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I am so proud of myself right now! I have had a good eating day today. The first one being, my family all were eating Ice-Cream and instead of joining them, I had a low fat Chobani Yogurt and I didn't have one bite of Ice-Cream! The second one is I had dinner and then head hunger hit me I went and got the chips and I ate one chip and I stopped, thought, and realized I didn't want them, so I put them back and did something else. :) I know it's just a little thing and isn't really a big deal but to me it is. Just wanted to share my excitement :)  Hope your all doing wonderful

So I did something just a minute ago that was tough for me to do. I uploaded recent and current pictures of myself on here in an album. I said before I started this on here that I was going to be 110% honest with this. I want my journey to be truthful and inspiring to someone else. If I can help just one person who may have went through the same thing then it'll be worth it. I am very self conscious about myself right now so it's hard to let these pictures out there. I would appreciate NO rude or snide comments, if you have something mean to say please keep it to yourself, I'm not interested and I've heard it all anyways. I'm doing this for me, not to impress anyone else. This is to help my journey. I want to show people who are new to this site or just interested in surgery the changes I've made once I have my surgery and the only way I can do that is to have before pictures. So, Yeah lol. This is me. No hiding and no editing. I hope people respect that. I hope you all are doing good and if there is someone who is like me and are too afraid to post your pictures, I hope I can inspire you to post them. Take care guys and I hope all the ones who had surgery today, tomorrow, yesterday or recently I pray your doing awesome and are complication free! God bless, XoXo.

 today was my psych and nutrition evaluation at my hospital. I passed both! I was so relieved! I also love both girls I saw today from psych and nutrition, they were so easy to talk to. I really really learned a lot in my nutrition eval, she has so much knowledge of this surgery and how I'm gonna need to eat once I have it. There isn't any other place I'd rather have this surgery at then my hospital, they are just amazing there. I have some more pre-op testing to do but at least I have two down. I was so happy when they both told me I passed at the end and they both said this surgery will be good for me. This just makes me so excited for this surgery, I can't wait to have it and have a new start at life. It's gonna be amazing. But, that's about all I have for now. I hope all of you are doing awesome and the ones who had surgery today, tomorrow, yesterday or recently I pray you are doing good and complication free, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care guys, God bless XoXo.

I just wanted to wish all you beautiful women who are mommies, a Happy Mothers Day. I hope God makes your day as beautiful as you. I also want to wish all the special women who may not be able to biologically have a child of their own a Happy Mothers Day. You may not have a kid but you have the heart of a mother and that's all that matters. No matter the situation, I hope and pray every woman out there has a blessed Mothers Day. Take care and God bless

Today held a little excitement for me. My mom, sister and I went to a clothing drive today and I got a couple outfits in a smaller size, ranging from XL to Large. I figured I'm gonna need clothes once I have my surgery and start dropping the pounds. I absolutely can't wait to fit into these. They are SO cute. It brought excitement because I can't wait to be in them but sadness because I want to be in them now lol.. But, I know it'll be here before I know it. I also have a couple things that I already owned that I need to get back into. So, you could say I should be good on clothes for a couple months after surgery. Having a smaller size in my possession motivates me beyond belief, it's different seeing cute clothes online or in a store that are smaller and wishing you had them rather actually having a smaller size to keep you on track. I got one shirt that is an XL, from Rue 21 and still had the tags on it. That is the one thing that I will probably cry when it fits because I love it so much. Only a couple months away from surgery! I so can't wait. My life is going to change so much. I'm so ready for this. But, I guess that's it for now. Just wanted to share my excitement with you guys. To all the ones who had surgery today, tomorrow, yesterday or recently I pray everything went smooth and are complication free!  You are all in my thoughts and prayers!  God bless, XoXo.

That title says it all.. I have been in pain ALL day long. My back is killin' me, it radiates all the way down to my knee. This is new, btw. I think my body has reached its capacity. I can't take much more. I really need my surgery more than ever right now. & Before I started this I made a promise with myself that I was going to be straight up honest in these blogs because if my story and what I go through can help someone else in any way, it'll be worth it so with that being said, the most embarrassing thing happened to me today in Wal-Mart. I dropped my car keys and when I bent over to pick them up, my pants ripped. Now, it wouldn't have been embarrassing if nobody saw but they did. This lady just gives me a smile as if to say she feels sorry for me or something. I had my moment, I cried this evening but then I picked myself back up. I strongly believe it's not about how many times you fall down but rather if you get back up. I done this to myself. I will get through it. This storm by the grace of God will pass. I just keep thinking about how my body is going to feel so relieved once this weight starts coming off and how much better I'm going to feel. I don't think I'm going to know how to act when I don't have obesity related pains everyday lol. It's gonna be amazing. I also wanted to share two Bible verses with anyone who is going through the same storm, the first one is, Psalm 50:15 "And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." The second one is, Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I strongly believe in both of these and they have helped me tremendously and I pray they help you. For everyone that had surgery today, yesterday, tomorrow or recently, my thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray everything is smooth and complication free for you!  Take care guys. God bless, XoXo.

