PhatLadySings

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Hey guys,

I made such wonderful bonds here that I want to let you all know I spend a lot of time at myspace. So, if you would like to catch up and/or see how I'm doing, you can find me at www.myspace.com/wubbytubby . I look forward to hearing from you guys.

Hugs,
~Dee

Hello My fellow OH'ers; greetings and salutations. As you can see, it's been well over a year since I've written in me journal. So much has gone up with me health wise that I truly don't know where to begin. The fatigue got much worse for me, (has become very troublesome) I suffer from chronic pain, and irratic sleeping patterns. My diabetes has kicked back in and my irons are dangerously low. I continue to take 2-amino irons daily; along with my multivitamin and other organic medications to help me.
This is only a part of the disappointment of my health as I've put on around 70lbs. since last year. I've had my slip ups, but for the most part, especially since the beginning of this year, I've been exercising and eating right. I went to my PCP in late April and with dieting and exercising, a month later I had put on 10 more pounds.
I've been having trouble with heartburn, nauseation, fatigue, cramping, hunger, and blood sugar levels. My Dr. has suggested I do an upper G,I. to determine if I have a fistula and from what I've read on the pages here; I too am wondering if this is something I've been struggling with and didn't know it.
I say this, because it is very easy to blame yourself for failing the surgery, even if for the most part your still using your tool.
I read that a fistula can cause some metabolic problems as well as the RNY for some people and I'm thinking, "Hey, I'm one of those people".
I have been fighting and fighting to figure out why I've been feeling so terrible for the last 2-years and no help has been given to me. If any answers come my way, it is because *I* worked it out; along with me husband.

I went to my yearly and bi-yearly appointments and when I told the doc I wanted a revision; I was immediately informed that revisions were't done at St. Joes. I was even told I am still a success and should be happy with the weight I have lost. Happy? This isn't what I paid for; my success story, for me, is to be down to a decent size, be able to fit into clothes that can be bought in any store and not some specialty store, and be able to maintain my weigh loss. I don't consider myself a success.
Everytime I called to complain about how I feel physically, I'm immediatly given to the nutitionist. After awhile, you begin to feel you're not being taken seriosly about what's going on with you; that somehow *you're* failing to *eat* right and doing what *you're* supposed to. It makes me depressed; perpetuating the feelings that I'm the one who failed the surgery.
Well, I don't buy that! I have done what was asked of me! I'll admit, the frustration and hunger issues have had me in spells where I did not use my tool correctly, but those were few and far between; and certainly not enough to put on 70lbs.!
Another aspect to my weight gain is medications I've been put on. I have been put on 3-different medications which have side effects of weight gain, so it feels as though health and meds are working against me.

I'm going to continue my fight to get where I want to be; a healthy and smaller human-being. I've decided that I'm going to seek a revision and research the DS. I think this is what my body needs, but will not make a fnial decsion until I further investigate it. I'm going to look into Dr. Husted's clinic and go from there. 

So, this is where I'm at right now. And, as anyone can see, it's a disappointing saga. If anyone would like to offer support and guidence; I would most welcome it!! 

Thank you,
~Dee

I apologize I've not been updating my journal. I've been struggling with a lot of issues and stress in my life; I just didn't have the energy to post anything. 
I didn't even start a thread or post on my anniversary date. I wanted too, but just didn't. I've lost almost 140lbs. and I'm happy with that. 

Here's the thing; I'm suffering from depression. I've been put on an antidepressant. What started this depression is a number of things, but suffice to say I was taking a medication that had a side effect of causing depression. *BOOM* I became depressed! 

My stomach is haning down so far on my lap. I'm not really losing a lot of inches in my hip area and this is because of the skin aspect. I'm told I will have to have plastics, but I keep wondering in the back of my head how I'll pay for this. It is constantly causing me sciatica pain, along with back pain, and I had my first rash last week. It's constantly bothering me and makes me feel so heavy. 

I'm still struggling with fatigue. I have had every test done to see why I'm always so tired. I did a sleep study and it came back normal. (good news since I had severe sleep apnea before surgery)
I've had my thyroid checked a few days ago and I've not heard back from my doc, so I'm assuming everything with that was fine too.
My iron is good, blood sugars are good, and there just simply no explanation for this, what I call, debilitating fatigue. 

I did go see and allergist on Friday of this last week and he told me I had several allergies, one being a nasal allergy, He did tell me this could cause the fatigue I"m suffering from and is going to start me on injections. He gave me other medications to work with and I started those yesterday. 

I'm thinking about finding me a chiropractor again and even a natuarlist. I do have an appointment on the 3rd of January with one in Alabama. Mike's mother goes to him and recommended I go too. So, I'm going to give it a try.

As you can see, reading this post, I'm sure you can feel my somber mood. 
It just gets me, because I have not any reason to be so depressed. I'm dong well in school and am even making new friends. 
I just feel so heavy. 

