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2005
Date: 11/13/2005
Vital Stats Pre-op
Age 56
Weight 291
Height 5’2”
BMI 53.2
Surgery date March 6, 2006
Weight as of 7/26/2006=268
-23
7/25/06, 3rd fill, total ccs in=3.7
November 14, 2005
This is a rough draft of a letter I plan to submit to my insurance co.
June 2005
I have lost all faith in diets. I no longer believe that a diet of any type will work for me. When left to my own devices I will always choose to eat what I want, when I want, and how much I want. No matter how good my intentions are the least little disruption in my life will turn me to the comfort of food.
I have become convinced after many attempts to loose weight, that restrictive surgery is my only hope to improve my prognosis for a long and healthy life. I am a food addict. I need to be put into a situation where I cannot eat whatever I want. As long as I have a choice, I will overeat. Restrictive bariatric surgery will be a powerful tool to take my mind off food and put me in a place where I can concentrate on other aspects of my life without the crutch of overeating.
I was a normal active teenager until I got married in my late teens and settled down to a life of boring domesticity. I started gaining weight as soon as I said I do. I put on weight with each pregnancy. I have three gorgeous children, all grown and on their own.
My first supervised diet was back in the early 70’s with the infamous Dr. Lynn of the protein sparing fast. This was even before he started the liquid protein craze. I was on a very low fat, low calorie diet and received daily shots of HGC. I lost 20 lbs in one month. I continued loosing and gaining for the next several years and gained even more weight after my third and final pregnancy. In the early 80’s I lost 50 lbs by going to a weight loss clinic where I weighed in every day, followed a very low calorie diet, and got a vitamin B shot. This brought me down to 140 lbs. I felt deprived and craved coconut cream pie and similar treats. Of course I gave in to those cravings and gained all of the 50 lbs back and 50 more over the course of several years.
I was busy raising children and getting fat for quite a few years when Phen fen came along in the mid 90’s I went to Dr. Gabe Mirkin and followed a very low fat (under 10%) diet. I started taking Redux when it became available. I lost 50 lbs, got down to about 190 when the drugs where taken off the market. As a result of taking those diet drugs, I have been diagnosed with mild mitral valve prolapse.
On my own, I have tried Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers, Dr. Atkins, etc. I managed to gain 100 lbs over the 190 I weighed about 10 years ago. In the meantime I got a lot older, went through menopause, and have been feeling pretty lousy physically and emotionally mostly due to being overweight.
I have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis, hypertension, and I am on medication for depression. My body always aches and going up or down stairs is difficult for me. I am constantly tired because of the exertion of being so fat. I don’t exercise because it is painful.
I recently was diagnosed with hyperplasia of the uterus that is a direct result of being fat. I had to have a D&C and must be monitored by my Gynecologist to make sure it does not redevelop.
I have been going to my Primary Care Physician in hopes of losing some weight to ease some of my symptoms and bring my blood pressure down. It has been very difficult for me to keep the focus on my health because of demands from my full time stressful job and caring for my elderly mother who has Dementia. I lost 5 lbs the first month, and then I cut the tip of my ring finger of my right hand off. I had difficulty preparing meals and relied on fast food to feed my family and myself. My husband is not much help with meals, but he will go pick up carryout.
Then Katrina came along. I have been worried about whether or not I will be deployed to New Orleans. This has made it difficult for me to make the right food choices. If I do have to go to New Orleans, I will have very little choice in what I will have to eat. And even if I do, I cannot trust myself to make the right choices, especially under the pressure of being in a disaster area. I wish that I didn’t have this obsession with food. I really believe that the Lap Band Surgery is the answer to getting my appetite under control.
My father and two brothers have died of heart problems. One brother was on the operating table having open-heart surgery. He was only 55 and very overweight. My mother, who has been overweight most of her adult life, has had several strokes that led to dementia at the age of 80. All of my brothers, my father and my mother had or have diabetes. With this family history, it is only a matter of time before the full brunt of my morbid obesity comes bearing down on me. I fear I may not live through it when it does.
Our modern way of life, with our sedentary jobs, fast food, and mechanized everything is not conducive to health and weight maintenance. Therefore we are force to resort to artificial means to do what nature would do under natural circumstances. We no longer have to forage for food, chop wood, or tend a garden to eat. McDonalds is right around the corner. Don’t even have to get out of the car.