Woah. Today was indeed interesting. I had a weigh in at my hospital and I stayed the same. I didn't lose but I didn't gain, that's good right? Sure, I'm super bummed I didn't lose but I'm super happy I didn't gain. I got comfortable with my eating that I realized I picked up my eats a little bit. I'm aware of the problem and I'm going to fix it. I go for my very last meeting on May 15th, I'm doing it privately with my NUT. I have a little under a month before it, I'm going to work like heck to have lost some before then. On a bright note, this really cute guy flirted with me at my brother's doctors appointment a couple days ago. It felt really nice to be noticed by a man and it be in good nature, I'm used to guys snickering and whispering at me not flirting. Definitely made my day :)  I can only imagine how your social life changes after weight loss, from what I hear it can be a little overwhelming, however I think I'm ready for that part of this journey. I'm so tired of being invisible. God is definitely blessing me with this surgery, it's an answered prayer of mine. I've prayed for weight loss since I was 13 and it's finally happening. At times when I think about the end result, It feels SO unreal because it doesn't seem like weight loss can be a reality for me where I've always failed. I know one thing is for sure, after this surgery and I go to weigh in and there is a big drop, I'm gonna be an emotional wreck lol, I'm sure I'm not the first person to cry on the scale and it actually be happy tears (: But, that's all for now, I hope all of you are doing awesome! For the ones who had surgery today, tomorrow or recently, my thoughts and prayers are with you, I pray everything is great and complication free! Take care guys. God bless, XoXo.

Wow, I just realized it's been about 8 days since I last posted a blog. I have been on here though reading things I just haven't been posting. A couple things have changed in past week or so. The most important one being I have grew in my faith, I feel closer with God and I feel much better about my choice of having surgery. A lot of my fears of life have went away, I truly feel my chain has been broken. This is a feeling I can't describe. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be okay. I haven't weighed myself in about 2 almost 3 weeks, but clothes are fitting loser so I'm hoping to see a good number when I do get back on the scales. My mom's birthday was on the 2nd and things went good there with her party. We all had a good time. I go to my monthly meeting at my hospital in a week so I'm looking forward to that, it'll be my last one with the group. The one in May I do privately with my nut, that one will be my very last one. I can't believe I only have 2 months left of the 6 month requirement. I started this back in January and it's just went by so fast. I remember when I first started, I kept saying this is going to go by so slow, I can't wait this long, blah blah blah lol and now I only have 2 months left. It's crazy. So, yeah that's about where I'm at right now. I've been in a good place and I'm just praying I stay here. I hope all of you are doing good and to the ones who had surgery today or recently, my thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray you were/are complication free! God bless, XoXo.

So, I had a thought from someone to create a bucket list for things I'd like to do AFTER I lose all my weight. So here goes, :)   (Sorry if it's long)

1. Cross my legs comfortably.
2. Wear a single digit size in clothing.
3. Buy something from Victoria Secret.
4. Run in the 5k Color Vibe race.
5. Start dating.
6. Wear shorts that go a little above my kneecap.
7. Wear just a tank top and feel comfortable.
8. Take hip hop dance classes.
9. Participate in the Polar Plunge.
10. Learn how to walk in high heels.
11. Go jet skiing.
12. Wear a two piece bathing suit.
13. Not get the "you need to lose weight" lecture at the doctor's office.
14. Start cosmetology school.


That's all I can think of right now but this is just a little bit of what I'd love to do after I get my life back. I know it may seem like a lot but as you all know being MO takes a lot of things away from you. I know one thing is for sure, after this weight is off, I won't run out of things to do! lol.. Well, I hope you all are doing GREAT and to all the ones who had surgery today or recently, my thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray everything is complication free :)  God bless and take care, XoXo.

Woah.. Dear emotions, what did I ever do to you? This evening has done me in good... I have felt so emotional about my decision. I keep thinking about the things that will have to change or things that could go wrong. I thought how will the future people of my life look at me knowing I had surgery to lose weight or wonder why I eat differently than everyone else. What if I'm on vacation far away and something goes wrong and there is no bariatric doctor around? The biggest fear of all, what if I don't lose the weight or gain it back? I know that ever since I joined this site it seems all I post about is my fears but I'm trying so hard to work through these. I just want things to go right and be the way they should be. I see people that have so much success and I want that too but then there are the ones who don't. So up and down, shew.. Anyone have any tips on how I can work through these things? I have total faith that God will take care of me and that things will be ok, but my human side is overbearing. All I know is to put this in God's hands and just keep praying about it. If you all don't mind, please just whisper a small prayer for me. I appreciate it. Hope you are all doing amazing and to the ones who had surgery today or recently, my thoughts and prayers are with you and i pray you be complication free!  God bless, take care guys, XoXo.