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Let's see...I'm at 207.5 today...that's 113.5 down. I was down to 205 but I've been yo-yoing back and forth between 207 and 210 for a month. That kinda scares me because I still have another 40 or so pounds to lose and it's only been 9 months...I don't want to stop losing yet!! I find myself being able to eat way more then expected which also scares the shit out of me. I need to get into good habits. Blah. I'd like to lose atleats 20 more pounds by June which gives me about 3 months. That won't happen!! I can't even get down into "onederland" Grr...

Also, I don't even know if my confidence level has been affected by all of this. I really need a therapist.

100 pounds down. Size 16 jeans. Medium to large shirts. YAY!!! 


21 more pounds to go to finish my mini goal, leaving me at 200 pounds. My 6 months is tomorrow. I wonder if I'll continue losing weight!

87 pounds down! That's almost 90! That's almost 100! My 5 months is on November 11th, which is 12 days from today. Can I lose another 5 pounds? We'll see! I'm confident that I can lose 100 by December 11th aka my 6 months which was my original goal...I didn't think I'd be able to get there for a while because I had slowed down like crazy with the weight loss and it's still not as fast as it was before but whatever!

I really am not eating right though. Keep forgetting my vitamins. My hair is falling out like craaaaazy. But I feel awesome physically.

One thing that kinda bugs me is my ex. We broke up almost 2 years ago but completely stopped speaking/messing around in February of 2007...and I saw him for the first time this past Sunday since February...weighing atleast 70 pounds less since the last time he saw me! (I hadn't quite become 320 in Feb...maybe around 300) so we spoke a little. I was a little drunk so I wasn't as mean as I'd like to have been but I definitely saw him give me the eye. I don't know if he's gonna try to call me or anything and I don't know if I want him to or not...I'm really confused. I know it's because I haven't dated anyone seriously since him that I feel like this. Almost 2 years since I've had a real boyfriend!!! I need therapyyyyyyyy. =(

So if I lose another 44 pounds I'll be at 200 pounds. That's where I stopped losing weight when I was 17 years old on Stacker. I was at 200, looking pretty good, size 16 jeans, medium shirts (I always had really huge hips, not that big of a top half) (until I gained 120 pounds) (Joy.) HEHEHE...Well according to some website, if I have a large frame, at 5'7 I should be between 143-163 pounds. Great, so even after losing almost 80 pounds I still need to lose another 100? Fuck no!!! I think I would be fine at 170. I know I would still need to lose like 70 pounds but right now my goal is to lose these last 44 pounds! Then work on losing another 30. Then maybe even another 20 after that. Let's take it slow. For right now, I'm at 244, I want to be 220 by New Years eve. That's more then 2 1/2 months to lose about 24 pounds. Let's hope it works!!!


Also, the nutritionist told me that I've lost weight really fast. 77 pounds in almost 4 months? (I'm 3 days away from 4 months) I mean hello, I had my stomach cut!!! I didn't MOVEEEEE for years and years! I was eating like 3000 calories a day and not moving an inch. Now I eat less the 1000 calories a day (i think!!!) and I MOVE. My body is like "WTF??????? WHAT ARE U DOING!!??!" hahha

Oh. So since I lost this weight, I've developed slight self esteem...well I've been rejected 3 times this month by guys. Twice at 2 different bars and once by a friend of a friend. Uh...maybe I shouldn't hit on guys.

I need to realize that I'm not the 300+ pound girl anymore.

Also, this month I barely lost 10 pounds. I've been cheating.

So, I saw Dr. Dakin today...he's like "so you've lost about 45 pounds?" um...in 3 months? No. I've lost almost 70! They had the weight that I was at when I FIRST came to the clinic...I gained another 22 pounds before surgery!!!!!!! Jeez...I was a little upset by that..I don't even know why, because the fact is that I did lose 68.5 pounds as of today and I know that, but I just wanted my surgeon to be all happy and proud of me and he didn't really seem to care either way...whatever. 

 

Also some other disappointing news; I had my mom take some new progress pics of me the other day and they are definitely not as impressive  as I previously thought they would be....I mean I do look smaller and I know I'm far smaller then I was, seeing as how I was veering on a size 26 and now I'm between 18-20 depending on what brand jeans.....but  I just don't photograph well. But I KNOW I look better in person then the pics, so I'm gonna wait til I lose maybe another 20 pounds and then I'll take pictures. 