I am already 56 years old, I want to start now to loose weight and get healthy. I believe I have a chance if I act now and get this surgery. In September I gained even more weight. My birthday was on the 19th and I had to celebrate at least 5 times with different groups of family and friends. My hopes of getting back on track and possibly get back into the loosing mode were dashed in October. I now weigh 5 lbs. more than I did back in June when I started my supervised diet.
It’s the end of October 2005. Went to my PCP today and she started me on Metformin xr to help control my appetite. Nausea usually does discourage one from eating. However, since I can choose not to take the Metformin if the side effects get to bad, I probably will stop.
All of the medications that I take as a result of my obesity have negative side effects. I look forward to the day when I no longer have to take these medications. If something is not done to bring my weight down, I will probably be taking even more medications for various other maladies. I deal with the pain of arthritis rather than taking anything because of all of the negative press about nsaids. Just recently I developed a pain in both sides of my waist. I am sure it is from the strain of hoisting myself up from a lying position. A position I find myself in a lot because of my lack of energy and body aches due to my excess weight.
I have been trying to exercise more often. I did some swimming in September when I was on vacation. I have been trying to walk more often. Some of the women at work have started walking on their lunch break. I join them when my schedule allows, which isn’t often enough. I walk at home with my husband when I am not too busy taking care of my elderly mother. Most of the time I am too tired to look forward to walking even though I know I will feel much better if I do. Exercise for a fat person if difficult.
The metformin or something made me very dizzy after being on it for 2 days. The room was spinning when I would get up from lying down. Cut the dose back to ½ the next day. Room was still spinning last night. Will stop the medication to see if it was a coincidence or the metformin that made me dizzy. Trying desperately to control my eating. The nausea I was feeling from the metformin made me want to eat carbs. In my world food heals everything.
Seems that the dizziness is being caused by a re-occurrence of labrynthitis, an infection in the middle ear that causes the room to appear to spin when lying down or getting up from a lying position. What next?
I went for a sleep study last night. Yes, I do have serious Sleep Apnea according to the Sleep Tech. The thought of getting relief by sleeping with that tube up my nose and tied to a machine is not very comforting to me. Loosing weight seems like to only logical cure for sleep apnea. One way or another I’m not going to get a good night’s sleep. I hate to even put nose drops in my nose, let alone a fat rubber tube up each nostril all night long. The mask is totally out of the question, I felt like I was smothering with it on and had to switch to the tubes. This will not improve my conjugal relationship with my husband now will it? Morbidly obese and hooked to a breathing machine does not a pretty sight make.
I am scheduled for an upper GI and an abdominal ultrasound this coming Friday. Those came back fairly normal. Lucky for me, I have always had the proverbial cast iron stomach.
All I can say, is that my ins. better approve me. Years ago, when I worked on a medical ward at a hospital, 90% of the people there either drank alcohol, smoked or both. I don’t do any of those things. Any medical problems I have are directly related to my weight. The only surgical procedure besides C-sections that I have had was for uterine hyperplasia, which is a direct result of being FAT. If insurance companies can pay for complications and treatments for smoking and alcoholism, they certainly should be paying for my Lap band obesity treatment! Most of my co-morbidities are fairly recent developments. I have been paying ins. premiums for years for myself and my family, believe me, they have been coming out on the winning end so far. I want my good health back. I don’t want to be on a dozen medications for the rest of my life.
Update 11/15/05
Just found out today that my ins. will not cover the surgeon I have selected. Was thinking about switching ins., but after a conversation with a different Drs. Office, I decided to keep my current insurance and switch Drs. I have already put up some out of pocket money. I'll chalk that up to lessons learned. I can't see the new Dr. until Jan., so I probably won't be having surgery in Jan. The good news is that I have completed most of the pre-op testing and most of the 6 mo. diet attempt that my ins. requires. The bad news is, the new surgeon requires 2weeks of pre-op liquids.
This is typical me, I get so excited and in such a hurry that I overlook a major stumbling block. Don't know yet, but I think I will even like the new Doc better.
I am fairly sure the Dr. I was seeing was sure that my ins. was not going to cover him. They have experts in their offices that work on nothing but ins. I suppose they are looking to get some moola from you before you come to your senses.
There is a reason this all happened. God looks out for me.