Mike and I were finally able to reinstate our YMCA membership, so I'm optimistic exercising will help with my fatigue as well. It did some in the past, so there you go. 

I am working at letting go of the fact I'll never have a child of my own. I'm not giving up on the fact I'll be a mommy some day though. I have met a lady who adopted 2 children through a foster care program and she told me when I'm ready, she'll help me get set up. So while I can't do anything like that now, it's good to know I can in the future when Mike and I are ready. 

Now for the stuff about the surgery.

My appetite is back with a vengence. I am able to eat most anything without having any barriers to keep me from eating it. Hence, no dumping effects. 
This isn't entirely true however, because last night I tried eating a slice (or two) of pizza and half way through the second slice, it hit me like a ton of bricks!
I've never thrown up after surgery, but last night was the first time I did. I had to lay down and sleep it off. 

I'm feeling motivated to get back on the program, especially now we have our membership back at the Y. 
I'll be doing the South Beach Diet and watching my carbs. 

My weight loss has been nill since I've been off track, but again, I'm optimistic exercising and eating low carb will help. 

I will update again--about 2 weeks to let y'all know. 

Last night Mike and I went to the Golden Corral and met some fellow bariatric patients for dinner and some chit chat of our experiences.
It was very nice to meet other wls patients and discuss our experiences with the surgery.
I also met Gerri, who will be having surgery one the 20th of August. (Monday) This happens to also be my first day of school in 5 years! Coincidently, my 11th month surgery anniversary is the day before my school starts. I find this worth noting, because the surgery has brought so many changes to me and I'm liking those changes.

It was very nice to meet Becky and Gerri last night. I'm thinking it would be nice to keep this group around and have monthly meets for dinner and chat. I think having different views on the surgery and it's effects, is a good thing and takes the isolation out of it. For instance, Mike and I feel like we eat too much, but it turns out this is a common feeling. And sometimes we probably do eat too much, but this is typical of after surgery patients.
You'll have days where you can eat more and days where you wont eat much at all. This happens to be the case for us and in the end, it evens out to being, dare I say, normal. (?)

I'm still weighing in at 288lbs., but I'm not surprised, because I've just finished my cycle. I always maintain or even gain some weight around the end of the month.

Only 4 more days and about this time (10:00am) I'll be heading out to school! WoooooHOooooo!

Now I'm going to try and input my Century Club card into my blog. I'm not sure how yet, but will figure it out somehow!

Good day all!

Well I'm finally registered for school! I start classes on the 20th of this month and that is less than 2 weeks away.
I haven't been inside a classroom in over 5 years. I'm a wee bit nervous about it, but the good news is I'm feeling rather confident I'll fit in the desks. I know this, because I've already tried. I stopped in a classroom and tried one on for size and had plenty of room.
I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is to know I'll be able to fit in a desk and it not be an issue for me now.

I am able to walk a lot better too. I know with the UK campus, I'll be having plenty of steps to take just to make it to class. I should buy me one of those pedimeters and keep track of my steps.

I'm below 290lbs. now! I can't believe how much the Metformin is working for me in my cycles and weight loss. I've lost 4lbs in just over 2 weeks. The weight loss is still slow, but steady and that's the way I like it.


Mike and I have been very active this summer and the activity is paying off with my stamina. I'm feeling a lot better with fatigue, although there are still some issues there. It's not near what it was 6 months ago.

I'm real happy with the weight loss and am looking forward to getting back into school. I feel very privilege to have a wonderful husband and his support means so very much to me. I love you Mike!

I'll post more later, but wanted to upload some more pictures of our 2nd camping trip this summer.

Sometimes it's nice not to post for awhile in our blogs, because when we do post, we have much to share.
I finally am down below 300lbs!!!! I'm so very excited that I'm back in two-dur land!
I was diagnosed with PCOS and was given a prescription of Metformin and I believe it's helping me tremendously. I started a week ago and have lost 2lbs. in that week!

I registered for school yesterday! WooooHooooo! I can't believe that I've actually got my life back. (and still in the process of getting back more and more each day)
School starts on the 20th of August and I'm real excited for it to start. My major is getting an Associates in the Arts, but it has the emphasis working towards a BSW.

Well, things I've been experiencing as of late. I've been terrible in keeping in touch with some of my bari-buddies; sorry guys. I will make an attempt to get ahold of a few of you sometime today or, at the very least, tomorrow.

I'm still having some fatigue issues, but it has improved greatly since I first started complaining about it. I believe it was related to the PCOS.

I'm also still having hunger issues, but like the fatigue, it too has greatly improved! I'm averaging about 1600-1800 calories a day. I'm still losing, slowly but surely, so I'm not going to complain.