 

Well...what else...all my clothing from last winter are too big and look horrible, so I'm screwed for this season because I'm broke (unless I start working...just finished school! Got an interview tomorrow and I went to one last week) So I'm broke and I have a lot of things to pay off before I start buying shit for myself. I definitely will buy an awesome winter coat though because last winter I bought this blah black pea coat that made me look like a dumpster, and I tried on this one in the regular section that would've looked amazing if it had fit, but alas, it didn't.  Also, I have this old pair of stretch pants and from the side when I wear them with a pair of heels, I look like a normal person! Like my thigh is the size of a normal persons! I need to get a pair of those for this fall! In fact...about fashion...basically my problem is this: I've been huge my entire life except when I was 17 and lost a bunch of weight because of Stacker, but back then I was going through a little slutty phase and dressed horridly...now I'm a BIT more perceptive of what clothes are stylish, I do watch What Not To Wear! So I'm 21 years old and I don't want to dress completely adult, but I also don't want to dress in the typical teenage attire that I've been sporting, like Capri jeans with a solid black tank top and flip-flops, or during the winter, a pair of jeans with Converse sneakers and a solid colored long sleeve shirt. I want to grow up a little...so I'm starting out with flats, maybe some different colored shirts, some jewelry...I DUNNO!@!!! just ranting...

 

Ok, ta-ta for now! 

Ok, so I was going through a bit of a stall...I hadn't lost any weight since Saturday (until Thursday, then the stall went away) and I was getting irritated because I even walked a LOT on Sunday at Dorney Park, and I barely even ate...so I was pissed off that I hadn't lost anything, and in turn, the next day I even gained a pound back!!! So I believe it was Wednesday that I turned around my entire regime; I cut down on calories and I started walking...So apparently with diet and exercise you lose weight!!! hahaha it's true though! I hadn't really been doing any type of movement since I got surgery but now that I'm starting to walk my dog twice a day the weight is melting off. I lost 4 pounds in like 1/2 a week just because I started moving!

Now, I've come to realize that I had previously written here that you do indeed lose more weight when you walk!!! What a moron I am.

Tonight I'm going out to a bar, so that'll keep me nice and active (and drunk) :) MUST. TAKE. NEW. PICS!!!!!!

So, almost 3 months...I have about 2 weeks left til my 3 month appointment. I've lost 60 pounds so far...I want to be up to 65 by then! Things are going great, I eat more then I expected I would be eating but it's all good...I have 3 meals a day, I don't snack too often, and I stop eating at 6:30-7pm every day, and I weigh myself around the same time every day...what a sicko I am huh? hehe...

Mmm i'm hungry now =\

Howdy! So far I've lost 53 pounds in 2 months. AWESOME!!! :D I've gone down 2 pants sizes and even the size I'm at now, I bought a pair of jeans in that size and its way too big already, but the next size down doesn't quite fit comfy either. I was up to a size 24 in jeans already!!! Now size 20 is loose as hell! :) Yayyy!! 

I also went blonde and got a nice tan, so I look mighty different...and I feel amazing too. My birthday was this past Sunday so Saturday night I went out to a bar with my friends (it was my 21st, I had to!) I got HIT ON by a few guys, I danced a little...I just felt amazing!!! And that's just 53 pounds down! :) 

So...I got drunk that night too. After the first shot or 2 I was drunk but I passed through really fast so I kept drinking and I got wasted without realizing! I didn't throw up though...positive side of being Russian :P Well I'm gonna have my mom take some pics of me to put on here later tonight so I'll put em up tomorrow or something.

Ta Ta!

I feel sooooooooo much better about myself right now. 41 pounds down, I still have 80 pounds to go to be at my thinnest which was 3 years ago when I was 17 going on 18, and even then I could've lost another 30-40 pounds to be actually considered "average", so that's my ultimate goal, but these 80 pounds are my goal right now. I'm trying to lose maybe 3-4 pounds a week and so far it's going pretty well! Since I started eating real food I haven't vomited, which is weird because I vomited when I wasn't even supposed to be eating real food lol

But I think I have overeaten a few times...because after I finish eating my heart starts beating fast and I get all nervous...like right now I ate some cereal and my heart is beating lol...well anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i'll write back soon.