Nov. 30,
Thanksgiving is over and so is hurricane season. I wish I could just fast forward through Christrmas and New Years and get my surgery over with. The only pre op test I have left is the psych evaluation. Then I just have to sit tight and wait for my appointment with the Surgeon. I have one more appt. with my pcp before the 6mos. is up. Then I will concentrate on getting all of my papers in order to submit to my ins. I am feeling a little more secure about ins. approval. My ins, Md IPA is now part of united health care. According to most posts on the board, this is a good thing. I have been failrly successful controling my food intake and even lost 1/2 lb after Thanksgiving. I have lost a total of 6 lbs in the past 3 weeks. I want to be as healthy as possible before surgery. I feel better lately and have not been as tired as usual.
Dec 5, 2005
Psych evlauation today. He checked all of the right boxes for approval. One more pre-requisite out of the way. Will see my PCP in 2 weeks. This will be my final appt. in my 6mo diet attempt. Please, please, please no more surprises, just want smooth sailing through approval and on to my surgery date whenever that is...
Up-date: Dec 10, 2005
I feel so left out when I read all of the post op SV's that I decided to post my little SV.
I am nearing the end of a 6mo weight loss attempt required by my ins to get the band. The first mo. I lost 5 lbs. Then it was, "wait a minute I'm getting ready to give up the love of my life forever". "Let me enjoy overeating while I can." So I gained every month after that until this past month. I went from 291 to 282.5 in one month. I have been keeping track on fit day, following low carb, portion control, and keeping a particular watch on fats. I love cream, butter, cheese. It's the cat in me.
I feel better and have more energy. I don't think it's the weigh loss, but the healthier food choices, especially cutting way back on refined carbs.
I know I can not do this forever, because without the band sooner or latter the scale will stop moving. Then I will say to myself " what the hell", pass me the baked potato and sour cream!
It will be hard this month with all of the obligatory holiday eating, but I've been there done that so many times that the contiued weight loss with be a bigger thrill for me than the 3 or 4 lbs of cream cheese consumed between now and New Years.
On Christmas day this year and thereafter, I will eat the most scrumptous food on earth. Then I reign it back in.
I've come to believe that the pre-op weight loss is a bonus and will only help in my ultimate goal of being the best looking 56 year old on the block!
Update: December 19, 2005
Today I had my final appt. with my pcp for my 6mo. supervised diet required by my ins. And I am officially down 10 lbs from my highest known weight. I actually lost about 3.5 lbs since June, my first appt. So there, I did loose some weight! I went down and up and down again during the 6 mos. I have decided that losing pre-op weight is only to my advantage. I had a period there during the 6mos. where I freaked out and started to eat like every meal would be my last. I guess I had to get that out of my system. Now my focus is on losing about 10lbs. more before surgery. I see the surgeon on Jan. 13. I am hoping to have the surgery as soon as possible after that. All of my major pre-op tests are complete. The blood work and xrays will be scheduled after I get my surgery date.
In the meantime, I guess I'll just kick back and enjoy the holidays with my friends and family and hope I can fight back the lbs. I am expecting my first Grandbaby any day now. What a wonderful Christmas present to me. All of the joy and none of the work or pain. Next year that Grandbaby is going to have one glamourous Grammy.
Love and Best Holiday wishes to all,
Phyllis
2006
Update: January 4, 2006
Man, am I glad that the holiday's are over. Today I am back on healthy food and recording it in fit day. I enjoyed seeing my kids over the holiday, it was probalbly one of the best Christmases ever. Plus on Dec. 27 my new grandson was born. He weighed 7lbs 7ozs., how tiny and adorable.
Getting closer to my appt. with the surgeon. My pcp submitted a package to my ins., but they need further info. Things seem to be falling into place. When I get my date, I am sure that I will be a nervous wreck. I don't look forward to surgery, but I do want to slimmer healthier body. Over the holiday's it was proven to me once again how easy it is to fall back into bad eating. There was so much food and chaos around. I guess on certain occasions one must fall off the wagon a little. I always struggle with getting back on. But once I have that band, I will make the best of it. I see from reading posts that it takes a major commitment to make it work. I think I am finally at age 56 ready to make that commitment. I will not let myself suffer physically by doing the wrong things with food. I have a lot of work to do to slow my eating down and making the right choices 85% of the time. I hope I can tolorate being banded, I'm not up for a lot of problems.
Update, Jan. 13,2006
Today I saw my surgeon and his Fellow At George Washington Hospital in DC for the first time. I was very impressed and feel like I will be in capable and skilled hands for my surgery. I hope I remembered to ask all of the right questions because I have a monsterous cold and am not thinking too clearly. I didn't get a date yet because I don't have final approval from my ins. I am confident that that will come once they get all of the paperwork they need. The only testing that I have left is the blood work. I am shooting for early Feb.
