do not feel "hunger", it is getting harder and harder to follow the rules. And I HAVE tried to push them - so before I start sliding down that slippery slope, I am going to get back on track. 

I can honeslty say that even if I stop here - I am happy. I feel better than I have in YEARS. I have much more confidence in myself, I have tons more energy and my blood work and health is perfect at this point.

No -this surgery did not solve ALL my problems, but I can say that it has given me the strength, courage and confidance to stare them in the face and solve them myself.

I thought I would do a quick update because the agency I work for is about to gear up for 5 straight weekends of Bowl for Kids Sake. It is our LARGEST fundraiser of the year - but OH so much work!

With that and delivering massive amounts of Girl scout cookies my weekends are pretty much booked through march. Then of course it is off to the SMOKIES! YEA!!!!!!

Still trudging along. Had some major drama at work (both jobs actually - haha) this last week, so things have been topsy turvy. But I think we are back on track. I gotta go shopping again soon. Down another size and clothes I got for Christmas are literly hanging on me. Good thing I guess, but I sure have spent a fortune on clothes lately!

I can not WAIT to see all my OH Singles peeps in the smokies. Just a month away now. This year I will have the energy to keep up with em all and dance the night away.

So I had my 6th month post op check with the doc on Friday. Actually mentioned the "P" word. (plastics). I am within 20 pounds of goal (WOW). Labs look great. No issues. I can not believe how far I have come in 6 months. 

SO we are just going to start documenting all my skin issues and hopefully he will refer me to a plastic surgeon when I see him next time (at my one year check). Hopefully my insurance will still rock and I will be able to get onto the next phase of my journey.

ON a more personal note - I spent the weekend with Debi and had a BLAST (as usual). I just could not wait until March to get together with her, so I took a weekend and hung out. Thanks for an AWESOME time girl - and see ya soon..

OK. I feel the fog is finally lifting. Getting back on track and coming out of my "funk".  Things are going well lately. I am on my "loss" week. My weight loss has ALWAYS gone in waves. Nothing for a couple weeks, then BAMM it goes. I have lost 8 pounds over the last couple days and the scale is still moving daily. I am in the 160'S!!!! OMG!!!

I also have my first date in like EVER! It was a customer that came into the resturant where I work. We got to talking. he had his two little girls with him. Single dad. Lives about an hour away - but it just SO happens that I am going to be going on a girls getaway weekend about 10 minutes from him next weekend.

So  he offered to show me around the town and take me to some resturant that is supposed to be killer! (so I WON'T be able to eat much - that is ok!) Guess My "girls getaway" weekend is turning into something much more. I am sure the girls will understand!!!

So - still trudging along. Have my 6 month post op visit on Friday. It will be interesting to see what the Doc says!!

So the ho hum of the holidays is over and we are onto a new year. 

Did I make any resolutions - NO, because I never seem to keep them. I just resolved to be a better person and be happy with what life throws my way! So far, so good anyway. HAHA.

Weight loss is still moving along. Lost 10 pounds in December - not sure I could EVER say that before. Finally match what my drivers licence says! Of course my entire family is worried I am losing TOO much and keeps asking me how I will know when to stop. Funny thing is - I still have about 30 to go for my doctors goal, so I am FAR from being underweight or anything.

I really can not believe I am 5 months out. Time just seems to be flying along! I will have to post my 5 month pictures soon. It is amazing to see the changes in such a short amount of time.

did you ever see the movie "beautiful". It is about a Miss USA contestant who has a baby and gives it away because she thinks it will ruin her dream?  Anyway - at the end of the movie the little girl says "I just want to know where I belong?"

That is exactly how I have been feeling lately and I am not sure why. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. My entire Family routine involves around eating, so this holiday was spent looking over the spread trying to make good choices. Then listening to all the comments about what I am NOT eating and don't I LIKE it and I am getting TO skinny and WHY can't you have that?

I love my family, do not get me wrong, I just feel like I was on the sidelines - not really fitting in anywhere. Like I had WLS to fulfil a dream, but lately I have been feeling that I had to give up to much and questioning if it was worth it. 

I also do not feel like I fit in on the boards anymore. I did my research on this - I KNEW I would have hair loss, I KNEW I would have skin issues and I told myself that it would be worth it. But now that those things are happening I feel I can not complain about it becuase I told myself I would not. It is almost like I am living a WLS lie. 

I fought for SO long to have the surgery and I am TRULEY blessed that it finally happened and I have been LOVING life, but I think I have the holiday blues. Mourning the loss of what the holidays used to be for me (EATING) and depressed because something "magical" did not happen for me. Although I am not sure what I thought was going to happen???

Oh well. Just wanted to get those thoughts out, even though I am sure they do not make a bit of sence to anyone! 

Maybe the new year will bring me out of this slump!