Mike and I still exercise, but for the last 2 weeks we've not been to the Y. Although, we are still out and about moving our butt's around. I walked yesterday quite a bit as well as climb a few stairs on campus. I am confident I'll be able to keep up this coming semester.

That is about all to report right now. I hope y'all are having a happy day!

There is not much to add from the previous posts, but just an update on what has been happening on the weight-loss front and over all well being in general.
I am starting to feel better with eating, concerning low blood sugars. I have to eat every 2-3 hours to keep from feeling as though I'm about to drop out, but it's better. I have kept the carbs in my diet, but have added some artificial protein back and I think it's helping. I've got my calories anywhere between 1600 and 1800.
I haven't contacted a new nutritionist yet, but it's still my next project. I would still like to get a different perspective on how to cope with eating.

I've been seeing  a therapist once a week now for about a month and I have to say, he's helping greatly. He really has an act of putting things simply and bluntly, in such a way, it clicks with me.
I realize I'm not the bad person I've been led to believe I am by people whom I've considered important in my life, but as always, let me down, because they've taken advantage of my generosity.
It's time to break the mantra of I'm a bad person and deserve bad things because of it.
I'm truly blessed and must acknowledge the good things in my life are something I do deserve. And I do deserve them.

People have hurt me, (I've them on some levels), but it doesn't make me a bad person. I don't have to accept their views of me, because most likely their views are really a reflection of how they view themselves and/or how they are in their own character. In essence, it's a reflection of them, not me.

I finally got down below 300lbs!!!!!! Yes!!!!!! It's not terribly far below 300lbs, but it *is* below none the less. I'm excited that I'm finally below the 300 mark and moving closer to my goal weight. It's been a struggle, but I'm still going in the right direction.


Exercise is the main ingredient to success of this tool and it is working for me. I'm still having fatigue issues, but they too are getting better.

Michael and I took a vacation up in the mountains this last weekend and we had a blast. I took some pictures and they're here, in the photo area, to be shared.

Onward and upward--

It's been over a month since I've posted on my blog. It's not that I've not wanted to post as I did. I just didn't want to put anymore angst out there about the ordeal with the girls I used to post with. I figure they weren't my friends and since they've found there way to my blog, they'll be reading anything I post. I didn't want to share with them anymore.

I've been doing well, but have been having satiety issues. Compound it with fatigue and you've got the mark for someone that's eating too much. I'm still losing weight (110lbs lost so far) but it has slowed down--WAY DOWN!

I'm going to look for a different nutritionist, before I seek an endocrinologist. I am not feeling confident in the nutritionist at SJE. I like her, but feel that my needs are more than she capable of.

I have admitted that the workup on patients that are 6months plus post-op are kind of left on their own to deal with their surgeries. I hope to change that one day, but for now, I have to find out why I'm having satiety issues and low blood sugars.
I've added carbs back in, but in truth, those aren't helping. I haven't called SJE with further regard to how I'm feeling (my fault) because I just don't think they're prepared or informed to help me. (at least that is my impression of the situation thus far)

I'm probably totally wrong in my assessment of the situation, but it *is* how I'm feeling. I want a second opinion; plain and simple.

If anyone reading this has had satiety issues, low blood sugars and fatigue after WLS, I'd love to have contact with you and how you've addressed these issues.

I've done some soul searching and realize that what I'm feeling is not head hunger, but an actual, physical feeling. I hope that I can find someone to help me.

That is all for now.

It felt good to get that out yesterday; I'm feeling much better. I am hurt by these ladies, but I am coming into acceptance of the whole situation. 
I have a future to think about and this really does take up all my time. I am looking forward in getting back to school. I have to focus on that prospect. 

I'm off to a late start today. I've not had anything to eat and it's already 2:30p.m.. 
I am usually up late, but I'm going to start working on my sleep times. I have to get into the habit of being up early and in bed early. It's going to take some time to do this, but I'll get it done. I just have to condition myself to doing so. 

I weighed myself yesterday and I'm up 3lbs.. This is depressing me, because I've been working real hard exercising, even in the midst of this damn fatigue, to get below 300lbs.. 
Mike is telling me that it's most likely muscle, because we have been working with the weights and I'm sure he is right, but it still brings me down. 

I've been averaging around a 1000 calories a day. I have room to go on them, but I try and keep it below a 1000. 
I getting my protein in and vitamins, so we will see if this is just another stall or muscle growth. 

I'm still a little down. I think tomorrow at my docs appointment I'll see about getting a list from Karen for some therapy. I don't want to get into too deep of a funk. 

I am sad today. I am angry today. I am hurt today. I want to crawl in my bed and hide.
I thought about not eating today too, but decided that I would eat the way I'm supposed to. Why join the misery of which I just complained about?

It's difficult not to give in to my sense of emotional eating. I did last night though. I had eaten a 2/3rds bag of popped corn. It was an extra 80 calories in my diet. I'm ok with what I did, but won't be doing it again.