I told another friend today on the way to the Dr. office. She was supportive but wary, which is what I expected. My husband still cringes at the thought of me having surgery and says he would rather have me fat than risk death. He always thinks the worst is going to happen in any situation, and 99.999 percent of the time he is wrong. Lets hope the odds continue to be in my favor.
I will continue to stay on top of the person who does the surgery schedule for my Dr. and I am ready at the drop of a hat. I do need to do a two week optifast diet, anyone familiar with that?
Jan. 15, 2006
I am sitting here with a belly full of Pizza and other junk wondering what is so intoxicating about food. If I didn't overeat would I drink, would I drug, would I be a sex addict? Am I just an addictive personality? What is it about food, why can't I get satisfaction from some healthy persuit? Why can't I enjoy eating steamed shrimp, broccoli and a few strawberries? I am so sick of using food to feel good. It has made me fat and unattractive. I have a hard time doing normal routine things without getting exhaulsted. I hate exercising. My health is suffering, yet I am constantly obsessed with food. It's gross and really stupid. I worry that I will constantly be puking because I continue to stuff myself even after I am banded. I hate puking. Will I sabotage myself by eating around the band? Is there any hope for me. Can I do it??? (*&&$^%&*(uck!!!! I feel so stupid to be so hung up on food. I am looking down on myself for being a fat lazy Fu_k. Tomorrow I will wake up and start all over again. Maybe I will even take a walk in the cold winter air. Why not, it wont kill me.
January 24, 2005
I was approved today. Incredibly happy and relieved. I called my insurance to check. I was approved on Jan. 19. I immediatly called the surgeons office to let them know. The secretary called my ins to verify. She called back with the date of March. 6. I was a little disappointed that it couldn't be sooner. I'll have to deal with it. I am not doing a very good job with watching what I eat. I want to get back on track but food has got a powerful hold one me. I will be doing a two week optifast diet. I expect I will lose some weight then. I keep blowing it everyday even with the best of intentions. I really will be counting all of my lap band buddies on this board to carry me through. I know that the band is a tool and one that hopefully make the difference that I need to finally get back in shape and live a healthy active life. Long live the band...
Jan 27, 2006
I just had to put this on my profile so I can see if this prediction comes true. It is such a coinsedence that I start my optifast right about the time this horiscope says I should start dieting for achieve weight loss taking me back to high school weights. Ya Hoo if this will only come true...
My post:
I was just reviewing my January Horoscope on astrologyzone.com. This what it says for Virgo. My Surgery date is on March 6. I am to start my pre-op optifast 2 weeks prior. It's pretty right on and I hope it comes true......
"Did you make a New Year's resolution to lose weight? This same new moon on January 29 will be the time to begin. Saturn's somewhat cranky angle to that moon will actually allow you to morph your body into something smaller, as odd as that might sound!
The way to do this is to start to exercise more rigorously at month's end, but not to starve yourself. Let your body get used to the new level of activity first. If you start to cut down too fast, you will only lower your metabolism and defeat your purpose. Wait until after the full moon has passed in February to begin cutting back on calories. That full moon will fall on February 12, so wait until February 16 - you need four days beyond the full moon to make a success of your fitness and weight loss program. You'll love wearing the size clothing you haven't worn since high school - you can do it!"
We shall see....
Phyllis
Feb. 4, 2006
I am finally recovering from a string of illnesses that started on New Years day. A virus, a cold and then a backacke. Now my DH is sick and I am nursing him. I want to make sure he gets well because he pushes himself and goes to work even when sick.
My mother who has dementia was kicked out of Mommy day care because of increasing incontinence. I am scrambeling to find a new place for her. I am her only caregiver and it is just overwhelming for me. There is one right near my job that will accept her, only it will cost a lot more money. Issues with my mom depress me and make me feel guilty because I can only do so much.
My cat was in a fight a couple of weeks ago and developed and absess. Big Vet bills and TLC for him. He seems fully recovered today. The little Stupid.
Good news is my surgery date is getting closer. Bad news is I can't seem to stay focused on healthy eating right now. I will try again today. Two more weeks till I start the Optifast and one month till surgery. I am dreaming about food, never ever do that....
Feb 10, 2006
Last night I finally fessed up about my plans for WLS to 3 of my best girlfiends. We were having a birthday dinner for two of them and we were all together so I figured it was a good time to talk. I had already confided in one of my friends and she is very supportive.
The friend I didn't want to tell most is one that I have known for almost 40 years. She is a very negative thinker and I knew it would just horrify her, and it did. I told her that I can't do it by myself and that I had thoroughly researched the process. I told her it was the safest WLS and was totally reversable. She is a RN with a very suspicious view of the medical community. I said that my co-morbities were only going to get worse if I didn't do anything about it now. She has always been slender and her additctions are alcohol and crappy boyfriends. I let her know that I didn't want to hear a bunch of negative comments and that I wanted her support because I believe that getting a lap band will be the gateway to a healther life for me.
Another girlfriend was totally supportive and said whatever makes me happy will make her happy and that nothing bad was going to happen to me because she wasn't going to "let" it. She's a little KooKoo but that's why I love her so.
My other girlfriend thinks it's a little scary, and I agree. The last thing she said to me as we were leaving was that it "makes her sad that we might not enjoy our wonderful dinners that we have always had throught the years." I have always been the gourmet cook and number one food person in our group. I said "ya but look at where it has gotten me." I understand her fear. I am going to miss that total abandon when it comes to food too.
I will still enjoy cooking and entertaining my family and friends. It is too deeply engrained to ever let that go. However, I realize that I will have to be more aware of what and how much I am eating. I truly like top quality nutritious food. Hopefully the band will help me enough to let go of the stuff I souldn't be eating anyway.
These issues of weight and friends and family are so complex. All I know for sure is that I want to succeed and I want the folks I love to be with me and adjust to the new mini me.
It's hard to let go,
Feb. 22, 06
started my two week Pre-op Optifast diet on Monday. It consists of protien bars and shakes at 160 cal. a piece with 8gms of protien each. I have never been able to do a shake diet before. Those ended up being extra calories.
There is an Optifast Broth, but the dietition said it didn't taste all that great so I didn't buy it. She said I could use my own broth and if I really got sick of the Optifast, I could substitute some steamed fish and veggies for the broth.
I didn't even get through the first day with out having steamed fish and spinach for dinner, which I ate in a cup of broth. The second day I was doing lunch and dinner with steamed shrimp, veggies and broth. Now I am blatently not even trying to stop myself. I had tuna, field greens, sliced orange with balsamic vinegar for lunch. Not bad.
However, I am not adding any fat or extras and I am keeping it withing the calorie range of 1280 a day that the nurse gave me for this 2 weeks. Each steamed meal is about 160 cal. I make up the rest of the calories with the shakes and bars.
I do not want to encourage anyone not to follow their Dr's orders. I feel like I am eating much healther than with all Optifast. I know I am getting more protien.
Has anyone been able to stay with just the Optifast? They have sugar in them, which only makes me hungrier, 19 grams. I find myself reaching for food to put in my mouth and then I have to slap my own hand.
Thank goodness it is only two weeks and I know I am going to lose some weight, but I would much rather eat a low fat, low carb, high protien pre-op diet with real food.
At least my surgery has been moved up 2.5 hrs earlier on the 6th. The less time I have to obsess while I am lying on a stretcher waiting to be cut on, the better.
February 27, 2006
One more milestone done and out of the way. I am that much closer to becoming a loser. In one week, I will be recovering and starting my new life as a slimmer heathier me.
I am pretty much at peace with my decison. I have told all of my three children and my best girlfriends. My husband is still very negative, but everyone else I care about is supportive. My husband is supportive in his way, but he always thinks the worst will happen in any given situation. I know this, so his negative comments don't bother me so much. I just have to tell him to shut up, but I do that a lot anyway and he never does.
My biggest fear is, will I know when I have eaten enough, or will I continue till I have some yucky reaction? I know when I am hungry, I know when I am stuffed, but will I reconize satifaction? It will be a whole new world for me and it is so hard to imagine now. I wonder if those small portions will frustrate me and make me unhappy.
My biggest wish is that I will look and feel great, that my children and my husband will be proud of me. I want to have energy to do the things in life that my fat has prevented me from doing. The list is very long and I will not bore anyone with that. Just today I couldn't fit into a booth at a restaurant.
I started this pursuit in June 2005. I was thinking I could have the surgery in July, but my ins and my Dr. had me wait it out. I have gleaned a lot of learning in that time and interacted with some wonderful folks on this board. You guys really are the best. So smart and caring and full of fun. I have gotten more from you all than any other part of this WLS journey.
MARCH 1, 2006
IN LIKE A FAT LION OUT LIKE A SKINNY LAMB
March 5, 2006
Well gang, this is it, tomorrow after a few snips I move on over to the losing side. It seems like I have been waiting forever, but I have made good use of the time by communicating with my lap band family on this board and learning as much as I can on how to be a successful banster.
I think my husband is actually getting a little excited about me getting thinner. This morning he was still in bed and I went in to see if he wanted coffee. He said "I was just lying here thinking about what it is going to be like when you get thinner". I said "oh yea, what were you thinking?" His answer was "you don't want to know". Well he only has two kinds of thoughts, work and sex. I do all the rest of his thinking for him.
I am ready. I have my house stocked up like a bomb shelter. All I need to do is throw a few things in a bag to take to the hospital and get all cleaned up. Surgery is a 9:45AM.
I hope and pray that my experience will be a good one in all aspects of this new endeavor. Please send me all of your possitve thoughts and prayers. I will appreciate them and promise to do you all proud.
You all are wonderful and the next time you hear from me I will be a loser. I AM EXCITED!!!!!
March 9, 2006
Well at least now I can sit up at my computer and write a proper post. My stomach was so swollen that sitting up straight with this beaten, swollen, bolling ball of a stomach I had was quite uncomfortable. They pumped me full of fluids in the hosp. Even had to stay a few hrs. extra so that they could give me more. I had trouble peeing and they wanted to make sure i could do it before I left. I felt like a little kid going pee pee on the pottie to get my reward of going home.
I had an alergic reaction to an antibiotic they gave me pre-op. Thank God I was still awake. I got a creepy crawly tingley itching all over my upper body. My face flushed red. Once they stopped it, I was ok.
Surgery took a little longer because of scar tissue from previous c sections.
I am on the mend and don't have much pain except for the ((((((GAS))))))). I just knew I would be a gassy one. The nurses in the hospital remarked "You are stong girl" I never had any trouble getting in and out of bed or walking, even doped up on loads of morphine.
Glad to be home, please tell me this gas will go away!!!!!
March 30, 2006
Everybody happy dance!
I am down 25 big ones…..from my highest weight of 291. 14 pre-op and 11 post-op. Today it is 266. I really wish I had known about this surgery years ago. I did little research on WLS because I was not going to have anything cut up and rearranged. I can’t even remember how I found out about Lapband, but I am glad I did.
I will probably be a slow loser because I carry my weight in my hips and thighs. Pear shaped women lose slower because they have less visceral fat, which is easier to lose. But anyway, my waistline is coming back and my DH noticed that this AM. Clothes are loose and I am wearing things from the deepest darkest recesses of the closet that I forgot I had. Believe me, I won’t have to buy very many clothes until I lose quite a bit of weight. But I want to anyway.
I saw my surgeon on Tuesday and he gave the diet as tolerated go ahead. I am learning about slime and golf ball and all of those other fun things. I really need to concentrate on little bites, and slowing down. These old habits will die a very long slow and torturous death with me.
Life is good and the future is even better through my rose colored glasses. Except for some lingering gas recovery has been good. Out Out Damn GAS!!!
To Life,
Phyllis
291/277/266/241/125
Biggest me/surgery me/today me/soon to be me/ who am I kidding me
April 3, 2006
Call it hope, faith, or confidence. Whatever it is, I got the power! I discovered it while musing about what I should eat next. Wait a minute, I don’t have to eat everything I think of all of the time. If I pace myself, I am going to lose weight and get healthy. I will get back an older, slightly worn version of the bod that God blessed me with.
For once I have a newly found feeling of power over my food addiction. The band is just a tool, but it is a bit of magic that will enable me to enjoy eating without stuffing. I know that I will have to take control of the band and give it all the care and attention that it needs to work for me. I understand that there is a possibility that I could let my food addiction take control and neglect doing what I should do to make my band do it’s job. The only thing the band can do, and it is a big thing, is get portions under control, but I must do my part.
I like good healthy food and I know what to do with it. Sometimes this works against me because everything just tastes so incredibly good. But I must take this talent and create the foods that are going to restore me to good health at a normal weight. This is going to be my new creative pursuit.
This intangible feeling is a blessing. one that I hoped for before being banded. Now that I am banded, it is becoming a reality. I can really feel it now. Before it was a wish or a dream.
I want to say that this board is an important part of the equation. Being able to share victories and heartaches is just as important as the band itself. It is like the glue that holds all of the parts together, gives my quest focus and keeps me accountable.
Thanks to all of you and I hope that those who are not banded yet will discover this power somewhere along the way and be truly grateful for it. For those who are banded, I think you know what I am talking about.
Phyllis
Banded 3/6/2006
291/266/241/125
was/am/soon?/just dreaming
May 6, 2006
2mos. post-op
Ok, so here’s the story. I had my first fill last Tuesday. My Dr. put 1.5 cc’s in me. I feel nothing. I am able to eat way too much. Believe me I have been testing.
I am coming off the week from hell. Yesterday was the worst day I have had a work in ages. We are doing a massive inventory of all of our IT equipment and vehicles and it is my responsibility. Yesterday was the deadline.
First thing I ate was a huge banana nut muffin. Then later, a jelly donut. For lunch I had a Rueben and French-fries. Ate it all. What sent me into this eating rampage was this B!tch that was supposed to be helping me. She has an ego problem and she is one of those people who excel at doing nothing. The deadline for her to get information to me was last Friday. I have been politely asking if she had the info that I needed all week. NO! Yesterday morning I blew up, which resulted in a conference with her, our mutual boss and me. He just wanted us to make up and be professional. Men do not want to get in the middle of catfights. She finally handed over the final piece of info that I needed just as I was handing in the finished product to our big boss. This was right before I was ready to leave for the weekend.
This woman has managed to get a good paying job in the Govt. without any skills except being able to duck work. She must spend all of her time applying for other positions. When she gets an interview, I am sure her boss gives her a good reference just so he/she can unload her on some other poor unsuspecting slob. I have always gotten along with everyone until she came to work in our office. She is poison.
The moral of the story is STRESS makes me want to stuff food down to dull my rage.
What a difference a day makes. Today I am looking out over the ocean, listening to the waves crash on the shore while the sun is shining in on me! I need this weekend. The DH and me are here at the beach by us while my mother is being cared for by my niece.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I am coming to the realization that this lap band deal is a process that requires patience and an open mind. I just have to hang until I get proper restriction and I hope that I don’t do any major damage in the meantime.
Later, Phyllis
Banded 3/6/2006
291/268/241/125
was/am/soon?/just dreaming
June 13, 2006
Haven't posted in a while because I have been so busy and a little discouraged. I didin't want to set off a whiney post backlash, so I thought I would wait until I had something positve to post.
I had my second fill this afternoon and I think I am feeling some thing but won't be able to tell until I start on some solid food. Dr. wants me to do 3 days of liquids so I started off the post fill diet with a drive through vanilla milkshake. I was hungry and thirsty and it was convienient. That was about 3 hrs ago and I am not very hungry yet. I sure hope this works. I have been able to maintain a 20 lb weight loss but I don't know how since I have been eating whatever I want.
Looks like I won't be down to a respectable weight for bathing suit season, but what the hell, I'll strut my fat stuff anyway. I will keep everybody posted on my fill.
By the way, does anyone have any theories about why some folks get restriction from the get go and others like me have to get stuck over and over. I have about 2.5 cc's give or take. I asked my Dr. but he didn't seem to have a real answer for me. My Dr. won't give me another fill for 6 weeks so I hope I get some flippin resrtriction. He is very cautious of the esophogus and I guess I have to respect that.
Sorry to bore everybody with a post about restriction, but we can talk about sex if you'd rather
July 18, 2006
I know better than anyone what to eat and what not to eat to lose weight and get healthy. But we all know that knowing what to do and doing it are two different things entirely. This past Sunday I decided to get serious and stop screwing around thinking that just because I have I band, I am not going to lose weight unless I adhear to the rules.
The first thing I did was prep a lot of veggies for salads, stir-frys and side dishes. I put about 10 lbs of various low carb veggies through the food processor and bagged them up so that they will be ready to fix. I have a problem eating healthy is it is too much trouble to prepare when I come home from work tired and hungry. I also have lean protein like shrimp, chicken and fish available fresh or frozen. That way I can whip up something fast and easy with very little clean up.
My plan is a diet somewhere in between Adkins and South Beach with emphasis and low carb veggies, seafood, and healthy fats. Sugar and processed carbs are absolute killers of my diet. I will have ice cream and other treats from time to time, but I need to fight off the urge for these kinds of things on a daily basis. Also I can get into indiscriminate eating if I let myself. This is eating when I am not really hungry but just want to taste something delicious.
I don’t have perfect restriction yet. I will be eating lots of veggies to fill in the gap. I have lost 20 lbs and have been the same weight for the past 4 months because I am stubborn and want to do things my way. I am through testing my band. I finally got it through my thick skull that I have to eat they way bansters are supposed to eat. I am not on of the lucky ones who got instant restriction and could eat what they wanted in much smaller quantities.
Today I am having:
Breakfast
Coffee with half and half (a must)
Steamed veggies with 120 cals. worth of cheese melted on top
Lunch:
Salad with lots of those pre chopped veggies with 3 oz left over filet mignon with an Asian vinaigrette and crushed peanuts.
Dinner:
Pork Scalopine that I made in the crock-pot on Sunday after I food processed the hell out of all of those veggies.
And lots and lots of water throughout the day.....
If I feel the urge to have a snack in between, I may have a protein shake, a piece of cheese or a hard-boiled egg.
Your Seduction Style: The Charismatic
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You're beyond seductive, you're downright magnetic!
You life live and approach seduction on a grand scale.
You have an inner self confidence and energy that most people lack
It's these talents that make you seem extraordinary - and you truly are!
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5 months post op
Tiny bites.
Put the fork down.
Forget to eat.
Talk between bites, without your mouthful.
Use a smaller plate.
You don't have to finish it all.
Chew, chew, chew...bleck
You know your not hungry so NO SNACKS
Lean protien, dummy
No icecream for you silly girl
Mamma mia, this is no fun
September 19, 2006, my Birthday
I am disappointed! In myself mainly, but also my band, my life right now and just about everything else I can think of.
I have only lost 20 lbs in the past 6 months. I have been very creative with eating just enough to keep from losing. I know I have a lot of issues with food addiction. I can't seem to get it together to work on myself to do what is necessary to get healthy. Food has been my lifelong crutch and I am having a very difficult time getting free from it's hold on me.
I have been stressed out about my mother breaking her hip and wondering how I will care for her when she gets out of the nursing home. I work full time and have a lot of responsiblilty in all areas of my life. I can't imagine giving my mother any more time and energy than I have been devoting to her before she fell. I have one brother who lives over a hundred miles away and is more trouble than he is worth as far as helping out with our mother. She is 88 and has dementia. The one thing she had going for her was that she was able to get around well. Just trying to find out what options are available for her care when she gets home is exhalsting.
I have been very tired and depressed lately. I need time for myself to take care of myself. I have been very short tempered with my husband because he wants my time and attention and I don't want to talk or interact with anyone.
The band takes time and energy that I don't feel up to. I am scheduled for a fill in a week and frankly, I don't know if it will help or hurt. The kind of restriction that I have is very tempermental. With my present state of mind, I have not been eating mindfully and I end of pbing or choosing things that are easy but fattening.
I am a mess! I ate a big piece of rich chocolate cake for dessert. It is my birthday and I gave myself permission. I am always giving myself permission to eat the wrong things birthday or not. I use food for comfort and I have been needing a lot of it lately. Maybe this band is not going to work for me.
September 28,2006
4th Fill Update
I had my 4th fill on Tuesday, September 26. This brings me to near capacity. Dr. put in another .5 cc’s. and reiterated the need for exercise and following the band rules.
I think I may have gotten one of my pills stuck yesterday morning because I pb’d on liquids. I was fine later in the day and was able to have some cream of chicken soup and the broth from another soup. I am progressing to solids as tolerated. Right now I am gurgling down some coffee. Later I plan to try some homemade tortilla soup and for dinner some mushy pasta, mostly sauce.
The scale has moved down since the fill, but nothing dramatic. I have been playing a game with my band off and on since being banded. I know I have serious food addiction issues that are not going to go away overnight or possibly ever. I love to eat and cook and it has been such a part of my social life all of my life. I also use food to stuff down anger and frustration. I need to find other coping mechanisms.
I need to keep things in perspective and be happy with each new step in the right direction. This is the way I do everything in life. I take small steps towards goals and accomplish things in my own time. I am not a dynamo in other areas of my life so why should I expect it to be any different with weight loss.
Wish me luck, I need it. More than anything I need to focus on me! My health and happiness must come first. All else will fall into place.
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